Nothing But You
by Whedonist
Chapter 6
[reviews]
Chapter 6
Midterms had gone well for all of the three college students. They were currently on their way back from LA where Buffy, Xander, Faith, and Dawn had spent the weekend at Willow's house. Having to play host for the weekend had worn the redhead out and she was currently napping in the back seat of Xander's car.
"She gonna be okay, B?"
"I'm pretty sure. She mumbled something about a vacation from the vacation and then cheese. If I could figure out her sleepy rambling I would win an award."
Faith glanced at the blonde. Quirking an eyebrow, she said, "So you listen to her sleep often?"
"No...I...when I spend the night at her dorm she tends to talk a lot is all."
"So you spend the night often?"
"Faith, anything I could possibly say you are going to turn it dirty so just stop ok?"
"Alright don't get you're knicker's in a twist. I'm just worried Buff. I see the way you are around her and if it were anymore obvious that you were in love with her, well look it's just hard. Why don't you just tell her?"
"It's complicated and I can't."
"You ever gonna make a move?"
"I don't know. Faith there's things you don't know. I don't want to hurt her I just want to be there with her. Better to share her life as a friend than not be in it at all."
"Hmm I don't know B. If I were you, and I know I'm not, but it's just that I think you're setting yourself up for some serious pain. Just tell her and see how it goes. Look..."
"Faith..."
"No Faith's B. Please just here me out. If she's the friend you think she is, then she'll say sorry but I don't feel the same. Can we still be friends? And you'll say sure thing red. It's not fair to have that hanging between you guys."
"Fine I'll think about it."
"That's all I ask."
Buffy hunkered down in her seat to think about what Faith had said. Yes she was in love with Willow. Sighing she closed her eyes and gave in to the inevitable nature of the brunette.
"How are you and Kate?"
Faith looked over at Buffy and nodded. "Good. She's talking about going away for a week or so and wants me to go with her. I haven't decided, but it might not be a sucky plan."
"Well hey that sounds nice. Ya know since we are being all emotional right now, I just wanted to say for what's it worth that I'm sorry."
"For what B?"
"Just for well making you put up with me and then giving us another shot and not being too upset when I couldn't..."
Taking hold of the blonde's hand, Faith kissed the soft flesh of her ex-girlfriend.
"Hey, it's not your fault. If anyone's to blame that'd be me. We are so five by five."
Nodding, Buffy leaned in to Willow and settled down for the rest of the ride
Willow listened to the conversation between the two. Not wanting to interrupt in such a serious discussion, she continued to fake sleeping.
~Buffy's in love with me? When did this happen? How could I not notice? Jeepers.~
Why Buffy never told her of her feelings was something Willow could not figure out. She wasn't repulsed by the idea and Buffy knew she was straight. She would have just said I don't think of you that way and then they would have continued their friendship. It would have been that simple.
~Should I have listened to Tara and Fred more? They were right. Oh boy.~
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"Buff, what's the plan for the weekend?"
Buffy looked up at Willow and smiled tightly. She didn't want to disappoint the redhead, but she had promised Faith to help her get ready for her vacation with Kate and Saturday her mom needed her at the gallery.
"Ah, well Friday I have to help Faith get ready to leave and Saturday my mom needs me at the gallery"
"Oh," Willow said a bit disappointed. "Ok, it's cool. Don't worry about it."
Truthfully, the more Willow had thought about Buffy the more confused she became. Since coming back from LA and hearing the confession to Faith, Willow had begun to look at the blonde in a different way. Not all of it was bad, but most of it was confusing. Willow loved Buffy. She just didn't know if what she was feeling was romantic love.
She had talked to Tara about it and during the conversation she was sure she heard a smile on her oldest friend's face. Willow tried analyzing her feelings like she did when she was with Ed, but found that it just didn't compare. She needed to sort through her emotions, but she had no idea about how to go through and do it.
Sighing she shut the physics book and rolled on to her back. The two were currently in her room studying. Buffy was at her desk and Willow was on the bed. She wanted to talk to Buffy, but didn't think it would have been fair so she just kept her mouth shut.
"Hey are we set up for the Halloween shindig?"
"Yep we are gonna do the Bronze and I think everyone has their costume. I still can't believe we got everyone to agree."
"I know. Cordy was the hardest, but she broke down. Remind me to thank Angel."
"I already did."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I got him a new pair of handcuffs."
Willow gapped at the blonde. "What?"
"He was complaining last week that Cordy broke them. So I bought him a new pair in thanks."
"Oh boy, that was way too much info."
Laughing Buffy shut her book.
"I know sorry. I'm gonna go. I need to get ready for tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow."
"K. Have fun Buff."
As Buffy left, Willow flailed on the bed frustrated.
~What the hell is going on? I mean I'm not gay. I've never had the warm fuzzies for a girl before, but it's so different with Buffy. All I want to do is be around her as much as possible. Fuck.~
Sighing yet again, Willow sat up and put her books away. Deciding that a walk was in order she grabbed her jacket and walked out the door.
She passed the grotto, the lecture hall on the south side and ended up heading towards town. The night was cool, but nice. The moon was high in the sky and gave the perfect amount of light. Not realizing where she was headed, Willow found herself in front of the Espresso Pump. They were still open and Willow gave a sigh of thanks. She ordered a mocha and took a seat at the corner table.
"Hey Willow."
Looking up at an apologetic Angel, Willow smiled. "Hey there. Why are you out so late?"
"Don't sleep much. Besides I closed down the club tonight. What about you? Isn't it kinda late for you?"
"Yeah couldn't sleep. Too much going on up here."
"Eh, I get that. So how's school?"
"Good, midterms went well and the classes aren't nearly as hard as I thought they'd be."
"That's good. So, ah, well I'll be honest, I'm horrible at small talk."
Laughing, Willow smiled. "It's ok. We could sit and have a comfortable silence or I could ask you about your work. How goes it?"
"A little slow, but I think that might be a good thing."
"I can understand that."
They sat quietly for awhile. Both enjoying their drink. Willow continued to fidget in her seat as thoughts of Buffy ran through her mind.
"Ah, Angel?"
"Yeah Willow?"
"Uhm, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Well it's kinda personal for me not for you and uh, well it kinda involves Buffy."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with the way you two look at each other would it?"
"Sorta. I...well...on our way back from LA last weekend, I overheard Buffy talking about me to Faith and Buffy said some stuff about her feelings towards me and that got me thinking, but I'm not sure what I'm feeling or what I'm supposed to do"
Angel sat back in the chair and assessed Willow's question(s). He knew what she was trying to say with out really saying much of anything in her rambling. Deciding on an answer, he leaned forward.
"Willow, I can understand that you're probably confused with the feelings Buffy evokes in you, and I don't know what you are confused about. What I do know is that Buffy is in love with you. As for your situation, if you think you can love Buffy like she deserves and be there for her a 110% then I say you should try. She's worth the risk, but if you're afraid or you don't know then don't interfere. Let her be happy in any way she can."
"I...well it's just that with Buffy I feel safe, loved, I guess I feel at home. I know that in the short while that we've known each other I want her in my life indefinitely. I don't want anyone to get hurt though."
"All's fair in love and war. At least that's what I've heard. Willow someone is going to get hurt it's the nature of the heart. Are you in love with Buffy?"
"I..." Willow thought back on the few month's she's been in Sunnydale. She thought about her first time meeting the blonde and Xander and how welcome they made her feel. She thought about how she would look at her in the morning when she was asleep and relaxed. How when Buffy spent the night, Willow always woke up with a smile on her face.
"Or Willow, maybe you should ask yourself if you're reluctant to admit your feelings because Buffy's a she and not a he?"
Willow looked at Angel like he had two heads. For that didn't seem to be an issue, but the more she sat and thought the more that idea seemed bug her.
"Willow, I'm sorry I have to go, but think about it. Buffy's worth the risk. If she had any interest in men whatsoever I would have been the first in line to offer everything I could. She's not so I'm out of luck, but I know she loves you. Hopefully you can see what it is she's worth and if your willing to give that to her. Goodnight."
"Thanks Angel." Willow looked up but he was already gone.
She sat and thought. She thought about all the time she spent with Buffy. Did she not admit her feelings to herself because Buffy's a girl?
~Tara, I've never wanted to kiss Tara, I've never wanted her to hold me the way Buffy does.~
She sat there as the sun rose and she sat through her morning class. She agreed with Angel that Buffy was worth it. The risk, but she didn't know if she could make that kind of commitment. Sighing she looked at her watch. Psych was starting soon and she needed to go to her dorm room and pick up her stuff. She got up and left for Stevenson.
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"And that ladies and gentleman is what the study of abnormal psychology is all about. A lot of guessing and no real causation. Are there any questions?"
Willow sat in class not paying attention to the lecture and continued to think about Buffy. She was sitting to her right and Willow continued to sneak glances when she wasn't looking.
~Do I love Buffy? Yes. Am I in love with Buffy? Hmmm...well now...what about kissing Buffy, can you think of kissing Buffy?~
Willow's mind pictured the scene. Moving in close and brushing her lips against the blonde's. A flush spread over her body and she let the fantasy continue. Deepening the kiss and mentally running her hands down a body she had come to know.
~Well I don't know about love, not yet anyhow, but man, that was wow and can I add if the reality is anything like the fantasy, who wouldn't want to have smoochies with her?~
"Wills, earth to Willow."
"Uh, what?" Willow swiped at her mouth making sure there wasn't any drool.
"You feeling okay? You're all flushed."
"Yeah, I'm good, better than good, great even. Thanks."
Looking sideways at her friend, Buffy closed her notebook.
"Whatever you say Wills. You ready?"
"Yeah let's go."
The girls collected their things and left the lecture hall. Walking back through Stevenson, Buffy glanced at Willow. Buffy noticed the redhead seemed to be lost in thought today. Worried Buffy stopped.
"Willow, something's up. I'm not gonna pry, but if you want to talk I'm here."
"Everything's fine."
Eyeing the taller girl, Buffy shook her head. "You are a terrible liar. Come on."
Buffy grabbed her hand and marched towards the redhead's dorm room. Pushing the door open, she led Willow inside and set her bags down.
"Ok, share time Will. What's going on? Is everything ok?"
Willow rolled her eyes as she tried to find a way out of the conversation Buffy was hell bent on having.
"I've...I've been thinking is all. Ya know how I get sometimes. Nothing major."
"And you can't look me in the eye's why? Willow you should know by now that there's nothing you can't tell me."
Deciding to dance around the subject to try and get Buffy to go away, she settled on a half truth, "Really, it's nothing. I overheard someone talking about me and their feelings toward me. It got me thinking. I think maybe I can try something with them, but I'm not sure. There are factors to consider. I'm just trying to work it out is all."
Buffy's face fell. That type of confession was not what she was expecting. Despite all of her posturing about not holding on to some type of hope that Willow could ever see her as more than just a friend, Buffy held on to. In fact she had a death grip on that fantasy. In all honesty that's what kept her going most days. The thought that Willow may one day want her like she wanted the redhead, but here Willow was telling Buffy she might be interested in someone and it wasn't her.
Fighting back the tears, Buffy raked her fingers through her hair. "Oh, well hey that's good Willow. Right Willow? I mean it's been long enough Willow and if you think this guy can make you happy then go for it."
The blonde stood up and turned her back to Willow. She couldn't put on the face she tried to. Her chest hurt and the tears began to fall.
Willow sat and watched Buffy's reaction to her half admission.
~Why does she look so sad? He? Did I mention a gender specific pronoun?~
Walking behind Buffy, Willow turned her around. She looked at the tears rolling down Buffy's face. Wiping them away, she tried to figure out why Buffy was reacting so strongly to what she said.
"Buff, why are you crying?"
"I'm fine. No big see." Buffy said wiping the tears from her face.
"Now you're lying. Ok Summers, what's up with you?"
The blonde bit her tongue. There was no way she was going to tell Willow. She didn't think her emotional turmoil was worth their friendship. Buffy knew she needed Willow and wasn't even going to entertain the thought of risking their friendship.
"I'm good, but hey, I need to go call Faith firm up our plans for today. So look about this guy. If you think you can be happy then go for it Willow. You deserve it." Stepping in and giving Willow a hug, Buffy stepped back and turned towards the door.
"See you later Wills." Buffy didn't wait for a response; she just bolted out the door.
Willow stood there dumbstruck.
~Ok what just happened?~