Ten Thousand Days - 4 - Wings
by Valyssia
Illuminated
[reviews]
Description: Tensions between Willow and Buffy rise while nastiness brews around them.
Warning: Later chapters in this story may shock more sensitive audience members. I'm not a fan of torture, simply for torture's sake, so trust me when I say it all has reason and purpose. However, that does not discount the fact that some of the events are pretty brutal.
Disclaimer: Buffy, Willow and all things Slayer belong to Joss Whedon and the good folks at Mutant Enemy.
Fankies: Howard Russell for working with me as primary beta. Poor guy patiently corrected all of those frightening bits of grammar and punctuation. Ahn for playing secondary beta, reading the material for flow and content. And finally, Whedonist for being a friend and patient test reader.
Lyrics: Omitted out of deep respect for their author.
Feedback: Yes...please... It gives me a happy.
"We'll be in port tomorrow. Back to the real world. You were totally right about the vacation. Even if the accommodations were a bit— Would primitive cover it?" Willow offered in a hushed voice.
Buffy tilted her head up to meet her partner's gaze. "Primitive? I suppose. Think I'd say cozy."
A wry grin affected the witch's features as she remarked, "You would, but then you don't get seasick." Her hand traced a line down the slayer's spine and snaked around her waist, gently coaxing her to move up.
Buffy silently followed her lover's prompts. Sliding on top of her witch, she captured her in a lingering tender kiss. "More?" she whispered into the redhead's mouth as she briefly broke the kiss.
Momentarily interrupting the kiss, Willow intoned, "Uh-huh... But first..." she guided her lover to lay down on top of her and started to soothingly massage her shoulders, working her way slowly down her back as she spoke in a delicate voice, "Are we going to tell the others?"
Buffy sighed softly as she rested her head next to her lover's on the pillow. "I'll give you till next week to stop that," she groaned. Placing a tender kiss on her partner's cheek, she mumbled, "Don't see where we have a choice. I mean—name change—they're gonna figure it sooner or later. There's nothing like a hyphenated name to piss the conservatives off. It was a good idea, Will."
Strong hands absently continued to move against pliant flesh. "Not disagreeing. I'm just afraid they'll be hurt. I mean huge step and we just sorta—" Willow replied, trying to hide the guilt.
"Think the word you're looking for is, 'eloped'," Buffy offered, snickering softly at her witch. "They'll get over it. I just wish you hadn't been so sick. I mean this is pretty much it for the honeymoon. We hit land and it's gonna be all about the job—least for awhile. Suppose it was good for you to spend the time the way you did."
"It was...I needed to get—to fix my head. Deep meditation was the best way. No clue I was gonna be forced into it, though. Those first few days were awful," Willow confirmed. A chuckle warmed her features and shook her form as she continued to knead the muscles of her partner's lower back. "Musta been a lot like living with a pet rock."
Unable and unwilling to suppress the low moan that escaped her, Buffy shuddered as her lover caressed the muscles at the base of her spine. "Goddess that feels good," she remarked absently. Starting at mid-thigh, she ran her nails up her witch's sides and back down, smiling as she quivered underneath her. "Pretty much, but you're a lot cuter than a rock. Just worried me when you stopped eating. I mean I got the why, but—" she trailed off as her lover urged her to move up. Following the silent commands, she spread her legs, and groaned as the redhead started to massage her thighs and ass. She seemed to intentionally be maximizing contact with the softer parts of her anatomy.
Willow listened to the sharp irregular breaths sighs and moans that poured out of her lover's parted lips. "Done with the talking?" she purred, trailing her fingers down the silky outer lips of her partner's sex.
Buffy gasped, "uh-huh."
"Good," Willow whispered into her lover's ear. Guiding her to turn around, she directed in a gentle voice, "Don't touch me until I say."
Buffy released control over her body to her witch, letting her guide. "I'll always follow," she said in a soft voice. Her body trembled as her lover spread her thighs. She lay her head down on the left one and looked longingly at the wet silky flesh. The smell was enough to make her mouth water. She swallowed, and bit back the urge to touch.
The redhead guided her lover to move closer and shuddered as her breath brushed the sensitive flesh. Willow reached over to the bed table and grabbed a small jewelry box. Flipping the lip open, she paused as Buffy spoke.
"What is that, Will? I looked at it earlier and was totally stumped. It's pretty, but—clueless," Buffy asked, stammering over the question because her witch was driving her crazy.
Willow gently pulled the hood away from the slayer's clitoris, and clamped the weight in place, mumbling something softly under her breath. Her lover trembled as the purpose of the item came clear. "I want you to wear that until I take it off. No playing with it. It's mine," she whispered fondling the tiny hematite beads. "Understand?"
Buffy nodded. Her muscles twitched involuntarily as her lover let the beads drop.
"Control, Buffy... You're not allowed to orgasm unless I say you can, remember?" Willow instructed firmly, smiling as her breath caused the slayer to tremble.
"Uh-huh," Buffy intoned. Her muscles tensed as her lover ran her tongue the length of her sex lingering to dip her tongue inside. She gasped at the sensation, clenching her leg muscles to maintain control. "Is that supposed to pinch?" she asked her voice trembled a little under that strain.
Willow spoke intentionally lingering very close to the wet tender skin, "Yeah...they can be a bit uncomfortable at first. It gets better." Her lover twitched as the breath caressed her skin causing the witch to smile and blow a warm stream of air across the engorged flesh. "You're really sensitive tonight. This is gonna be fun," she teased.
Buffy grabbed a large handful of the covers in each fist. "You haven't let me cum in three days, Will. You expect?" she whined playfully.
"No complaining or we'll make it four," the witch replied matter-of-factly.
Drawing a deep breath that was overwhelmingly fragrant with her lover's spicy musk, Buffy nodded.
"Levitate the pencil on the nightstand, Buffy. I want you to keep it in air directly above your shoulders where I can see it. Rotate it clockwise as I make love to you. If you cum or drop the pencil... It'll be bad," Willow commanded in voice just above a whisper.
"'Kay," Buffy confirmed. Her witch slipped inside her as she seized the pencil. It took all of her focus to move the item as instructed. The weight was incredibly distracting. It sort of amazed her that it stayed on as well as it did with her lover's tongue and teeth constantly tugging at the tiny beads. No wonder it pinches. I'm gonna die if she makes me try to function tomorrow with that thing on. Bet that's the point. She bit down, flexing her jaw muscles as Willow inserted another finger and increased the tempo. The pencil wavered, but continued to spin as the assault of sensations continued.
Willow stretched the exercise out as long as she felt the slayer could bear it, and then a few minutes more. By the time she stopped they were both coated in sweat and close to exhausted. "Come to me, Buffy," Willow whispered.
Buffy carefully rolled off her lover and turned around, nestling into the curve of her shoulder. As she waited her full attention was fixed on the pencil.
Reaching into the nightstand drawer, Willow pulled out a flat square box, and placed it on her stomach. "Open it," she directed.
As instructed, Buffy lifted the lid on the box. Propping herself up on her side she cocked an eyebrow. "'May I? What the hell is it?"
"Yes," Willow replied. As soon as her lover lifted the dildo out of the box, she removed it from her stomach, and returned it to the drawer. "The short end's yours. You see the curve?" perceiving a nod she continued, "That'll rest against your pelvic bone. The other end's for me. It takes some muscle control, but strangely I have faith."
Buffy slipped the odd sex toy inside, and mounted her lover. A soft moan resonated from the witch as she pressed the dildo into her.
"I'm guessing the rest will come to you. You can cum when I do. Pay attention to the pencil. Same thing... If you drop it...badness," Willow instructed.
The pencil moved over Buffy's shoulders, continuing to spin at a leisurely rate. She leaned down still supporting her weight on her arms, and kissed her witch, starting to move in a languid rhythm, locked eyes with her as she leaned back.
Willow wrapped her legs around her lover's waist, thrusting her hips forward. Her hands moved to the slayer's ass. She flexed her fingers, digging nails into the tender flesh. The cadence increased, and she groaned, reaching up to pull her partner into a hungry kiss.
Her witch's nails trailed down her back and, Buffy increased the pace. A breathy moan escaped her, disturbing the kiss. She studied her lover's face as the hands locked onto her again, driving her into a firm, frantic rhythm.
"Oh Goddess..." Willow groaned. A cascade of pleasure washed over her as she uttered, "I love you." Her body seized into a rigid arch.
Focusing on her witch, Buffy manipulated the energy, channeling it back. As her lover flowed into her second orgasm, her body gave up the struggle. The wave of ecstasy caused her to cry out. She slumped onto her partner, and nuzzled her lover's throat. When the next wave took her she pulled the salty supple skin of her neck in a ravenous kiss, biting down, but wary of breaking the skin. Her lover fed the energy back to its source renewing the cycle as she continued to thrust, and bite. On the fourth succession, she felt her control waver. The pencil dropped between her shoulder blades. Releasing hold of her lover's neck, she drew to a halt, twitching, and smiling thickly. After several moments of near silence, and mild tremors, she purred softly, "And I love you."
Willow picked up the pencil, and placed it on the nightstand. As she stroked the slayer's hair she commented in a gentle voice, "I get to pick your clothing tomorrow."
Buffy smirked as she raised herself off her lover. Removing the dildo, she dropped it on the floor next to the bed. "It was worth it," she mumbled, rolling carefully off her witch. When she bent her knee to nestle into her lover's side the beads pulled against her swollen clit. She grimaced as a tingle ran down her spine. The muscles in her lower back twitched and she felt her witch giggle.
"Control," Willow chided gently as she shut her eyes. Wow...she's...well wow...amazing amounts of discipline, but—pushing further—totally possible. "After you shower I want you to lie down and wait for me," she instructed in a delicate whisper.
Buffy nodded gently into the curve of her witch's shoulder and drew the covers up over them. Again as she moved the weight pulled against her, and her body reflexively trembled.
"It could be worse, Buffy," the witch remarked sleepily as she absently stroked her lover's soft blonde hair.
A tremor shook Buffy's slight frame, and the full reality of what she'd condemned herself to sunk in. The weight pinched uncomfortably against her tender over-stimulated flesh. "I don't see how," she said, trying to keep the edge off her voice.
Willow snickered. As her body shook the slayer shuddered. "It can always be worse," she purred suggestively.
***********
On waking Buffy followed her witch's instructions and returned to the bed to patiently wait. When Willow entered the room, she lay down on the bed between her legs and adjusted the new piece of jewelry. She trembled as her lover touched her, reflexively arching her back and gasping.
Willow hushed the slayer soothingly. Rising from the bed she sorted through Buffy's clothing, selecting a pair of shear stretchy lace boyshorts. She glanced over to find her lover toying with the strings of beads. "Now Buffy, you know better," she gently chided. As Buffy returned her hands to her sides she made her way back to the bed, sliding the panties on her partner.
Buffy lifted her hips and allowed her witch to dress her. The sensation as her lover carefully arranged the strings of beads to hang against either thigh was almost too much to bear. Her back seized and twitched constantly while Willow played with the new jewelry. "How long?" she asked frankly.
"We'll see, Buffy. Keep in mind I wear the same sorta thing all the time. It took me a while to get used to it," Willow replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
"That's what—?" Buffy asked, cutting off as her witch began to speak.
Willow ran her finger tip slowly down the centerline of her lover's body as she spoke, "It's really similar. I'm considering getting another if you'll help me heal."
Buffy wrinkled her brow. "I thought you felt—you didn't like them."
"What? No, I love them. I hate the reason they happened, but...they're mine not hers. Actually, more yours now than anything, so I want you to tell me what you want," Willow replied as she pulled gently at the string of beads that showed through the sheer panties.
"Will it do this to you?" Buffy asked as she shuddered under the touch.
"Uh-huh," Willow intoned, nodding her head just to punctuate. "In fact, that's exactly the point. Might be a bit worse."
Another absent tug caused Buffy to gasp as she watched her witch rise. "If that's what you want, Will," she replied in a neutral tone.
"'Kay... We'll be in L.A. by late afternoon. I'll just get it done today," Willow confirmed as she stooped to select the remainder of her lover's attire for the day. "Have you thought about your tattoo?" she asked as she passed off the matching bra to her partner.
Buffy sat up to put the bra on. Again she trembled very slightly as she moved. "Yeah... I think I want one like yours, but with the—and maybe on my right side?"
A smile played at witch's features as she pulled a pair of tight low cut jeans out of the case and passed them to her lover, a loose fitting white cotton half shirt followed shortly after. "Three days," Willow whispered as a directive. "I'll take it off at night so it doesn't hurt you," she amended pensively as she turned to meet her partner's gaze.
"No orgasm?" Buffy asked, appearing slightly shaken. As she slid into the jeans her body reacted to the tugging by quivering mildly. The stretching required to put the shirt on sent another tremor down her spine.
Willow nodded resolutely. A wicked grin infected her features as she watched the slayer try to walk across the room. It's gonna be fun to watch her spar. She reached out to give her lover a gentle squeeze as she passed by. Selecting very similar attire for herself, she quickly dressed, wishing that she could wear a skirt. We'll be on the bike today. Bad idea.
As she sat down in the desk chair, Buffy reflected pensively, "I'm just gonna get the piercing done too, if that's okay. It'll be easier to deal with than this, and I think you're right. Strange, I know..."
"You should get a triangle," Willow offered. Sitting down on the floor, she started to pack.
Buffy just shot her witch a confused look.
"What I have—think you're built right for it. The ring actually goes behind the nerve bundle and stimulates it from the backside. What I want is a vertical hood piercing. That one stimulates from the front," Willow explained as she placed items neatly in the cases.
Buffy nodded and stood up, moving around the room to bring their things to her witch so she could pack them. "I'll leave it up to you. Just tell them what you want," she answered frankly. A sharp intake of breath followed a stretch as she reached for an item on a shelf.
"'Kay... Are you sure?" Willow asked. A deep breath and a gentle sigh punctuated her inner reflection. "This is permanent, Buffy. No take backs— you're stuck with it. If you leave it up to me I'll have them do both. Are you positive this is what you want?"
As Buffy moved around the room, she considered Willow's words. Finally, she stopped and knelt down next to her witch, making eye contact. "This is what I want. It's got nothing to do with— Part of it is: I think you're right. It's improving my focus. Another part is: I want to understand—know what you feel. Last part is: all the meaningless scars. I've got tons. None of them mean anything. I can tell you what caused them. Pointless 'cause you were there for most of it—helping get me on my feet—keep me going. I'd like to, for once, have a mark that's about pleasure, not pain." When she concluded she rose and began to work her way around the room, checking for missed items.
Willow simply nodded and went back to packing. After a lengthy silence, she finally offered, "I don't want you to feel like I do. That's all."
"I know, sweetie, and I don't. It's my choice. I brought it up," Buffy replied firmly. As she silently reflected she brushed a few things aside, and sat down. A tremor ran down her spine, but she shrugged it away. Speaking in a low, pensive voice, she offered, "You know, Will, you're one of the most unique people I've ever met. Some might say strange, and I wouldn't bother to correct them—might hit them—another story entirely."
Listening patiently, Willow stood up and stretched. A soft quirky smile played at her features as she turned her attention down to her lover.
Regarding the curious look her witch was giving her, Buffy said, "'Kay...finding a point. I actually have one," as she spoke, her focus fixed on the space in front of her, "I get this. She used to use pain for discipline. It worked with me, but only to a point." When her witch started to stoop to pick up the sex toy, she reached over and passed it to her.
Willow went into the small lavatory to clean the item, but her full attention was set on the soft voice that resonated in the confined space.
"I've fought and lived through more pain. I'm sorta used to it, and honestly it just makes me mean. Fighting monsters bigger and stronger than you, and with the gaping hole in your side...sorta makes pain...well, you get the idea," she sighed softly, "The point: you use sex like she did pain. It's a little twisted, but way more effective. It's something you're not really supposed to control."
Willow returned to the room, and reclaimed her spot, still holding her peace as she continued to pack.
Her gaze settled on her witch's profile as Buffy concluded, "This is probably gonna get lots weirder, but I trust you."
"Think back, Buffy...she used sex too...just not the same way. She wasn't as open about it. Parts of my past are a little—" Willow let out a deep breath, and took another, "Well, different... I learned to control it 'cause I didn't want to feel. It's actually really—I dunno—painful, weird, disturbing...label it however you want. This is totally new for me. I fell into it—what we have—without much thought or planning. I'm just kinda making it up as I go. Doing what feels right to me—trying to be careful with you. Having someone I can be this open with—"
Buffy swept a tear from her lover's face as she cupped her cheek, pulling her up into a gentle hug. "S'okay, Will, I get it," she whispered soothingly. After several moments she suggested, "How about we go topside and get some air? Bet we can see the coast."
"Sure," Willow agreed. "It's gonna be great to be home. Well...not quite, but all the right people, and the same—"
"California... Why I ever left is—well, I'm clueless," Buffy remarked as she closed the two suitcases, moving them aside when she stood up. Offering a hand to her witch, she helped her rise. As she pulled her into another embrace she purposefully took a deep breath, held it, and released it, to clear some of the tension.
Willow reached hands under her lover's shirt and ran her nails gently down her slayer's bare skin in a weaving pattern. As she moved she felt her take another deep breath and slowly exhale. "You should just lose the bra if you want the tattoo. It'll just be another thing."
"'Kay," Buffy replied as she pulled away to put on her socks and boots. She reflexively pushed down the arousal as she moved, focusing on each task. Once finished she offered her witch a hand, and headed purposefully topside. Moving around the aft deck to a point that was fairly well out of line of site of the bridge, she released Willow's hand, and hopped onto the tubular railing. She turned gracefully back to face her partner while she stood on the narrow rail.
Without thinking, Willow gasped, feeling a bit foolish for it seconds later.
"Come here, Will," Buffy beckoned, extending a hand.
Willow took her partner's hand, appearing mildly confused. Then she simply followed knowing she could save both of them, but wouldn't need to. She relaxed as her slayer turned towards her, gently coaxing her into an embrace.
"You have to be thinking I've lost it," Buffy whispered as she gently pulled away to make eye contact. "I know you could save us with magic if needed. So, this isn't some sort of stupid display of slayer grace to prove a point. It's just the best way," she sighed, "Look at me. You know me...and I think part of you understands what I'm doing."
Willow searched her partner's face as if trying to solve a riddle. Finally it dawned on her that what she was being asked to see was the slayer. Her soft, beautiful lover had a hard-edged coldness about her. Her irises were nearly black, and her features looked almost chiseled.
Recognizing the look of comprehension on her partner's face, Buffy prompted, "Understand?"
Willow crinkled her brow. "Yeah...I know what you wanted me to see, dunno why, though."
"'Kay... Get down and I'll explain," Buffy instructed. When her witch was safely down, she flipped into the air, landing behind her. "Sorry...part of this is cabin fever too. I really need to be off this damned ship. Jumping—sort of an impulse...I'm not following," she said, trying to hold back the anxiety.
"Need to kill something, don't you?" Willow remarked, still studying the slayer.
Buffy leaned against the railing casually as she pushed the anxiety down. "Sorta... I'd be just as happy running in the woods though. It's all kinda the same thing. It's too hard here—too many people— I've had to act totally human for two weeks. Hiding—careful about how I move, and all that... It's not like it was either...since the change I actually have to concentrate, or I catch myself... I guess...moving wrong, too fast and precise. Maybe...?" she cut off and looked at her partner hoping she understood.
"I know what you mean. I've noticed it. Living with you...you sorta just are— I'm not sure I got it in quite those terms, though," Willow offered pensively.
"Yeah...I just never thought this'd be hard, but then I always had enough room to let some of the nervous energy go. If I did it in our cabin...badness," Buffy replied, punctuating the thought with a soft snicker.
Willow grinned. "Much badness," she agreed jokingly as she imagined a hole opening in the ship's hull, and giggled. Sighing softly, she added, "Sorry, I wasn't there for you."
"It's okay, Will," Buffy said in a soothing tone. A deep sigh issued from her as she prepared to turn the conversation back on track. "What you said—with the killing—that was the point. We're both like that. We both have a side we show the world, and a side we keep hidden. You know mine intimately—literally intimately—like in the biblical sense. And that's not something I usually let happen. I want to know yours." Exhaling softly, she added facetiously, "Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde."
"'Kay...what do you want to know?" Willow asked bluntly.
Buffy turned to look at her witch's profile as she slid an arm around her. Just a degree or two off 'resolve face'...I struck the right nerves. Now maybe she'll talk to me. "What she wants. I can feel her. Sense her beneath the surface. I could always tell—feel her—even with the other Will. She kept her buried deep, though. I mean if your—if the vampire you back in high school wasn't clue enough."
Willow rolled her eyes and snorted. "Yeah...that was embarrassing in new and delightful ways. Talk about all your naughty thoughts being outed in one slutty package."
Not wanting to redirect the conversation, but struck by curiosity, Buffy asked pensively, "So exactly how many of these naughty thoughts featured me as the leading lady?" an amused grin lit her features as she finished.
"Most of them," Willow replied in an arid tone.
The answer and tone change caught Buffy off guard. Unable to suppress the shock, she gasped, "Oh... Well, I'm not sure—"
Willow breathed deeply, and began in an even voice, unfettered by any emotion, "I fantasized about you from the first day I met you. At first, just about how it'd be to kiss you—later more... I wanted to touch you so badly it hurt. As for the fantasies—the other me you wanna understand. I could point you at a couple of sites, but I won't talk about it. Let's just say some of them—the fantasies—were much darker than I could ever— I'll never hit you. I know that's sort of expected from— But I can't see it as loving, and I never want to be anything but, so..."
Smirking softly, Buffy ran her hand under her witch's shirt, caressing her back. Her tone was light and reassuring with just a hint of playfulness as she replied, "Relax, Will... I'm pretty much over the past. There's regret, but isn't that what the past is for?"
"Preferably not," Willow interjected.
"Seems to go that way, though..." Buffy remarked thoughtfully. A bright smile lit her face, catching Willow by surprise. She looked amusedly at her witch as she commented, "'Kay so...admission time. Once I got over the shock of...I thought vamp Willow was sorta hot, so... We all did the 'skanky' thing to make you comfortable. Xander's eyes actually dilated when he saw you in that outfit, and I wasn't far behind him. It was pretty funny, and totally embarrassing."
Willow smiled as she watched a soft blush tinge her lover's cheeks at the memory.
Returning the smile, Buffy continued, "The hitting... Lots of people hit me, Will. Slayer—like 'the slayer'—been that for an eternity in 'slayer years'... Sorta like 'dog-years' if you... I didn't just say that." She paused, appearing disgusted. "Anyway, I never questioned whether any of you loved me when you were beating on me with sticks. So what's the diff?"
Willow replied in a contemplative manner, "The diff is that it doesn't feel right to me. Spanking? I might joke about it, but what it's really about is humiliation. Not on the list of somethings I wanna give you, sorry." An amused smile warmed her features as she added, "Now if you wanna spar, and let me attempt to hit you, I'll be totally happy to try and not to get beat up."
A flirty smile softened her features as Buffy teased, "We'll just skip that. 'Sides, I'm pretty sure you could take me."
"You better believe it, missy," Willow chimed with an air of mock smugness. After several moments of playful poking, she drew silent and contemplative, staring out over the water vacantly. Her expression gradually darkened as she stood there. Finally she offered, "You want to know how dark it gets. I've been fighting the desire to bite you—to mark you since I met you."
Failing to notice the change in demeanor, Buffy remarked in a flippant tone, "You get that too?"
Willow rolled her eyes, and snarked, "I was there last night, practically had to put my makeup on with a trowel this morning," she sighed, and took Buffy's hand. "Not mad...actually amused... I like being fucked by the slayer."
Her face colored as Buffy quipped lightheartedly, "I'll keep that in mind."
"You do that," Willow replied, sounding a little annoyed. After a moment of quiet reflection, she tried again patiently, "You asked about me. It's pretty obvious you'd have those impulses. For me—not so much... I never felt that way about Tara or Oz. It's a predatory response...the need to dominate, but then, you'd know that. It's what you sense." She stood and considered her partner for a moment, noting that she'd finally managed to get through.
Buffy finally broke the silence by asking, "So, what do you want to do about it?"
Casting her gaze down at the water below them, Willow replied, "Truthfully, I'm not sure. It's not like its some Big Bad we can hit the books and find an answer for."
"That's not what I asked," Buffy replied patiently. Sighing deeply, she pressed down some of the tension. "I know you, Will. You've thought about this."
Willow turned to meet her lover's gaze. "Of course I've thought about it. Thing is, there's only a couple of—and they're—" she said sheepishly. Taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it, she queried, "Buffy, how do you feel about sex, you know...with me?"
Unable to wipe the grin off her face, Buffy chuckled softly. She quickly composed herself when her witch shot her a dirty look. "I sorta answered that earlier," she said in a soft voice. Seeing a return of the look, she replied, "It's intense. I've never experienced anything like it."
Appearing irritated, Willow prompted, "Is that good or bad? Having to ask—not very helpful."
A warm pensive smile played at Buffy's features as she spoke, "Good, of course. Asking—a bit silly... You were there a couple weeks ago. Remember? For better or worse, and so on... Do you really think I'd say to myself, 'the sex is horrible, but..."I do" anyway'?" She cocked an eyebrow at her witch. "Now just spill."
"Don't laugh. There's a spell." Willow paused to allow the inevitable, sighing when it happened. "You won't laugh when I tell you what it is," she winked, "The spell binds your ability to have an orgasm without the permission of the person you're bound to."
The blood drained out of Buffy's face as she considered this. "Oh..."
"Knew you'd say that...just like that in fact," Willow said, looking amused despite herself. She stood in the silence, scanning her lover for clues about what she was thinking. When Buffy didn't speak, she began to explain, "We've fallen into this really unusual dominant/submissive relationship sexually. It's not like anything I've ever seen or read about. It started as 'training', but I don't think it's just that now. I think you like it. There's a pattern if you look back."
Buffy's gaze remained fixed on the water as she asked pensively, "How long?" Breathing in deeply, she held the breath, and exhaled to clear some of the build up tension.
"Until we break it or one of us dies," Willow replied frankly. Sighing deeply, she added, "This isn't a simple spell. It's very old and pretty dark. It's a slavery spell intended to control reproduction. You would, in effect, be my slave, though I loath the term, and could never treat you that way."
"Don't you trust me?" Buffy asked, not sure what to think.
Willow couldn't suppress a subtle smirk. "With my life and everything I am. You know that's not what this is about."
Turning to face her witch, Buffy prompted, "Then what's it about?"
"It's about the look, the way you'd feel, after a few days when I said, 'cum for me, Buffy.' It's about being able to push you, to make you writhe. It's about being able to really dominate you," Willow answered bluntly. Turning back to face the distant shore, her voice was tainted with uneasiness as she added, "This isn't something I expect. It's not something I'd ever ask. In fact, if you told me 'yes' right now I wouldn't do it. It's an answer to your question. I'm perfectly happy with the 'us' that's now. You asked about dark desires. Now you know how deep it goes."
Buffy pulled her lover into a gentle embrace, and whispered, "Thank you, Will."
As she settled into the hug, Willow appeared slightly perplexed. "You were listening, right?"
"Heard every word," Buffy replied silkily.
Willow withdrew just enough to make eye contact, and cocked an eyebrow.
"Thank you for answering the question. Know it wasn't easy," Buffy amended in a hushed soothing voice. As she continued, she caressed her lover's back, "I was out here last night thinking about the past...about the regret...all the loss. You know I haven't looked at the future with a sense of hope in years? The thing...the change you felt after you brought me back. That's really what it really was...deep down. All the talk about making a bright future and I didn't see myself living in it. It's like the sad clichéd soldier, helping to make the world better, and then can't find a place in it." A tear ran down her cheek, and she stopped to brush it away.
Buffy cleared her throat, and resumed in a soft distant tone, "Remember asking me last night what I said?" she watched Willow nod, "It was this stupid quote about losing hope, and finding freedom because of it. Guess I wished it could be true, but it can't. Not if you have anything left to care for...and I've got lots. And then there's Willow," she leaned in and gave her partner a tender kiss, "My place. The rest of this doesn't mean a lot to me. Point me at what you want dead. Some leader I am, right? Yet everyone's all ready to follow me to hell and back."
"Were you aware the George Washington was reluctant to take leadership roles? It's a documented fact. He was appointed to almost every office he filled during his career," Willow said pensively. Feeling her partner shrug, she continued, "Washington was a natural leader...and so are you. You've been appointed. Most of the good ones don't want the power they have." A mischievous smile played her face as Willow added, "We seriously need to get you a speech writer though."
"What's wrong with my speeches," Buffy asked with mock indignation.
Willow winked. "Trust me...just let me write the next one."
Buffy's mouth fell open, though she really wasn't that upset. Dropping the act, she released her witch, and turned to face the coast. "I'll think about it," she offered candidly.
"Huh?" Willow gasped, "You'll think about what?"
"The spell," Buffy supplied bluntly.
Willow looked flabbergasted. "You can't be serious."
Buffy hung her head, staring at the water below, and said in a soft trembling voice, "Absolutely serious... You're right about me." Clearing her throat, she sounded more like herself when she added, "You already pretty much have what you want. I gave myself to you in London," she looked up, and faced her witch, "It actually makes sense you'd want some kind of magical bond. I just need to know one thing...then I need time to think." Her eyes narrowed and her face grew dark as she asked, "Will you respect the mission?"
Without hesitation Willow responded, "Always."