Simple Choices
by rebelrsr
Chapter 16
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers: I borrow heavily from "The I in Team" for this chapter. Big alterations ahead for the remainder of S5. Eh, who am I kidding? This is really AU now.
A/N: Thanks to the best beta crew: Ivy, Malea, Zigpal , and Zenithar. There would be no writing without you guys.
Everyone looked at Buffy, standing in the hallway. "Thought you were gonna get some sleep, B. The girls got things under control." Faith watched Buffy closely. The blonde Slayer was still pale and worn.
"Couldn't sleep." Buffy shrugged, not looking directly at anyone. "I volunteer to be the guinea pig for the spell. Might as well be useful since sleeping isn't part of the deal." Wandering forward, she asked, "Will, what do you need me to do?"
*Go away*, Willow thought. It was too soon. She wasn't ready for Buffy to be here. Out loud, though, she managed a strangled, "Have a seat anywhere and then just relax." She wiped sweating hands on her pants as Buffy dropped to sit next to Xander. "Um, OK, do you have a memory in mind?" Like Buffy, she avoided eye contact as she asked the question.
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. I think so."
Hesitantly, the redhead moved to stand behind Buffy. "Just put yourself in the memory, and I'll work on expanding it." Wide green eyes looked at Tara. "Once I make the link, you'll need to do the Vicus spell."
The rest of the Scoobies moved closer, watching the tense scene.
Willow's hands shook when she set them on Buffy's shoulders. "Ready, Buffy?"
"Yeah, Will." The blonde head nodded forcefully.
"OK." Willow sucked in a deep breath and tried to clear her mind. Her thoughts zoomed in a hundred directions at breakneck speed. All of the thoughts contained Buffy and kissing her in the bedroom. Slowly, she pushed her worries aside, regaining some inner calm, and reached out to the Slayer. It was easier this time. Buffy was open, accepting.
But as her mind got closer to her friend's, Willow froze. Buffy felt the change. "Will? Shouldn't something be happening by now?"
"Sorry." Willow fought off panic, breath coming in harsh pants. What did Buffy want to remember? What if she chose the scene in the bedroom? Shaking her head, trying to focus her mind on the spell, Willow reached out again. Her mind brushed Buffy's, establishing a tentative link. *Good. I can do this.* Time to get to work. Broadening the link, she started to tease at the memory Buffy was holding and dimly heard Tara start to chant.
In just a minute, there would be a three dimensional replay rife with emotions right in front of them. *OK. I really can't do this. Not yet...* She broke the link with Buffy, grunting along with the Slayer at the abrupt termination of their connection. "It's not working right. I can't find the memory," she babbled unconvincingly. "Um, m-maybe it would help if I knew what I was looking for?" Sweat soaked her shirt. She had to know if Buffy planned to use their kiss for the spell. No way did she want the Scoobies to see Buffy's reaction to the very brief kiss.
"Damn it, Willow. What's wrong now?" Buffy stared up at Willow impatiently. Something had happened between them. She understood that, but she didn't remember. Shouldn't this spell help with that? Willow had been the one to suggest the spell. Why was she freaking now?
Tears threatened, and Willow fought them back. Voice tight with strain, she whispered in Buffy's ear, "Can we talk first? Please, Buffy. I can't...I can't do the spell until we talk." She fled through the kitchen to the porch outside.
Six pairs of eyes followed her progress.
"Sorry, guys. It seems there's a momentary delay." Buffy climbed wearily off the couch and trudged toward the kitchen.
The Scoobies' confused silence lasted only seconds, and then they all wanted to know what was wrong.
"Honey, is Willow alright?" Joyce started to get to her feet.
Buffy paused. "I don't know, Mom." She tried to smile. "Maybe she just wants to make sure I'm not going to embarrass all of you with my choice in memory."
"You mean like Parker and the beer thing?" Xander asked, then shrunk back on the couch when Buffy leveled a glare at him. "Or something else. I'm sure she wasn't thinking of that."
Sensing even more questions were soon to follow, Buffy held up a hand to forestall them. "Look, Will and I need to talk. No talk, no spell." She shrugged. "That's all I know right now." She went after Willow, who was leaning against the railing on the small porch, head bowed. "Will? You gonna maybe explain what's going on now?" She gently stroked her friend's arm.
She wasn't prepared for the violent way Willow jerked away. "Don't!" Willow sounded almost hysterical. "Don't touch me. Goddess, just don't."
Pain slammed Buffy, and she struggled to breathe. "Will?" She bit her lip, tasting blood. "What did I do to you? I didn't..." It all came together now. The kiss, Willow's pulling away at her touch... "Will, did I hurt you? F-force you?" Nausea rolled through her, and she fought to keep from being sick.
"No, Buffy." The words were quiet, and tears streaked Willow's face.
Buffy took a staggering step backward, hand on the rail to keep from falling. "Wow. Not so big with the disagreement, Will." She sucked in a deep breath, wincing as it hurt her throat.
"Buffy-" Willow reached out a shaking hand, eyes dark with pain.
It was too much. Adrenaline surged, and Buffy responded by hurdling the railing. Landing lightly, she pivoted, sprinting through the tiny yard. Blinded by tears, she stumbled into the narrow alley behind the property, and fled Willow's voice calling her name.
***
Willow tried to catch Buffy, but lost sight of her almost immediately. Sobbing, arm clamped against the stitch in her side, she jogged back to the safe house. Pulling the door open, she hurried inside.
"Good Lord!" Giles was the first to notice her, and he blanched at her condition. "Are you alright?"
Willow shook her head rapidly. "Buffy..." she struggled to get the words out, choking on sobs and exertion.
"B did this?" Faith's voice was incredulous. She jumped off the couch and ran for the back door.
"No.Wait!" Willow managed, and Faith slid to a stop. "We...She wanted to know what happened when she was still drugged."
Faith nodded slowly, frowning. "Where is she?"
"I don't know," Willow almost whispered. Tears poured from her eyes. "She didn't give me a chance to explain." She met Faith's eyes. "She thought she'd hurt me, and she ran."
"That can't be good." Xander stood and started pacing. "Upset Slayers mean big fights and many injuries."
"Then we get our asses out there and keep that from happening." Faith's voice was determined. "G-man, Blondie, stay here and man the phone and keep digging for ways to beat Adam. The rest of us will split up and hit B's favorite haunts."
Joyce interrupted the exodus. "We need to go in pairs, guys. If Adam is still looking for us, we stand a slightly better chance if we aren't alone. Xander, why don't you come with me? We'll check the house and the university first. Willow, you and Faith can try the nightclubs and cemeteries." She grabbed her coat from the back of her chair. "Check in every hour or so.
***
Buffy slowed to a walk when she hit downtown. It was late, and the streets were empty. Rubbing at the tears drying on her cheeks, Buffy wrapped her arms around her stomach. *I didn't hurt Will. No way.* Internal certainty warred with the look on Willow's face and the way she'd pleaded not to be touched. Buffy's head dropped to her chest. Tears threatened again. She clenched her fists. No more crying. It wasn't helping. She had to find a way to get her emotions back on an even keel. Patrol usually helped her think. Maybe it was time to work out some of her confusion using vamp therapy.
Jaywalking across Main Street, Buffy ducked into an alley. The darkness between the buildings suited her mood, and the military garb she still wore let her disappear completely from view. Stomping in and out of puddles, she made her way quickly out of town and into Shady Acres. Not as large as many of the cemeteries in Sunnydale, it still managed a good number of vamps. Wandering through the tombstones and crypts, Buffy stayed alert. Nothing. Damn. "Hello? Anyone out there?" Buffy called out. This was just wrong. She needed something to beat on. "Come on, guys. I'm here — alone — in the middle of the night in the cemetery. Don't you need a snack or something?"
No vamps, demons, or small furry animals emerged from the oppressive darkness. Buffy persevered, however. Arms swinging at her sides, she completed two full circuits of the grounds with the same results. "Never a fucking vamp around when you need one." She considered her options. More fruitless searching in the cemeteries didn't appeal. Walking meant thinking about the feel of Will's lips on hers and the pain in her eyes on the porch. Not thinking sounded a whole lot better. *Hmmm, maybe there's a way to get a little fun and a little forgetting, too.* Sprinting out of Shady Acres, she headed for Willie's.
Pushing into the bar, Buffy paused to let her eyes adjust to the change in lighting. The place rang with emptiness. Even the space behind the large wood-topped bar was vacant. *I guess the fun fighting is out.* "Willie?" she called, moving forward.
A greasy head popped out of a storeroom to the left of the counter. "Hey, Slayer. What are you doing here?" Willie waved at the empty room. "As you can see, no one's here. No need to break anything or make any threats." He ducked back into the room, voice floating through the door, "Between you and that military group, I'm thinking of shutting down. Maybe heading to a new location."
"Well, hold off on the move for one more night." Buffy dropped heavily onto one of the stools at the bar.
"Oh, yeah?" Willie came out and grabbed a towel, wiping at the bar. "You looking for some information or something? I'm good for the latest demon gossip." He slid a bowl of peanuts to Buffy.
She wasn't on an information hunt. She wanted a nice, normal fight. Still, maybe Willie could help. "Got anything on a new demon? Calls himself Adam." Buffy tossed a handful of nuts in her mouth, a flicker of hope pushing at the knot in her stomach. However, Willie shook his head. "Too bad." The knot grew bigger. Hands twitching restlessly on the scarred wooden bar, Buffy chose the only option left. "How about a beer, then?"
Beady eyes widening, Willie looked at the Slayer slumped over the bar. "You wanna drink here?" Tilting his head to the side, he pressed for answers. Someone would be interested in word of the Slayer slumming in his establishment. When cold hazel eyes met his, though, Willie opted for personal safety. Wide smile pasted on his narrow face, he said, "Sure. I can help you there." He reached under the bar and slid open a refrigerated compartment. "Anything in particular you like?"
Dropping her eyes, Buffy shrugged. "I'm not picky. Whatever you have a lot of." She stared at her hands until a brown bottle appeared in front of her. "Nice. Thanks, Willie."
"Sure. Got a deal on it from some Rrothnag demon last week. Plenty more where that came from it you're thirsty tonight." Willie went back to wiping down the bar, sneaking glances at Buffy as she raised the bottle to her lips.
The dark liquid was bitter, but not bad. Sliding off the stool, Buffy glanced around the bar. "I'm not looking for conversation, especially not with you, Willie." She pointed at a booth in the back. "Bring the rest of your stash of this back there and then leave me the fuck alone."
Leaving Willie to stare at her, Buffy strode through the tables to the back and sat down in her appointed booth, booted feet on the bench and back pressed to the wall. Tipping the bottle again, she quickly finished her first drink of the night.