Is It All in My Head
by zingrrrl
[reviews]
Title: Is It All in My Head
Author: Zinerva
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Fox Television own all things Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm just borrowing for my own amusement.
Pairing: Willow/Buffy.
Rating: NC-17 for language, violence, and sexuality.
Author's Note: Transcripts used are from the Buffy vs Angel website. This story has some serious Xander bashing of a very ooc Xander. Buffy's father is pure evil rather than just an ass. Contains scenes of cutting. You've been warned. Stays close to Welcome to the Hellmouth till the end of the first day of school, then diverges drastically.
-ONE-
The white jeep jerked to a stop in front of the main entrance of Sunnydale High. Buffy sat in the passenger seat, looking out the side window's glass at the long southwestern style building - its neutral off white color glaring brightly in the morning sun - with a large amount of trepidation, hoping her rep hadn't followed her to this much too small of a town. Extenuating circumstances notwithstanding, she'd burnt down the gym at her last school after already having garnered a reputation as a fighter. They'd failed to prove it was her though, which kept her out of jail, but the expulsion had happened anyway, along with her dirty little secret that she prayed remained secret. Her time in the institution. Hence her exile from the wonderfulness that was LA to this nothing of a town. Taking a deep breath, she opened the jeep's door and stepped out onto the sidewalk as her mother said, "Okay."
Buffy turned back toward her mother and smiled.
"Have a good time. I know you're gonna make friends right away, just think positive." her mother added, giving Buffy a thumbs up gesture as Buffy nodded quickly. "And Honey?"
"Yes mom?"
"Try not to get kicked out?"
Her smile fading, Buffy sighed. "I promise." Well, so much for a fresh start from my mom, Buffy thought. She didn't use drugs, didn't slut around, wasn't even really that violent, her rep far outweighing the reality. Or the loosing touch with reality anyway. She was better now, no doubt about it, at least to her mind, so she refused to let her mother's barb completely sour her mood. School still held the promise of the new day. The promise of people finding out that she was a raving psycho. No! No negativity, she told herself as she slammed the jeep's door shut. Guess it did sour the mood. She started to run her fingers through her long blond hair but stopped just in time, remembering all the work she'd put into putting her hair up before school. Heading for the entrance of the school, she kept repeating in her mind, stay positive, stay positive. She wasn't going to let them bring her down, not her mom, not the school, not her own demons. No don't think of demons. Problems. Yeah, much better. Demony thoughts led to bad thoughts, led to institutions. No way Buffy was going back there, uh uh. No way.
-BtVS-
Buffy frowned as she sat at the only open desk in her history class, trying to listen to the teacher drone on about germ warfare and the black death. She pulled a notebook from her backpack.
"If you look on page sixty-three," the teacher's nasaly voice got through to Buffy. The teacher was a tall woman, and old, her long brunette hair slightly wavy and streaked with gray. She scribbled on the greenish chalkboard with a great deal of force, the chalk's clicking and scratching sounds booming through the near silent class. Buffy stared a moment at her notes, the lined paper resting atop the formica surface of her desk. Her note paper was empty. She'd just managed to space her way through most of class, not even sure what she was supposed to be looking at on page sixty-three.
She looked around nervously, her hazel eyes wide. She had no books yet. The brunette girl seated at the desk next to Buffy noticed her dilemma and scooted her desk closer to Buffy's and shared her book. Buffy turned to the brunette and smiled, said, "Thanks."
The girl smiled back at Buffy, revealing a set of teeth that were too perfectly white to be anything other than the product of intense dental work. Buffy wondered how much more of this girl was fake, the product of elective surgery. At Hemery High, Buffy'd known girls already on there tenth plastic procedure. Nothing beat being an artificial girl for winning the popularity contest, except maybe being an uber bitch. The two combined usually pointed to the most popular girl in school. Just the kinda girl Mom would want me to have as a friend, Buffy thought. Show I was going back to what I was before the problems started. But didn't mom get that that was part of the problem? I hated that Buffy.
"And this popular plague led to what social changes? Steve?" the teacher asked a student closer to the front than Buffy. Somebody giggled. Frowning, Buffy looked around the class, noticing smirks etched casually on the faces of some of the other students. She couldn't help but giggle herself as she got the inadvertent joke. Popular plague. Silly teacher.
The bell dismissing class rang and all the kids stood up while shoving textbooks and notes into backpacks and totes. Oh well, Buffy thought, glancing with a smirk at the noteless paper she shoved into her beige canvass tote bag. Maybe it won't be on the test. Right.
The girl whose book she'd shared for a few minutes, reached out a hand, said, "Hi. I'm Cordelia."
"I'm Buffy," Buffy said, taking the girls hand and shaking it gently.
"If you're looking for a textbook of your very own there's probably a few in the library," Cordelia said as she stood.
"Oh, great, thanks.," Buffy said as she stood. "Where would that be?"
"I'll show you, come on," Cordelia said, heading for the classroom door. Buffy followed.
"So you're from Hemery, right? In L.A.?" Cordelia practically gushed.
"Uh, yeah," Buffy said.
"Oh, I would kill to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes?" Cordelia squealed.
Buffy had to laugh as they passed from the empty classroom into the busy hall crowded with kids scurrying off to various classes. Her laugh was a mask, hiding the fear she suddenly felt. Don't let yourself get sucked in, she told herself. Remember how bad you felt atop the popularity pyramid? Hey, Buffy. Huh? Do you want to go back there? At least they don't know you're a psycho. Yet.
Cordelia headed off down the hall and Buffy quickly followed.
"Well, you'll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine, you'll be accepted in no time," Cordelia said. "Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see. Vamp nail polish?"
She can't be for real, Buffy thought. Was I ever that shallow. You bet Buffy. That's why you started seeing demons everywhere. Started burning down buildings. Ended up in a mental hospital. Remember? "Um, over?" she said.
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "So over. James Spader?"
That ones easy. Not really into boys, but James Spader is so fine, Buffy thought. "He needs to call me!" Buffy gushed with a goofy grin plastered on her lips.
"Frappaccinos?"
"Trendy, but tasty."
"John Tesh?"
"The devil," Buffy replied, groaning inside but keeping her voice calm.
"That was pretty much a gimme, but ... you passed!" Cordelia said with a smile.
You can't be for real, Buffy thought. I'm the loony? "Oh, goody," she said, smirking. Hope your ready for the fall Queen C. Cause as high up the pyramid as you are, the fall is one hell of a bitch. Trust me on that one.
Cordelia stopped at the drinking fountain, standing behind a girl with the prettiest long auburn hair Buffy had ever seen. The girl straightened and turned toward them. She froze, terror filling her widening green eyes as she noticed them. My god, you're beautiful, Buffy thought, staring intently at the girl's pale but lovely face. Guess that answers the question of why I've never really liked boys. Cause I think I just fell in love. Love at first site! With a girl! Which I guess means I'm kinda gay. I hope your open minded, at least.
"Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears," Cordelia said, mocking the redhead at the fountain.
You are such a fucking bitch, Buffy thought, now actively hating the brunette. Buffy wanted to say that out loud, but fear gripped her, silenced her tongue. Shaking her head, she tried to clear her thoughts but the sight of the redhead kept her thoughts muddled, sending her mind down a path that was both exciting and very terrifying.
"Uh, oh, well, my mom picked it out," Willow said softly, obviously afraid of Cordelia. She glanced quickly at Buffy, like she was trying to size up the blond girl, figure what the blond's angle of attack might be.
Buffy's chest tightened at the thought of Willow — such a pretty name — being afraid of her. Please don't fear me, Willow, Buffy wanted to say. To many thoughts for anything other then, "Uh," to pass her lips.
"No wonder you're such a guy magnet. Are you done?" Cordelia mocked Willow.
"Oh!" Willow looked at Cordelia then at Buffy. Turning away quickly, she ran off down the hall.
Buffy watched Willow run till the redhead was almost out of sight. Sighing, Buffy turned back to Cordelia, the brunette's words suddenly cutting through her mental fog.
"You wanna fit in here, the first rule is, know your losers. Once you can identify them all by sight," Cordelia nodded her head toward Willow's retreating form, "they're a lot easier to avoid."
Buffy laughed nervously, and nodded, turning away from Cordelia to see Willow step through the door at the end of the long hall. Willow looked back at them and Buffy caught the saddest look on the retreating girl's face that she'd ever seen. Please don't hate me, Willow, Buffy thought. I'm not like this anymore. Really. I just had too many thoughts going on in my head so I couldn't get anything past my stupid mouth.
-BtVS-
Buffy entered the library and looked around. The place looked deserted, no one stood behind the counter. Looking up at the second level, she tried to spot anyone amongst the shelves of books up there. No one. "Hello? Is anybody here?"
She glanced back at the counter and noticed a newspaper with an article circled in red felt tip ink. Glancing at the caption, she read "Local Boys Still Missing." Great. No news, she thought. News is bad. Bad news leads to bad thoughts. Breath Summers. Breath. Damn it. She shook her head, trying to fend off the sense of dread twisting in her guts. She felt a tap on her shoulder and spun around with a sudden intake of breath. "Oh," she exhaled. "Anybody is here!"
"Can I help you?" asked a blond tweed clad man in a subdued english accent.
"I was looking for some, well, books. I'm new."
"Miss Summers?"
"Good call! Guess I'm the only new kid, huh?" she asked with a quirky grin
"I'm Mr. Giles. The librarian. I was told you were coming," he said, stepping behind the counter.
"Great! So, um, I'm gonna need Perspectives on 20th Century..."
"I know what you're after!" Giles interrupted.
He reached under the counter and pulled out a large leather bound book with the word Vampyr written across the front in large gold lettering. Slamming the book down onto the counter, he looked at her with the goofiest grin she'd ever seen on an adult's face. She glared at him.
"That's not what I'm looking for," she forced out through gritted teeth.
"Are you sure?"
"I expect 'Let's fuck with the crazy girl!' from the other kids when they find out," Buffy said, blinking back her tears. She wasn't going to give this sick asshole the satisfaction of making her cry. "But your a teacher. One twisted and cruel teacher. But still a teacher!"
"My mistake," Giles said, confused, putting the book back under the counter.
Buffy turned around and left, practically running out of the library.
-BtVS-
She sat on the lid on the toilet, behind the closed door of the stall, crying in self pity, yet grateful for the fact that she'd used a decent waterproof mascara. The last thing she needed was rivers of black running down her cheeks. She couldn't stop thinking about the meeting she'd had with the principal first thing in the morning. Oh, he'd been big on the promises of a fresh start, even getting Buffy's hopes up as he'd ripped up her record. But then he'd seen something in the paper fragments that'd caused his beady eyes to bug out. She could still hear the squeakiness of his voice as he'd said, "You burned down the gym!" Add in what just happened with the creepy librarian and she went spiraling over the edge, felt the need to cut.
She rummaged through her tote bag, looking for the small brown leather pouch she kept hidden at all costs from her mom. She knew her mom wouldn't understand about what was inside the pouch, but sometimes life just hurt too much and the pain required drastic solutions.
She opened the pouch and pulled out a very sharp pocket knife. Snapping the blade open, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Placed the sharp edge against her left wrist and cut. Not too deep, she wasn't trying to kill herself. Just trying to feel the pain, to feel anything, to prove to herself that she was real. To replace her emotional turmoil with physical pain. She got her tears under control and cleaned her knife with some toilet paper. Placing the knife back into the pouch, she then buried the pouch in the bottom of her tote.
The blood from the cut on her wrist started to flow down her fingers so she held her arm out to the side and watched the blood drip onto the floor, slowly pooling. What would you think, huh mom? If you knew your little girl learned to do this in the institution? she wondered. Crazy girl with a crazier roommate. And a shared shard of glass kept hidden from the staff. My scars won't last the day.
What kind of school is this, she wondered as the trickle of blood slowed. I'm pretty sure it has got to break some kinda law to tease the loons. At least for the teachers anyway.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That's what she'd called herself back at Hemery. Toward the end. Given herself superpowers; strength, agility, supernatural healing, enhanced senses, even the power to detect vampires. Slam a stake in their chests and watch them go poof. A cloud of dust. The school gym had been full of vampires, dozens of them, far too many for her to fight. So she'd lit it on fire, burned the gym to the ground. But none of that was real. Her parents committed her to a mental institution. And then split up, arguing over her care. Her dad wanted her locked away long term, but then he was a piece of shit, probably just hoping the psych drugs would keep her too foggy to ever tell the world just what a piece of shit he was. She hadn't, yet. Just too embarrassed. She thought the doctors had figured it out though, and told her mom. Cause the divorce had happened awful quick, the marriage ending with a lot more hatred than Buffy remembered existing between her parents before she was institutionalized. He hadn't touched her that way since she'd hit puberty. Thank god for small miracles. The sick fuck. Her mother had checked her out of the hospital right after she'd accepted that her delusions were just that and moved straight to Sunnydale. And here she was, cutting herself in a high school restroom. Fuck!
She stared at the pool of blood for a few moments, debating with herself whether or not to clean it up. To hell with it she thought and left the stall. She went to the sink to clean up then searched her tote for a bracelet but only came up with an athletic wristband. She snapped it on to hide the cut then pulled out her over sized sunglasses and put them on. Wouldn't do to let the other kids see her puffy and red eyes.
-BtVS-
Lunchtime. Buffy scanned the quad, searching for a certain auburn haired beauty whose looks were hidden in some seriously hideous clothes. Clothes so bad that Buffy knew for sure that she hadn't been lying this morning when she uttered, "My mom picked them out," just before running off from the water fountain earlier. Ignoring the incident with the jerky librarian, Buffy had put all her efforts throughout the morning into finding out about the redhead. Spotting her sitting on a concrete bench in the shade of the main class building, Buffy approached her.
"Uh, hi! Willow, right?" Buffy asked smiling, hoping she remembered the girl's name right.
Willow looked up at Buffy. "Why? I-I mean, uh hi! Did you want me to move?"
God no! Buffy thought. I've been looking for you all morning. "Why don't we start with, hi, I'm Buffy, and, uh, then let's segue directly into me asking you for a favor." Buffy sat beside Willow and smiled at the insecure girl. Putting a hand on the girl's knee and squeezing it gently, she added, "It doesn't involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while."
"But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?" Willow asked nervously, staring at the hand on her knee. She rested her hands in her lap.
"I can't do both?" Buffy asked, seething inside at the emotional trauma the bitchy brunette had obviously put Willow through.
"Not legally."
Buffy took a deep breath. Her anger was intense and palpable, but she didn't want Willow to get the wrong idea and think the anger was directed at her. Buffy exhaled slowly, removing her hand from Willow's knee.
"Look, I really wanna get by here, new school, and ...Cordelia's been really nice ... to me ... anyway, but, um, I kinda have this burning desire not to flunk all my classes, and I heard a rumor that you were the person to talk to if I wanted to get caught up." It was all true too, Buffy just failed to add the most important part. That she wanted to kiss Willow till they were both breathless!
"Oh, I could totally help you out! Uh, if you have sixth period free we could meet in the library?" Willow's demeanor completely changed once the conversation centered around school stuff.
Buffy's dark over sized sunglasses hid the panic in her eyes at the mention of the school library. She wanted nothing to do with the creepy asshole of a librarian. "Or not. Or we could meet someplace quieter. Louder. Uh, that place just kinda gives me the wiggins."
"Oh, it has that effect on most kids," Willow giggled."I love it, though, it's got a great collection, and the new librarian is really cool."
"He's new?" Buffy asked frowning. New? What the hell did that mean?
"Yeah, he just started. He was a curator at some British museum, or, or The British Museum, I'm not sure. But he knows everything, and he brought all these historical volumes and biographies, and am I the single dullest person alive?"
"Not at all." Buffy smiled. Willow could never be dull. Of that, Buffy was certain. "Why don't we get together after school? We could go over what I need to do to get caught up, then maybe hit up some happening spot? Is there a place to dance? You know, that let's kids in?" Please say yes, please, Buffy thought.
"Uh, the Bronze?" Willow replied.
"The what?"
"It's a coffee bar. Lota alt bands play there. Sprung Monkey's playing tonight."
Buffy smiled at Willow. "Sounds good to me."
Cordelia stepped up to the two girls at that moment, glaring at Willow and then frowning at Buffy. "I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was canceled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker," Cordelia said.
"What?" Buffy asked, fear gripping her chest.
"What are you talking about?" Willow asked.
"Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker!" Cordelia answered.
"Dead?" Buffy asked.
"Totally dead. Way dead."
"How did he die? Were there any marks?" Buffy asked.
"Morbid much! I didn't ask!" Cordelia said, looking rather outraged and perplexed.
Buffy turned to Willow. "I gotta book. I'll see you after school?"
"Uh, yeah," Willow answered.
-BtVS-
I'm not going crazy! I'm not going crazy! Buffy thought as she examined the boy's neck. She looked up at the yellow wall of the girl's locker room, closed her eyes for a second. She turned her eyes back to the two puffy holes that were torn open along his jugular, the wet redness of the wound, the paleness of his skin. Dropping her self imposed mental barriers, she reached out with her Slayer senses, searching for signs of the demon. At least you won't rise, she thought as she let out a breath she'd been unaware of holding. Sorry I couldn't save you. Sorry I'm too fucked up in the head to save anyone.
The smell of the boy's rotting flesh got to Buffy, her stomach cramping as she fought back the need to vomit. She hurried away from the body.
-BtVS-
Buffy rushed into the school library, furious with herself, as well as the weird librarian. Old habits. Slayer senses. Crazy talk. Being the Slayer got her locked up in a fucking loony bin. No fucking way was she going back. Just wasn't happening.
"Okay, what's the sitch?" she called out.
"Sorry?" Giles replied, stepping out from behind the stacks of books.
"You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?" Buffy asked, smirking.
"Yes." Giles started down the stairs out of the stacks.
Buffy dropped her tote bag on the thick study table and leaped up the stairs, stopping so that she was face to face with Giles."Cause, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, ooo? Crazy Girl."
"I was afraid of this," Giles said in an overly serious, overly British tone. Buffy stifled a laugh.
"Well, I wasn't! It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care."
"Then why are you here?" Giles asked her.
"To tell you that I don't care, which I don't, and have now told you, so ... bye," Buffy turned towards the door to leave.
"Is he, w-will he... rise again?" Giles asked.
"Who?" Buffy asks, turning back to Giles.
"The boy."
"No. He's just dead."
"Can you be sure?"
"To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood," Buffy said, shaking her head. "And then you have to suck their blood." she shuddered. "It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you."
"Why am I still talking to you?" Buffy asked herself and turned around, going down the stairs
Giles leaned against the stairs railing and shouted at her. "You really have no idea what's going on, do you? You think it's coincidence, your being here? That boy was just the beginning."
"Oh, why can't you people just leave me alone?"
"Because you are the Slayer," Giles said, coming down the stairs and standing beside Buffy. "Into each generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the world, a Chosen One, one born with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires..."
Buffy interrupted Giles "...with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah... I've heard it, okay? Know what it got me?"
"I really don't understand this attitude," Giles said, perplexed. "You, you've accepted your duty, you, you've slain vampires before ..."
"Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on," Buffy said.
"Excuse me?" Giles stared at her forehead, confused.
"Look," she said. "That whole Vampire Slayer thing? It got me locked up in a so not good place. You know, the kinda place where they convince you your reality's a delusion, get you to believe their reality." Buffy stepped back, away from Giles. "I'm not going back. I buy into their version of reality, cause it keeps me free. What does yours get me?"
"What do you know about this town?" Giles asked, stepping toward his office.
"It's two hours on the freeway from Neiman Marcus?" Buffy replied.
"Dig a bit in the history of this place," Giles hissed at her. "You'll find a, a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences. Now, I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy, that things gravitate towards it that, that, that you might not find elsewhere."
"Cool! But, okay, first of all, I'm a Vampire Slayer. And secondly, I'm retired. Hey, I know! Why don't you kill 'em?" Buffy asked, smirking.
"I-I'm a Watcher, I-I haven't the skill..." Giles said.
"Oh, come on, stake through the heart, a little sunlight... It's like falling off a log," Buffy said, her smirk turning almost to a snarl.
"A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher..."
"... watches?" Buffy spat the word.
"Yes," Giles said like an idiot. "No! He, he trains her, he, he, he prepares her..."
"Prepares me for what?" Buffy put all the venom she could muster into her voice. "For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? For getting locked up and drugged? Go ahead! Prepare me."
Buffy glared at Giles. Took a deep breath. Let it out. Turning around, she left the library quickly, shaking her head, muttering in disgust.
"Damn!" Giles shouted.
-BtVS-
Buffy stood in front of the school at the top of the wide set of steps, leaning casually against the metal handrail, waiting nervously for Willow. She wanted to run off and hide, just cut herself and let the blood wash the dirtiness away, numb the pain in her soul with physical pain. Deep down she knew the certainty of who and what she was, her destiny. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was real, she knew it. Being crazy was easier. Less responsibility. She didn't know if she'd have saved the boy if she'd been doing her job, but playing crazy insured she'd never had the chance. So the guilt consumed her, a raging inferno of self hate and doubt burning her heart. Only because it was Willow she was waiting for, had Buffy stayed put. Just the thought of standing Willow up and damaging her obviously low self esteem made Buffy's guts twist up in knots. The truth was that hurting Willow just plain hurt more than Buffy ignoring her self pity hurt. She was still freaked, but she'd already decided to talk to the watcher tomorrow. Her duty. She'd do her duty, the thought of Willow being in that locker haunting her.
How can I already be in love with her, Buffy thought, as she spotted the redhead leaving the school's main building. I only spent like five minutes with her at lunch. Who am I kidding? I fell in love the second I saw her at the water fountain. That's why I couldn't say anything. Buffy smiled widely as Willow approached her.
"Hey," Willow said nodding, a surprised look on her face.
"Hi, Will," Buffy said, reaching a hand out and gently placing it on Willow's shoulder. "You didn't expect me to be here? Did you?"
Willow shook her head, her green eyes wide, her lips curled.
"Why?"
"Cordelia," Willow whispered.
Buffy nodded, getting what Willow was feeling, the timidness and shyness, the tendency to hide behind her long red hair. "How long?" Buffy asked.
"Huh."
"How long has that bitch been making your life a living hell?"
"Since kindergarten," Willow replied a little louder.
"Look, where I came from," Buffy said, deciding honesty was for the best. "I was Cordelia. But I'm not anymore. I hated that Buffy! So much that I ended up in the loony bin for awhile. My mom was scared I was going to hurt som... myself. Just so you know up front. That I'm nuts. Before you decide whether or not to be my friend," Buffy finished her nervous babbling.
"Were you?"
"Huh?"
"Going to hurt yourself?"
"I don't know. Maybe?" Buffy shrugged.
Willow frowned. "That would have been terrible," she whispered.
Buffy squeezed the top of Willow's shoulder gently and smiled at the redhead. "I don't anymore. Want to hurt myself that is." Buffy released Willow's shoulder then gently ran the pad of her index finger along Willow's bare forearm. When Willow didn't pull away, Buffy's smile widened. "I'm not that Buffy anymore."
Liar! she raged at herself. No, I'm not that Buffy anymore. But I still hate her and she is still me. Still me! Fuck! Buffy was suddenly hit with the certainty that if it wasn't for her slayeryness that she would reveal Cordelia Chase to be a true amateur in bitchiness, and destroy the sensitive redhead. Like Heather, who'd ended up trying to kill herself. The demon that was the source of her power had changed her, forced her to care. And for the first time since she'd been called she was happy to be the Slayer, because the Slayer would never willingly hurt Willow.
"That's good," Willow said. She looked directly into Buffy's eyes, saw the conflicting emotions flickering in the greenish hazel staring back into hers. "Cause you're like the first person to choose me over Cordelia since kindergarten. And if you'd hurt yourself that'd never of happened. And that thought makes me sad, cause I've never had a friend who was a girl before. Just Xander and Jessie, but they don't count cause it's not the same, cause there still boys. And I'm a babbling idiot."
"No you're not. You're cute," Buffy said, blushing. Oh my god. I can't believe I just told her she was cute, Buffy thought, breathing rapidly, her heart pounding. Don't spaz Summers, she told herself, taking a deep breath, letting it out when Willow smiled at her. Buffy returned the smile.
She took Willow's hand in hers, interlaced their fingers. "Come on," she said, leading Willow away from the school. "We can go to my house, figure out this homework thing."
CONT.