I collapse
by Lost
[reviews]
A/N: Narration is plain, lyrics are in quotes, and written word is in italics.
It's never been an easy task for her. She watched every day, her best friend as she was in love with someone else. Someone not her. Its a small wonder that the friendship dwindled.
"I'm taken I am yours I'm I've been doing circles
(If you go you go)
I'm taken I am yours I'm I've been doing circles
(If you show you show)
I'm taken I am yours I'm I've been doing circles
(If you go you go)
I'm taken I am yours I'm Ive been doing circles
(If you show you show)"
As she stared at the paper in front of her she thought listened to the song that played softly in the background. It had been three years since she had met the redhead. In those three years she'd done everything she could to get the redhead off of her mind. And now they were to move in together. She knew that she had to tell her best friend of her feelings, but there seemed to be no appropiate way to do so. She'd dated of course, and only guys at that. Ones that she knew never had a chance to steal her heart out from under her.
"I collapse
I might stay out longer then I left the light on for you
If you show you show
If you show you show"
She let the voices from the sisters wash over her. It was her secret and had been for a long time.... the thought that now she might share it with her, well, the only thing that did was make her stomach feel like there were vampires fighting inside of it. She stared at the pen, unsure of how to start the letter to her friend.
Dear Willow,
It seemed too impersonal. She tore out the page and started once more.
Willow,
"When I feel like this
When I get so in-to myself and lose track of where I'm going
And lose track of how to get going again
Feel myself slowing down,
Feel myself turning round
Is this taken"
Now what? It had been enough to convince herself that she would actually write this... And now the time had come to actually do it. Could she? She started out the best way she could think of.
I have something that I have to tell you, and please, even if... even if this isnt how you feel, can we please still be friends?
"When I feel like this when I get so sick of myself
Where are you going then?
Without me and not knowing then
That we're slowing down
If I turn right around
And tell me that I'm taken then
Tell me if I'm yours "
I haven't been completely honest with you, and for that I'm sorry. Please know that me pushing you away, it wasn't because I couldn't stand you or anything even remotely close to that. You see...
"You collapse
The pressure of this life is so
You cant be held accountable
If you go you go
If you go you go"
I was just trying to get you off of my mind. Youre all that I can think about. And if I can admit it to myself, I should be able to admit it to you.
You see, I think that I'm in love with you. No, I don't think it. I know it.
"When you act like this when you get so sick of yourself
The whole world falls away
And since I feel like I have only missed the feeling that I'm here again
The feeling that I'm clear again
I'm not taken"
She paused and looked down at the words she had just written. This was a big step, and it might be in the wrong direction. Was it worth it? Their friendship was almost over as it was, she had been avoiding the redhead for the last few months it seemed. Each time she saw her kiss him, she wanted to break down and cry or vomit. Possibly both at the same time.
"When you act like this
When you get so in-to yourself
I lose sight of common goals
I'm letting go so I can be all alone
Feel myself going slow
Feel myself letting go
Not taken
Not feeling like I'm yours"
She took a deep breath doing her best to steady her stomach and heart at the image of the redhead kissing him as it popped up into her mind when she thought about the last few months. She shut her eyes tightly against tears and kept writing.
And so, here I am, trying to figure out how to get you off my mind. It seems to be something that I'll never manage... and I know that you don't feel the same way that I do... It's just, I had to give you an explanation,
"(I'm taken I am yours I'm Ive been doing circles
If you show you show
I'm taken I am yours I'm Ive been doing circles
If you go you go)"
She listened to the song as it played a bit more, letting the words wash over and calm her fluttering heart.
"I collapse
This life looks like a sentence though
A constant game of falling short
If you know you know
If you know you know"
She continued writing after a moment,
a reason as to why it is that I haven't been around you lately. And as to why every time you talk about him I act like I don't care. Each time I hear you say his name that way, I wish it was mine;
"When I feel like this
When I'm just so sick
Of feeling less than perfect
Is it right for me?
I never fight to see if coming clean would get to me
I feel myself holding back
I feel the pressure its finally back
Im taken
When you feel like this
When you saw it all come crashing down
Subtle but not underground
I was there I saw the signs
I saw 'em there
And so I write you through other means
I let myself finally feel
Taken
Like I was yours"
And so. There it is. The reasoning behind my kind of recent avoidance of you. Im so sorry.
With all my love, Buffy.
She ripped the page out, and set it into the envelope, sealing it shut quickly. And walked quickly to her best friends house. She rang the door bell and calmly set the envelope down on the doormat. Then walked straight back home.
"(I'm taken I am yours I'm I've been doing circles
I feel taken
I'm taken I am yours I'm I've been doing circles
I feel
If you go you go
Im taken I am yours I'm Ive been doing circles
I feel taken)"
She went up to her room and collapsed onto the bed, shutting her eyes against the images floating through her head. And hoping that it would be enough.
"I collapse
I collapse
I collapse"