One Last Shot
by Whedonist
Chapter 3
[reviews]
Disclaimer: Not mine, Joss's and the other muckety mucks. To sue is no bueno.
A/N: Nope, none at this time. I am noteless.
Chapter 3
Gee...can silences get any more uncomfortable. I think not. Not now. This was a bad idea. I should have just turned around and gone home. She looks amazing though. The two years off the hellmouth have been good for her. Maybe it was the travel. I wonder if she would freak if I grabbed her hand. We always touched digits. Would she think it's weird? Oh well here it goes.
Soft, criminey her hands are soft. Mine never are. It used to be from holding stakes and weapons, now the calluses are from the gun range. Personally, I don't like guns for more than obvious reasons, but I have to carry one. I've never used it. James is surprised by this, but he doesn't know much about my past. I intend to keep it that way. Willow hand. Hand of Willow. She likes it. She squeezed my hand back. Turn, smile, look away. God I'm a doofus. We've known each other for nearly 10 years; it shouldn't be like this. If you only knew Willow. I'm sorry.
Oh, Buffy hand. It's still callused, but boy is it nice and it gave me tingles. I know mine are a stark contrast to hers, but it's not my fault even when we would help and widdle stakes, my hands were always soft. It's a thing. Oh she's smiling. Smile back. Woot!. Doing internal happy dance. It's going to be okay. I can do this. I can turn our relationship around. It's time. It's been too long and I hope she understands. I hope that she can help me. I've wanted her for awhile, but I've never said anything. I didn't want to ruin us, but there isn't much of an us. It's her and a me.
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Let's see what she does if I rest my head on her shoulder. Ah, much better. Oh hair petting. That's good. Kennedy was right. About the flirting. With girls it's always in code, unless you're Faith. Then it's more like. I want to screw, you want to screw. Cool. Let's go be 5 by 5 together. I still have yet to figure out what that means. What the hell is that? I'll have to asker Xander. I'm still trying to convince myself this will work. So much time and nothing's ever been said. Dawn told me she loved me, but I didn't believe her and then I asked Ken. We still talk. She's a good friend, but she left me because of Buffy. She told me later that was why. Let's hope Dawn and Ken were right. If only I knew; I'm sorry Buff it took this long.
The girls got to Buffy's apartment quickly. Giving Willow a small tour of the apartment she left the redhead in the guest bedroom to unpack. Coming back from the restroom, Buffy knocked on the door.
"Willow?"
"Yeah Buff, come in."
"I was just wondering what you wanted to do tonight or for that matter the rest of the week. I had a gargantuan amount of vacation time so I took the next two weeks off. Is there anything you want to do?"
Willow grinned and shoved her now empty suitcases under the bed.
"Well, let's see there's like a bazillion plays that go on nightly. I bet someone who shall remain nameless and is not me, but may be in this room has not taken one day to go see the sights of the city in which they reside."
"Guilty. But that's why you're here right to force the fun out of me? Speaking of the why. Not that it's not good to see you, but uhm, why the visit?"
"It seemed like the time. I talked to Dawn and Ken last week and they both said that you needed a vacation and what better way to force you to take a vacation than for me to take one myself."
Nodding her head in understanding, Buffy laughed.
"So this was all Dawn's and Ken's idea?"
"Yes and no. I wanted to come see you it's been what over a year since we saw each other and I know it's more my fault 'cuz of being travel girl, but still I should have made time. I didn't. I'm sorry about that Buff."
The girls lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Both unsure of what exactly to say to that.
"Will" "Buff"
"Sorry" "Sorry"
Willow put her hand up to stop the second apology and to quit speaking over the other girl. Buffy stopped talking and let Willow start.
"You talk Buff. Then I'll go."
"It's just I don't know. It's strange for me with you here. I don't know what to say or how to act, but I think it's cool that you're here."
Willow scooted back on the bed and realized that the gap that had grown between her and Buffy was a chasm. It was so big and treacherous that she wasn't even sure where to begin. She needed Buffy she knew that, but how to get Buffy to realize that she needed the witch just as much was something the redhead could not figure out. There was too much history to let go of. There was so much that needed to be said.
Willow looked up at Buffy and caught her gaze. Locking her eyes to the hazel ones of her friend, Willow saw everything in them.
What was it about faith that I had read. Faith is the presence of belief in the absence of proof. I need that right now. I need to have faith in Buffy. Goddess why am I such a doofus. We worked so hard at trying to protect each other and in the end we both shut each other out. The one person I needed the most I pushed away. Someone's gonna have to take the first step. I can't make it be her. Here goes everything...
Scooting up so that she and Buffy were knee to knee sitting on the bed, Willow grabbed Buffy's two hands and held them in her own.
"Buff," Willow whispered. It wasn't meant to be said so lightly, but that's how it came out. "Buffy, I need you to listen to me and you can talk when I'm finished. Okay?"
Willow waited for the agreement from Buffy. When she finally received one, the hacker continued.
"What I said about needing a vacation was true, but I'm gonna be totally honest and let you know that I came here with ulterior motives. I did talk to Dawn last week and she said some things that got me thinking. Then I talked to Ken, and she said some things that made me think more. So here it goes. Back in Sunnydale, we, you and I, tried so hard to be better for each other. I tried to protect you just like you tried to protect me. In doing that, we pushed each other way. Then we got caught up in so many other things and other people that after our freshman year in college our relationship was damaged. Until today, I thought it was irreparable. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I came here to try and fix us, but I need your help and I know this is probably a conversation that we should have had over some type of fermented beverage, but it seemed right to tell you now. I've missed you Buffy. I've missed you so hard and for so long that I got this huge Buffy shaped scab over my heart where you were supposed to be. Dawnie for some reason ripped it off last week. I needed to heal it. I need you Buff. I think you need me to, but you need to let me in. You don't have the world on your shoulder's anymore. Remember? We had the retirement party for you. Faith baked the stake shaped cake that said 'Happy Trails Chosen One.' We had hats and kazoo's and we got you silly string. Your just Buffy Summers, you're the Buffy that befriended the shy, geeky Willow the start of my sophomore year. I know that you have changed and that I have changed, but the way I feel about you hasn't and it won't. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you at least once. So what do you say? You want to help me?"
Willow left it like that the question hanging in the air. Willow pulled Buffy's hands up to her mouth and placed light kisses on each one. Lowering them down to her lap, she looked up and locked eyes with a tear stained slayer. Buffy's hazel eyes were magnified by the tears that had yet to fall. Willow placed her hand on Buffy's cheek and wiped away the one that was snaking its way down the soft cheek of the blonde. The tension hung in the air and the need to act because that's what Willow had resolved her self to when she stepped off the plane moved in and she placed a soft kiss on the lips of the other girl.
I...she...wow. She looks scared. Do something. Anything. Oh Wills. Run...I should run away...oh great googly gaia. What the hell do I do? Well, Summers, it's not like you haven't been kissed before. Get a move on, the redhead's a waitin'.
Buffy pulled back and felt the wetness on her face and her lips burned from the witch's contact. Smiling she leaned in capturing the lips again. Applying more force, she pushed forward and laid on top of Willow using her arms as support. Willow gave into the sensation and ran with it.
I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm kissing Willow. Yes! It's better than fantasized. In fact it's better than any sex I've ever had. Just kissing and I'm almost gonna cum. How does this happen. Does she usually instill these kinds of reactions when she kisses girls or is it just me?
Breaking for need of oxygen, Buffy pulled up and looked into Willows eyes. They were a shade darker than normal and the pupils were dilated to the max. For Buffy, the tears were still raining down. She couldn't seem to keep a lid on them. Willow leaned up and kissed away each one that fell.
Whispering she said, "So Buffy, will I take that as a yes? You need to know I love you Buffy I always have. I'm sorry it took me so long to see. Fogive me?"
Buffy shook her head yes and sniffled trying to keep the snot in her nose and not let it run down her face.
"I'm sorry to Wills. I should have said something years ago. Gods, Will, I....I do I love you. I'm scared Wills, what does this mean? You're not going to leave are you? Stay, please."
Willow pulled Buffy down on top of her enveloping her in a hug. "I'm not going any where Buffy. You want me. You got me. We'll work it out. I promise."
The two laid like that until they fell asleep. Both resting in ways neither one had in a very long time.
****Not sure if I should stop it here. Suggestions help.****