Learning Curve
by rebelrsr
Chapter Four
[reviews]
Spoilers, etc.: I altered the timeline of "The Yoko Factor," "Primeval," and AtS "Sanctuary" with reckless abandon. It's mostly AU from here.
Silence followed Buffy's statement. "'Kay. Not wanting to sound insensitive, but I don't understand."
"He didn't notice, Will. Riley slept with that evil, whoring bitch and he couldn't even tell that it wasn't me!" Buffy was almost shouting at the end.
Willow pulled Buffy a little closer and rested her cheek on the top of Buffy's head. Faith's voice rang in her head, "Only been one romp since wakin' up..." "Oh, Goddess, Buffy, I am so sorry. That's..that's, well, terrible." *Way to go, Willow. That's sure to make her feel better.* "Did you talk to him about it?"
"Not really. I mean, I was in shock, you know? And then I got mad. How could he not know it wasn't me?"
"Um, Buffy? Faith made a pretty good you." Feeling Buffy stiffen, she hurried on, "She knew just what to say. OK, thinking back, she was still using her street talk and everything, but she sounded just like you. She even told me she would make sure you — I mean, Faith/you — never hurt me. Admit it, that's what you would say, too, if I was afraid of something." *I can't believe I'm defending her!*
"But, Will, he slept with her. It's not like they were just discussing the weather."
*We're not letting go of this one any time soon.* "So, you gonna keep seeing him?"
"I don't know, Will." Buffy's voice was low. "It's just one more thing... I've been thinking a lot, lately, about my life. All I really have or do ends up centering on being the Slayer. I can't remember a time when I could just be me." She pulled away from Willow. "For a while, being in college helped. I didn't have to see Giles every day; I didn't spend most of my waking hours in the library researching or training, and I set my own patrol schedule."
Willow sat, listening in horror. It was too dark in the room to see her friend clearly, but Buffy's emotions were easy enough to read in her voice. She sounded tired, defeated.
"Then Riley came along and things got even better. God, he was everything I wanted in a boyfriend. And," she smiled slightly and took Willow's hand, "he didn't know anything about vampires or demons."
"Then just in time to interrupt your happiness, the Intitiative," Willow finished. "But, Buffy, Riley knowing about your being the Slayer is a good thing. You don't have to lie about patrolling or sneak out like you did when you first moved to Sunnydale."
Buffy didn't say anything for a minute, concentrating on their joined hands. "Not lying is of the good. Riley's kinda like my mom, though, when it comes to Slaying. He doesn't get that it's not a job, that I can't just quit if I want." She paused and almost braced herself before continuing. "I want to quit, Will. I am so tired. Tired of being responsible for finding a way to defeat every Big Bad coming out of the Hellmouth. Tired of pretending I can be like every other college student at UCS. Tired of finding something that makes me happy only to lose it because of a curse or a body swap. I think the last time I was really happy was the night I slept with Angel. I wasn't thinking ahead or worrying about any new evil. It was just me, Angel, and our love for each other."
Willow could feel her friend shuddering, and her next words were triggered by a strangled sob. "My happiest moment, Will. Look how well that turned out."
Turning slightly, Willow pulled Buffy into her arms. Buffy clung to her, sobbing. "Shh, Buffy. It'll be OK." *Will it? I've never seen her like this — not even before she fought the Master.* "You don't have to deal with everything alone. Xander, Giles, and I will always be with you. Let us help you." Willow was near tears herself. Finally, Buffy's sobs slowed down and Willow could feel her relax in her arms. "Come on. Let's get you into bed."
The two girls climbed to their feet and Willow helped put the smaller blonde into bed. To Buffy's surprise, the redhead climbed into bed next to her and pulled her into her arms again. "Snuggle in, best friend. For once, let me be there to hold you, OK?"
***
Tara managed to contain her humor. "Mr. Giles, what do you —"She stopped, noticing his attention was focused on something behind her. She sat up when Giles stood.
"Spike, what on Earth are you doing here?"
The vampire ignored the question and walked into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. After a little rummaging, he stood up, blood bag in hand. "I thought I'd left one in here," he said triumphantly. "Sorry, to interrupt, Rupert. Is this your latest bird?" He leered at Tara before biting into the bag and ripping it open. He watched the two humans closely as he poured the contents of the bag into a bright yellow coffee mug and placed it in the microwave. "I need you to get a message to the Slayer for me, Rupert."
When Giles and Tara just looked at him, he continued. "Look, mate, what if I told you that I thought there were files and such about Adam still in the Initiative?"
"I'd say that I might wonder if this was a case of you having just what we needed at just the right time," Giles replied, sarcastically. "And, I might ask, what's in it for you?"
Spike took a sip from his mug. "Well, I was imagining the undying gratitude from the Slayer, but boatloads of cash sound fantastic, too." Noticing Giles and Tara sharing a look, Spike frowned. "Can you let the Slayer know, then?"
"I don't see much of Buffy these days, Spike." Giles sounded as if that bothered him. "It's not like I'm her Watcher anymore."
Spike smirked slightly and finished off the blood in his mug. Placing the mug, unwashed, in the kitchen sink, he started for the door. "You're right, mate. Seems your little Slayer's set out on her own. I've seen the way she treats you...very much like a retired librarian." Spike paused at the door. "I'll stop in tomorrow, and see if you're all willing to deal for my goodies." He slipped out the door, leaving a stunned ex-Watcher and witch behind.
Tara settled back into the couch. "Do you think he's really got any information, Mr. Giles?"
Giles shook his head and shrugged. "Spike's motivation is a mystery. He could, but it's more likely a diversion or a way to get closer to the group." He sat back down. "With the behavior modification chip in his head, he can't directly harm a human. That does not, however, mean that he is harmless. He has been useful in the past, though." He gave Tara a half-smile. "In other words, my dear, I have no idea if his information is useful. Were you not able to pick anything up?"
"No. Once the soul departs the body, there is no aura to read." They shared an unhappy look. "I should probably be going. Willow is with Buffy right now. Hopefully, she can get her to talk about what's wrong. Is there anything you think we can do to help?"
"Unfortunately, until — or if — Buffy decides to share her thoughts with us, there is very little we can do. Willow will have the best chance, I think, to help." He sighed, rubbing his hand down the back of his neck. "As harsh as it may sound, Buffy's emotional turmoil may have to take a back seat to Adam. Do you mind letting everyone know to meet here tomorrow, say one o'clock?"
"Of course not, Mr. Giles. Maybe Willow and I could stop by a little early to talk about Buffy?"
***
*Wow! Did someone turn up the heat in here?* Willow thought sleepily. She sluggishly moved her arms to get rid of the confining blankets, but they were wrapped around her — *Oh, my Goddess.* Eyes opening wide, Willow realized she wasn't tangled in her sheets. She was being spooned by a Slayer. Buffy's arm around her waist kept her immobilized. Stifling a groan at the thought of Buffy's reaction to their proximity, Willow began subtly wiggling in an attempt to gain her freedom. Several minutes later, the arm was still there, but the novice witch had managed to shift from her side to her back.
Resigning herself to dealing with an embarrassed Slayer, Willow settled in for a little Buffy-watching. She didn't often see her friend like this. If she had, Faith's message wouldn't have come as such a shock. Sleeping, Buffy was still tense. Her muscles twitched intermittently and her faced was etched by a permanent frown. Willow stroked her hand along the arm at her waist and waited for the blonde to wake. She lost track of time and had nearly drifted back to sleep when a soft knock woke her bedmate. Willow couldn't restrain a chuckle at the comical look of shock in Buffy's hazel eyes when she realized she was wrapped around her best friend. A second knock sounded, and Willow scooted out of Buffy's loosened grasp. By the time she got to the door, though, there was no one there. A note had been tacked to the outside.
"Tara says there's a meeting at Giles' at 1:00," Willow said after scanning the message. *And I need to find a way to be there without you, Buffy.* There was no response. Willow glanced up to see a still sleepy-looking Slayer staring at her. "What? Something wrong?" Willow sat on the bed. "To quote a good friend — Earth to Buffy, you in there?"
The mocking question worked. Buffy shook her head slightly and grinned. "Yeah, Will. I'm good." She glanced away and Willow was sure she saw a blush creep up her friend's neck. "Sorry about the death grip."
"That's OK, Buffy. It was the hand on my breast earlier that was the problem." Willow laughed out loud when Buffy's eyes nearly came out of her head. "Gotcha!"
She received a crusty look in return. "Meanie. It's not fair teasing the Slayer when she wakes up." Buffy relaxed back onto the pillow. "So strategy with Watcher Man at 1:00." She looked at the clock. "Gives us a little time. I should probably check in with Riley to see if he's got anything new on Adam."
Willow nodded. "OK. I'll try to catch up with Tara and see if Giles had any other information." She stood up and grabbed a robe and her shower supplies. Opening the door, she glanced back at a still-reclining Buffy. "Race you to the showers?!"
***
"She's more depressed than I've ever seen her, Giles," Willow said. She and Tara sat across from the older man in his living room. "Faith said she had given up. I don't know that I would go that far — yet." The redhead shrugged.
"There isn't anything in the Watchers' Diaries. Of course, no Slayer has ever lived as long as Buffy. It isn't so surprising, given the nature of her Calling, that she feels a sense of isolation."
Willow sighed. "I just hate to see her this way; I'm afraid Adam's beating her because she's not really trying."
"I don't spend much time with Buffy, but maybe I can hang out with you both more, Willow. I'll keep an eye on her aura." Tara looked uncomfortable for a minute. "I don't usually do a deep scan. I think it's intrusive. But in this case, I'll make an exception if you think it's a good idea." She looked at Willow and Giles to get their reaction. They both nodded their assent. "OK. Then I'll just have to spend more time with you, Will." She gave Willow a small smile that grew when Willow winked at her.
Giles stood and moved toward the kitchen. "We should probably wrap this up. The rest of the gang should be here soon."
***
*I should have just stayed in bed,* Buffy grumbled to herself. So far, her day had been a bust. Riley hadn't been camped out in the remains of Sunnydale High, and she hadn't spotted him when she'd stopped in at Lowell House. She checked her watch and debated. *Too early to go to Giles.' Maybe I should check out some of those caves Riley was talking about last week.* Her decision made, she jogged across campus.