Finding Her Way Home
by rebelrsr
Chapter 20
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers, etc.: Pretty much everything after the Gift.
A/N: Character thoughts are enclosed by **. Flashbacks are enclosed by //. Thanks to Zenithar and Zigpal for the beta and encouragement! I couldn't do it without you.
Archiving: By permission only.
A/N2: I'm mixing parts of S6 and S7 with very little regard to canon. For purposes of the fic, Dawn is over the age of consent *wink*.
Willow knew the words were a mistake instantly. Buffy's face went blank, and she pulled away. The languorous post-climax feeling disappeared, and the witch sat up. "Sweetie, I didn't mean it like that. It was a joke." The Slayer's eyes were distant, and Willow wanted to smack herself. She knew all about the blonde's commitment issues. Six years of best friend duty gave her a lot of insight into what made the other girl tick.
"Buffy? Hey, come on. Talk to me, please." The redhead was near tears at the continued silence. How could she go from ecstasy to this tearing pain so fast? Deciding to use their new - and obviously unwelcome - bond, Willow sent a tendril of power through the link. She wasn't quite sure how it worked, but when she reached the Slayer's end of the connection, her eyes widened. Narrowing her focus, she pulled in more power, and sent a tight beam all the way through the bond.
*I'm not going away, you know,* she said into the blonde's mind.
Buffy jerked, surprised at the sensation. "Will?"
*We're linked now, sweetie. You can't hide your thoughts or emotions from me.* The witch was inundated with panic. *It goes both ways. If you can calm down a little, I'll show you.* Slowly, the fear flooding the conduit drained away. *That's it, Beautiful. There's no bad here. Trust me...and yourself.* When Willow sensed the blonde was ready, she touched her mind, brushing it with affectionate mental fingers, caressing away the lingering fear and tension. Knowing the Slayer didn't understand how the link worked, she showed the smaller girl how to link their minds together and pulled her along the channel until...
//...They stood under a towering oak, acres of velvety green stretching all around. "This is our place, Buffy. A place where there are no secrets or insecurities. We only have to be ourselves."
Buffy strode away, trying to flee. But, no matter how much she wanted to leave, something held her back. Finally, frustrated, she spun back to her oldest friend. "How can you want this?" the Slayer burst out. "How can you want me?"
"How can I not?" Willow responded patiently. She looked at the edgy blonde and tried to explain. "I've loved you since the day we met. For a long time, the feeling was buried. I didn't recognize what was there." She tilted her head, choosing her words carefully. "The bond gives us each a view into the other. I can feel what's bothering you, Buffy, but I want you to tell me. Please. You have to start talking to me, and stop shutting me out."
Some of her witch's grief touched her, and the Slayer flinched. This was going to take getting used to. "I don't even know where to start, Wills. I'm pretty sure I loved you, too. And that makes me sad...and angry." The blonde head dropped until her chin nearly touched her chest. "Why didn't Giles tell us about the bond? If he knew for all those years..." Tears streaked the gaunt face. "Damn it, Will. We wasted so much time, did so many stupid things."
Even though she'd promised herself she'd let Buffy talk, Willow asked, "What bothers you most, sweetie? The fact that Giles might have lied to you again? Or that we weren't together from the beginning?" She watched the other girl closely, moving so that they were mere inches apart. Looking down into the scared hazel eyes, she kept pressing. "Buffy, talk to me. Tell me what has you on the verge of running. There's nothing you can tell me that will push me away. I swear."
Buffy remained stubbornly silent. Feeling down the conduit, Willow tried to divine exactly what was causing the emotional shutdown. "Are you still hung up on our past relationships? Buffy, I don't blame you for getting involved with Parker or Riley. Hell, I understand trying to look and feel normal." Something tickled her inner senses. She was close. "Is it Angel? It's OK that you loved him, Sweetie." Once again, the Slayer tried to pull away. So, something there. "You can't run from this anymore, my Slayer. Here, we share everything. If you can't talk about it, lower your barriers and let me see the images, feel the emotions."
"No! Never! If you knew..."
"I am not going anywhere, Buffy. Not ever." Willow touched the frightened blonde and opened herself completely. "Here, Buffy. Let me show you my dark places. I'm scared, too, my love, but we need to trust in our bond." Images flowed around them. Kissing Xander after Spike kidnapped them. Taunting Faith in the Mayor's office. Fighting with Tara about the magic use. Hiding the information about the resurrection spell until it was too late to back down. The witch shuddered internally and kept going, letting the Slayer see the meeting with Rack and her fight to throw the wizard out of her mind. "See, sweetie, we both have things we'd rather not talk about. But I want you to know me...all of me."
Buffy held Willow tightly. As the images floated by, she shared in the pain, embarrassment, and shame the redhead felt. "Oh, baby, I love you. No matter what." Tears streaked her face, but she pulled down the barriers around her mind. She didn't reach out or attempt to share. Instead, she waited, giving the witch tacit permission to look inside. So many old hurts and regretted actions. But the one center stage in her thoughts...Spike. She froze internally, remembering his cold hands holding her roughly, slamming her into the nearest headstone or mausoleum. When she felt the last vision fade away, she stood, head bowed, waiting for the inevitable rejection.
Gentle fingers caressed her cheek. "Oh, sweetie. I love you. I can't believe I wasn't there for you when you needed me."
"Will?" Buffy was stunned. How could Willow even stand to touch her?
"I love you, Buffy. I can feel your love for me. We can deal with the past, all the regrets and mistakes, as long as we stay open and share our feelings." She sent a burst of laughter through the link and watched a grin blossom on the Slayer's face. "See?"
Warm hazel eyes caught hers. "Yes." The Slayer held out her hand. "I understand now, Will. Let's go back."
"I'll follow wherever you want to go, my Slayer."??
***
Tara and Dawn rushed to Faith. The brunette Slayer lay motionless. The blonde witch knelt by her side, gently touching her throat. Finding a strong pulse, she held her hand palm down over the Slayer. Crimson light stretched from her hand to Faith's body, following the witch's hand as she passed it slowly up and down the still form.
After a few minutes, the Slayer moaned and opened her eyes. "T-you and Dawn gotta get out!" She jerked into a sitting position. "The axe-"
Tara grabbed the younger girl by the shoulders. "It's OK, Faith. Dawn and I were able to cast the magic out. It's gone."
Panting, the Slayer relaxed slightly. "'k. Good to know." Brown eyes swept the entry hall. "Man, that last step was a bitch." Pushing the blonde's hands away, Faith climbed unsteadily to her feet. "You sure that thing's gone?"
"For the moment, anyway." Tara stood as well. "We need to let Buffy and Willow know what's going on."
"Yeah, but we don't have a fucking clue, do we?" The brunette smiled slightly. "Wow. That sounds vaguely familiar. You think we're OK for a bit? Cause I'm still a little fuzzy from them drugs Wes gave me."
Dawn frowned. "What drugs?" Her eyes got wide. "Did you get hooked on drugs in prison?"
"Dawn!" Tara protested.
Faith, however, chuckled. "Slayer, Dawnie, remember? Takes some pretty heavy shit to get us jacked up. I wasn't gonna give up that many packs just to get a fix. Did a favor for Angel, but I had to take some weird-ass potion. Kinda making things fuzzy around the edges."
"We'll be safe here, Faith, but I don't want to wait too long." Tara frowned. "I hope Willow's doing better. She's the best I know at research. Maybe she can give us idea what we're dealing with."
Moving slowly, the brunette limped into the living room, dodging tables and chairs displaced by the magic earlier. "So, you still haven't filled me in on the sitch here. What's wrong with Red, and why was B so big on getting me here? I kinda figured she'd be out for my blood once she knew I was out." She dropped onto the couch with a sigh.
"Yeah, I don't think I know everything either." Dawn's voice held lingering hurt. "Pretty much I was the only one still helping Willow out when she left, but Buffy was really intent on getting to her. And she's been super weird the last couple of days. Sorry, Faith," she looked at the older girl sadly, "but I've never seen her so ready to ask for help. She's always gotten pissed whenever I mentioned Faith. Why the turnaround?" She sat next to Faith, looking at the older witch.
Tara grimaced but took a seat in the armchair "I'm really wiped out. Will the condensed version work until we get some sleep?"
Slayer and Key shared a look. "For now," Dawn said. "But sometime soon I want all the gory details." Faith simply nodded her agreement.
"OK." Closing her eyes, Tara searched for the best way to explain. "This gets complicated and none of us come out looking our best. When Willow did the resurrection spell, she opened a door of some sort into the Otherworld. The spell forced her through a series of magical trials with the god Osiris. During the trials, something big and evil slipped through the open door."
"The thing doing the freaky with the house?" Faith wanted to know.
"Probably, but they could be unrelated." The witch didn't sound convincing. "I'm not entirely sure where the evil went, but it is possible that Willow's 'addiction' was more a matter of possession or the destruction of her magical reservoirs." She looked at the pair on the couch. "She had too much power too soon. There was no way for her to control it."
Dawn nodded. "She knew the reservoir had been damaged, but I don't think she made the connection until it was too late. When we went to Rack's, Will was looking for a fix."
The Slayer had been very quiet during the exchange and explanation. "Let me see if I got it straight, Blondie. Red did a spell that brought B back from the dead. Afterward, she got a big dose of mojo. Kinda like giving a kid superpowers. Only, she couldn't handle them, and the Super Friends didn't ask questions. They just assumed the worst and tried to 'help' the poor addicted witch." Bitterness seethed in the husky voice.
"Yes." The blonde met the pain-filled brown eyes.
Faith grunted. "Guess some things never change.'
"What are you talking about?" Dawn glanced back and forth between the other girls.
"Old shit, D. You were too little to have been involved." The Slayer leaned into the back of the couch. "Just kinda ironic Red got caught in the same net as me."
"That wasn't how I heard the story." The witch's voice was soft, but implacable.
A bark of laughter echoed in the room. "No, I'm sure the Scoobies tell a different version." The brunette rolled her head, loosening tight muscles. "It doesn't matter anymore, T. Mostly I'm over it. With all the excitement and the story, it came back a little."
Throughout the tense conversation, Dawn had been trying to piece things together. Finally, the pieces fell into place. "It does matter, Faith. Buffy's an idiot." She glared when Faith and Tara laughed. "Well, she is. I mean, give her something to kill and she's the best. But ask her to do anything more emotional and people-oriented and she's hopeless." Blue eyes looked at the tired Slayer next to her. "You have to get her to talk to you about what happened before, Faith. If you don't, she'll just stuff you into a corner until she needs you."
Faith shrugged. "It's a good place to be. I ain't in your sister's league, and we both know that. I came back because B actually asked me to help out. It's way more than I deserve, D. If she wants me to leave once she's got Red back on the right side of the fight, I'm gone. This is her town. I can find somewhere else to set up shop."
"That's not-" The youngest Summers broke off at the knock on the door.
"Fuck. I thought you said this magic thing was gone." The Slayer jumped from the couch and stalked toward the front door. Wrenching it open, she stared at a rumpled looking Rupert Giles and three teenaged girls.