FanFic: If Destiny Wills (4/?)

[keeper444@xxxxxxxxx (Alex P.)]

Hey it's me again sorry tis part took so long. Hope it was worth the
wait.
Later
Alex
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Title: If Destiny Wills (4/?)
Author: Alex
Feedback: Please any comments or suggestions to: keeper444@xxxxxxxxx
Archive: Whatever or whoever Just tell me
 Summary: Sequel to A Higher Power
Spoilers: Starts where Next Illogical Step leaves off. Still in college 
Still near future. 
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy Willow Giles and any others from 
BTVS are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy etc. No
infringement of any kind intended. 
Notes:Willow learns a secret she doesn't want to know. Dark things rear
their ugly heads. 
      <>thoughts<>
   *****flashbacks**** 
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Title: If Destiny Wills (4/?)
Author: Alex P. 
.............................. 
              Buffy cradled the young girl's
lifeless body weeping softly.
She looked down at the innocent face, the dull death clouded
eyes opened and turned toward her. 

            "Why did you let me die?" The girls
hollow soulless voice echoed in her ears "Why didn't you stop them?" 

              "I-I-I t-tried." Buffy
stammered stunned by the accusation "It's not my fault. I couldn't... 

                "Yes you could have,
Buffy." a familiar voice said from behind
her. 

                She turned toward the
voice and saw he first watcher, Merrick. Blood still oozed from the
gapping hole in his chest. 

            "You could have saved her Buffy." he
repeated shaking his head sadly "Just as you could have saved us all if
only you had tried harder, just a little more effort and none of us
would be dead." 

                As he spoke he was
joined by all the innocent victims she'd missed saving over the last
several years. Each voice joining the growing cacophony of accusers in
her head driving her insane with guilt 

          "You could have saved us." the voices
screamed "If you had tried you could have saved us, if you had really
wanted to you could have saved us all." 

              "NO NO NO NO!" Buffy screamed
trying to be heard over the crowd "I tried I really tried please believe
me. PLEASE!!!!" 
........................ 
            Buffy came awake still crying out
please.
Realizing it was just another nightmare she choked off her
screams trying not to wake her beloved soulmate laying next to her.
The beautiful red head stirred slightly and mumbled
something in her sleep.
Once Willow settled back into deep sleep Buffy slid out of
their bed, she quietly made her way to the downstairs bathroom, stopping
by her dresser to pick up a special item. 
              Buffy closed the bathroom
door, making sure it was locked and sat down on the back edge of the
bathtub.
She then studied the small knife she held in her left hand.
She admired the way the tapered black plastic handle fit her hand
perfectly,
The shining surgical steel blade reflected the harsh
fluorescent light into her eyes. 
              She laid the flat of the blade
against her cheek enjoying the feel of the cool steel on her fevered
skin.
Buffy slowly drug the blade across her cheek to her
lips.
As she brushed the dangerous implement over her lips
Buffy's tongue flicked out over the needle sharp point causing it to
just barely piercing her tongue, she gasped and pulled it back into her
mouth. 
Buffy moaned as the coppery sweet taste of her own blood
filled her taste buds. 
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back feeling her
entire nervous system tingle as it carried the pain from her tongue
seemingly throughout her body where in ended up a burning knot in her
belly, 
               A dark voice from deep in
Buffy's subconscious surfaced calling for more pain more blood. In
answer Buffy lowered the razor sharp blade until it rested against the
soft highly sensitive skin of her inner thigh. 

             <>How perfect the same knife I
used on Faith.<> she told herself <>Someone else I've let down.<>

              Buffy slowly drew the blade up
her thigh, baring down enough so it sliced through her flesh. The pain
was exquisite. 

                  "At last I feel
something." Buffy hissed and repeated the process on her other thigh. 

      She was panting heavily as the nearly orgasmic pain
took control of her mind and body.
Buffy turned on the water and let it mix with her blood and carry
it down the drain. 
          She ran her finger across her skin coating
it with the blood flowing freely from the cuts.
She put the finger in her mouth and sucked and licked the blood
from the digit. 
        Buffy was lost in her own world of pain, blood
and dark voices urging her on, demanding more pain more blood.
Demanding she do it in payment for her numerous past failures,
telling her that only her own suffering could possibility pay for
causing all the pain and death that surrounded her life. 
            Buffy was so lost in this world that
she didn't hear Willow knock and call out for her, she didn't hear
Willow unlock and open the door. She didn't hear her walk into the room,
she did hear Willow scream. 
........................ 
      Willow woke up trembling from the disturbing dream
she'd just had. 
In it Buffy was being chased by a mass of pure evil.
She couldn't seem to get away from it and it was killing her in
slow stages.
Every time Willow tried to help her the magic attacked Buffy
instead weakening her even more. 
                Willow shook her head to
clear it of the terrifying vision, she reached for her lover but found
she wasn't there. 

          "Must have gone to the bathroom." Willow
mumbled to herself 

              She sat up in their bed and
waited for wayward soulmate to return to bed.
When Buffy hadn't returned after a half hour, Willow decided it
was time to go searching for the missing girl.
She checked the bathroom upstairs and found she wasn't there.
Willow expanded her search first t all the rooms upstairs when
those were found to be empty also she moved to the main floor.
A careful examination of the rooms there still didn't' yield a
clue to Buffy's whereabouts. 
Willow was getting worried and was about to call Giles when she
noticed the light coming from under the downstairs bathroom door. 
                  Relieved and
curious as to why Buffy would come all the way down here Willow knocked
on the door getting no response Willow called Buffy's name. 

          <>I'll bet she's having those damn
nightmares again.<> Willow thought angrily <>I don't know why she won't
let me try to help her with those.<> 

                Worried that Buffy may
have fallen and hurt her self Willow got the door key from the hall
table and let herself in. What she found was far more disturbing than
anything Willow had imagined.

        "Buffy, what are you doing?" Willow yelled when
she saw all the blood splattered all over the bathroom, then she
realized what her roommate was doing. "You stop that right now," 

          Buffy looked up into Willow's eyes and saw
the horror reflected in them.
She looked down and saw what Willow saw. The insides of both
her thighs were criss crossed with deep cuts, her blood covered hands
were holding Faith's knife.
Buffy dropped the knife and began crying uncontrollably. 
          Willow knew she would never forget the
sight, Buffy was sitting on the back edge of the small bathtub, her
beloved's blood was every where and Buffy was just finishing the last of
several cuts on her inner thighs. When she finally got Buffy's attention 
Willow knew she'd never forget the look in Buffy's eyes. 
            Her pain and fear were evident but
there was another more subtle emotion just under the surface and it
frightened Willow as well, Buffy was aroused. 
Reacting on her first instinct Willow ran to knell at Buffy's
side. 

          "Honey why?" Willow asked her voice soft
and full of compassion. "How could you do this to your self." 

          "I let them die." Buffy said in a tiny
little girl voice "I have to feel the pain they felt when they died." 

              "I don't understand sweetheart
tell me what you are talking about" Willow insisted quietly but firmly.
"Who did you let die?" 

                  When Buffy
couldn't seem to give her an answer Willow went a head and got Buffy out
of her blood soaked clothing. She examined the cuts Buffy had inflicted
on herself and while they had bled freely the weren't serious and with
Buffy's Slayer healing powers they would probably be mere memories by
tomorrow, a memory Willow knew she wouldn't soon forget. 
            Willow tried to pry an answer from
Buffy about where she'd gotten the idea to hurt herself like that but
all the Slayer could do was weep and shrug her shoulders. In order to
keep Buffy from withdrawing further from her, Willow decided to let the
subject drop for the time being. She also was persuaded by Buffy to not
tell Giles or her mother about the incident. 
                    That was
possibility one of the worst decisions she could have
made. 
....................... 
        Countess Hela was overjoyed as she watched the
couple in a glowing green sphere. Her devious and complicated plan was
coming together perfectly. 
            That idiot Kresis had been stupid
enough to attack those to head on, once again under estimating his
opponent. The Slayer's little witch kit had thrown everything right back
at him weakening him even further. 
            Her own mystical attack had been
much more subtle.
Hela had gently probed the fringes of the two girls psyches
looking for an exploitable weakness, carefully peeling away the layers
of their id until she found exactly what she was searching for. 
              Deep in the Slayer's
subconscious was a deep seeded guilt over the deaths of a few innocents
that she'd not been able prevent.
For some reason that Hela couldn't understand, the Slayer
felt responsible for the incidental fatalities that occured during her
war with darkness. 
              After some careful
manipulations of the youngsters subconscious Hela was able to control
Buffy's dreams.
By doing this she was able to undermine the Slayer's
abilities and by doing that it kept her little witch kit preoccupied and
unable to combat Hela effectively. 

                  "Soon little one."
Hela said to the nude blonde female chained to the Countess' throne. 
The broken vampire nuzzled Hela's leg and Hela stroked her hair
smiling at the new pet's response. "It won't be long before I get you
some new playmates. You'd like that wouldn't you?" 

        Unable to speak the vampire nodded her
agreement. 

              "Oh you poor thing," Hela said
with mock sympathy "Maybe I shouldn't have pulled out your tongue, but
you wouldn't shut up and I was hungry."

                  Hela let the
sphere dissipate then took the chain holding her pet to her chair and
using it as a leash the Countess led her toward her private quarters,
the female vampire was visibly trembling in fear. 

She had every reason to fear. 
...................... 
End part 4 
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Okay there it is, on your mark get set flame.
You know you want to.
Later
Alex