ff:Exquisitely Bored Chapter 5-Get That Man off the Couch

[Carol.Clarke@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Title: Exquisitely Bored Chapter 5-Get That Man off the Couch
Rating R or PG13
Disclaimer: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Summary: In an alternate world Willow is the Slayer and she and her Father
just moved to Sunnydale. Cordelia and Buffy, lifelong friends, run head long
into the new slayer in town.
Warning: Love and sex between two women, if you don't like it don't read it.

Note: I really need feed back. I need direction. Just don't hurt me too bad,
and yes I already know I suck at spelling and grammar. Who knew I would need
those in life.
Thanks: Special thanks go to AleXander Thompson whose transcripts made this
story possible. 
More Thanks: To my goddess Dysfunctional Girl 

Get That Man off the Couch

"Buffy, I look stupid. I am not cheerleader material." The Slayer said while
trying to pull the short skirt down to make it longer. The redhead felt
ridicules in the tight outfight and pom poms. 

"You look great. Doesn't she look great, Giles?" Buffy said staring her
stepfather down. 

" I'd... ,Do you, um... Buffy, you ignore everything I say as a as a rule,
so I have no comment. But why you must enslave yourself to this
cult........" Giles just kept on talking as he moved into his office and
slammed the door. 

"Ignore him, Mom made him sleep on the couch last night."

"But if Giles doesn't approve, he is my watcher."

"Willow, you are trying out." Buffy said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You haven't got a chance, Willow, just give in and try out." Cordelia said,
looking up from her art book. "This summer she wouldn't let me alone until I
tried out for the sophomore team. Now here I am up for JV or varsity
cheerleading. Trust me, you don't have a chance when Buffy makes her mind
up."

"We could fight her. There are two of us and only one of her." Willow said
jokingly.

"No way, she's mean." Cornelia said before sticking her tongue out and
returning to her book.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Standing in the gym next to Willow, Buffy was watching all the contestants
getting read for try outs. "People scoff at things like school spirit but I
think it's important" were the word the blond spoke out load to her friend.
Her thoughts on the other hand were spirited and focused on a beautiful
cheerleader warming up. Willow noticed Buffy's eyes watching Amber.

"Ooo, stretchy! Where was I?" Buffy said, returning to Willow. 

"You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures
was a spiritual experience."

Buffy went white. She was usually more careful but her guard was down with
Willow. "Sorry" The blond whispered looking at her feet.

"Buffy, so you look, have you seen Xander? His tongue is practically on the
floor. We're friends and I like you the way you are."

"But somebody might of heard."

"In this zoo?" Willow decided to change the subject. "Did Cordy like the
good luck bracelet you gave her?"

"How did you know?' Buffy said shocked.

"Buffy, you spent all day yesterday checking it at your locker and I saw you
give it to her this morning."

"Oh."

"So what does it say?"

"`Yours Always'. But that's the way it came, honest."

Willow chuckled. "I believe you. And it was a nice thing to do." It didn't
take a genius to figure out Buffy was in love with Cordelia. Willow was
pretty sure Cordelia knew it too. Only Willow also guessed that, while
Cordelia liked Buffy, even loved her as a friend, there was no way in hell
Cordelia could return Buffy's love. It was kind of sad, Willow just hoped
Cordelia let her down nicely and soon.

While Willow and Buffy were talking a blond girl dressed in try out clothes
was making her way toward Buffy in search of a friendly face. 

"Hi Buffy."

"I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader! Amy, you've lost a lot of
weight." Buffy said to the young blond in a tryout costume. 

"Had to." The girl replied to Buffy.

"Do you know Willow?" Buffy said, pointing at the slayer.

The girls talked and watched the warm ups. Cordelia joined them and started
warming up herself while they talked.

Pointing to Amber, Amy said. "She trained with Benson. He's one of the best
coaches money can buy." Buffy was really trying to look at the floor around
Amber instead of Amber as Amy pointed her out. Willow noticed Buffy was
blushing.

"She has a cheerleading coach?" Cordillia asked

"What's a cheerleading coach?" Willow whispered in Cordillia ear.

" Oh, yeah! ' Amy said not noticing Buffy at all. "Don't you have? I train
with my mom, three hours in the morning, three at night."

" Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some
quality matricide." Buffy commented focusing on Amy.

"Well, I haven't seen my mother since we moved to Sunnydale but she doesn't
care much for anything non-academic. Cheerleaders are somewhere between
Mass-Murderers and Republicans." Willow said, thinking of her college
professor mom.

Amber began her routine and Buffy began to blush again. The blonde turned to
watch Xander Harris watching Amber. Her back to the show. 

"Wow, she is on fire." Cordelia said joining the conversation.

"Cordy, she is not that good."

"You would have to be watching her to know, Summers." Cordelia replied.

"Wow, that girl that's on fire really is on fire!" Willow said, noting the
smoke from her hands.

"Yeah, Yeah." Buffy said turning around. Before the blond completed turning
around Willow was already in full run heading toward Amber.

"Wow, I think Will is doing something about it." Cordelia said with a
little bit of pride.

Willow ran and grabbed the large drinking water cooler at the judge's table.
She picked it up and soaked the smoking girl. Dropping the cooler she
tackled Amber and rolled her on the floor, holding her as she cried in pain.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

" Giles, I am telling you it was funky. Not of the norm!" Buffy said to her
stepfather over dinner.

"Willow, honey, would you like some more chicken?" Joyce asked, hoping to
get her daughter off the topic.

"No, thank you, Mrs. Giles."

"Cordelia, how about you?"

"No thanks, I am full. But the chicken was delicious." Buffy gave Cordelia a
funny look. The chicken was terrible. Her mother was an awful cook.

"Well, spontaneous human combustion is, is rare, and, and scientifically
unexplainable, but there have been cases for hundreds of years. Usually all
that's left is a pile of ashes." Giles said to his stepdaughter.

"Yeah, but did they have an ice cooler turned over their head at the first
sign of smoke?" Buffy asked.

"Really, do we need to discuss this over dinner?" Joyce stated 

"Maybe your mother is right." Giles said.

Buffy, who had just about had enough of Giles walking on egg shells and her
mom trying to change the subject, said. "Oh please, like I didn't see Giles
sleeping on the couch for the last three days, mom. Deal. You knew Giles was
into the weird when you married him, so don't act surprised." Buffy was
trying to get her parents to live in the here and now. 

"Buffy Anne Summers!" Joyce shouted. She didn't really have anything to say
after that. The girl was right. Still, the girl had no tact at times. Joyce
stared at her daughter trying to think what to say in return, only to have
the stubborn girl stare back. Joyce grabbed the dishes and stomped off to
the kitchen.

After a minute Buffy stood up and paused by Giles, kissing him on the cheek.
"Don't worry, big guy, I'll have you sleeping on a real bed before the night
is over."

Giles was always so touched by Buffy. His own father never showed him much
affection. He knew his father loved him, he just wasn't, as Buffy would say,
"touchy feely." He himself was not an outwardly emotional person, but that
didn't stop his real love for his family. 

Willow and Cordelia had sat awkwardly though the emotional display not
wanting to get in the way.

"Mr. Giles, are there any common denominators in cases of spontaneous
combustion?" Willow asked.

"Uh, rage. In most cases the person who combusted was, was terribly angry
or, or upset."

"Rage, I don't think rage was what Amber was thinking at the time. More
like, `I am sexy as hell and Xander Harris is watching me with his tongue on
the floor.'" Cordelia said with a twinge of jealousy.

"I don't think Xander was the only one watching her like that." Willow said,
thinking of Buffy's reaction and also hoping to make Cordelia feel, if not
better, then more rational about the boy's reaction.


Buffy entered the kitchen as her mother banged the dishes around getting
them into the dishwasher. When she was angry she made as much noise as
possible. Buffy stood in the door watching her mom, trying to think of the
best way to get her mom to open up. `God, it was hard raising parents.' She
thought to herself.

"Ok, Lots of noise. Angry mother. You going to tell me what's wrong or am I
going to do it for you?" Buffy said.

"Ok, so what am I angry about?" Joyce knew better to lie to her daughter. 

"Willow, this is all about Giles being Willow's watcher."

"Oh and you almost getting killed has nothing to do with it."

"Mom, not only would I be dead like Jesse, but so would Cordy and Xander.
Mom, Willow saved us. It's not like it's her fault there are vampires and
demons and stuff in the world."

"Look, Willow seems like a nice girl and she has a very important job to do.
I know that. But I don't want to lose anyone else to evil. I have lost
enough already."

"I've heard you say that to Giles when you thought I wasn't around. I've
known there was some big secret you've been keeping. So Giles is the
watcher, big deal. I think it's kind of cool. Giles the hero. Mom, you both
are so mushy in love it is kind of sick. Plus, I don't want to lose another
dad. This thing between the two of you is just wrong. Giles has a job. I
didn't know it when you got married but now that I know about slayers and
stuff, I put two and two together. You knew he was a watcher when you two
got married, right?"

"Yes, but that was different." Joyce said sitting down at the kitchen table.

"How?"

"Buffy, there is one slayer in all the world. There are hundreds of
watchers. Well, there are at least one hundred. I never thought they would
call on him to do more then monitor the hellmouth. Do research. I just never
thought there would be a slayer here. I never wanted you to get that close
to a slayer." Joyce said, letting the tears flow. Rupert had told her all
about Buffy's heart and lungs shutting down after being drained of blood in
the crypt before Willow rescued them. 

Joyce had studied Lokian demons once Buffy was born. Hank had really loved
Joyce and was thrilled with his daughter. But he was a demon and Joyce was
forced to see the reality of this when Buffy was a baby. It was why he
left, and stayed away. Once Buffy turned five most of the demon activity
coming from the little half demon stopped, and Buffy never knew she wasn't
completely human. Joyce had hoped that her child would never have to find
out. The crypt incident had illustrated how wrong that might be. Buffy may
have not know she was a half demon, but her body did. When drained it played
possum. Her heart, lungs even blood circulation stopped dead. Her body
played dead, which was a good thing to do in a vampire attack. Vampires
don't like to drink from the dead so when the blood stops flowing they stop
sucking.

This was all well and good, but Buffy was only a half demon. Sure she could
shut her body down in self defense but she could not restart her heart. If
Rupert hadn't done CPR she really would have died. She came close as it was,
her blood turned blue. It was only blue when she was very ill and near
death. At least her body worked that way now. Joyce knew that the years she
would have to watch Buffy carefully would be between 19 and 22. Buffy's
demon aspect would emerge then if it would going to emerge. Joyce prayed
everyday that it never would emerge. There was a chance, but not if Buffy
hung out with slayer. The closer her daughter got to the occult the greater
the chance the demon essence would emerge. Then there was the general fear
that the slayer would kill her daughter. 

Slayer's were judge, jury and executioner to anything not human. Most of
them were raised with the damn slayer manual and nothing else. Kill it
first, worry about it later. That was the Slayer's only real guide line.
Even now, if Willow chose to kill Buffy, there would not be a single thing
she could do about it. 

"Mom, it's nice here, what's it like were you are?" Buffy asked, trying to
bring her mother back.

"You're right, I have not been fair to Rupert." Joyce just wanted to make
Buffy happy. She was a mischief demon, Joyce thought before kissing her only
child. 






"The extreme always gets a reaction" -Heathers

"Anyone who's not having fun here, follow me." -Buffy