Re: [buffyloveswillow] OT

[~~Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxx>]

Diana Renee Bouvier wrote:
A whole buncha stuff that's really not necessary to repeat.

This is one of those OT things I was talking about in my email. I'm cranky. I think I've
been in a permanent cranky state since I lost my full time job in November. Add to that
the fact that my girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago (as of tomorrow) for a guy she
met online and knew for a week, on top of pretty much barracading myself in my place and
not being interested in the outside world...well...you get the picture.

Pat asked my a few days ago if I use the computer as an escape. Hmm...I'd have to say
he's right. In the past four months that I've been out of work, I've built a few very
special relationships with people online...people I've never seen or met. And I've come
to rely on the list and these people for most of my happies. I'm not saying this for
everyone to go 'oh, poor Kimber'...I'm saying it to show you what context my response came
from. I wouldn't have been insulted by what you said, or what Ivy said in the past, if I
didn't value what your opinion was in some respect. Pat and Shadow both know first hand
that when I get feedback I jump for joy...and when I get criticism I take it to heart and
go into a funk. That's not your problem or anyone elses, it's mine. Off list, I am
painfully shy and awkward....I haven't many 'real life' friends....as a matter of fact, I
have more online people I concider friends than I do compared to real life. Again, not
your problem and I only say this to no excuse my little rant, but to maybe explain it.

I don't know what's going on with Ivy off list...last you said she wasn't allowed
access....but I vaguely remember what the issue was. I wrote a fic after "goodbye Iowa"
where Buffy punched Riley in the gut for pushing Willow to the ground when he went nutty
in Xander's basement. If Ivy was upset about my response to the feedback she gave, tell
her I apologize.....I was saying to Jen last night that a computer can stor a bazillion
gigabytes of space, play movies, music, games and even talk to you and you can talk back
to it...but the wonderful creators of this machine have yet to figure out how to have it
show the basic kinds of human emotion and facial expression. Oh well, nothing is perfect
I guess.

Bottom line is that I'm probably too sensative for my own good...gotta work on that and
toughen up....and as for lurking? Well, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Think
I'll join ya.....


your now-more-humbled bard,
~~Kimber
(sig is on strike....blame Rod)