Fic: What do we have?

["Quindo Ma" <quindo-ma@xxxxxx>]

Ok, this is kind of an answer to Kimber's second challenge. After receiving all the feedback for "The Hurt in her eyes" I had planned to write a sequel anyway, but Kimber gave me the idea I needed for it. So here we go...

Written from Willow's POV, mostly. Means, I only talk about her feelings and thoughts in here.

Title: What do we have?
Author: Quindo Ma
Rating: PG
Summary: What does Willow do after Buffy tells her that she loves her. Sequel to "The Hurt in her eyes"
Spoilers: plays post Primeval. All facts are free to bend by my will!!
Feedback: All I can get...any comments (praises and criticism) are welcome at quindo-ma@xxxxxx . FLAMES will all be deleted and consequently ignored!!
Distribution: All who want to archive this fic, tell me what format you want it in (doc, html, txt) and the site you want to archive it on, and I'll send it to you.
Disclaimer: Buffy, Willow and co. belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., etc. etc., I just know I don't own them.

Thoughts are in ' ' and are italic. If you don't recieve this mail HTML encoded then ask me privatly and I'll either send you a HTML site, or work it into a plain txt message.

<<<<<<indicate flashback>>>>>>


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Part 1: What has happened?

'What am I going to do now? What the hell am I going to do? She said it! She said it more clearly than I had ever thought possible. She said it!'

<<<<<<"She is. And... there is something between us. I-it's.. wasn't something I was looking for; it's just powerful. And it's.. totally different from.. what Oz and I have."

"Well, there you go, I mean, you know you have to... you have to follow your heart, Will, and that's what's.. important, Will.">>>>>>

She didn't know what she had seen then. Was it fear? Hurt? Pleading? She really didn't know. She had to think about this now.

<<<<<<"Tara, I have to tell you-"


"No, I understand, you have to be with the person you l-love."


She smiled.

"I am."


Her friend was breathless. She could see it.

"You mean..?"


"I mean. Okay?"


"Oh yes!"

"I feel horrible about everything I've put you through. And I'm going to make it up to you. Starting right now."

"Right now?"

She nodded and her new girlfriend blew out the candle she had given her. Tara placed it onto the desk and moved closer. Willow leaned into the kiss as if it was the most natural thing in the world for her.>>>>>>

They had spent the rest of the night together, sleeping next to each other, snuggled up into the warmth they radiated.

Willow was in Tara's bed, laying next to her, her love.

'Is she really my love?'

She wasn't so sure about that anymore. Not after what had happened last week.

<<<<<<"I should really join the army. You know why? Because they might give me a job that couldn't be done by a well trained border call!"

Giles, who had been drunk the whole day left the room with a very unsure step.

"That's it. I'm going to bed."

"You'd do great in the army. Hey do you think the umbilical cord between you and Anya could stretch that far?"

"I knew it! I knew you hated her!"

"Look I'm not the one being judgmental here. I'll leave that territory to you and Buffy."

"Judgmental?!? If I were anymore open minded about the choices you two made, my whole brain would fall out."

"Oh. And superior, don't forget that. Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you can be all superior", Xander threw in.

"You guys stop this. What happened to you today?"

"It's not today. Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?" Willow answered.

"What do you mean, wrong?"

"Well they certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it. You can't handle Tara being my girlfriend.">>>>>>

Then she saw it. An almost tiny flinch. 'Buffy had flinched as I said Tara's name. Not girlfriend, not that we had problems, not that we were drifting apart. She did it as I mentioned her name. Twice!'

It was a real dilemma she was in. Not only that she wasn't sure if she had made the right decision going to Tara, she also felt as if she had missed something about Buffy the whole time. Something essential, that wasn't only about Buffy, but also about her.

But she hadn't really thought about it before she said it. Said those three eminently important words. Those words that she had never really said to Tara. She had replied to her saying it, with phrases like 'Me too' or by just hugging her. But she had never said it.

<<<<<<"I am so sorry for not having been there for you when you needed it. I'm sorry that I was so wrapped with in Riley."

"No, Buffy. I have to be sorry. I kept Tara as a secret from you. I-I just wanted something for me alone. Something I didn't have to share with you. I was the one that stayed at a distance. I-it's just... I was scared about how you would react."

"Willow, listen. You never ever have to be afraid about talking to me. I will always be here for you."

She hesitated. "I love you, Will.... I am your best friend.">>>>>>

She wasn't sure if her eyes had fooled her or not, but she thought she had seen Buffy flinch as she had said she was her best friend. And that her voice had cracked a little. On the other hand, she saw that Buffy had been... seemed very...relieved as she said that she loved her.

Willow just didn't know what to do now.

Eventually she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.



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Part 2: Is this really all true?

Willow chuckled. Somebody was tickling her.

"No. Stop, Buffy, stop."

Then it stopped. She opened her eyes and saw who it was.

"Morning", she mumbled. Then she saw the look in the other girls eyes.

"Tara? What's wrong?"

She looked away. "N-nothing. Nothing is wrong."

Willow cupped her face and pulled her closer to kiss the other girl.

"Come on, tell me. What is wrong?"

Tara took a deep breath and looked back into the eyes in front of her.

"I-it's just... as you woke up, a-as I tickled you, you... you called Buffy's name."

"Did I?" Willow was really surprised. "Probably, because she used to do that. When we were younger, I mean. I haven't felt that for a while now."

She smiled and looked into the face before her. Then she leaned forward and captured her lips with another kiss. Just, this time, it felt different. Somehow wrong. She didn't really know why. Just...different.

"Willow?"

"Hmm?"

"Tell me."

"What?"

"What she has said, done. What she has changed in you."

Willow smiled, "Nothing."

"Come on. Not even a complete stranger would believe you now, not to speak of the person who loves you. What's wrong?"

Her smile faded. "I don't know. I have tried to figure this out but... I don't know." She sighed.

Tara stood up and went into the bathroom. Willow whimpered at the loss of contact but her girlfriend just kept up her motion. She left the room without turning around and locked herself in. Willow jumped up as she heard the lock. Tara never did that. She stepped closer to the door and heard the other girl crying.

"Tara? Tara, what's wrong?"

No answer.

"Please, tell me what I have done wrong."

She heard a small voice behind the door.

"What?"

A little louder this time.

"I love you."

"Me too."

"Then say it."

"What?"

"That you love me."

"I-I don't understand."

Tara unlocked the door and tucked her head out. Her face was strained with tears.

"You always say you too or similar, but you never really say it. Say 'I love you'. Say it."

Willow opened and closed her mouth, trying to bring something out of her mouth."

"Damn, say it!!"

Willow looked on the floor. "I love you", were the words that left her mouth, in a very small voice.

Tara opened the door and took Willow in a tight embrace. She just held her like that for a few minutes, then led her back into the bed. Willow felt her lips being captured by the softness of Tara's, and she simply melted into them. She felt them move down, onto her chin and further down her neck.

Tara's hands roamed over her body and touched every spot. She moved under her shirt and pulled it up. Willow raised her arms to help her ease it off.

Soon after it was joined by Tara's and their panties. Low moans could be heard leaving the room. After about an hour, after all was over, Willow fell asleep.

As she woke up, the first thing she noticed was that she was alone. She opened her eyes and spotted the small note on Tara's pillow.

'Dear Willow,

I don't know what you have gone through neither do I know what you will be going through. All I know is that my feelings for you will never change. But the following is something you have to go through alone.

As you came to me that night, with the candle in your hands, and told me that you were with the one you loved, I was on cloud number nine. But already then, I told you that I understood that you had to be with the person you loved.

And that person am not I. That person is somebody else. I don't know who that is but I know that you have to find that one yourself. Because only from that person you will receive the happiness you deserve.

In love

Tara'



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Part 3: The one I love

Willow felt the tears well in her eyes as she finished reading. She felt the loss in her heart, for the second time now. But at the same time she knew that Tara understood her.

She stood up and dressed, all the time letting the tears drop from her face. She was almost finished as she spotted her pullover. The one she had forgotten last time. Before Oz had seen Tara in it. She took a small piece of paper and started to write.

'Dear Tara,

For all you have been, and for all you are willing to let go, I love you and you will always keep a special place in my heart. Keep this as something that will always remember you of me. And never forget me, for I will never forget you.

In love

Willow'

She placed the note on her pullover and left. She left the room, the dorm and the college. She walked off the campus and into Sunnydale. As well as Tara, Willow didn't know who she loved. Either that or she denied it from herself. But one way or the other, she had to think about it.

She walked through the streets, looked into store windows and continued her journey towards her home. The home in which she had grown up. The home in which she had always found a place to think.

But she never arrived there.

Before she reached the last corner to the street her house was in, she spotted somebody. Somebody, whom she was very familiar with, somebody she knew had to have the same problems than she now.

"Buffy!" she called from the other street side, before she ran across it. "Can I talk to you?"

"Willow, sure. What's up?"

The redhead looked around. "C-can we go somewhere more private?"

Buffy gave her a suspicious look but then consented and followed her best friend to her house.

"So, what's up?" the blonde asked as they entered the Rosenberg's home.

"W-would you mind, t-telling me about... Faith?"

"Faith? What do you want to know?"

Willow hesitated.

"H-have... have you ever... I mean you and Faith... have you ever...kissed her?"

The slayer crossed her arms if front of her chest and went into inquiring slayer mode.

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Have you?"

"No, but why?"

Willow let a breath out, which she hadn't even been aware she was holding. She sucked another deep breath into her lounges and sighed.

"Will, what's wrong?"

The redhead smiled.

"Absolutely nothing. I have just found something."

"And what?" Buffy had a hopeful smile on her features.

"The one I love."

And with that she leaned over to Buffy to capture her mouth with her own. The first seconds Buffy was shocked and didn't move. But that wasn't for long and she returned the kiss just as passionately as she received it.

Finis.

Greetings to all out there, demons and humans, halfbreed and vampires with soul

Quin
 
___________________________________________________
 
Quindo Ma
 
Main E-Mail: quindo-ma@xxxxxx
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Hopefully soon WPWP member
Officially spoiler fanatic

Lover of all BtVS femslash, as long as the main characters are on the 'good' side

Inquiries for beta reading accepted

My opinion of relationships:

Shipper for (in this order): B/W, W/T, B/F, X/C, W/X, X/Anya
Neutral[1] about (from most appreciated to most disliked): B/A, B/R, F/A, W/O
Dislikes[2] (from least to most): B/S, W/A, W/S, B/O, Angelus/f, m/m

[1]: means I will read them if one of my shipper relationships is main part
[2]: Does *not* mean hate. I simply don't read them.