FIC: Turning Frowns Upside-Down

["Pat Kelly" <bandits@xxxxxxxxx>]

Hey.

This is my first small fic since, I don't remember when. :-) Little break from finishing Becoming One. This fic, is post "Doomed". Enjoy.

TURNING FROWNS UPSIDE-DOWN

Willow got back from her TV vedge-out with Xander and Spike. She never thought she'd be adding Spike after an 'and', but now that he could pummel demons.well it looked like he was on the side of good. At least for the time being.

She couldn't say she liked him, but he would be helpful. He had seemed enthusiastic, so that was a plus. But she still couldn't get over what he said. There was truth to it. Minimal, very minimal, but it was there. Was she just Buffy's groupie?

No, they were friends. Best friends. She helped. Did friend things. Supportive friend things, happy friend things. So basically, she did a lot of.things. Damn Spike for making her feel worse. First Oz, and now she was questioning her usefulness to Buffy. But why should she care if she was useful to Buffy?

Because they had been through.thinking. She had to stop thinking. A shower. That's what she needed. So, she gathered up her bathing items, and made her way to the shower at the end of their hall.

***


She exited the shower, robe on, and made her way back to the room. She knew Buffy had come back from wherever she had been, before she opened the door. She did it quietly, and caught the smile on her friend's face as she entered. Buffy was smiling. That was a rare phenomenon.

Then Buffy noticed her, and the smile was replaced with an expression of neutrality, and the eyes gained sadness. Willow frowned. She walked into the room and Buffy went from 'happiness' to 'non-happiness'. That upset her. A lot. And backed up her fears.

***

"Hey." Buffy said by way of greeting.

She skipped the pleasantries and got right to the point. "Where'd it go?"

"Where'd what go?"

"When I came in, I know there was a smile. Then it went away. Where'd it go?"

Buffy looked down at her hands as she spoke. "I was just checking to make sure my face muscles could still perform the task. You know, just in case I need to smile at some point."

"I know 'Avoiding Buffy' when I see her. You're not gonna make me pry are you? What caused the smile?"

"Nothing."

"I practice expressions too. You know the one I'm really good at?"

"Please, God.no. Anything but that."

"That's right. The resolve face. You have five seconds to spill or I won't be able to stop it. One,

"Two,

"Three,

"Four,"

"Okay, I give." Buffy said, getting up off her spot on the bed and holding up her hands. She walked over to the computer, and started to fiddle with the edges of the mouse pad. "Riley and I."

"Yeah? Come on."

She looked up and saw Willow's reflection in the monitor. "We kissed. An official, dating kind of kiss."

"That's great!" Willow jumped excitedly, squealing. Buffy frowned, bringing her lips down into a complete, hurt expression. "It's a not great?"

"No, it was it's just.he really tried to win me over.and he made sense.and it was nice."

Willow's brain started shifting into a higher gear. It was her fault. It was all her fault. "Spike was right."

"Huh?"

"You were smiling and happy, then I come in and you go into sad mode, and -"

"Will, it's not your fault." Buffy said, turning around to face her friend.

"Yeah it is. Completely. Total fault here. I've been mopey about Oz, and I make you feel guilty about getting happy, cause I'm not and -"

"What?"

"I'm just someone who tags along. And I keep you from doing what you have to do. With slaying, with you're life.I'm bad. Very bad."

"You are not. You're the goodest.word?" Willow shook her head. "You're the best person I know. I don't what Spike's been telling you -"

"The truth."

"If he's telling the truth, it's his own twisted, demonic version of it. But it's not mine."

"What.is yours?"

"In my simple, seventeen letter alphabet terms, you," She said emphasizing the last word and pointing at her roommate, "and Xander, are the only ones keeping me from wanting to kill myself."

"Buffy, don't -"

"I know that borders on a reason to lock me in a padded room, but it's the truth. I wouldn't lie to you. Even more simply, 'Willow plus Xander plus Willow equals Buffy'. Take away any one of those variables, and the equation doesn't work."

"What's the extra 'me' for?"

"Good luck. Never ever listen to Spike. Especially now that he dresses like an undead Hawaiian pimp."

"Can we hug now?"

"You don't need to ask."

Willow enveloped Buffy in her special ' friendship comfort' hugs.

"Thanks. I needed to hear that."

"Oh, and just in case, you are so not a nerd."

"This might be a little repetitive, but thanks again. There's just one thing you haven't explained." Willow said breaking the hug, much to their mutual disappointment. Though it was necessary to be looking at the person you were talking to when speaking.

"What?"

"Why did the smile go away?"

"That's a little more complicated."

"But you seemed so good at simplification a few minutes ago." Willow grabbed Buffy's hand, and her friend glanced down at their joined digits. "You can tell me. Whatever it is."

"You're my friend right?"

"Well, to go back to your equation example, that's pretty much a given."

Buffy, her happiness level going up by the second, led them back down to sitting positions on her bed.

"Like I said, the kiss was great. He's great. He pinned my whole life in the space of about two seconds, but I pretty much.well, that's not the point. He said we clicked, and we do."

"Cause of the whole secret identity thing and how underneath it all you're both really nice people?"

"You added the nice in, but yeah."

"I can't add something that's already there. But I still don't see the problem."

"Well, there's lots of people that click with each other, right? All the time. For all sorts of reasons."

"That's one of the few beliefs I've held onto."

"So we agree."

"Yep. And I hate to think I'm reverting back a level on the evolutionary chart, but I still don't see why -"

"To stick with the honesty theme, it did kinda have to do with you. But not for the reason you think."

"Then what?"

"When Oz left, cheated on you, I wanted to kill him. And I've been glad he stayed away."

"You are?"

"I'll get to that. See, when I started liking Riley, and then when I kissed him just now, I felt like Oz."

"I'm lost.you weren't even babbling, but I -"

"I felt like I was cheating on you."

The world came to halt for Willow just then, and her brain was struggling to process what she had just heard. The signals she was getting back asked for a repeat of the new data.

"I.what did you say?"

"Maybe I should've tried a more subtle approach. You've always been my best friend. That's what I've always categorized you as. And you've always made me happy in that way. You've encouraged my love life, and the two of you have always been separate."

"And now?"

"I kept the thing with Riley going because I knew you thought he'd make me happy. That's what you wanted, and you were, you are hurting, so I said, 'If it'll make Willow happy if she sees me happy with Riley, then that's what I'll do.'"

"Buffy, if he doesn't make you happy, then you shouldn't have -"

"Believe me, Will, if he made me miserable, I would have stopped it. I enjoy being in his company. But, the other night, he just wouldn't give up, and he really wanted to give us a shot. Then he said something."

"What did he say?"

"That the way people manage through life is that they don't do it alone, and they pull each other through."

"Sounds about right to me."

"Oh, definitely. Only at that moment, when he was pitching himself to be that person for me, I realized I already had someone who did that. That would be you, by the way."

"Kinda figured that out." Willow said softly. "So, you're saying,"

"That I love you. And now I shall go and practice frowning some more."

"Not yet. I wanna tell you something first."

"Okay." Buffy said.

She was a little afraid. She hadn't even said those three words aloud to herself, and now she just said them to Willow. Clearing everything out of her head. All the other thoughts, and distractions. The way the conversation was going, it all just came out.

"When I was at the Aftershock Party the other night, before the dead body in the bed, I just stood there. Watching all these people walk by. Walk by me. Like I wasn't there. All I kept thinking is, 'Where is she?' I couldn't have fun without you.

"And then, after I heard Percy, I was praying you would show up and make me feel like I was actually there. Oz made me 'there' for awhile, but you did it before he did. And he's not doing it anymore. But you've always done it. I need you, Buffy.

"Until I saw you after the ambulance came, I was afraid you had, I dunno, left me."

"God, Will, if I had known -"

"I know."

"No I mean it, I would've been there so fast."

"I know. You had a world to worry about first."

"Screw the world. Forget the commandos, everything. Remember, if you're not in the equation -"

"I'll never, ever let you think you have to do that. And it really gives me bad images, so can we not say that? Ever again?"

"Never. I promise."

"So where's this put us?"

"Whatever you want, Will."

"Oh. I haven't said it yet, have I? I love you too. And for the record, the only reason I encouraged Riley, was because I thought you liked him."

"I like him all right. But I only love you." She smiled.

"There it is."

"You like it? I think it's starting to grow on me. If you want, I know how it can get bigger."

"I'll do anything to keep seeing that."

"Really? Then you wouldn't mind if.I kissed you?"

"I don't see a problem with that."

Two sets of smiling lips descended on one another, all thoughts of frowns and sadness evaporated, and the air became charged with happy, newfound love type of feelings.


"If I could just say a few words...I'd be a better public speaker." (Homer J. Simpson)

"You know what the secret of life is?"
"Your finger?"
"One thing. Just one thing."
"That's great, but what's the one thing?"
"That's what you gotta figure out."
(Jack Palance, Billy Crystal, City Slickers)

"I heard your heartbeat." (Buffy Summers, to Angel, ANGEL)