A Journey of a Thousand Miles
by Kirayoshi
My Sacrifice
[reviews]
Chapter Eight
My Sacrifice
"Hello, my friend, we meet again,
It's been so long, where should we begin?
Feels like forever.
Within my heart a memory
A perfect love that you gave to me,
Oh, I remember.
When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others, we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes,
My sacrifice."
--Creed
"My Sacrifice"
"Go to her," Rack ordered Buffy after he released her. "Say your goodbyes. She's mine now."
Buffy struggled to control her breathing. Each gasp of breath was an effort. Her heart pounded against her breast-bone, breaking a little more with each beat. She saw Willow advancing toward her, her body straight and erect. Her eyes were wide, her face an artist's study in concern. Her posture and expression all said the same thing; 'a brave front'.
Willow took Buffy's hands in her own, a small contact that nonetheless connected Buffy to a thousand memories, a thousand sights, sounds and thoughts all orbiting around Willow. Consoling hugs, shared jokes, sleepovers, ice cream sundaes, quiet moments and so many other little things. And after tonight, they would be lost to her forever. Willow would be lost to her forever.
The enormity of that realization proved to be Buffy's undoing. Her knees gave out from under her, and her breathing was reduced to gasping sobs. Arms surrounded her, embracing her tightly. "Don't cry on me, Buffy," Willow whispered raggedly. "You have to be strong now, for both of us."
"I can't, Willow," Buffy wailed as she crumbled to the ground, her despair consuming her. "I can't just watch you march off to that bastard!"
"I have to do this," Willow argued, her chin trembling but still set in firm determination. "I'm not going to let Rack do anything to you. You're too important, the world needs you."
"But I need you," Buffy cried, her voice heavy with loss. She leaned toward Willow, desperate to prolong the contact. Willow complied, her face so close that Buffy could feel Willow's warmth on her skin. All she wanted was to be lost in that heat...
"Okay, Strawberry," Rack's voice rasped against Buffy's ears. "Time's up. Come to me." Willow backed away slowly from Buffy, swallowing hard. Her lips moved without speaking aloud; "I love you, Buffy." She turned away from Buffy and toward the bloated succubus, who grinned in victory over the anguished Slayer.
"Willow!" Buffy cried, reaching out to Willow, to stop her from leaving her, but Victoria rushed to her side, restraining her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. "No, Buffy," she spoke in a voice of forced calm, "this is her fight. Her final test. She has to do this alone." Buffy simply nodded, a knot of fear jamming her esophagus, her eyes fixed on Willow.
The redheaded Wiccan now stood in front of Rack, praying that she looked braver than she felt; if this was indeed the last time Buffy would ever see her in this world, she didn't want to look scared. She wanted Buffy to remember her as a person of strength and compassion, not the magic junkie she had become thanks to Rack. She took one last forlorn glance at Buffy. The Slayer's eyes fluttered, tears flowing freely. For one eternal second Buffy's charcoal gray eyes locked with her own, and Willow could feel the devastation in her beloved's heart. She could see Tara, Xander and Andrew gathering around Buffy, their eyes dark and hooded. Willow swallowed hard, praying that her next action was the correct one. She wrenched her eyes away from Buffy's and faced Rack.
The leering face of Rack filled her vision, and his breath, bearing a stench of dead things assailed her nostrils. She absently thought of Jabba the Hutt in "Return of the Jedi", laughing his dark, hideous laugh at the captive Princess Leia, chuckling, "In time, you will grow to appreciate me." She gritted her teeth and raised her head. "I'm here, Rack. I have your word that you will not harm my friends."
Rack snarled sardonically, flashing a yellowing incisor at Willow. "I gave no such word, Strawberry. But I have no need of them. They are safe from me. Now," he reached a hand around Willow's neck, slowly running the tips of his fingers across her spinal column, sending involuntary shivers through her nervous system. "Give me your power, my strawberry," he purred, "and I will give you pleasure."
Willow said nothing. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. Rack placed his free hand on Willow's forehead. Her skin began to warm where his fingers touched her, a sensation familiar from when she first encountered the magic dealer. The warmth became a heat, a fire that seared her soul if not her flesh...
Xander clenched and unclenched his fist, wanting desperately to cave Rack's face in. Andrew stood silently, dumbstruck at Willow's act of sacrifice. Tara and Victoria whispered silent prayers to the Goddess to protect and guard Willow in this terrible hour. No one dared move or speak, fearing what Rack would do to Willow if he was interrupted.
"No..." A primal growl broke the terrible silence.
"No..." The growl picked up volume, intensity, purpose.
"NO!" The cry ripped out of the Slayer's throat, galvanizing everyone within her radius. Before Rack could throw up a defensive spell to block her attack, she broke free of Victoria's hand on her shoulder and launched herself toward the succubus, her hands extended in front of her, her nails sharp as eagle's talons. She grabbed the hand caressing Willow's head by the wrist...
>
The sensation of weightlessness came first. No sense of up or down, simply floating adrift without awareness of direction. Around her, the darkness was occasionally broken by iridescent flashes, fluorescent greens, blues and oranges. Like being suspended within the Aurora Borealis, except she didn't see these colors, not in any physical definition. Such terms as sight and sound held no meaning in this world. Rather, she felt them, sensed them slowly becoming part of her awareness.
As she became more aware of her surroundings, she felt a familiar presence beside her; radiating warmth and compassion. She felt herself being drawn toward this presence, and surrendered to the pull; she knew with every fiber of her soul what that presence was, needed that presence in her life. Like water, food or oxygen, this presence was a necessary component of her survival. As she approached the sensation, it slowly coalesced into a form, little more than a pattern of energy, but one that Buffy was incapable of mistaking. A flash of knowing green eyes amid warm red hair.
---Willow--- she spoke/thought the word, and the form beside her turned to face her.
---Buffy--- the form replied. Buffy could feel the caring, the tenderness and love emanating from Willow's form in waves, falling over Buffy, flooding her, filling her. ---You came for me.---
---How could I not?--- With eyes that weren't fooled by human sight, Buffy and Willow gazed at each other. The fact that neither one was clothed didn't escape their notice, nor the fact that they weren't nude either. For the first time in their lives, Buffy and Willow stood truly naked before each other. Buffy saw Willow's form shift constantly in its colors; a bright whiteness tinged with reds and greens, marred by dark patches that Buffy instinctively knew to be recent, but now began to fade. The darkness that she had plunged into, Buffy reasoned, Rack's taint.
---Rack!--- Buffy shouted in her mind and Willow followed the thought. ---Where is he?---
---Not here,--- Willow answered, her voice echoing in Buffy's soul like the tingling of a silver bell. ---I don't think that he's anywhere anymore. I felt him...leave when you touched us.---
Buffy drank in Willow's thoughts, losing herself in the warmth of her smile. Part of her wondered what Willow saw when she looked at her, and wanted to hide from her. But one look into the endless jade pools of her eyes assured her that Willow was as enraptured by Buffy's soul as Buffy was in Willow's.
---Gods--- Buffy thought, ---you are so beautiful---
---No, Buffy--- Willow reached out her hand to Buffy, who grasped it eagerly. The two hands merged, fused into one, connecting Buffy and Willow. ---We are---
Buffy glanced down at the juncture where she and Willow were joined, and noticed that their arms were disappearing into each other. Her elbow now connected to Willow's, and their forms were fusing even further. For a moment, she started to panic, but Willow's mind whispered to hers; ---Don't fight this. This is how it was meant to be, Buffy.---
The single form that stood where the two discrete forms once existed followed the thought, accepting it as truth without question. Buffy relaxed, felt the merging of souls, felt herself blending with Willow, and gradually came to know that it was right. Buffy felt Willow's darkness, so similar to her own, while Willow bathed into the muted light that was Buffy. The darkness and light merged, canceling each other out, but at the same time defining each other.
---I'm not losing part of myself,--- Buffy/Willow thought, ---I've gained that part of myself that I was missing.--- The merged souls couldn't even think in the plural; they were one entity. And that thought gave 'her' such joy as neither half had ever known separately.
As Buffy/Willow drifted in this formless place, the lights shifted, the darkness faded to a faintly golden light. Colors and shapes coalesced, became more defined. A doorway of stone stood before her, and she passed through without thinking. Halls of stone shot up beside her, illuminated by some unknown light. On one wall a bas relief of a sun-disk hovered over images of scarabs, cobras and birds.
---Very Egyptian,--- that part of her that was Willow commented mentally.
---Yeah,--- the Buffy-half answered. ---Where are Rick and Evie O'Connell when we need them?---
Buffy/Willow smirked at the thought, as she drifted forward through the ancient halls. She scanned the engravings on the walls, amazed as their meaning became clear in her mind; an ibis-headed figure was tricked by his scheming brother into entering a cabinet. The schemer hacked his brother into pieces, placed them into the cabinet, sealed the cabinet with wax, and dropped the cabinet into the Nile. The wife of the ibis headed man rowed her barge down the river, retrieving the pieces of her husband and restoring them to life. The reanimated ibis then took his rightful place as the ruler of the underworld.
---Osiris,--- Buffy/Willow thought, knowing without understanding how they knew that they were reading the myth of the God of the Dead. Before she could pursue the thought, white light flooded the hall, briefly blinding her. Blinking, she risked opening her eyes.
She stood in a vast amphitheater, the ceiling high and dome-like. Vividly colored hieroglyphic murals covered the walls, as sphinx-like statuary flanked her pathway on either side. At the center of the amphitheater stood a mahogany statue of a powerful man with the head of an ibis. She felt herself flying faster as she was drawn toward the ibis-headed man, and in an instant stood before him. The giant stood immobile, not even regarding her presence, for a minute or a lifetime, the concept of time didn't hold any meaning to her in this realm.
Then the ibis head craned rapidly and peered at Buffy/Willow, onyx eyes set into a face of great wisdom. Osiris...the enjoined soul knew that he could be no other...measured her with an eerie precision, his eyes gazing through her and into her. He lifted his hand, holding a golden scale. He gestured toward Buffy/Willow, pulling her toward the scale, resting them on one pan. Suddenly, the combined soul possessed weight, causing the scale to tip. Buffy/Willow looked over the edge of the pan, and stared into a black abyss. At the bottom of that blackness, greedy eyes glittered at them, sharp teeth shined whitely at them. ---Ammat,--- she identified the demon. She silently prayed that Osiris did not find them wanting.
Osiris raised his free hand above his head and grasped at the air. He brought his hand down, displaying an enormous white feather to Buffy/Willow. He placed the feather in the other pan of the scale and waited...
The pan containing the feather lowered, the scale tilted and Buffy/Willow's pan rose high into the air.
Osiris regarded Buffy/Willow with his sharp eyes, and smiled...
>
Buffy felt a warm body within her arms, felt a gentle breath tickle her ear. Lifting her weight from the ground, she stared hard at the body beneath her, her heart skipping a beat in fear of what she would see.
Willow lifted her head, locked her eyes with Buffy, and smiled. Buffy released a breath she only now knew she was holding, and hugged Willow tightly to her, laughing and crying and laughing again. The two women rolled around the ground, rejoicing in being alive, and being together.
Their joyful display was interrupted by a familiar voice shouting at the top of his lungs; "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?"
Buffy and Willow craned their heads toward Xander and the others. Xander's jaw unhinged and hung slack, Tara's eyes widened in shock, Victoria gave a relieved sigh, and Andrew simply gawked. There was no sign of Rack.
Buffy and Willow stared at their friends for a count of three and started laughing.
"Come on, guys," Victoria whispered sotto voce to the others, as Buffy stood up and pulled Willow to her feet, "let's head back to Buffy's place and figure out what happened."
>
Willow curled up on Buffy's lap, while the others gathered around in the living room, each one holding a cup of coffee or cocoa. Dawn and Anya listened to Buffy and Willow trading off in their descriptions of the night's events. Dawn was relieved that her sister was alive and well, but shocked that Spike, someone she had grown to trust, could hurt her as deeply as he had. She noticed the way that Buffy's hand constantly sought out Willow's, and then glanced at Tara. If the blond wiccan was sad at Willow's choosing Buffy over her, she hid her sorrow well. Dawn sat back and prayed that Tara would find her happiness, as Buffy and Willow clearly have in each other.
"And after Osiris smiled at us," Willow finished her narration, "we found ourselves back here. But I'm still not clear what happened. I mean, after Buffy tried to push me out of the way, what happened to Rack?"
"I think you did, Willow," Victoria answered, sipping her coffee serenely. "When Buffy began to push you away, we saw a flash of bright light. When the light faded, Rack was gone, and you and Buffy fell to the ground. I suspect that he overloaded on your shared energy, and it consumed him."
"I don't get it," Buffy said. "I thought Rack drew his strength from magic energy. I don't have any magic, do I?"
"Oh, I dunno," Willow looked up at Buffy, her face dimpling in an elfin smile. "That kiss in Spike's crypt was pretty magical to me." Andrew leered at Willow's comment, only to be shot down by Tara's withering stare.
Victoria chuckled, answering, "It wasn't the magic that overloaded him, Buffy, but the love behind it. It was that power that consumed him." Willow nodded in agreement, snuggling closer to Buffy.
"I'm still kinda fuzzy about that whole giant bird-headed dude and all that," Xander admitted. He sat on his favorite chair in Buffy's living room, while Anya sat on the floor in front of him, her head cradled between Xander's knees, as Xander idly ran his hands through her hair. "Okay, I get the whole soul-merging thing, meaning that you're soulmates or something like that, right?"
"We felt that too, Xander," Buffy said solemnly. "Uh, sorry 'bout that, Tara."
"Don't be, Buffy," Tara flashed her a watery smile. "Just treat her well." Buffy nodded her thanks to Tara.
"I think what we saw was the end of our final testing," Willow said. "The last test of the Urn of Osiris. We were in the presence of Osiris, the final judge."
"If I remember the mythology correctly," Victoria explained, "Osiris, the Lord of the Underworld, placed each soul that approached him on one pan of a scale, and a feather on the other pan. If the soul was heavy with evil and darkness, and proved to be heavier than the feather, the soul would fall into the pit of the demon Ammat, the devourer of souls. If the soul proved lighter than the feather, it would be welcomed to Osiris's fields."
"So what happened to us," Buffy reasoned, "was sort of a closure. Like we finally got the darkness out of our systems."
"Exactly," Victoria answered. "In the end, what was needed to complete the cleansing was each other. You, Willow, cast a light on Buffy's darkness. And you, Buffy, through your familiarity with the dark, helped Willow bear the burden of her dark magic."
Buffy and Willow digested Victoria's words, weighed them in their minds, and knew them to be the truth. Buffy turned to Willow, and saw into the depths of her bright green eyes, far brighter than they had shone in months.
"So, Willow," Buffy quipped, "you ready for the cleansing ceremony on the Solstice?"
Willow gasped briefly. "That's in five days, isn't it? Victoria, will you be there?"
Victoria felt a tear of joy at Willow's question. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, Willow."
"Neither would I," Tara answered. Xander, Anya and Dawn also spoke in agreement, and even Andrew smiled approvingly toward the redhaired witch. Willow basked in the comfort and support of her closest friends. For the first time in longer than she could fathom, she was looking forward to tomorrow.
Buffy took Willow into her arms once more, giving her beloved a comforting hug. "Welcome back, Willow," Buffy began to cry with joy. "I missed you."
>
Epilogue; Six Months Later
"Making my way downtown,
Walking fast, faces pass
And I'm homebound.
Staring blindly ahead,
Making my way, making my way
Through the crowd.
And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder
If I should fall into the sky,
Do you think time would pass us by
'Cause you know I would walk a thousand miles,
If I could just see you...
Tonight."
--Vanessa Carlton
"A Thousand Miles"
Sunlight streamed through the window of the main bedroom in the Summer's house. Formerly occupied by Buffy's mother before her death, the room was now shared by Buffy and Willow, much to Dawn's relief; she had occasionally quipped that she was glad that Buffy and Willow were sleeping far enough from Dawn's bedroom that she couldn't hear them. According to Dawn, Buffy and Willow could get rather vocal during the throes of passion.
Buffy stirred slowly, unwilling to leave their bed. She luxuriated in the scent of Willow's hair on the pillow next to her, and her fingers strayed toward her lover's side of the bed. When all she felt was the indentation left by Willow's body, Buffy's eyes suddenly snapped open and her body bolted up. "Willow?" she called out.
"Right here," Willow's voice chimed from the hallway, easing the fears that were beginning to sprout in Buffy's soul. Willow slowly entered the room, carrying a bed-tray loaded with two plates, a skillet of scrambled eggs, a bottle of Tabasco sauce, a pitcher of juice and two glasses. She placed the tray on the bed next to Buffy and leaned in for a kiss, which Buffy happily surrendered. "Happy six-month anniversary," she breathed in a sultry whisper.
"Hmm," Buffy hummed as she took another taste of Willow's lips. "Y'know, this is the first time I ever celebrated a six-month anniversary."
Willow crooked an eyebrow as she dished out some eggs to Buffy's plate, saying, "You mean Riley never treated you to breakfast in bed at the six-month point? Well, now, that should have been your first clue that something was wrong with that boy."
"Excuse me," Buffy reminded Willow, "I thought we had a standing agreement never to mention ex-lovers in this bed."
Willow blushed for a second, then regrouped; "Uh, technically, I'm not in the bed right now."
"True, true," Buffy's face suddenly took on a wicked expression, one that thrilled Willow with its erotic promise. "We should correct that oversight." Buffy suddenly lunged forward, taking Willow by the waist and pulling her into the bed with her. Only her Slayer reflexes prevented her sudden attack on Willow from knocking the tray onto the floor. "Much better," Buffy purred, enjoying the weight of her lover firmly on top of her. Their lips drew toward each other in a long, slow kiss. Not the kiss of two people intent on making love, but the kiss of two who were secure in the love they shared.
"Good morning, Willow," Buffy cooed, her head happily nuzzling Willow's neck.
"The best," Willow agreed wholeheartedly.
The two lovers finally disengaged the hug long enough to get to the breakfast Willow had prepared. Even as they ate, their hands strayed, touching and caressing each other. While their first kiss was not one of passion, they both knew that passion was coming soon.
Buffy shook the Tabasco bottle over her plate, sprinkling drops of red pepper sauce over her eggs, while Willow looked on in amazement. "I'm amazed that your tongue still works, considering how much you love Tabasco on your eggs."
Buffy slid her eyes slyly toward Willow, her voice husky with latent desire; "I didn't get any complaints about how my tongue worked last night."
Willow's cheeks suddenly turned redder than her hair. "That's not what I meant and you know it," she whispered hoarsely.
Buffy laughed at Willow's slight embarrassment, then scooted her butt up the bed until her body was touching her lover's. "Maybe I'll give you another demonstration after breakfast. That is, if you want."
"I want, I want," Willow grinned hugely.
"Hey, don't go all Cave-Willow on me," Buffy teased, as she ate another forkful of eggs.
As the two women finished their breakfast, Buffy turned to Willow and asked, "Hey, we're supposed to meet Tara today, right?"
"What happened to 'no talking about our exes in this bed'?" Willow quizzed Buffy.
"Tara doesn't count," Buffy insisted, "she's still family."
"Fair enough," Willow answered. "Besides, now that she and Amy got together after Rack's disappearance, they're both happier than they've been in a long time. And with Amy preparing for her cleansing ceremony at the Summer Solstice next week, Tara's really excited."
"That's good," Buffy agreed. "I'm glad that Tara and Victoria were able to find Amy after Rack died. After all Rack put her through, she was in bad shape."
"Yeah, but she's been improving. Since she and I joined Victoria's coven, we've both learned to embrace the spiritual side of Wicca. I think that's made a lot of difference."
"I'm glad," Buffy leaned her head on Willow's shoulder, again smelling the sweet jasmine scent of Willow's shampoo. "Of course, there's no cure for my addiction, is there?"
"Your addiction?" Willow gave Buffy a puzzled look.
"I'm a Willow-holic," Buffy declared.
"Well," Willow giggled, "I guess that makes me a Buffy-holic. And that's one habit I don't plan to kick." After they laughed again, Willow's voice grew more serious, more passionate; "But it's far more than that, Buffy. This," she took Buffy's hand in hers and lifted it between them, "is what we gained from our experience. Our souls merged in Orisis's realm. The way they were meant to. We're one soul, Buffy, in two bodies. And I can't imagine a better fate." Willow pulled Buffy's hand to her lips and kissed her knuckle.
Buffy raised her eyes to meet her lover's again. "Willow Rosenberg, will you marry me?"
"Yes, Buffy, I will," Willow answered immediately, joy shining in her green eyes. "But we wouldn't need the ceremony anyway. In the truest sense of the word, we already are married."
Buffy had no more words for Willow, and indeed words were not needed. She took Willow's body in her arms again, not caring whether the breakfast tray fell off the bed, and leaned on top of her in a passionate kiss. Willow responded with as much ardor as she could, and soon they began to shed their clothes, resuming the most ancient celebration.
They never did finish their breakfast, but neither one complained.
>
"And I would walk five hundred miles,
And I would walk five hundred more,
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door."
--The Proclaimers
"Five Hundred Miles(I'm Gonna Be)"