REPOST: Fic: "The Hurt in her eyes"

["Quindo Ma" <quindo-ma@xxxxxx>]

Ok, I have now found a few that told me that sentence I didn't get the last time, so.. here is the corrected ver.

This is my answer (maybe only the first, but for now the only) to Kimber's last challenge. I was actually very surprised that I had it finished so fast. But that is actually no so complicated, cause I only have an encoded NMR ep and a clip with that special scene. I just had an inspiration and had to write this. Hope you enjoy it.
It's a rather sad story, no fight or anything, just feelings.

Written from Buffy's POV, mostly. Means, I only talk about her feelings and thoughts in here.
 
Title: The Hurt in her eyes
Author: Quindo Ma
Rating: PG
Summary: My opinion of Buffy's thoughts during the Buffy Willow speech about Tara in NMR
Spoilers for NMR!!
Feedback: All I can get...any comments (praises and criticism) are welcome at quindo-ma@xxxxxx . FLAMES will all be deleted and consequently ignored!!
Distribution: All who want to archive this fic, tell me what format you want it in (doc, html, txt) and the site you want to archive it on, and I'll send it to you.
Disclaimer: Buffy, Willow and co. belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., etc. etc., I just know I don't own them.

Thoughts are in ' ' and are italic. If you don't recieve this mail HTML encoded then ask me privatly and I'll either send you a HTML site, or work it into a plain txt message.


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The Hurt in her eyes:



Buffy wasn't in a very good mood this morning. At the moment she really hated Riley. Not only was he a bigot, but he was not willing to believe her that 'good' demons existed.

"Does that matter?" were his last words before he had left the room.

She hated it when he was all Mr. Initiative. Now, all she wanted to do is get out of here and back into her own room. Too much in here reminded her of how desperately in need she was.

In need for love. But not just anyone's love. She wanted... needed the love of one very special person.

She entered hers and Willow's room and spotted the redhead immediately.

"Hey"

"Hey... you ok?"

"Yeah, I just... I don't want to talk about it. I wanna hear about you and Oz. You saw him right?"

Willow hesitated. Not something she normally did, when it came to him.

"I was with him all night."

"All night? Oh my god. Wait... last.. night was a wolfmoon right?"

"Yup."

'This can't be good. She was with him all night. What if she wants to go back to him?'

"Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or-"

"No..kink... he didn't change Buffy. He said he was going to find a cure, and he did - in Tibet."

"Oh my god! I can't believe it!" 'And he even found a cure. Why now?' "Okay, I-I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and.. you're not."

Even if she wasn't happy with him back, she at least had to see Willow happy. It was the only thing that made herself feel an almost pure luck.

"No, there's 'woo' and.. and 'hoo'. But there's 'uh-oh!' and... 'why now?'... and ... it's complicated."


'Could that mean she won't go back?'

"Why complicated?"

The hacker hesitated again. 'This is not a good sign.'

"It's complicated... because of Tara."


'Tara? Why Tara? Maybe she and Oz?'

"You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No, you-.... Oh!" 'NOOO!!!!' "....oh....umm... Will... that's great," 'WHY?!?', "you know I may only think.. I think Tara is a.. ah.. really great.. girl, Will."

'I am sooo stupid. I should have noticed earlier. Why? Why? Why did she have to fall for her? I'm here. I love you Willow. I want you Willow. Please say it isn't so. Please let that nod mean that it is she having a crush on you and not you on her. Please Will, please!'

"She is. And... there is something between us."

In that moment Buffy's heart broke into a thousand pieces. Everyone, who wasn't oblivious, could see that in her eyes. But still, Buffy hoped that Willow didn't see it. Nothing had changed her feelings for the redhead. And she still was happy if she could see her happy. But she had a feeling of total loss. She had lost the chance to win Willow's heart for her.

"I-it's.. wasn't something I was looking for; it's just powerful. And it's.. totally different from.. what Oz and I have."

"Well, there you go, I mean, you know you have to..", 'LOVE ME!!!', "..you have to follow your heart, Will, and that's what's.. important, Will."

"Why do you keep saying my name like that?"

"Like what, Will?" Buffy asked, trying to cover her hurt by laughing.

Willow was getting nervous. "Are you freaked?" she asked in a slightly shaky voice.

"What?! No!, Will, th-" 'I'm not freaked, Willow, I'm in love. I just don't know how to react to this revelation. If I had known earlier... I would have told you.' "... no... no, absolutely no, to that question. ...I'm glad you told me." 'At least now I know what I have to do.' "...What did you say to Oz?"

"I was.. gonna tell him. But then we started hanging out and.. I could just.. feel everything coming back.... he's Oz, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." 'You wouldn't believe how well I know.'

"I don't want to hurt anyone, Buffy."

'And you tell me that now?'

"No matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is.. you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse."

It was the only thing Buffy could do now. Help Willow find happiness. Now she could only try and talk to Riley again. Try and do the same thing she had done ever since she had found out about her feelings for her best friend. Try and find some distraction from her needs and her desires for Willow.

Buffy left their room. She had to think about a few things. And most important, she had to cry. In the moment the door behind her was closed, the first tear rolled down her cheek.

She would go back to Riley and pretend to love him. But all the time she would only think about Willow and what she had lost.

Finis


Hope you liked it. Maybe more to come...

Greetings to all out there, demons and humans, halfbreed and vampires with soul

Quin
 
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Quindo Ma
 
Main E-Mail: quindo-ma@xxxxxx
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Hopefully soon WPWP member
Officially spoiler fanatic

Lover of all BtVS femslash, as long as the main characters are on the 'good' side

Inquiries for beta reading accepted

My opinion of relationships:

Shipper for (in this order): B/W, W/T, B/F, X/C, W/X, X/Anya
Neutral[1] about (from most appreciated to most disliked): B/A, B/R, F/A, W/O
Dislikes[2] (from least to most): B/S, W/A, W/S, B/O, Angelus/f, m/m

[1]: means I will read them if one of my shipper relationships is main part
[2]: Does *not* mean hate. I simply don't read them.