FIC: The Road to Recovery (8/?)

[~~Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxx>]

Title: The Road to Recovery (8/?)
Author: Kimber (kacoe@xxxxxxx)
Disclaimer: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Summary: Part 2 in The Road series.
Spoilers: Everything is fair game.
Distribution: Pat Kelly, Rodrigo, Gary Thompson, Syrenslure and Serendipity. Anyone
else, e-mail me please.
Author's Notes: The more feedback I get the more fic I write. . .nuff said. Thoughts are
enclosed in < >
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She heard the sound. Flesh being split. She heard it before she felt it. . .she wasn?t
sure she was able to feel anything. They were feeding off of her, trying to keep her
weak. She struggled even harder and began to scream. She actually thought sound had come
out of her throat. . .she hoped.

She opened her eyes and he was there. He was grinning through those awful, twisted
teeth. He was larger in demon form, more ominous. There was a black collar around his
neck and black leather bindings on his wrists. As much as the sight of him made her
stomach roil, she memorized him, every feature, every detail. He?d pay for this. . .and
pay, and pay, and pay. He covered her body with his own easily and she felt smothered and
gasped for air. She felt his coarse hands on her shoulders. . .arms . . .stomach. .
.waist. . . .leg. Then she felt her skirt hike up and knew what was happening. He
laughed evilly at her struggling, it was no use.

She screamed right into his face and he slapped her. She tasted the blood, the metallic
taste across her lips. With one thrust he entered her and she screamed again.

?NOOOOOOOOO!? She bolted up in bed and franticly looked around.

Cordelia was up in an instant. ?Will! Willow, what is it!??

She was breathing heavy. Her legs were up and she was hugging them tightly, whispering to
herself. ?Oh, God. . .I remember, I remember, I remember. . .?

Cordelia was at a loss. She reached up and began to stroke Willow?s hair gently. After a
few moments, Willow leaned over into Cordelia?s embrace and sobbed like a frightened
teenager.

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Xander was standing in the small kitchen, leaning against the counter. All the lights
were off and the street light from outside the window brought the shadows creeping across
the floor. He drank down the last of his water and let out a heavy sigh ? the sun would
be up soon.

He shook his head and smiled sadly. She was gone. He woke up in an empty bed, an empty
room. No note, no nothing. It was 5am and he was alone. He silently berated himself for
not giving in. They?d come so close, but he couldn?t go through with it, couldn?t give
her what she needed. She?d never asked him for anything, and the one thing he was able to
give her, he didn?t.

She plastered herself against the wall. She blended into the shadows and brought her hand
up to run through her hair. Her arm brushed the keys on the hook and she mentally kicked
herself when she saw him jump.

He shifted into a defensive stance and looked around. ?Who?s there??

She stepped out. ?It?s only me, Xander.?

He relaxed a little. ?Buffy? I thought you, I mean I woke up and you. . .? He shook his
head. ?Where were you??

?I went on a little impromptu patrol. Needed to get rid of some pent up energy.? She
laughed nervously.

He nodded. ?I see.?

They stood there and looked at each other, the awkward silence hovering in the air.

?Xander, I?m sorry.?

?No, I should be sorry.? He interrupted. ?I let you down. The one thing you needed from
me, I couldn?t give you.?

She crossed the room and stood in front of him. ?No, no you didn?t. Just the opposite.
You made me realize that this isn?t what I really want. I don?t know what I want. I
thought I did, but. . .?

He took her into his arms. ?I wish there was something I could do. You?re just not you
lately. . .you?ve been different, so sad.?

She clung to his shirt. ?I know. I?ve felt like this ever since. . .God, ever since
Willow left.? Her voice took on a shaky tone. ?I didn?t think I could miss anyone so
much.?

?Yeah. I haven?t held a steady job since she left. Even though we didn?t hang like we
used to, she still managed to give me some direction, some incentive to push myself.?

She nodded. ?Now I?m just stand-still Buffy. We used to talk all night in college. Even
though she didn?t have to, she?d go on patrol with me. I?d have a horrible dream and
there she was, sitting on my bed telling me it would be alright. God, what I wouldn?t
give to hear her say that.?

He moved away from her and rushed into the living room. ?Why can?t we? Let?s call her
right now. If we?re so miserable, then it?s only right that she be miserable too. What
are friends for?? He grinned.

Buffy perked up. ?Yeah!? She walked over and sat on the couch. ?Start dialing!?

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Willow blew her nose for the tenth time. She took the glass of water from the nightstand
and drank it down.

?How are you?? Cordelia was leaning against the door of the bedroom.

?Better.? She sat up and patted the spot next to her. ?Come over here.?

She walked over slowly and climbed under the covers.

Willow touched her arm. ?Are you okay??

She let out the breath she wasn?t aware of holding. ?Yeah, fine . . .great.?

?I?m sorry you have to go through this.?

Cordelia shook her head. ?No. Don?t ever be sorry. You?re the one going through it,
again.?

?I remember it.?

?I heard you.?

?It was awful. I could still feel his hands grabbing me.. His body. . .? She shuddered.

Cordelia put her arm around her. ?You never remembered before? I?m sorry, you don?t want
to talk about it, right??

?No, it?s okay. I remembered bits and pieces, but never this much. Every time I dream
it, I remember more and more.?

?So you remember everything??

?Yeah, I think. I always remembered passing out right before. . .?

?Before you were attacked??

Willow shook her head. She?d never said it before, never had the courage. It was only a
word, one little four letter word, but it had this sickening power to it. No word should
ever have that much meaning, that much power over someone. ?No, before I was. . .before I
was raped.?

She stiffened.

Willow looked over at her. ?I?ve never said it before. What happened to me. I guess I
thought if I didn?t say it, it was like it had never happened.?

Cordelia felt a tear escape. ?I?m, God. . what does someone say to that??

?Nothing I guess.?

Cordelia hugged her. ?I?m sorry, Red. I?m so sorry you had to go through that. I didn?t
know, I knew you were attacked but. . .? She pulled away. ?Oh, God. . last night.?

Willow knew what she meant. ?No. Don?t even say it, Cordy. I know what your thinking
and don?t. It?s okay.?

?But I. . ?

?You made me feel loved. You made me feel like I haven?t felt in a long time.? She
kissed her lightly on the lips. ?It was special. For the first time in a long time I was
thinking about what was happening in the now. . .not in the past.?

?Oh, Will.?

?Shh. I was with you because I wanted to be. . . and I still want to be if you?ll have
me, that is. . .I mean I don?t want to go back to England just yet and I can still help
you and Angel and living here is definitely an upside and.?

Cordelia kissed her. Babble mode would have to wait. They snuggled down closer together,
touching warm skin, soft hair. The kisses grew more desperate, more passionate.
Cordelia could almost here bells going off in her head. Bells, bells, bells. . . ?What
the hell??

Willow laughed. ?Cordy, the phone.?

?God! It?s 6am. If this is Angel, I?m gonna go out and buy him a tanning bed.? She
reached over and picked it up. ?Hello?. . .God, do you know what time it is here? . .
.six, as in the morning, as in. . . .yeah, she?s right here. . .fine.? She covered the
phone and turned to Willow. ?It?s Giles. He?s having a heart attack. . .not literally,
but.?

She held out her hand. ?Cordy, the phone please?? She kissed her quickly before taking
it. ?Hello??

?Willow, good, you?re there.?

?Where else would I be at six in the morning? Did something happen??

?No, no. . .I just received a call from Xander.?

She sat up. ?What? Buffy, is Buffy okay? Did something happen??

?No, Willow. I. . .I don?t know how much longer I can keep them at bay. As far as I know
nothing has happened but they?re threatening to come here if I don?t have you call them.?

?God, this is just what I need. I?ll call them this afternoon.?

?They?re not. . .they don?t sound right, Willow. They said they were fine, but?

?I?ll find out what?s going on. I?ll call you tonight.?

?Yes, that would be fine. Take care.?

?Bye, Giles.? She hung up the phone and sat there for a few moments in thought.

?Something wrong??

?No. Xander and Buffy called Giles demanding to talk to me. They said if I don?t call
soon then they?re gonna fly out there and hunt me down themselves.?

?God. Obsess much? You?re a big girl now, in college and everything. . .you?d think
they?d let go already.?

?I?ve been dodging them, Cordy, it?s not their fault. I left a few letters with Giles so
he could mail them to Buffy and Xander but. . .?

?Well, it?s not your fault either that they can?t stand on their own four feet.?

She laughed. ?I miss them too, but I think that it was the right decision to come here
instead of going to them.?

?You know, now that I think about it, why did you come here? I?m not complaining, don?t
get me wrong, but they?re your friends.?

She kissed her. ?And so are you. I?m not really sure why I didn?t insist on going
there. I put up a little fight with Giles, but. . .I think maybe it?s because I?m
embarrassed. Buffy?s gone through so much, seen so much in her life, I just didn?t think
it would be fair for me to show up on her doorstep and expect her to take care of me. I
needed to do this on my own, to prove that I can take care of myself.?

?There?s nothing to be embarrassed of.?

?I guess, but. . .I know Buffy and Xander have this picture of me in their heads. I?m the
quiet hacker, the not so good with spells witch, the class nerd who could go to any school
she wanted to. When I was. . .raped. . .I felt like I not only failed myself, but I
failed them too. It was like if I was strong like Buffy I would have gotten out of it, or
if I had the dumb luck and wit that Xander has it never would have happened. . .or I would
have talked my way out of it.?

?But it?s not your fault. You had no control over it.?

?I know that, well, at least I know it now.? Willow turned to her and looked at her
seriously. ?Cordy, about Angel. . .?

?What about him??

?Well, he was in England. . .when it happened. Remember the case he had where the guy
took off??

?Yeah, he was gone for like two weeks. . .he never told me where he was. Why didn?t he
tell me? You saw him??

?No. He doesn?t know I know. I remember waking up and someone was hovering over me,
telling me it would be okay. I was in and out of consciousness, but I saw him kill the
vampires. . .but I didn?t know it was him. . . I didn?t know until he called me ?little
one?, then I knew.?

?Have you talked to him about it??

?No, not yet. I wound up coming here because he called Giles out of the blue. He said he
was just checking in to see if he needed anything. When Giles told me I put two and two
together and figured out that he was checking up on me. Giles told him about the attack
and he insisted that I come here. He even found the therapist I?m going to now. Giles
had her checked out and when he saw her credentials, he couldn?t refuse.?

?Wow. So stealth guy strikes again.?

She laughed. ?He?s great. I owe him so much. You know, you guys really do work well
together.?

?Yeah, we kind of have a good working relationship, don?t we??

?He cares about you.?

?Angel? Yeah, as a boss, he?s great.?

?No, I mean cares about you.?

?No way. Not Angel. . .every time I turn around he?s still pining away over Buffy. . .and
have you seen his wardrobe lately? Black, black and more black. . .accented with a black
duster and black boots.?

?Cordy, he?s over it. . .as over it as he?s gonna get, they both are.?

She shrugged. ?Angel is just. . .always gonna be Angel I guess.? She looked at her
watch. ?God, it?s eight in the morning.?

?Mmm, and Saturday. What do you say we catch some more sleep? I?m gonna need all the
strength I can muster for that phone call this afternoon.?

She smiled and pulled her down against the pillows. ?Is this okay? I mean. . .?

?Fine. It?s very snuggly. . .I could get used to this.? She kissed her on the cheek.

?Me too. Night, Red.?

?Night.?

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