FIC: Helping(Becoming One - Part 11)

["Pat Kelly" <bandits@xxxxxxxxx>]

I use Dave Matthews' "Best Of What's Around" here. Enjoy. (BTW - Any DMB fans on the list?)

HELPING


The Bronze. When was the last time they had been here? It was nice to do a semi-normal thing after what they'd been through. Very nice in fact. They were on the dance floor, slowly moving to the music of the Dingoes.

Buffy was leaning against Willow, feeling protected and safe. Her body was still getting used to working again, and her slayerness was getting used to being "with" her, and adjusting. She was doing okay, but she could've done without battling Freddy Kruger. Even though she had been dreaming, she still came out of it exhausted.

Since she and Willow were connected, she felt somewhat tuned to the magickal side of things. She had nowhere near the skill that Willow had, but it was there. And likewise, Willow had some slayer ability still in her. Her reflexes were still sharp, and she was still pretty tough physically.

But they didn't dwell on that. To them they were just two freshman college girls who happened to be in love. Sure they were special in ways other people weren't, but that didn't mean that they didn't want to be normal every once and awhile, and have a good time. Just like they were trying to do now.

"Great song." Buffy said into Willow's neck.

"Oz said the band was trying different stuff."

"It worked."

They were silent for a little bit after that, and went slowly to sit down on one of the couches. Buffy got as close as she could. She needed comfort. No matter how hard she tried, her thoughts always seemed to drift toward the negative end.

"Nice of Giles to give us time off."

"Yeah.more like forced, but."

"Buffy? What's wrong?"

"I just.I feel like I've missed a lot." Willow gave her a puzzled look. Buffy's mind wasn't sending out clear thoughts. "You. Look at you. Bad ass Wicca, trained by a Goddess, independent, subbed as a slayer."

"How come I don't like the sound of this?"

"I missed that. I wasn't there for you. You didn't need me to do those things. What good am I?"

"I didn't hear that, but I'll answer anyway, cause I don't want you to have depressed thoughts. I. Need. You. The world needs you. The world needs me too, now, and I'm scared. You think I planned on all that happened?

"I did what I had to do, because I didn't have a choice. But I can't do it alone anymore. I need someone who's been in the business of world saveage, and knows how to deal. Someone who understands what it's like, and can support me."

"Who, Superman?" Buffy teased.

"I don't need him to sweep me off my feet. You've already done that."

'That was pure sap.'

'I'm not finished.'

"And I need someone to love me."

"Who might that be?"

"I think you know her."

"She cute?"

"Absolutely." They kissed. "She's you, you know."

"Thanks."

"I help. It's what I do."

"Nobody does it better." They kissed again, and knew they wanted to go.

"You're sure you're okay, now? You're not faking it?"

"You tell me." She let her mind be completely open, and Willow smiled. She was the only one who could relieve Buffy's depression with just a few words of reassurance. "Let's say bye to Oz and go home."

***


Giles, Xander, and Cordelia were trying to figure out what had been keeping Angelus so preoccupied. The magick shop had been ransacked twice in the past week, done after the shop had closed for the night. He was preparing for something, that much they were sure of.

Despite Buffy's attempts, Giles basically told her to take a long overdue rest/vacation from everything. She and Willow had been through a trying ordeal, and they were both emotionally and physically drained. They needed time, and unless it was absolutely necessary, he wouldn't ask, or let them, fight.

It was basically the information gathering stage anyway. The quiet before Angelus brought them their next crisis. While they were trying to piece things together, Wesley was on his own, gathering information from underground sources in town. He had no desire to go back to England, or be anywhere near the Council.

Giles looked over at Xander and Cordelia. They seemed awfully distant, and now that he thought about it, they had been distant for awhile. On the surface they seemed the same, but he could see it in their eyes. With everything that had been going on, he hadn't noticed it. Oz, Buffy, and Willow probably hadn't either.

"Are.are you two all right?" Xander and Cordelia weren't the easiest people to read, particularly because they both hid behind their different personalities. Xander, the jokester, and Cordelia the detached, mean, and untouchable one. He figured the direct approach was the best way.

"Fine." They both said quickly, giving what Giles knew was an automated response.

"You're.sure?"

"Uh huh." The last two words were spoken in a tone that said, 'I don't want to talk about it.'

He saw them share a look, and then look down at the newspapers they were reading.

Somehow he got the feeling that he couldn't help them with this. Not by himself anyway. He'd talk to Buffy and Willow tomorrow. He wanted to see them okay, not distracted. That was something they couldn't afford. It made them more susceptible to attacks. But mainly, he wanted to see them happy. He felt like a father to them, and he'd help any way he could.

***


Hearing a knock on their door, Willow untangled herself from Buffy's embrace, and slumped out of bed. She wrapped a sheet around her body.

"Willow."

"I have to answer it. Just keep my spot warm." Willow smiled at her. Buffy frowned, and she almost ignored the door. Then the knocks came again. "Patience."

She opened the door. Giles was standing outside. "Giles!" Willow blushed.

"Ah.hello." He said, turning the same shade as Willow

"Buffy! Giles is here!"

"Hi Giles! How you doing?" Buffy called quickly from inside.

"Um.fine. I.needed to talk to you two about something." He stuttered.

"Great! Well, we'll just get.meet you at the lounge in the main hall."

"I'll just.go wait."

"Fifteen minutes?"

"Bye, Giles!" Buffy said, as Willow shut the door.

Willow faced her, and they both started laughing.

***


Later, Buffy and Willow entered the lounge, seeing Giles sitting in a chair over in the corner. They walked over and sat down next to him.

"So what'd you need to talk to us about?" Willow asked.

"Does a demon need to be pummeled?"

"Not yet. It's about Xander and Cordelia actually. Something seems to be troubling them."

The three of them saw Oz spot them, and he made his way over.

"Hey." He said.

"Xander and Cordelia." Buffy said.

He nodded.

"We've been so wrapped up in stuff.and I knew that something was bothering Xander, I just didn't have the time to." Willow trailed off.

"Cordelia's really good at pretending to cope. I never would've guessed...tutor!"

"Huh?" The three of them asked.

"Tutor. Is on his way over here. I didn't do the assignment."

'Buffy.'

'You're distracting.'

'Now it's my fault?'

'Completely.'

'Then I'll make you do the assignment later. No distractions till you're done.'

'Not fair.'

"Buffy." The older student was saying.

"Oh.hi.almost done it.I swear."

"I hope so. It's for your benefit."

"Understood. Promise." He walked away, and she saw Giles giving her a look. "Going back to the very important subject of our friends, we were going to talk to Xander anyhow, so."

"We could split up. Oz go with Buffy and talk to Xander, and I'll talk to Cordelia."

"You want to talk to Cordelia alone?"

"Brave." Oz said.

"I'll go with you, Willow." Giles said. He might not have been able to help them alone, but with Willow it would be easier. He was the parental, backup support, type of person. "They're both at Xander's now, I think."

"Then that's where we're going." Buffy said.

They got up and started to head off campus, walking a few feet behind Giles and Oz.

"He was checking you out." Willow said.

"Somebody's possessive."

"No."

"Yes you are. And I like it."

"Well, can't really blame him."

"I'm yours.but remember, public place."

"Buffy!"

She grinned at the look of shock on Willow's face. She was easy to unravel, but it was still fun. They linked arms, and Willow relaxed.

***

As the two of them sat in Xander's basement, they were together and alone at the same time. He and Cordelia sat up against the headboard of his bed, silent. They reasoned that if they didn't acknowledge the situation they both found themselves in, they could pretend there wasn't a problem.

It wasn't about being useful to their friends, or contributing, they knew they could do that. Xander proved that to himself when he shoved a knife through the "Freddy demon's" back a week or so ago. And Cordelia had surprised herself when she was there for Willow during Buffy's absence, and was actually comforting.

No, the problem was with the way their lives were going. They were stuck in a rut. More like rooted in a rut. Xander was jobless, and didn't have the grades to even get into Sunnydale's college. Cordelia was also jobless, but she did have the smarts to further her education, she just couldn't afford it.

Most people would say it's their own fault, and to a point, they'd agree. They wanted to do something with their lives, something productive, they just weren't sure how or what. And that was a minor problem. The biggest ones were denial and lack of self-esteem.

They wanted to be able to open up and deal together, but.they were scared to. Both were afraid to admit they needed help. Especially to each other. They faced one another slowly, debating whether or not to speak. Then their friends came down.

Before they had time to say and anything, Buffy and Oz already started to drag Xander off the bed, and Giles and Willow were doing the same to Cordelia.

"What are you doing?" Cordelia asked, her voice raised.

"Things to do. Hurry. Long day." Willow said.

They got outside, and the two groups, went in opposite directions. Xander glanced over his shoulder.

"We'll meet up with them later. Got things to do first." Buffy said.

***


Buffy and Oz took Xander to the miniature golf course outside of town. He was suspicious, because they knew he was the only one who really enjoyed doing eighteen holes of trying to get a golf ball in a frog's mouth. But he went along with it. One reason was because they were already halfway through the course, and two, because he was winning.

"So, Xand.are you trying to steal the 'Quiet Award' from Oz today or what?" Buffy asked him.

"It's a recognition I'd like to keep." Oz said.

"I knew it."

"Knew what?" She asked.

"That you had another reason for bringing me here."

"No I didn't. Okay, it was partly to figure out what's been going on with you, and to spend quality time with a friend I haven't seen in two months."

"There's nothing going on."

Oz lined up for his shot. "Benefit of minimal talking is learning to read people."

"Do you see where he's going?"

"I can handle it."

"Handle what? Speak to us."

"You can't fix my problems."

"No, but we can get you to want to fix them for yourself. What are they?"

"Self esteem." Oz said, as he hit the ball, and it went over to the other side of the windmill.

"Is he right?"

"If he is?"

"Then I don't understand why. You have no reason to -"

"Oh come on, Buffy. Look at my life."

"You may think it's hard, but you're just out of high school. Things are tough. I know."

"How? You don't know what -" Buffy looked at him wide-eyed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean."

"Maybe this was a bad idea."

She lined up to take her shot next. She swung, and she and Oz started to walk towards the hole. "That's it? You're just gonna give up on me?"

"That's what you want, isn't it? Fine. We'll just finish and go -"

"I have low self-esteem okay? I've been fired from every job I've gotten since graduation, I've been hospitalized, my family could care less about me, Cordelia's in the same -"

"Xander." A light bulb went off in her head, and she smiled. It was so simple.

"Here comes the pity."

"No pity. Just understanding. Cause I know what you need."

"What's that?"

"To open up." Oz said.

"Isn't that what I'm doing?"

"Not to us. Cause as close as we are, we can't help you."

"Cordelia." Oz stated.

"No that would just -"

"Look, you're right. I don't know how hard it is for you. You and I are in two totally different situations. But Cordelia does. Cause she's going through it too."

"What happened to her isn't your fault."

"You love her don't you?"

"Well, yeah." Xander said.

"And she loves you back. You two are the only ones who can...I could tell you all day how worth it you are, how you'll get a job, how you're a great person and you have no reason to doubt that you'll lead a good life, but it wouldn't make a difference.

"You'd think I was saying it because I'm your friend, then you'd smile, maybe even say you'd try, but it wouldn't go anywhere. Cordelia's always been honest with you, and if you two love each other, you can help each other. I know this for a fact."

"How would we do that? We'd just make each other more depressed."

"You'd give each other the kick start to get moving. A reason not to give up." Oz said.

"I don't know."

"How do you feel now?" Buffy asked.

"Miserable. Depressed."

"It can only get better then. What have you got to lose?"

Xander seemed to be thinking about it.

"Let's finish up." Oz said.

***


Walking around the mall, Cordelia, Willow and Giles were shopping. Actually, Cordelia persuaded Giles to give her his credit card. He was a little more than worried at this point. She had about five bags full of stuff, and finally decided to stop because her legs were cramping.

She said she had to use the bathroom, so she made her way there, leaving Giles and Willow to wait for her. That had been ten minutes ago.

"I should go in there." Willow said.

"Well, we did bring her here in order to -"

"Can I help it if she's not the easiest person to talk to?"

"Perhaps you should try now. Before my bill gets any higher."

Willow made a face at him, and went inside.

***


She found Cordelia sitting on the tiled floor, crying. The bags were at her side. She looked up at Willow through tear-filled eyes.

"You don't really want to sit on the floor, do you?"

"Why not? I should get used to it now so it isn't a big shock later."

"Don't say that."

"These," Cordelia said rifling through the clothes in the bags, "aren't me anymore. I'm a worthless, has-been, waitress."

Willow got down on the floor next to her. "The clothes were never 'you.' You're a person. Clothes don't make you who you are?"

"Says who?"

"Ghandi. He didn't where anything spectacular, wasn't rich either. But he was a great man."

"You know just how to wield that knowledge talent of yours, don't you?"

"Had to prove my point somehow."

"Well, I'm not Ghandi. I'm me, and I have different needs."

"You need to have everything?"

"Not everything."

"You just think you do."

"I know that sounds selfish, it's just.I've had everything my whole life."

"Must be hard to revert."

"It is."

"Well, what do you have?"

"A couple pairs of disgusting shoes."

"You know what I mean."

"I don't know. A job, crappy as it is, friends I guess."

"You guess?"

"I know I do. A "Faith-esque" apartment, can't forget that, a lousy Honda,"

"What about intelligence, looks, acceptance letters from very good colleges,"

"Are we forgetting the fact that I have barely enough money to live off right now?"

"There's ways to get into colleges, and you know that. What about Xander?"

"What about him?"

"You have him too, don't you?"

"Sorta. We're kinda.in the same life place right now."

"So why aren't you talking to him about it? Maybe that's what you need."

"And make him feel worse? I mean we all knew he was going to end up.damn it. I didn't want to say that."

"He convinced himself a long time ago that he was going to be where he is now."

"Well that's just stupid. No wonder he -"

"And he blames himself for you ending up like him."

"He does? It's not his fault."

"Don't you think he needs to hear that?"

"I want to talk to him.but I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"He went out with me because I was popular and."

"You think that's why he loves you?

"He loves me?"

"Don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"He's with you because you're you. Not because you had money, or school status. He's still with you, and guess what? High school's been over. You need each other right now. That's obvious."

"Then what?"

"Well, whatever you decide to do, at least you'll be doing it together. It's good to have someone who understands and supports you. First-hand knowledge here. Now come on, and get off the floor."

***


They walked out of the bathroom and over to Giles.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah." Cordelia said.

"Ready to go?" Willow asked.

"Almost. I just need to return this stuff."

"Oh, Cordelia you don't have to -" He started.

"Thanks, Giles. I mean it. But.I don't need this."

***


Later, at the Bronze, the two couples were dancing. Xander and Cordelia, Buffy and Willow. Oz had to go lock himself in the mausoleum, it being the first night of the change. There was no band playing that night, just a DJ.

"This next song, is by Dave Matthews' Band, called 'Best Of What's Around'."

A few seconds later, the song started.

(Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your times with me
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind)

Xander and Cordelia looked at each other, seeing the things they didn't want to say.

(See, you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
And so can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around)

Buffy smiled at Willow, who smiled back, and then they looked over at their friends. Xander leaned in and kissed Cordelia, and they followed suit.


(Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you're around)

'Buffy.' Willow thought.

'Willow.' Buffy thought.

'Xander.' Cordelia thought.

'Cordelia.' Xander thought.

(If you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest
She run up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind's eye is)

Xander and Cordelia stopped dancing, and so did Buffy and Willow.

(Seeing things from a
Clearer side than most can dream
On a better road I feel
So you could say she's safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She'll make the best of what's around)

They were all waiting. And it was about to happen. Buffy and Willow held their breath.

(Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
And hurts not much when you're around)


"I need you to help me." Xander and Cordelia said at the same time.

Buffy and Willow gave themselves a mental high five. They looked over at the door where Giles was standing quietly. They gave him a thumbs up, and waited for the next song to start.


"If I could just say a few words...I'd be a better public speaker." (Homer J. Simpson)

"You know what the secret of life is?"
"Your finger?"
"One thing. Just one thing."
"That's great, but what's the one thing?"
"That's what you gotta figure out."
(Jack Palance, Billy Crystal, City Slickers)

"I heard your heartbeat." (Buffy Summers, to Angel, ANGEL)