Finding Her Way Home
by rebelrsr
Chapter 14
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers, etc.: "Dopplegangland," "Something Blue" and everything after "The Gift."
A/N: Character thoughts are enclosed by **. Flashbacks are enclosed by //. Thanks to Zenithar and Zigpal for the beta and encouragement! I couldn't do it without you.
Archiving: By permission only.
Eyes widening in disbelief, Kirstan stared at Buffy. "You want to run that by me again?"
The Slayer gave a tired laugh and moved out of the brunette's embrace. "Never mind. I just came to see Will and talk with Jennifer." Brushing off her pants and straightening her shirt, the young blonde said, "Since you seem to already know the whole sordid story, I'll head out."
When Buffy started back to her car, Kirstan grabbed her arm. "Wait. You can't go yet. Jenny's getting Willow comfortable, but she shouldn't be long. I think we all need to talk."
Too exhausted to argue, the Slayer nodded. "Sure." She followed the tall woman inside the house. Bypassing the large kitchen, Willow's mother led Buffy into the same den they'd used that morning.
"Have a seat. I'll check on Jenny and Willow." Kirstan waited for her guest to sit down before leaving the room.
The tired Slayer leaned her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. *Oh, God. What am I going to do? She hates me so much she tried to kill me.* That thought repeated endlessly in her mind. Trying to drive the refrain away, Buffy climbed to her feet and paced the room. The action pushed weary muscles until they trembled. Unwilling but unable to continue her frantic march across the carpet, the Slayer dropped back onto the furniture.
The silence seeped slowly into her circling thoughts, and Buffy fell into an uneasy doze until a quiet knock brought her back to awareness. "Yeah?" she called out, voice rough with fatigue.
A brunette head peered into the room. "Buffy? Mom and Mama are in the kitchen. They wanted to know if it was OK to talk there?"
Confused by the question and too tired to censor her words, the Slayer griped, "It's their house. We can meet wherever the hell they want."
A fiery blush tinted the girl's cheeks. "Alright. If you'll follow me, I'll take you there."
"Thanks." Buffy mentally slapped herself for the way she was acting. It was crunch time — again. She needed to get herself back in the game. "Sorry for that last comment. Kinda tired, you know?" She smiled winningly at her escort.
The taller girl simply nodded and waited for the blonde to join her in the hallway. In silence, they trooped back to the kitchen Buffy had glimpsed earlier. Kirstan and another woman sat at a large table. Once again, the Slayer's mouth outpaced her thoughts. "Wow. If Will looks like that in a few years, I'll count myself lucky."
Three sets of green eyes stared at her in shock. "Ummm, I said that out loud, didn't I?" Buffy mumbled. Rubbing hands over her magic-scorched face, the Slayer tried to pull herself together. "Can we just forget that comment and get on with the discussion? If we wait too long, there's no telling how many times I'll make an idiot of myself."
Kirstan came to her aid. Laughter warming her voice, she said, "Don't worry about it. In fact," she reached out a hand to stroke her wife's arm, "I don't mind the comment. It's been a while since someone's reminded me just how fortunate I am."
The girl next to Buffy made a gagging sound. "That so corny, Mom," she protested.
"Don't interrupt your mother, Morgan," the red haired woman complained. "This was getting interesting." She smiled before catching Buffy's eye. "Why don't you have a seat, Buffy? I'm sure you're tired, and this probably isn't going to be a happy discussion for any of us."
Dropping gracelessly onto a wooden chair, the Slayer agreed, "No, happy is so not what I'm feeling." She kept her eyes on the table, tracing the whorls of the grain with a finger. "Where should I start?"
"Well, Willow told us some of what happened last year, so why don't you pick a starting point near there?" Jennifer suggested.
"Right. Last year." *I can do this. I can. After all, I've told this story so many times before, it won't require much thought.* Buffy's inner pep talk did little to convince her this would be easy. "If we're trying to help Wills, then you should probably know the when and the why of the magic. She started dabbling in magic back in high school." Bracing for the inevitable freak out, the Slayer explained, "My boyfriend was a vampire with a soul. Unfortunately, he didn't come with a user's manual and when we slept together, he lost the soul and reverted to Angelus. Willow did something called the Romanii Curse to restore his soul again."
She stopped, waiting for questions or recriminations. The only sound in the room was the irritating buzz of the clock over the sink. "After that," she continued when no one commented on the Slayer-vampire connection, "Will was pretty hooked on the magic. She did a lot of things over the years, and a lot of them used Black magic. Giles tried to warn us she didn't understand the things she was dealing with, but we ignored him. After all, it was way more important to keep me alive or beat the big bad than it was to worry about what Willow was doing to herself."
Buffy dragged her eyes from the table and looked into Jennifer's green ones. "I looked the other way too many times. But I swear, if I'd known what Willow was planning with the resurrection thing, I would have torn down Heaven to stop her."
***
Willow was awake, or so she thought. It was hard to tell. She felt her body, but nothing moved on command. The witch floated in darkness and waited for things to return to normal. Waiting, however, lasted too long. Willow forced the issue. Once again reaching out with her senses, she was stunned to realize the magic felt sluggish and slow. Even though the rush of power the last weeks was frightening, it was familiar. Now, when she needed the energy, nothing happened. Internally frowning, the young redhead refused to accept her mind's demand for rest and healing. Pushing at the stream of power, Willow grinned in delight as it picked up speed. A little more shoving and the energy roared through her channels.
Now, she just had to figure out why she couldn't wake up. A scan of her body showed she was physically fine. There had to be another explanation. Willow checked her magical reserves. Nope, no problems. In fact, the energy she'd siphoned from the fire and wind storms filled the pool. *Then what the hell is keeping me in limbo?* she asked herself. The witch loved a good mystery, but this was ridiculous. Tapping into her energy stores, she sent a tendril of power snaking away from her body into the rest of the house. The tiny ribbon of magic let her peer into every room. Everything was empty. *Jennifer must have sent everyone away.* In her strange state, Willow barely registered the sadness that thought engendered.
As she worked her way toward the stairs, Willow noticed four energy signatures. Morgan meditated in the den. Jennifer, Kirstan, and Buffy gathered around the kitchen table. Buffy must be OK, then. The stream of power expanded as the redhead exulted. She hadn't hurt her best friend with the fireworks display. The witch quickened the pace of her magical eyes. Reaching the kitchen, she took a moment to examine the Slayer. The perusal was sobering. Buffy looked gaunt and haggard. The blonde had lost weight, and her cheekbones poked through the taut skin of her face. Lost in horror and guilt, Willow didn't at first realize her magic allowed her to hear as well as see.
**"I looked the other way too many time. But I swear, if I'd known what Willow was planning with the resurrection thing, I would have torn down Heaven to stop her."**
The redhead gasped soundlessly. Despite her intention to get Jennifer's attention and ask for some help, Willow found her power snake curling behind the Slayer's chair to listen.
***
Jennifer interrupted. "Was there anyone in your group to teach Willow how to use her magic?"
"For a while...a couple of times." Buffy tried to smile at the older version of her best friend. "Ms. Calendar, a teacher at the high school, might have been able to. Angelus killed her, though. That happened before Wills did the Romanii Curse. Giles knows magic, but he was big on the warnings and short on the teaching. I don't know if he could have helped out."
The Slayer pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Will's ex started training her." Buffy sat silent after that statement.
"But...?" Jennifer prodded.
"But I died, and Willow literally moved Heaven to bring me back." The explanation hung in the air.
"OK. I've heard the story about the spell, and we think we know what happened," Kirstan said. "Why the power surge whenever you show up?"
"She hates me." Buffy thought she would come apart as she answered the brunette's question.
Looking skeptical, Jennifer commented, "That doesn't really make sense, Buffy. If she hated you, there was more than enough energy in the attack earlier to burn you beyond ashes."
The Slayer wasn't willing to acknowledge the wisdom. "I didn't trust her. Every time something happened that I couldn't explain or understand, I blamed Will. It had to be magic...By the end, we fought all the time. When she went to Rack, she got in an accident and my sister got hurt. I accused her of being so lost in the magic she didn't care about Dawnie, didn't care about anything but herself and the power."
***
As Buffy's anguish-laden tale traveled through the power ribbon, Willow felt tears streak her face. Unable to move or wake completely, the witch still grieved for her friend.
***
"You've apparently figured out what really happened," Kirstan said.
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. Tara, Willow's ex, talked me through it all. I'm not sure I completely understand, but I got enough to know it wasn't Will's fault — the magic using and all."
"Something like that." The older redhead stood. "I'm going to grab some drinks. Buffy, can I get you anything besides liquid?"
"No." The refusal was immediate. The Slayer hadn't been hungry since her return. "Thanks, though."
Jennifer puttered around the large kitchen while Buffy and Kirstan remained seated. "There was a message from your Watcher earlier. I assume he called about Willow?"
"Yeah. He asked a friend in the Coven over there for the name of a witch who could help Will get control of the magic. None of us knew Jennifer was Willow's mom," the blonde Slayer answered. "I recognized the number Will had given Dawnie." Blushing a bit, Buffy mumbled, "He told me to stay away, but I needed to make sure she was OK."
The Hirsches laughed at the admission. "She's going to be fine. I promise," Jennifer announced firmly. "We just have to find a way to rebuild the dam around her power reservoir. Once that's back in place, it's just a matter of honing her control."
Buffy basked in the assertion her best friend would recover. The happy feeling didn't last long. Jennifer and Kirstan didn't know everything. "Um, that's great, really," she stammered.
The lackluster reply clued the other women to a problem. "I thought you'd be more enthusiastic at the news," the older witch commented.
"Oh, I'm thrilled. Inside, I'm doing a happy dance," Buffy quickly protested. "Unfortunately, there's more to this already depressing story. Right after Tara figured out about Will's magic, I called Giles. He was about to call me.
"The whole magical growth wasn't an accident," she told the women. "It's part of a prophecy."
***
Willow's surprise momentarily disrupted the link with her magical spy device. She lay trapped in the darkness, thoughts racing. *A prophecy? Great. Those always mean the end of the world is coming.* Calming herself with effort, the young witch reached back out to the narrow ribbon of power connecting her to Buffy and the women downstairs.
***
"Oh, fuck," the ex-Slayer snarled.
"Kirstan!" Jennifer objected.
"Sorry. But, damn it, Jenny, those things never mean anything good is going to happen." The brunette was scared, and it showed.
"I wish I could give you more information, but Giles couldn't find anything specific. All he knew when I talked to him the last time was that Willow opened a Gate to Heaven when she brought me back. Something slipped through the Gate with me. Something big," Buffy said. She checked her watch and slumped in the chair. Even though she'd left a note for Dawn, the Slayer didn't feel right leaving her teenaged sister alone right now.
"I should go." Buffy pushed herself away from the table and tried to get up. The world spun, and she braced both palms flat on the wooden surface in front of her to stay upright.
"Sit down." Kirstan wrapped strong hands around her shoulders and lowered her back into the chair. "When was the last time you ate or slept, little girl?"
Anger tried to flare over the mode of address, but Buffy was too tired. "I don't know. Yesterday, I guess" She stiffened in the woman's grasp. "I'll be fine in a minute."
"Hmmm, let me think about that..." the brunette mocked. "I don't believe you."
This time, exhaustion fell beneath the simmering anger. "I don't fucking care what you believe. Right now, the only thing that matters is Will and making sure she's OK." Buffy twisted away from Kirstan and surged to her feet. "I drove out here because I needed to see for myself Will was getting better." The Slayer spit the words at her friend's mother, beyond rational thought. Emotions seized control and gave her speech a dangerous edge. "The only reason you're still standing is because I honestly think you want what's best for her. She's all I care about. You, Jennifer, saving the world one more time...I couldn't care less. If anything happens to Willow, my life won't matter anymore."
Buffy met Kirstan's gaze. "I love her, and I'll do whatever it takes to make this all go away."