Simple Choices
by rebelrsr
Chapter 21
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers: General spoilers for S5, starting with "The I in Team." Eh, who am I kidding? This is really AU now.
A/N: Thanks to Ivy for pre-reading and Zigpal for the beta. There would be no writing without you guys.
Buffy woke slowly, a definite change to the norm. Keeping her eyes closed, she extended her senses. There wasn't anything threatening nearby, just warmth and a new feeling of contentment. Sighing, she settled in, enjoying the sensations. Buffy enjoyed the non-thinking, just feeling time. It didn't last long. After only a few minutes of peace, flashes of memories and emotions from the last week invaded her mind. She stiffened, trying a meditation technique to push them back. She didn't want to have to deal with all of the recent events.
"I know you're awake, Buffy." Buffy frowned at Willow's forceful statement.
"Want more sleep, Will. Go away," she mumbled. Buffy kept her eyes resolutely closed.
Willow wasn't cooperating. The warmth wrapped around Buffy shifted. "You don't want to sleep, Buffy. You want to hide. It's kinda a habit with you." There was a hint of a snap in the usually chirpy voice.
"Fine. Be that way." Prying her eyes open, Buffy glanced into Willow's green ones. "I'm not avoiding, not really. I was just...waiting for the right moment." She tried a grin, hoping to charm Willow out of her mood.
"And precisely when did you think this perfect moment might happen?" Willow inquired gently. Buffy didn't trust that gentleness. She could feel how tense Willow's muscles were where they pressed against her. "After this morning's Scooby meeting? After Adam?" The smooth voice started to rise. "Wait. I bet I know...when we close the Hellmouth and you retire." Willow's voice was probably audible down the block.
Blushing at the accuracy of the words, Buffy shrugged. "About then, yeah." She took a quick breath and rushed on, not wanting Willow to get any angrier. "Guess that's not what we agreed to last night, huh?"
"Nope. Last night you were all with the need to share." Willow crossed her arms over Buffy's chest and propped her chin on her forearms. "Why the change? You aren't about to go Super Slayer again, are you?"
A quick internal check made Buffy's "No," sound convincing. "All systems are normal." She cleared her throat, feeling awkward and shy. "I was afraid you might feel differently this morning. Less hyper and in the moment, you know?" Buffy held her breath, praying she had been wrong.
"Buffy." Willow's tone was so serious, Buffy had to look up. Tears misted her eyes, and she braced for the worst. "Buffy, I didn't change my mind in the middle of the night. I thought we'd cleared things up when we came to bed."
"I...I thought so, too, just, this morning..." Buffy bit back a sob of relief, and felt the Slayer growl in disgust at her weakness.
Willow moved again. This time, she flopped onto the bed and pulled Buffy close. "Wow. I thought I had confidence issues." Buffy's eyes widened. "Yeah, I recognize the problem. Remember me? Vowel-sound Willow? The girl who crushed on Xander 'cause he was the only guy who would talk to her?"
"I liked that girl," Buffy protested, snuggling into Willow and hiding her face in the redhead's shoulder. She struggled with the knowledge that Willow understood her fears. She was the Slayer. Buffy believed, deep inside, she wasn't supposed to be afraid.
"Thanks. I'm glad," Willow said dryly. "That wasn't my point." She stroked her fingers through Buffy's hair, and Buffy's eyes drifted closed. Damn, that felt unbelievably good. Willow continued, "My point was — I understand being afraid of relationships, Buffy. I'm not exactly as suave as I might look."
Buffy couldn't resist checking that out. She moved her head back slightly, peering up with one eye. "Wow. Suave Willow. I really like her." She expected laughter or a joke. Willow glared instead. "Oops. Let me guess. That wasn't the point, either."
"Goddess, Buffy, are you still on drugs?" Willow was clearly frustrated. Buffy watched her freckles stand out against a dark blush. "It's like you're three completely different people lately. Normal, 'I've known her for years' Buffy, Psycho Slayer's Twin Sister Buffy, and Avoidance Buffy."
Buffy hid her face again, the words echoing through her mind. "You're right," she replied softly. "I have been different lately." She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Her thoughts zoomed in all directions. It was so hard to focus. "I don't think it's the drugs anymore, though, Will. I can't feel anything like the anger. Now that I'm back to normal, I can probably tell you when they started feeding them to me."
Needing more physical contact, she laid her right arm across Willow's waist. "All these different Buffys, though, they've always been there. I've just been hiding them. Maybe the drug did something more than make me mad."
Willow's hand drifted over Buffy's neck and shoulder. Fighting a shudder, Buffy felt her heart rate speed up. "It's possible," Willow said. The words were barely audible over the pounding in her chest. "We'd have to do some more research, though. It could be how Adam's planning on separating the Slayer from the human." A slender finger brushed over Buffy's ear.
"Will!" Buffy gasped. "Stop. You gotta stop." The Slayer was roaring, and Buffy felt her control slipping. Fear sent additional adrenaline surging through her. No way was the Slayer getting its hands on Willow. Buffy roared back, pushing the primal need away.
Willow had frozen at the breathless command, hand still cupping Buffy's neck. "Is something wrong?"
If she'd had the ability, Buffy would have laughed. "Wrong? Oh, no, not unless you consider the fact that I'm about to burst into flames from just your touch and the Slayer is going crazy trying to get out and do unspeakable things to your body." It came out a little harsher than she'd intended, and Buffy hung her head. She couldn't seem to find a happy medium for her emotions.
***
Willow blinked at Buffy's tirade. "You...the Slayer...Oh, Goddess." She actually felt herself turn red. "Wow." A grin broke out. "Really?" The Slayer wanted her that much?
"You're supposed to scream and run for the door." Buffy sounded a little upset that she wasn't.
"Oh, sorry." Except, she wasn't at all sorry. The giddiness bubbled over. Willow threw her arms around Buffy and squeezed.
Buffy grunted slightly. "You're still not running."
"I'm not going to. Duh!" Willow glared at Buffy — or tried. The grin wouldn't go away. "Face it, Buffy, you're the one who's scared, not me. If we're planning on doing the girlfriend thing, you're supposed to get all...um, hot when I touch you. If you didn't, then I'd worry."
"And the Slayer?" Buffy pushed.
Willow hesitated. She remembered the wild, almost animalistic look in Buffy's eyes at Willie's. Then she looked into Buffy's eyes, here, in the bedroom of the safe house, and saw only love and fear. Pushing her own mixed thoughts on the Slayer out of the way, she nodded resolutely. "The Slayer is part of you, Buffy. I can't have one without the other, unless Adam wins. I'd say that's a bad option all the way around."
She felt Buffy relax slightly. Rubbing her hands over Buffy's shoulders, Willow waited. Buffy had to work things out in her own head before they could move on. "I don't ever want to hurt you, Will."
Blinking against tears, Willow realized Buffy was terrified of her own Calling. "Wanting something doesn't always make it happen, Buffy. No matter what, I know you won't willingly hurt me. It might happen, though."
"No! I won't let it." Buffy pulled away, rolling off the bed.
"How?" Willow asked, voice rising. She had to win this argument. Losing meant losing Buffy. Hands clenched in the sheets, Willow ignored the sick feeling roiling in her stomach. "Do you want me to shackle you in Oz's old chains when we make love? Or are you saying we won't ever get that far? I'm not letting you run, Buffy. Not now. I may not be a great witch, but I have enough power to keep you in this room, Slayer or not."
Throwing the covers off, Willow slipped out of bed and stalked toward Buffy. The Slayer actually flinched back a step. "Will, let's think about this," Buffy pleaded.
"Nope. I'm all done thinking." Willow stopped well inside Buffy's personal space. "This is it, Buffy. No more talking, or thinking, or analyzing. It's time to feel and be." From somewhere deep inside, confidence blossomed. Willow gripped Buffy's waist, pulling the blonde against her. "I love you, Buffy."
Willow knew she would never forget the brilliant smile she got in response to her declaration . "I love you, too, Will."
Her own smile brightened before transforming into a smirk. "Then what are we doing out of bed, huh?" Bending her head, Willow brushed her lips over Buffy's. "If we wait too long, you know someone's knocking on that door."
"That would be..." Buffy kissed her back, "terrible."
"Yeah." Stepping away, Willow walked backward until her knees bumped the mattress. "I think we need to make sure terrible never happens." Hands shaking slightly, Willow unbuttoned her blouse. "Wanna give me a hand?" she asked in a hoarse voice.
Buffy didn't seem all that capable of helping. Her wide hazel eyes locked onto the pale skin Willow had just revealed before skittering away.
Willow removed the shirt entirely. "Buffy?" She bit back a grin when Buffy jerked and snapped her head around.
"Yeah, Will?" Buffy's voice sounded far higher than normal.
"You aren't helping." Willow waved her blouse. "I'm having to do all the work myself." She hoped her teasing sounded less cheesy to Buffy than it did in her head.
It must have because Buffy suddenly surged forward. "We can't have that. You should just lie back and let me take care of the rest."
Goosebumps erupted all over her body. Willow sucked in several fast, shallow breaths, suddenly dizzy and hot. She dropped onto the bed. "I want to play, too, Buffy. You don't get to have all the fun." Willow had no intention of letting Buffy control things.
Buffy grinned. "OK. I can go with that plan. First though —" She undid Willow's jeans, yanking them off when Willow lifted her hips.
"Hmmm, that does make things easier." Arching an eyebrow, Willow shivered. Buffy raked her body with eyes darkened almost to copper, and their touch was nearly physical. "I'm a little confused, though." Sliding back on the bed, Willow got comfortable amidst the pillows. "I'm nearly naked. Good for you. You are fully dressed. Not at all good for me."
She gasped when Buffy ripped off her own shirt and tossed it to the floor. "You seemed to be in charge, Will. I was just waiting for you to tell me what you wanted."
"Oh." Willow coughed. Her voice was lodged somewhere deep in her throat. "Wish I'd known that earlier. I could have been watching my own private strip show a lot earlier."
If she'd hoped to shock Buffy, she miscalculated badly. "Gee, Will, I didn't know you had so much kink in you." Clad in bra and camouflage pants, Buffy straightened to her full height and faced the bed, hands on hips. "This would go better with music." Callused hands ghosted over her own skin, teasing at the waistband of her pants.
Eyes wide, Willow expected to hyperventilate soon. She couldn't seem to get enough oxygen. Buffy was plain evil. Well, sexy, too. Evil and sexy. "Next time, we can have music," she said faintly.
"You alright, Will? You sound a little funny." Willow narrowed her eyes at Buffy's smirk. Narrowed became heavy lidded when Buffy finally unfastened her BDUs and ever so slowly pushed them over her hips and down her legs.
"Goddess, if you think I sound funny," Willow mumbled, "you'd completely wig over what I'm feeling." Buffy in lingerie. Willow's dazed mind couldn't get past the image of lace and tanned skin.
Buffy wasn't done tormenting, though. "So, you aren't feeling OK?" She reached behind her, breasts jutting forward. "I should stop undressing then. I'll just put everything back on and go get Giles. I'm sure he'll know what to do."
"Buffy!" It was a growl. Willow didn't even bother to figure out exactly how she'd made that noise. "Don't you dare stop now." She could feel her muscles tensing. The cotton of her underwear clung to her damp sex. "Finish it."
"What did they say in that movie you made me and Xan watch?" Buffy reached back again, and her bra sagged forward. Willow breathed in shallow pants, eyes dilated. "As you wish..." Her arms dropped, the skimpy bra slipping down and off. "You ready for the final unveiling?"
No longer trusting her voice, Willow nodded frantically. She'd passed ready a long time ago.