The Spaces In Between
by Red Willow
1
[reviews]
The Spaces In Between
All characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, ME, and all them other peeps, i'm just using them to make my own fun.
Feedback is always greatly appreciated!
Songs featured in fic are:
'Its Been Awhile' by Staind, off the Breaking the Cycle cd.
'Enjoy' by Bjork, off the Post cd.
'Blues for Angel'
and
'Bodies' both by Soul Minor's Daughter. cd, self titled.
***
There was no one home when I got back from the Magic Box. It didn't surprise me though. These days I often returned to an empty house. Dawn was usually at Janice's and Buffy was out either working or patrolling. So I guess either way, she was working. It's not that I mind being alone, sometimes I even long for the solitude. But lately, with Tara gone and me trying to kick the magicks, I just get lonely a little too quickly.
I went up to my room and lay down on my bed. I hugged a pillow close to me and tried to take a nap. It didn't work though. I lay there for a long time with my eyes closed, thinking of binary codes and algebraic formulas, anything to put me to sleep. But no, not with my silly willy brain, I ended up wanting to get on my laptop and do homework. I really just wanted to sleep though. The more I slept, the less I had to deal with reality.
I got up and put my Jake Lee Rau cd on repeat. I hadn't listened to that one in awhile, but it seemed appropriate. I was kind of feeling down in the dumps. I had been for a while. I watched the clock, tracing the red glowing letters until they had no form, no meaning. And still no sleep. I rolled on my back, staring at the ceiling, watching the shadows shift as time passed and the sun went down. I nodded my head methodically to the music and finally relaxation nudged me into sleep.
Her hands are all over me, moving as if through liquid, sliding silky smooth along my bare skin. She's everywhere at once. Greedy hands and wet kisses. Sighs and moans filling this room that has no walls, nor ceiling, just this space made for us. She's pressing herself against my wet sex, whispering lusty promises in my ears. I'm under her, my legs wrapped around her hot body, pulling her into me. She grabs my wrists, pushing my arms up over my head and holding me there.
I'm literally aching to touch her, but she holds me down, not letting me. I'm squirming, begging for release. She pays no attention; instead she sucks greedily at my nipples, scraping her teeth over them, practically biting them. It's all almost too much for me to bear. Quiet pleasure moans stretch into cries and pleas. I feel my juices bubble out of me as an almost painful ache tears through me. I'm desperately trying to grind my slick pussy against her but again she won't let me. I'm a jumble of aching, needy knots on the verge of ripping apart and I just can't stand it anymore.
"Tara Please!" I yell, straining against her.
She lifts her head from my breast and looks at me. Shadows cross her face and I only see the devilish grin dancing on her lips.
"You want it baby?" she teases.
"God yes!" I whimper, pleading with my eyes, my body.
I buck my hips against her as if proving it.
"What do you want me to do?" she asks innocently licking her lips, as if she doesn't realize that my wetness is practically splashing against her thighs and belly as I try to get myself off.
"Fuck me!" I yelp.
She's pulling away from me, retracting from my throbbing body, denying me privilege. NO! She can't do this to me! She...
She's sliding her fingers between my swollen slick lips, and before I can even react she's deep inside me and I'm arching my body against her, meeting her furious thrusts, crying out affirmations and pleas. Goddess yes! She's filling me with herself, her hand and wrist drenched in my thick liquid. I'm squeezing and pulling her into me deeper and wider with my arms and legs, my cunt wanting to devour her wholly. She gives herself to me, leaning closer, her body heavy on mine, keeping me tangled and tied to her. She's moaning almost as loud as I'm crying and she's rubbing her thumb on my clit, almost viciously, her pinky sliding in and out of my asshole and I'm full and round with orgasmic waves pulsing through every cell of my shaking body and still she thrusts her hand into me, fucking me like I asked, prolonging the orgasm, creating new ones. I'm rising higher and higher, crashing over the edge in ecstasy and slowly falling back only to be lifted again, fucked raw with untapped passion by my lover, her hand, her body, her moans and sweat.
Suddenly I'm pushing her from me, ignoring another oncoming orgasm in favor of hers.
"Wha-?" She starts, confused.
"I want to taste you!"
She's grinning at me as she untangles herself from my legs and pulls herself further up my body, placing her full, rich lips on mine, the sweet taste of berries filling my mouth as our tongues meet. Her mouth isn't the only thing I want to taste, to explore with my tongue, and she knows it.
I'm hungry for that strong musky elixir that intoxicates me every time I bury my head in her soft curls, and before I realize it, she's turning around, her hands on my thighs, and that oh so sweet pussy hovering mere inches from my face. Her lips are so swollen with desire and shiny thick wetness that I think I'm going to come again before I even get started.
"Mmmm Tara..." I moan before pulling her down onto my face, the first slight touch sending her hips into a jerk and a loud moan from around a bitten lip.
I'm opening her with my tongue, pulling back the slick silk curtains of her sex and tasting that pungent earthiness I so love. Almost immediately she begins to slowly rotate her hips against my exploring tongue. I'm mad with hunger, lapping up her cocktail as if it's the source of all my life being. My face is buried in her hot sex and, covered with her sticky goodness, I'm thrashing my tongue over her engorged nub sending her moans into loud "Gods" and "Yesses." I'm sucking her and fucking her with my tongue, my teeth, and my lips, and she's spreading herself wider for me, begging me not to stop, to never stop as she comes against my face, riding it. And I'm not stopping; I'll never stop now that I have her filling my cup with her cream.
I'm holding her hips tightly with my hands, holding her to me as I continue to work my tongue and mouth over her throbbing clit even as waves from her orgasm still crash though her. She's moaning my name, calling to me, and then I'm feeling her hands on me again, parting my lips and dipping her fingers into my own hot liquids. We're matching each other's rhythm of circling fingers and swirling firm tongue until we're both bucking with pleasure and release. We're floating. Nothing has substance or texture. There is only us coming together, arriving and wanting to go back only to come again, full and fat with completeness.
Again we untangle, flopping back into a soft familiar embrace, two sweaty bodies melting against each other with the pungent smell of each other's sex heavy in the air. We kiss hungrily, aware that we both taste her arousal and she giggles wiping her stickiness off my face. I close my eyes, happy for this one moment of gentle peace as we continue to kiss deeply, savoring it.
I break away; wanting to look at her, look in her eyes, to tell her how much I love...
"Buffy???!"
What the hell?? I'm flailing, sitting bolt upright, practically flinging her off of me. What in the mighty hell is going on?
Buffy's just grinning at me though, saying nothing. Curling up next to me, she lays her head in my lap, her fingers resting gently on my inner thigh, almost brushing against my still pulsating wet center.
All I can do is stare, my mouth a wide gaping hole of "what the fuck-?"
***
"What the frilly heck?" I said out loud to nobody.
Awareness washed over me, as the music still playing became clearer and the outline of my furniture and pictures on the walls took form in the darkness. I ran a ragged hand through my damp hair and wiped the sweat from my forehead.
I looked at the clock on my nightstand; not believing it was already after nine. I had definitely gotten in my much-needed nap, but what a dream that was. I wasn't surprised though. Ever since Tara left me, I'd been having a lot of "those kinds" of dreams. I thought I had gotten over the Buffy dreams in high school though. Things were seriously screwed. Tara was gone, I was addicted to magic, Buffy and I were hardly talking, and now the dreams. Some weren't so sexual, not like that one had been. But most of the time I was with either Tara or Buffy, then all of a sudden I would realize I was with the other. I was confused, frustrated, and horny as hell. I was also extremely wet. I could feel the hot fluid between my legs seeping out between my lips, soaking my yellow panties, not to mention the insistent throbbing.
I rolled my eyes, looking around the room. This was a new routine for me. Dreaming of sex with Tara and Buffy, waking up horny, and lots of manual stimulation. This was what I was reduced to almost every day. How fun for me.
I shrugged, thinking it better to just get on with it rather than try to ignore the aching and only wind up doing it later when I was that more frustrated. I pushed my jeans and panties off, letting them drop on the floor. I didn't bother with my shirt or bra. I knew it wouldn't take long to satisfy myself on account of the pounding mass of muscle between my legs. Heck, my hips were nearly humping the air of their own volition.
I traced the same well-worn path I was accustomed to since first discovering myself, and how to make my body tremble with bright waves of sweet delight. Around and around my fingers went, sometimes a little lower, sometimes more to the left, always the same route to the very much-needed destination. I drew my legs up, opening myself wider as my sex tensed with the oncoming ripples, sending a hot flood up into my stomach and down my legs.
I bucked against my hand, squeezing my legs together only momentarily as the initial electricity shot through me. Then I was at it again, my hand and fingers madly thrashing in the folds of my insatiate and desperate mound. I continued in this fashion 2, 3, 4 more times. I couldn't stop, could only keep my hand against my aching need, trying to satiate the hunger that burned there until the only thing that stopped me was my cramping hand.
"Geeze Rosenberg, lose it much?" I whispered, rolling off the bed.
I turned off the cd and grabbed my sweatpants. I heard movement across the hall and decided it would probably be best to just head for the shower and get started on some work.
Showered and feeling a bit more relaxed, I made my way downstairs. I saw Buffy sitting at the counter upon entering the kitchen.
"Hey Buffy."
"Hmm, hey Will..." she said absently, her eyes fixed on some papers in front of her.
I made a gesture of annoyance with my hand, saying "Of course..."
"Huh?" she asked glancing at me.
"Nothing."
"Oh, thought you said something." She said staring back at the paper.
"Like it would matter..." I mumbled.
"What?" She asked her attention now focused on me.
"Nothing..." I said before turning around and looking in the fridge for a bottle of water.
"Will..." she started. "Are you... ok?"
"Right as rain." I said sarcastically, bringing the bottle to my mouth. "Couldn't be better." I said in a lower voice before heading for the living room.
She didn't follow me into the living room, for which I was grateful. At least, I was at first. Then I was annoyed again. Then ashamed at how I acted in the kitchen. It was as if we were feeding off of each other somehow. She didn't notice me so I got pissed. Then she would notice me and I'd act like nothing was wrong, instead, ignoring her. It wasn't working. I was just as much a cause of the tension between us as she was. Hell, if it hadn't been for me ripping her from heaven, or whatever peaceful state she was in... but I don't like to think about that.
What I really wanted to do was to just tell her how I really felt about her. How I'd felt since the first day I met her. Then I would at least be relieved to have gotten that off my chest when she finally decided to never talk to me instead of us dancing circles around each other. Nothing was like it used to be. Everything had changed and it wasn't fair and I hated it. Hated myself most of the time. I was the reason Buffy was back and miserable. I was the one who got addicted to the magicks and made Tara leave. I hurt Dawn. Everything was my fault, and I just didn't know what to do about it. I didn't know how to make anything better.
"Hey, Will?"
I turned around to face Buffy, becoming aware that I had been standing in the center of the room with my bottled water for who knows how long, thinking.
"Yeah?"
"Are you ok?" She asked, the concern showing on her face.
Buffy was really concerned?
I didn't say anything right away. To be honest, I wanted to blurt everything out. Really tell her what was up and why I was acting the way I was and how I felt about how she was acting too. But I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to make it worse than it already was, which was pretty bad, not to mention all my fault.
Instead I did a half shrug and a half nod before flopping on the couch and picking up the remote. I had every intention of coming down here to do some work on my laptop, but it didn't look like I was going to be able to.
"Will..." Buffy started, taking a gentle seat beside me. "Obviously something's wrong. You know you can talk to me right?"
HA! What a laugh I thought that was. Talk to her? Queen of the "I don't talk to my friends anymore, let alone acknowledge them half the time" wanted me to talk to her.
I wanted to, very badly. But I was so scared of what the whole thing would turn into. How much do I tell her? How far would I go?
I didn't say anything, opting instead to look at my feet, as if something interesting had sprout on the ground and grown up around them. We were both quiet for a while and although she was right next to me on the couch, and I could see her out of the corner of my eye, I could feel her more than anything. There was something about her that had made me accustomed to her scent, her texture, and the sounds she made. I could sense her presence.
I was about to open my mouth to say something, anything to have this moment over with before I started to lose it. I really felt like I was going to do something drastic, like yell, or cry, or kiss her. But I didn't get a chance because she put her hand on my knee causing me to jump a foot off the couch before saying,
"Willow, I... I guess I'm really the one who needs to talk..." She was really nervous. "We really need to talk."
I just looked at her with this stupid stunned expression on my face. I couldn't believe she actually wanted to talk, to me. She hadn't wanted to talk to me since we brought her back, especially like we used to. How best friends are supposed to.
"Uh... w-what's wrong Buffy?"
"I know we haven't, we haven't exactly talked lately, and... um..." She didn't go on, just looked away, thinking of what to say.
"Buffy... I-I probably should..." I started, lifting myself off the couch.
"Wait..." She argued, putting her hand on my knee.
I looked at her apprehensively.
"Uh, oh... um, ok."
I could tell she was really struggling with whatever it was that she needed to tell me. My resolve to get out of this situation, to run once again, faded as I saw the fear build behind her eyes as she began to speak.
"I-I um," She closed her eyes momentarily, and took a deep breath. "This is really hard for me, Will."
I turned to her, placed my hand tentatively on her arm, trying to reassure her.
"Buffy, what is it?"
After a few moments she said, "Spike. He can hurt me."
"Huh?"
"He can hurt me..."
"H-his chip doesn't work?" I asked shocked and dropped my bottled water. "Oh crap!"
I bent down and grabbed my water before too much could spill on the floor. I looked back at Buffy, her head down in her hands.
"When did this happen?"
"No, Will, uh, um..."
She looked up and me and then quickly away.
"His chip still works. He can only hurt me."
"What?! Buffy... How? When? I mean, uh, well how did? how do...?
"I, I asked Tara to check the spell, to make sure I came back right. She said she couldn't find anything wrong. But I just don't understand why I let him do those things to me. I keep saying it's nothing and then I go back and I... I can't believe I'm sleeping with Spike!"
She put her face in her hands after telling me all this, and I thought she was going to cry, but I think she just didn't want to see the look that was plastered across my face. I was horrified. Utterly shocked.
"You? and Spike? Y-you... you're... sleeping? Not like sleeping... but, naked kind of...? Oh..."
"Will..." But she said no more, just kept her hands in front of her face, shielding herself from me.
I felt so bad for her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold and tell her it was ok, that I was still her friend and she'd never have to worry about me not being there. That, although I hadn't been the most reliable person lately and had a problem with the magicks, I was still her friend, her best friend and would always be there for her. I didn't do any of that though.
First came the horrible shock that Buffy would sleep with that evil, soulless thing that had tried to kill all of us more than once, who would still try, if it weren't for that chippy in his head. Then the anger came in floods and waves, literally knocking me off my butt.
"What?!"
I stood up and whirled around, glaring at her.
"You're sleeping with... no, no... that's such not a good term for what you too must be doing..." I spat at her.
She looked up shocked and dismayed that I would act this way. I felt terrible but still the words came out.
"How could you?! Spike?? H-he's tried to kill you, kill me! A-and Xander and everyone else! He talks about eating us all the time... a-and if it weren't for that damn chip in his head he probably would! How in the hell could you Buff? Aargh! Ohh God..."
"Willow..." She said quietly, the tears streaming now.
"I just don't understand..."
"Please, Will... stop..." She stood up, looking at me weakly.
I realized how hurt she was, how weak and shaky she seemed standing there looking at me, pleading for me to stop with her eyes. I didn't think I'd ever seen her looking so vulnerable before.
"I... I just wanted to... feel, something... Since I got... back... I just haven't..."
"I know..." I bit back bitterly, recalling all the times I felt invisible around her since bringing her back. "It's all my fault..."
"No... no Will, please..."
"Oh please, Buffy... it was me who brought you back... brought you back from heaven... you don't want to be here. And you hardly acknowledge me when I'm around..."
"No... Will... that's not it at all..."
"Oh no? You're banging Spike so you can feel something, Buffy! You don't talk to any of us! Don't want us around! We used to do everything together, and we all still need each other and I-I've been dealing with all this... and now you... and I don't know what to do... a-and... and it's all so... everything's changed! You were happy and peaceful a-and I... I made you miserable again!"
"Willow, that's not true... I just..."
"Don't you realize I love you, Buffy?!" I sputtered out and immediately I was sorry for saying it.
There was an awkward silence between us as she eyed me closely. We had both said I love you to each other plenty of times, but this time I meant it differently, and I was scared that she knew that.
She seemed to chew on what I had said, as if tasting the words before deciding if she liked the meaning.
"I... I love you too Will. You know that. You're my best friend... and that will never change..."
But I didn't give her time to finish.
"It already has..." I said firmly, running a hand through my hair, desperate to find the right words.
"What...? No, no Will..."
"Things are different Buffy. For both of us."
"I... Willow..." She stepped towards me, the first movement either of us had made since facing off against each other.
"I don't want it to be Buffy. But it is."
"I know you're upset about Spike, but..."
"Spike!" I yelled, throwing up my arms. "You want to feel Buffy? You really want to feel something? Then why are you fucking a dead man?!" I was fuming.
She flinched at my choice of words.
"You don't even realize what's right in front of you. What you could have, what you always could've had."
I hung my head slightly, shaking it in my own disbelief.
"What?" She asked, not understanding.
"I know you don't feel it. But it doesn't make it hurt any less."
"What? Will, I'm not... make what hurt any less?"
She touched my arm in concern. I was so upset that I was practically digging my nails into the palms of my hands. I looked at her, our eyes meeting for the first time in what seemed like forever.
"That... that you'd rather... you'd rather be with Spike... than me."
Confusion, followed by a wave of realization flooded her face. Her eyes drifted from mine to somewhere on the wall behind me. Her mouth formed a small "O" but no sound came out.
Mentally I smacked myself for even saying anything. I thought things had changed before. We were definitely in for some changes after my little revelation.
"Uh, wha.. uh... Will... um..."
"I... I... Uh... I can't... I can't do this..." I said finally turning from her and fleeing to my room.