FIC: The Road to Recovery (6/?)

[~~Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxx>]

Title: The Road to Recovery (6/?)
Author: Kimber (kacoe@xxxxxxx)
Disclaimer: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. If girl-girl
action bothers you then you’re on the wrong list.
Summary: Part 2 in The Road series.
Spoilers: Everything is fair game.
Distribution: Pat Kelly, Rodrigo, Gary Thompson, Syrenslure and Serendipity. Anyone
else, e-mail me please.
Author's Notes: The more feedback I get the more fic I write. . .nuff said. Thoughts are
enclosed in < >
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“Xander!”

”I know. You don’t have to remind me how incredibly stupid it was. I got that part,
trust me.”

”I can’t believe you. As much as it freaks me out to know he’s here, he was only trying
to help. From what it sounded like, he’s been involved longer than we have.”

“It just. . .man it kills me how that guy gets to you!” He was pacing around the room.
“And to have both of them there, within like two feet of each other. . .”

”I was wiggin, believe me. Major wiggs going on.” She was sitting on the couch all
balled up with her chin resting on her knees.

He stopped short and looked over at her. . .really looked at her. She looked so sad, so
lost. It just wasn’t fair – the hell these guys put her though. He walked over to the
couch and sat down next to her quietly. Gently, he put his hand on her shoulder. “You
okay, Buffy?”

“Why is it that every guy I’ve slept with turned evil?”

His eyes went wide. “What?!”

She looked up at him. “I’m serious, Xand. Angel turned all grr after my little after
hours private birthday party. . .then Parker couldn’t even look at me the next day. .
.then Riley goes all psycho ubber-commando suspicious guy when Walsh died.” She got quiet
a moment then continued. “He still blames me for it, you know. He may not say it, but I
know. . .”

”You don’t know that. Angel was, well, there’s no other way of putting it, but Angel was
a mistake. Slayers and vampires don’t mix.” He put his arm around her. “Parker was a
guy. . .the ultimate sex seeking nasty guy that gives us love seeking guys a bad name.”
She laughed a little and he continued. “Riley. Riley is and always be a military guy in
the truest form. He’s all ethics and there’s only black and white where he’s concerned.
He could never understand the many colors and layers that is the one and only Buffy
Summers. Not even if he tried.”

She looked up at him and sniffled. He reached over and handed her a tissue. “Thanks.”
She smiled at him.

“Hey, don’t give me that look. I don’t understand you either sometimes.” He gave her a
squeeze. “Make that most of the time. I can’t explain you to you, Buff. You’re the only
one that can figure that out.”

She blew her nose. “How did you get so smart?”

He gave her a goofy smile. “Guess I did it when you weren’t watchin.”

She shook her head. “No. I’ve watched, I’ve noticed. You’ve grown a lot since high
school.”

He shrugged. “You gotta be wise to stay alive, I guess. In Sunnydale anyway. . .you
gotta keep one step ahead of those crazy vampires.” He smiled down at her.

“See, there. . .then you revert back to the wise-cracking fool that wandered the halls
with me and I wonder how you made it this far. I don’t know how you do it.”

He got up and grabbed a soda from the fridge and leaned against the counter. “I’m a man
of mystery I guess.”

She walked over to him. “No, no more men of mystery in my life. I wanna live mystery
free from here on out.” She hugged him and pressed her head against his chest. “Just be
Xander.”

He put one arm around her. “The jury’s in. Just plain old Xander it is.”

“Not plain. You may not know it, but you have a lot going for you.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, lots. I live in the converted attic of my best friend’s mother’s
house, I don’t have a steady job, my love life is non existent and I don’t know where my
next meal is coming from or where my life is going. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do
tomorrow, never mind the rest of my life.” He shook his head and put his other arm around
her. “I have lots goin on. . .bunches even.”

She looked up at him. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’ll figure it out soon enough. In
the mean time, you’ve got me.”

He looked at the seriousness in her eyes. He wasn’t sure where it came from, or how it
got there, but it had to go. Now. She just couldn’t look at him like that. Now. He
pulled away from her and stretched. “What do you say we go to bed. It’s been a really
long night.”

She frowned from the loss of contact but agreed. “Okay. Turn the lights off and walk me
to my room.”

He smiled. “As always.” After hitting the last light he stopped in front of her door.
“Night Buff.”

She kissed his cheek. “Night roomie.” Then closed the door.

Before heading off to bed, Xander went to the bathroom for a quick shower. A very cold
one. He hadn’t had those feelings for Buffy since high school and that was five, almost
six years ago. . .it made him uneasy. He got out, put his boxers on and went to his room.

As he put his clothes away, he thought about their situation. It was really nice of
Buffy’s mom to let him live there. As long as he had helped with construction, she
converted the attic to an apartment for them – complete with a separate entrance. Buffy
lived with him, that way she was living on her own, but her mother still got to keep an
eye on her, and him.

It made him smile. After Xander had shown up to Buffy and Willow’s graduation with a
black eye, he’d told her everything and she refused to let him go home again. He couldn’t
ask for a better situation.

He climbed into bed and began to fall asleep. There was a knock on the door. He sat up.

“Xander? You still awake?”

He sighed. “I am now. Come on in.”

She opened the door tentatively and whispered. “Sorry. I couldn’t sleep.” She looked
around awkwardly. It was her house, but she’d never been inside Xander’s room before.
“Can I come in?”

He nodded. “Sure. Something on your mind.” He looked at her with concern. “Bad
dreams? Boogieman?”

She smiled and sat down on his bed. “No, I just couldn’t sleep. I guess seeing Angel got
me worse than I thought.” She looked around. Not typical Xander. “You cleaned? Not
that I’ve ever been in here before, but. . .”

”Yeah. I had a little pent up energy I had to get rid of.”

“Oh.”

“Buffy, I”

”Can I stay with you?”

“Huh?”

She moved closer to him. “Can I stay? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

”Uh.”

She laughed. “Xander, say something. If this is too weird for you then,”

”Yes.”

She got up and turned towards the door. “Oh.”

He reached up and grabbed her arm. “I meant yes to the you can stay part. Not the weird
part.”

Silently she climbed into bed next to him. He pulled the covers up over them and tried to
relax. <Breath Harris. Just remember to breath.>

“Xander?”

“Hmm?”

”Thanks.”

”Anytime.” He put his arm around her and she instinctively snuggled closer. They fell
asleep a few minutes later.

--------------

The cab ride from the heli-port was short and they were back in Cordelia’s apartment in no
time. She made a quick call to Wesley to make sure everything was alright and tell him
that Angel wasn’t going to open the office tomorrow. She hung up with him and headed to
the kitchen for a glass of water.

Willow watched her as she went from the kitchen to the living room, used the phone, and
back to the kitchen again. Something was definitely bothering her. They hadn’t said two
words to each other the whole ride back to L.A.

She crept into the kitchen and came up next to her. “Hey.”

”Hi.” She continued to look straight ahead.

“Something wrong?”

“No. Why do you ask?”

“You haven’t said anything since we left Sunnydale.”

Silence. She took a sip of water.

She put her hand on her arm and felt the other girl stiffen. “If something’s bothering
you then. . .”

”I’m fine, Willow.” She looked over at her.

“That’s not what your eyes are telling me.”

”And what are they telling you?”

She swallowed hard. “That you either regret what passed between us or you regret that we
got interrupted by Xander. Either way, you’re wigged.”

“You’re not?”

She shook her head. “Impossible.”

Now she was confused. “How’s that?”

She held up her hand. “This. It’s enchanted. It keeps my emotions in check and helps me
keep a level head. It’s called the Gem of NoiTome. Legend had it that Zeus himself wore
it.” She smiled and walked to the fridge. “Anyway, it was given to me by my mentor. It
keeps me clear headed and helps with my studies.”

“Take it off.”

She turned back to her, shocked. “Cordy, I can’t.”

”Why not?” She walked up to her. “Is it welded to your hand or something?”

“No. I actually only just put it back on when we got to Sunnydale. I thought I’d need
it.”

“Then. . .” She motioned to Willow’s hand. “I may not know you as well as Buffy does, or
even Xander, but I do know you well enough to know that you’re a creature of emotions and
feelings. It’s what drives you. . .makes you special. With that on, you’re just
analytical and, cold. Kind of like a man, and that is so not right.”

She had to laugh at the comparison. She took the ring off and put it in her pocket.
“Better?” Cordelia nodded. Without a word, Willow walked into the living room and sat
down.

Cordelia came in a few minutes later with a tray. On it was a bottle of wine, two
glasses and some chips. “I thought we could use these after the day we had.”

Willow nodded her head. “Absolutely.”

They talked and drank well into the night. Cordelia told her everything that happened to
her since she got to L.A. and Willow told her about studying with the Council in England.
Cordelia wanted to know more about the attack but didn’t push her on it. Willow finally
found out what made Cordelia different. It was when she slept with that rich guy her
friend set her up with and became pregnant with demon babies. It made her realize just
who her friends are and that list started with. . .

“Angel and Wesley. They were great with everything and as always, Angel came rushing
through the door at the last moment and saved the day.”

”That’s horrible. He used you.”

”Yes, and it took me a while to get over it but Angel and Wesley were great. Angel even
gave me two days off, paid. I don’t know what I would have done without them.”

”You’re lucky to have each other.”

Cordelia nodded her head in agreement. She looked at the table. “Man, we sure did put
them away, didn’t we?”

Willow looked over at the table. “Yeah. Four each. I think that’s a new personal
record.”

“You don’t drink much do you?”

Willow shook her head. “And you?”

She looked down at her hands. “Well I drink, uh. . .barely ever.”

“Ha. You’re even less of a lush than I am. At least I have scotch with Giles every night
after dinner.”

She made a face. “Yuck.”

”It’s an acquired taste.” She leaned in close to her and whispered. “I water mine down
to kill the taste, but don’t tell Giles.”

“I won’t. It’s our secret.” They were close. So close, Cordelia could smell the wine on
her breath and feel the air pass her lips. It was warm.

Willow blinked and realized how close they were. The color rose in her cheeks. “Sorry.”
She started to move back but Cordelia stopped her.

“Willow.”

She looked at her lips, her hair, even her cheeks. Anywhere but her eyes. The eyes were
the windows to the soul after all and Willow wasn’t sure if she wanted to open that window
just yet. “Yeah?”

“Before. . .at Angel’s. . .would you have? I mean. . .”

”I don’t know. Maybe.” She leaned over towards her shoulder and Cordelia put her arm out
so she could lean against her. “I’ve never before. Ever. I’ve thought about it but. .
.”

”I haven’t either.”

“I don’t have it in me to love anyone just yet. Not the way they’d deserve to be. The
things I’ve seen, the things I’ve been through. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

”Once upon a time that was me.” She was stroking her hair.

“Yeah. . .and here we are.” She reached over and touched her arm lightly.

“Here we are.” She echoed.

Willow looked up at her and saw the sadness there, the hurt. She reached up and touched
her cheek and felt Cordelia smile under her hand. “Sad?”

She shook her head and whispered. “Scared.”

”Me too.” Willow whispered back. “There’s a lot of baggage behind these eyes. More than
you know.”

”Same here.” Cordelia began to lean down. “Lots of it.”

Willow began to lean up closer to her. Instinctively they closed their eyes as their lips
met. It was soft and warm, mingled with the taste of wine. They kissed long enough to
get used to it but not long enough to get worked up.

Willow opened her eyes. “That was nice.”

Cordelia nodded. “Didn’t suck.”

Willow smiled. “It was sweet.” She kissed her again.

”And warm.” Kiss.

”Soft.” Kiss.

“But not gross.” Kiss.

Willow smiled again. “No, not gross.” She kissed her again with a little more confidence
and Cordelia responded in turn. They stayed that way for maybe an hour kissing each other
softly, sweetly, whispering about the things they felt and feared. Soon after the last
two glasses of wine were gone, they fell asleep snuggled together on the couch.