Finding Her Way Home
by rebelrsr
Chapter 41
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers, etc.: Pretty much everything after the Gift.
A/N: Character thoughts are enclosed by **. Flashbacks are enclosed by //. Thanks to Ivy for the preread and Zigpal and Lilly for the beta and encouragement! I couldn't do it without you.
Archiving: By permission only.
A/N2: I'm mixing parts of S6 and S7 with very little regard to canon. For purposes of the fic, Dawn is over the age of consent *wink*.
"Why would we want to find Spike?" Willow winced at the tight sound in Buffy's voice. She could feel all of Buffy's questions and suspicions pressing at her through their link. Buffy was definitely not happy with her idea.
Ignoring all of that, Willow went on. "If the First needs Spike to open the Seal, we have two options." She took a deep breath, glancing quickly at Buffy. Willow almost whimpered. This was going to be so bad. "One: we find Spike and follow him. He leads us to the First, and we stop the Ritual. No Turok Han."
Buffy didn't relax. She must have felt Willow's tension. "That sounds fine." She sat back on her heels and stroked Willow's hand. "I'm sure I...we can find Spike." Smiling slightly, Buffy went on, "Maybe we can talk to him. Explain what we need. That way, we don't have to sneak around or anything."
"Maybe." Scanning the other members of their small group, Willow looked for help. There was none.
Drew didn't have a clue. She looked just as eager to try Option One as Buffy.
Willow tried Giles next. He managed to meet her eyes. However, Willow didn't think he would risk another argument with Buffy. Not over Spike.
Before Willow could scare herself with thoughts of considering Anya as a way out, Buffy probed further. "You don't think it will work, do you?" she demanded. "Why? What aren't you telling me, Will?"
Bracing for the explosion, Willow murmured, "It's a good plan, Buffy. It has problems, though." She saw Buffy open her mouth and rushed on. "Spike wasn't a willing part of the ritual, Buffy. He was hurt and bleeding. I don't think he'd be able to pass on any information. We aren't trying to get Spike to go undercover. We just need to stop the Seal from opening."
"What are you saying, Willow?" Buffy demanded. "You still aren't telling me everything."
When Buffy's mental touch on the link grew more insistent, Willow caved. "If all Spike had to do was sneak in and relay information, we ask him for his help. Have him call us with whatever he found out. That's not what's happening. Spike can't help us."
Drew leaned in, and Willow held her breath, praying she wouldn't add fuel to the near-argument. "Then what's the other option?"
Glaring at Drew, Willow tried to avoid the question. "Look, let's not blow this out of proportion until we know more. Like...like why the First is using Spike and not some other vampire."
It wasn't enough.
"What's the second option?" Buffy asked. The soothing feeling of her hands was gone. Her fingers dug into Willow's painfully.
There was no good way to say this.
"We find Spike, and we kill him." The words were soft, yet they didn't lose any of their blunt impact despite the lack of volume.
***
Buffy was on her feet instantly. "No way. Why would we kill Spike?" She stared at Willow, trying to read the muddied emotions through their bond. She couldn't. There was too much swirling there. All she got was...a sharp stab of regret and a chill of fear — all of it Willow's. What was Willow afraid of? Spike? Or... *Me?*
"Buffy, you're missing the point." Giles's quiet voice did nothing to calm Buffy. Quite the opposite, in fact.
She turned on him. "I wasn't talking to you," Buffy growled. Hands balled into fists, she dared him to continue.
He accepted the silent challenge. Face flushed, Giles stood and took a small step in her direction. "Perhaps not. However, the fact remains that you are once again acting out of simple emotion rather than considering the situation logically."
Buffy flinched from his look of disappointment. She'd seen it so many times. And...as much as she hated to admit it, Giles was generally right about her rushing off without thinking things through. Maybe he was right this time, too. Maybe they didn't have to kill Spike. Slowly, she sank back to the floor.
"Willow only postulated we might need to kill Spike." Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose before continuing. "If we look at what we know of the ritual, I would say there is no way we can even begin to determine our course of action. Not until we have researched further."
It was his standard answer. Buffy clenched her hands on her knees to avoid making another scene. She needed more. She needed someone to tell her there would be no Spike dust on her hands. "What do you suggest?" she asked almost sullenly.
She had to get out of here, talk to Willow without an audience. Buffy hated not being skilled enough to decipher what she was reading through the bond.
"We need to know more about the ritual itself. Obviously, the First is using Spike's blood to unlock the Gate. Why Spike? Is he significant?" Giles looked at her and smiled encouragingly. "If not, if it is not Spike's blood specifically, eliminating him will serve no purpose. The First could simply choose another vehicle."
Shooting Willow a look, Buffy wanted to shout, *See? We don't need to kill another one of my ex-lovers.* She didn't. Willow was hunched next to Drew, the picture of misery. Buffy turned around, sitting with her back pressed to Willow's legs and looked up at Giles. "More research. Got it."
No one jumped in with more.
Buffy nearly growled. *Come on, people. Why am I always the one making decisions? Everyone is good at suggesting...No one ever decides, though. Except me.* "Anya, can you and Willow work on this part? Finding out whether Spike is some kind of key or if any vampire will do? The rest of us will try digging up more on the reference Drew found to the Scythe."
A light, questioning touch brushed her mind, and Buffy pressed back into Willow's legs.
*We're OK, Will. I just...I think it's better I'm not mixed up in the Spike part of this.* Rubbing her cheek against Willow's knee, she let the touch work through her. *I don't want this to be a problem for us, you know?* she pleaded silently.
Aloud, Buffy told her troops, "Let's get to work, folks. No attacks since this morning plus funky visions makes for a nervous Buffy. Something's going to come after us soon. We need to be ready."
***
"Would you do it again?" Kirstan asked. She pulled away, sitting Faith on the floor in front of her and leaning her elbows on her knees.
Faith rubbed at her eyes. They burned, and tears still spilled over occasionally. "Do what? Jump off a building?"
The lame joke fell flat. Kirstan's lips pressed together, and she glared back.
"Depends on what you're asking, Old Timer," Faith mumbled.
"I want to know, Faith, are you the same person you were back then? Do you still hate Buffy? Want to hurt her? Kill her?" Kirstan fired off.
Shrugging, Faith started to answer.
Before she could, a new voice joined the conversation. "She's not the same person," Dawn announced firmly.
Faith's head snapped around. How had Dawn gotten in without her knowing?
"Is this a private discussion? I hope not. I hate getting left out of the good stuff." There was a definite edge to Dawn's comment.
Smirking, Faith glanced up and saw the hint of a scowl on Dawn's face.
The look stayed in places as Dawn dropped onto the floor. She wrapped an arm around Faith and pulled her in closer.
"D-" Faith wiggled and tried to sit up. The arm around her tightened in a definite no.
Dawn kissed her cheek. "Answer Kirstan's question, Faith. She's still waiting..."
*So am I,* Faith knew she meant.
"... and I'd like to get breakfast before we all get grey." Her fingers dug lightly into Faith's side in encouragement.
Relaxing slowly, Faith closed her eyes again and considered her response. What she found inside surprised her. "B's safe." She grinned. "From me anyway. I wouldn't be so sure about Red if B steps outta line."
"Satisfied?" Dawn asked, and Faith wasn't sure to whom the question was directed.
"Not really." Kirstan picked up the conversational ball. "Why the change? You've been out of prison...a week? You've seen Buffy face to face maybe twice, and one of those times you got your ass handed to you by her Slayer. We're about to face the First Evil. I don't want to lose because you and Buffy can't get over the past."
Faith felt Dawn stiffen against her. She ran a hand along one of Dawn's thighs. "Easy, D. I've got this one." She waited until she was sure Dawn wasn't going to explode before answering Kirstan. "It ain't like it was, Old Timer."
Opening her eyes, she met Kirstan's intense green ones. "How?" Kirstan bluntly inquired.
"B's getting out of the business." Dawn's lips brushed Faith's hair, and she smiled. Nice. Letting the desire slowly uncurl inside, Faith kept talking. "I don't think she's going to follow in your footsteps, though. I think she's out for good. That means I got maybe a week to pick up everything I can from her. You haven't seen the whole Buffy Experience. Just wait. When the First comes calling, you'll all be hopping when B says, 'Jump.'"
"I've seen you operate. It'll take more than a week to get you ready." Kirstan stood up, brushing off the seat of her pants.
Faith followed her upright. Hands opening and closing nervously, she waited until the older woman looked her way. "Think you could fill in the gaps?" Feeling like a little kid begging for someone to just "watch me do this," Faith waited for Kirstan's reply.
A large, strong hand extended between them.
Slowly, Faith reached out. Her damp palm slid across Kirstan's much drier one, and she gripped the fingers firmly.
The grip shifted. Faith stumbled forward in surprise when Kirstan pulled her into a tight embrace. "Wake up and smell the sweat, little girl. I've already started filling in the gaps. I don't just chase everyone around the Training Barn. Only the special people."
Blinking against the sudden moisture in her eyes, Faith allowed herself the luxury of returning the hug for a second. Then she stepped back, shoving her hands deep in her pockets. "Careful there, Old Timer. Kinda sounding like a bad Prince flashback. Gonna be talking about fucked up dreams or some shit real soon."
Kirstan's snort merged with Dawn's giggles.
Grinning, Faith reached down to help her laughing girlfriend off the floor. "Huh, missed that sound while I was in the joint, D."
"You didn't miss too much of it." Dawn started for the door, linking their fingers. "My sister has mutated into some kind of Joy Sucking Demon. I'm hoping Willow can loosen her up a little bit."
"Think that's a given." Faith bumped her shoulder. "You do remember them all cuddly and shit in that guest house. Thought I was gonna blush from the vibes they were putting off."
Kirstan shook her head. "Slow and clueless." She smirked when Faith looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "You and Dawn have the same vibe, little girl. Everyone's going to be snickering until all of you learn to lock down the bonds a little."
"Let 'em laugh. They might even learn something along the way." Faith winked at Kirstan then stopped abruptly in the path.
"What the hell is that?" Kirstan froze, too, and Faith felt her reaching out with her Slayer senses.
She let go of Dawn and moved next to Kirstan. "Relax, Old Timer. The cavalry just rode in. That's Fang and his crew. Looks like you're about to meet your first good vampire."
Dawn grumbled as they resumed the trek to the house. "Damn it. Angel has lousy timing. I was looking forward to breakfast."