Learning Curve
by rebelrsr
Chapter Thirteen
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers, etc.: I altered the timeline of "The Yoko Factor," "Primeval," and AtS "Sanctuary" with reckless abandon. It's mostly AU from here.
A/N: Character thoughts are enclosed by **. Flashbacks are enclosed by //. Thanks to Zenithar and Zigpal for the beta and encouragement! I couldn't do it without you.
Archiving: By permission only.
Tara looked up at the Slayer. "No, Faith, I'm not with Willow anymore." Reaching up a hand, she traced the outline of the brunette's lips. "But this really isn't a good time for either of us."
The younger girl captured the finger between her teeth. She ran a warm, wet tongue over the tip before releasing it. "Seems like the best time to me, T. What's holding you back?" The Slayer lowered her head. "Come on, Blondie, you were right there with me." She didn't touch the witch, but stared soulfully into blue eyes, willing the blonde to let her continue.
It seemed the Dark Slayer might get her wish. Tara raised her head and caught the pouting lips in a fierce kiss. They were both panting when the kiss ended. "Don't ever think I don't want you, Faith. But we can't do this right now. We need to focus on taking care of Adam."
The brunette above her groaned. "Hell, T, I've never been one for postponing things. Willow musta forgot to tell you my motto is 'want, take, have.'"
Laughing slightly, Tara cupped Faith breasts. "Well, this time is different. You can want right now. But the taking and having will happen after we defeat the Big Bad." She sobered slightly. Still caressing the Slayer through the shirt, the witch went on. "We also need to take care of you, Sweetie."
Faith was too focused on the pleasure burning through her body to understand Tara's statement at first. When the words finally filtered through the haze of desire, she ground out, "What are you talking about, Blondie? And, before you answer, you might want to move those hands. Can't think when you do that and I'm pretty sure you aren't going to 'take care of me' right now. Save it for later?"
"Sorry, Faith." Tara slid her hands down to rest on the Slayer's hips. When the brunette arched an eyebrow, the witch grinned. "OK. I'm not really sorry, but I will stop. How's that?"
"It'll have to do, T." Faith dropped down to lie beside Tara. "So, what's on the agenda for today? Cause whatever is it, has to include a shower and some food."
"Ah, that's going to be difficult."
"Why, this dump don't have hot water?"
Tara shook her head at the Slayer. "Plenty of hot water, just no way to get you down the hall without being seen."
Faith stiffened at the witch's words. *Damn, how the hell did I forget that?* Pulling back from Tara, the younger girl got off the bed. "No problem. Guess that means we ain't going out for dinner, huh?"
The blonde watched the transformation in the other girl. All of Faith's emotions had been closed off. The witch could still see them in the Slayer's aura, but her physical expression contained nothing but bravado. "Faith..."
"Look, Blondie, just forget it, OK?"
Tara didn't want to forget it, but, as she had reminded Faith, it wasn't the right time. "For now, Faith. After this is over, I promise we're going to sit down and talk." Seeing the Slayer scowl, she said forcefully, "I mean it, Faith. You can't run forever."
The brunette relaxed slightly. "Sounding a lot like Angel, there, T. I'm here to take care of things for B. Got no plans for leaving before she's back on her feet. But I'm not really built for heart-to-hearts." She dropped into the desk chair. "So, you got any food in that fridge?"
"Not really. It's too small to hold much." Tara was glad for the change in intensity. "Let me put on some clothes and I'll go grab us something."
"Thanks. Been awhile since that sandwich in L.A." Faith's leg bounced frantically up and down. "Any idea when I'll see some action? Not looking forward to being stuck here for too long."
Looking down, Tara replied, "Not really. But I t-talked to Mrs. Sum-Summers this morning. She wants us to be at the hospital at 7:00 tonight. I'll use a spell to cloak you like I did this morning. I'm sure W-Willow has the information from the disks by now."
The Slayer jumped up from the chair and began pacing. "So, I'm stuck here for the next four hours or so, huh?"
"I'm sorry, Faith."
"Not your problem, Blondie. Did some really stupid shit last year." The brunette stalked from one end of the tiny room to another. "Just, I'm not real good with doing nothing. Now that I'm bouncing back from my eight month nap, got a lot of energy to burn."
"As long as you're going to be OK, Faith," Tara said uncertainly. Looking closely at the younger girl, the witch noticed that her emotions were a steady yellow-orange. The Slayer was a tightly wound mass of frustrated energy. "If-if you can just wait until I get back, maybe I c-can do another glamour so you can go out."
Faith pause mid step and stared hard at the blonde. "Thought you said that took a lot of energy." Seeing the witch blush, she laughed harshly. "Oh, hell, no, T. Not letting you burn yourself out just so I can run around Sunnydale."
The fierce light in the other girl's eyes told Tara there would be no negotiation. "Fine, have it your way. But, when I get back, there better not be any broken furniture or wear marks on the floor."
Despite her continuing frustration, Faith couldn't hold back a laugh at the mock sternness in the words. "Sure, T, let me guess...you'll tie my ass to the bed if I do anything dumb while you're gone."
"Exactly, Slayer." Tara quickly exchanged her sleepwear for regular clothing, glowering at the attentive brunette. "You could look the other way, you know."
"Yeah, but the view is much better in this direction," Faith leered. *Fuck, I can't believe I let her put a stop to earlier.* She watched the blonde intently, noticing the flush creeping up her neck and the darkening of her blue eyes. Sucking in a sharp breath, the Slayer spun away from temptation. "Better get going, Blondie. I'm hungry," she rasped.
"I'll be back," the witch said, hurrying around the other girl. "Anything in particular you want?" The statement hung in the air.
"Go, Tara. Just go."
Eyes wide, Tara nodded and fled the room.
***
Buffy woke with a start, images of Adam dissipating as the dreams faded. Heart pounding in remembered fear, she scanned the room for threats. The only sign of life was the sleeping witch in her arms. The clock on the wall read a little after twelve, but she wasn't sure if that meant morning or afternoon.
Taking a deep breath to help slow her racing pulse, the Slayer shifted slightly to relieve her stiffened muscles. Willow mumbled slightly, but didn't wake. In fact, she seemed to move in closer, head resting just below the blonde's chin. Relaxing back into the pillow, Buffy rested her chin on the red hair tickling her throat. Despite the warm drowsiness sapping her strength, the blonde couldn't get back to sleep. Bits of her earlier conversation with Willow played back.
//" ...when I got there, Faith was waiting for me... she said that you hadn't really been fighting hard at the church and she thought maybe you might be sui-suicidal."//
The words, uttered in Willowbabble, haunted the Slayer. Was Faith right? Had she been giving less than her all? *Wouldn't I know if I was suicidal? I mean, I'd have to actually decide to kill myself, right?* Frustrated with her thoughts, she shifted a little too roughly.
A soft groan sounded from the sleeping redhead and vibrated through Buffy's chest. *Damn.* "Shh, Will. Everything's OK, just go back to sleep," the blonde murmured soothingly.
Unfortunately, Willow seemed to be struggling with her own inner demons. "No, no, Xan...watch out for the tadpoles."
Buffy tried to stifle her laughter, but failed miserably. *Tadpoles? Do I even want to know, Will?*
A bouncing pillow was not conducive to sleep, and Willow pried her eyes open to complain about the ruckus. When her half-opened eyes met those of the Slayer, though, the irritation fled. A smile lit the freckled features. "Hey, Buffy, we need to stop waking up like this. People might talk."
"Ooh, and that would be bad, how? I mean, you're looking pretty good these days, Will," the blonde teased. Her compliment ended in a grunt when a small hand smacked her shoulder. "Hey, ow." She stuck her lip out in a pout. "Come on, Will, I was being nice. Guess I could have mentioned the bed hair and the fact you've been wearing those clothes for at least two days straight."
Scowling at her friend, the witch moved away and propped herself next to the Slayer on her elbow. Head resting in her hand, Willow took a closer look at the girl next to her. "You could, and they'd all be true, I'm sure. Of course, you ain't looking so hot yourself, sweetie." The witch mentally closed her eyes in anguish when the laughter faded from Buffy's hazel eyes.
"Yeah, getting your ass handed to you by some metal freak isn't recommended for improving your hotness rating." The words held a hint of humor, but the look in the Slayer's eyes was bleak. A frown settled in and she lapsed into brooding silence.
*Damn, damn, damn. I should just stop talking. Every word out of my mouth in the last two days has hurt the people I love.* Ignoring the inner voice counseling silence, Willow said quietly, "You want to talk about what happened?"
Buffy shrugged, looking uncertain. Finally, she replied, "I did a lot of thinking this morning. About slaying, Riley, Adam..."
"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Willow asked.
"Yeah, Will. I know. It's just...I don't know. I can't — life has sucked lately. At first, I thought it was just college and not being able to enjoy college life. Slaying always got in the way. Either I couldn't go to a party or on a date, or I tried to do it all and I was so tired." A wan smile crept out. "I just wanted to scream that it wasn't fair. But it hasn't been fair since the day I got called."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this? We've been best friends since high school, Buffy. You always told me everything: the Master, Angel, all the stuff with Faith. Why not now?"
The blonde dropped her chin to her chest. "You were having so much fun. It was like college opened up so many doors. You weren't the shy little hacker in the fuzzy sweaters. You were the new, improved, confident Willow and I didn't want to interfere. You deserve a normal life, Will. As long as I'm around, you can't have that."
The redhead started to reassure the obviously upset Slayer when the meaning of Buffy's words sank in. Eyes widening in shock, Willow inched closer to the discomfited blonde. "Sweetie, you can't think that you're holding me back somehow."
"At first, I just figured I needed to find a way to fit in. It was like sophomore year all over again. You know, fitting the slaying and life into the same twenty-four hour period. But in high school, there were boundaries. I knew where I needed to be and when I needed to be there. These last few months have been so different."
Rolling so that she lay on her stomach next to the Slayer, Willow said, "Buffy, different I understand. Remember me? Shy nerd girl in the ugly clothes? I cried nearly every day of school for ten years I was so miserable."
"You're not like that now."
"No — well, sometimes. But that is so not the point, Buffy. We were talking about you, and about why the slaying is suddenly so much harder to deal with. I mean, come on. You were sixteen, saving the world every night, lying to your mother and almost everyone you knew, and pretending to be a typical underachieving high school student by day. Now, you have friends who help with the world saving; your mom is aware of your calling; and you have a boyfriend who knows and helps out. How can that be worse?" She rested her chin on the blonde's leg. "I know there's something else you aren't telling me."
"It's nothing, Will."
"Buffy!" The redhead knew she had to get her friend to talk. Pushing herself up, she moved to kneel against the Slayer's side. Grasping the lowered chin and pulling, Willow forced a reluctant Buffy to meet her eyes. "Not joking here, Buffy. Tell me what's really going on."
"I just — I really needed you to be there with me, for me."
"Buffy, I am here, no matter what."
"No, you don't understand," the blonde cried in frustration.
"Then help me understand!"
Looking terrified, Buffy nodded jerkily. A hand feathered through the wild red hair before closing gently on the tangled strands. Tugging Willow forward, the Slayer choked out, "I needed you with me, Will. Not with Oz, and not with Tara."