WAY OT: Buttered cats....

[~~Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxx>]

Thought that subject line would get your attention...*evil grin*

"Toast lands butter side down, Cats land the right way up, So what happens if you butter a
cat?"

It never ceases to amaze me exactly how much time people actually have on their hands.
This little email was sparked by the above quote which, until recently, resided in my
signature at the end of all my emails. Crazy and creepy how much thought was put into
this...isn't it?? Please forgive me for being so off topic that my topic needs a visa to
go on the list...but with the lack of activity, I just had to share and didn't think you'd
mind *grin* Following is what was sent to me by "AHappyPhantom".......Phantom, where ever
you are...thanks for the much needed laugh....

---------------------------------

When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on its feet; and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS
lands with the buttered side facing down. Therefore, I propose to strap buttered toast to
the back of a cat. When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground,
probably into eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replace pneumatic tires on cars and
trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays" could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking
New York with Chicago.

Allow a humble engineer to comment. In the described mode, the buttered cat array will
drop like a stone and go splat. The toast is on the cat's back, so its feet are free.
Presumably, the toast is butter side up. Dropped from any height, the cat's feet OR the
buttered toast both are attracted to the ground, and there is nothing to stop the descent
to splat-dom. It is the cat's BACK, and the UNBUTTERED side of the toast that repels the
ground. For the "buttered cat array" to work, the cat must have four pieces of toast
attached to its paws, with each paw firmly planted on the butter side. THIS array will
then "hover, spinning inches above the ground" as the toast tries to flip over to the
buttered side and the cat tries to spin so it's back is upright.
Did all you egg-heads get that one? hee hee hee

This theory was sent around in an e-mail and the following are some of the responses...

First from a minister with a messed-up sense of humor:
-- (From Rev. Glenn F.): The other thing to keep in mind is that you'd have to be careful
where the cat is dropped...in the northern hemisphere, the spinning cat would, of course,
spin in a counterclockwise direction, ala hurricanes and toilet bowls. South of the
equator, the reverse would be true. A regulatory commission would have to be established
to prevent mean spirited people from dropping buttered cats ON the equator, which would
cause them to spin both ways at once, either turning them inside out or making them
politicians. The truly perverse would tie the cat's feet together, apply the buttered
toast, and then watch with glee, as the reverse g-force applied to such a concentrated
area would shoot the cat up into the sky like some furry rocket. You have to be careful
with these things.


And of course there has to be a comment by an overachieving enigineer:
--(From Jeff B.): I am sorry to have to spoil you grand hopes of the perpetual motion
machine but; The proposed revision to the buttered cat array will simply not work. In
order to have the assembly work properly, the center of gyration would have to coincide
with the plane through which the junction of toast and paws pass. The current proposed
configuration has two masses joined together, which are of extremely unsimilar masses.
The resultant center of gravity would be; depending upon the breed of cat; approximately
1/4" above the belly of the cat.

The forces acting against the approaching ground, working through the junction of sole
and butter, causing the assembly to rotate around the off-centered point of gyration;
resulting in the cataclysmic disassociation of all parts in common. Not to mention the
loss of life and limb of any laboratory worker foolhardy enough to try and get one piece
of buttered bread onto a cat let alone attempt this feat four times. (Everybody knows
that the cats' disposition in indirectly proportional to the fifth power of the cats
discomfort.)


(now back to your regularly scheduled lack of fiction....)
--
Your humble bard and Rodrigo's dedicated love slave,
~~Kimber

Shadowlander's #1 fan and her 'Official Un-Official Idea Bouncer Offer'
Pat Kelly's #1 fan and his 'Offical scene runner-by-er'
Now self-proclaimed #1 fan of AMGlass!!!

'Exquisite Coalescence' - Your source for BuffySlash fiction on the web. Comming soon!

- Eternally jealous of Erin 'cause Joss and Fury impersonated her. *grumble*
- Member of THE CITIZENS OF KANE - I have Christian's tousled hair on retainer
- Member #102 of the Amber Benson is a Hottie Club
- Humble reciever of Joss love --- Joss says: (Wed May 17 14:05:24 2000 152.163.205.76)
Hi, Kimber. I give you love. There is a squishy element to it that I'd rather not discuss.
But it's pudding-free.
- VERY humble reciever of an e-mailed "DAVID FURY-LOVE" ---I love you, Kimber. There,
happy? :-) Fury --
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- "Heavy lesbian witches rock!"

Final thought:
"One out of every ten people are born to give the other nine trouble. Guess what number I
am."