Seeing Red
by TheBear
Chapter 5
[reviews]
Part 5
========== BtVS ==========
Willow and Giles walked into the library, talking.
Willow asked, "So, where do we start?"
Giles sounded distracted as he responded, "Hmm? Oh, I don't know. Maybe look into the history of the hospital, bizarre incidents, that sort of thing."
Willow stopped and looked at the watcher for a moment, "I'm sensing a little less than full committal here."
Giles stopped walking over by the counter and leaned against it. "Oh, I-I suppose so. Cordelia may be..." he pondered on the most appropriate adjective. "...homerically insensitive, but she may also be right."
Willow looked skeptical.
Giles defended his, unusual for him, position. "Death and disease are, are things, possibly the *only* things that, that Buffy cannot fight," he explained. "It's only natural for her to try to create a-a defeatable opponent. Especially now, after recent events..."
Willow gave Giles a sad smile, thinking of Jenny, as she thought he must be. She knew her girlfriend was anything but infallible, but she also considered where they were. "That's true," she acknowledged. "But, on the 'we live on the Hellmouth' side, these kids may have seen a monster.
Giles tipped his head in acknowledgement, and began to walk back to the stacks. "What, a monster that grown-ups can't see? Doesn't ring a bell." He suddenly stopped, as an idea came to him, "Unless..."
Willow jumped up to sit on the table. "Unless?" she asked
Giles walked back toward her, explaining, "Well, sometimes small children *do* see something we adults don't... Us. Our true selves, our- our... our hidden faces."
Willow's brow crinkled in thought, "So the kids might be afraid of a regular person?" she asked slowly. Realization dawned on her and her face lit up, "Like the weird doctor!"
Giles agreed, "Stanley Backer was his name, no?"
Willow jumped down from the table and went to her backpack. "Let's look him up," she said as she grabbed her laptop.
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It only took Willow a couple of minutes to set up and start surfing for information on her laptop.
During that time Giles stood back and watched her, thinking about her and Buffy's new relationship. It was quite amazing how, in such a brief time- only a matter of a few days really- Willow had changed so much. Oh, she was still Willow- the brilliant, funny, somewhat shy girl she had been, though her shyness was dissipating at a rapid rate as her self-confidence grew. Now, though, there was an allure... a sexiness that was new. Giles had always thought Willow was a very pretty girl, but now... He felt somewhat embarrassed to find that he was attracted to the lovely redhead. Nothing to worry about, he didn't fancy himself to be in love with her or any such nonsense- but now when he looked at her, he didn't see a young girl, he saw a desirable woman.
Giles was not yet entirely comfortable with the concept that this desirable woman was in love with the girl he thought of as his daughter- Buffy. He realized that he was somewhat stuffy when it came to sexuality; frankly it was probably a reaction to- an overcompensation for- his hedonistic youth. Giles certainly didn't condemn the two girls for their relationship, he genuinely wanted the best for his surrogate daughter and the girl he sometimes fancied as his protégé.
He just wasn't completely at ease about it... yet.
Willow suddenly said, "Got it!" startling Giles out of his reverie.
He went and stood behind her looking over her shoulder as she brought up Dr. Backer's medical database file comes up on the screen. "Our Dr. Backer has something of a rap sheet," he observed.
Willow began to read off some of the low points. "Reprimands for controversial experiments, risky procedures, a malpractice suit. Looks like it was dropped suddenly."
Giles took off his glasses and said, "Factor in Buffy's observation that he gives her the, um, uh, wiggins..." He turned away to think.
Willow looked up over her shoulder at him, asking, "This may be our death guy?"
Giles turned back towards her and said, "I just wish I knew what he was doing to these children.
It was that moment that Xander and Cordelia walked in with the little girl's file.
========== BtVS ==========
Giles and Willow were avidly scanning the file while Xander sat, impatiently waiting for Cordelia to get back from the restroom. He was nervous. He was planning on telling her his feelings for her. Honest discussion of his feelings, was something he had never really done before. Frankly it scared the hell out of him. But, he had decided that Cordelia was worth trying for a real relationship. He thought they were ready to move to the next level- being in love.
God! Just the word, or the thought of the word, was frightening. He was going to try and tell Cordelia Chase, Queen C, most popular girl in school- known to some as the biggest bitch in the school- that he was falling in love with her.
Xander was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Willow looking down at him, confusion clearly written on her face.
Willow had noticed that Xander seemed to be working himself into a state. She excused herself from Giles for a moment and walked over to her best friend, putting her hand on his shoulder.
"Jeez, Xander, you're awfully jumpy..." she said, trying to incite an explanation.
Xander laughed nervously, "Jumpy? Me?"
Willow gave him a 'don't try to fool me, mister' look and said, "What's wrong?"
Xander knew he didn't stand a chance at fooling Willow. She always could read him like a book. "I just... I'm... Cordy and me..." he stuttered. He knew she was going to be upset with him, but he also knew she would support him. "God, relationships suck!" he thought uncharitably. That was unfair, he knew. But he wished they could be simpler at least.
Willow considered her friend for a minute. Either he was breaking up with Cordelia... she felt slightly guilty at the hopefulness of that thought. Or...
"You're in love with Cordelia?" she squeaked, shocked at the idea. Teen lust she understood, but love? How unfair was that; that she should feel hurt by this, especially when she was in love herself, and- in love with the girl Xander had wanted since the day they met.
Xander saw the hurt, confusion, and guilt in his friend's eyes and stood up, taking her in his arms. "I know, I know. It's weird," he said. "I've been thinking a lot. I wanted to make sure it wasn't because of you and Buffy... but yes- I'm falling in love with Cordelia Chase." He pulled back and looked down into her eyes. He gave her one of his lopsided smiles and asked, "Think you'll ever forgive me?"
Willow laughed at that. Only Xander Harris would ask her to forgive him for falling in love. She sobered and said, "You really think..."
Xander interrupted her. "You guys don't see her like I do. You don't see what she's like when she drops the bitch act. She's..." he trailed off, lost in thought for a moment. "Yeah, I'm sure, Will."
Willow saw his certainty in his eyes. It was something she hadn't really noticed before, but it seemed like Xander was maybe a little more mature now than he had been only a little while ago. Like he was making some mature decisions, rather than just reacting- badly- to things that happened.
"Be happy for me?" Xander asked, just a little hopeful apprehension peeking through.
Willow chastised herself for her selfishness. Xander deserved happiness too. He accepted and supported her relationship with Buffy- despite the pain it must cause him. She owed him the same. Putting on a- mostly- genuine smile, she said, "Of course I'm happy for you Xander. You're my best friend- and if Cordelia makes you happy, then you have to go for it."
"Even if you don't understand it," Xander said, finishing what he imagined was her unspoken thought.
Willow chuckled again, "Even then."
Xander pulled her into a hug once again, whispering, "Thanks, Will. You're the best!"
She broke away, teasing, "Sure, *now* you realize that..."
Xander would have responded, but Cordelia walked through the door at that moment and cleared her throat upon seeing him and Willow in a loose hug.
Xander stepped away from Willow and walked over to his girlfriend, who was giving him a slightly icy look- one hand on her hip. He took her hand and laced his fingers with hers, saying, "Come on Queen C, let's get outta here."
Cordy gave a slightly disapproving "Hrmph," but allowed herself to be led out.
========== BtVS ==========
"Where do you want to go?" Cordelia asked, still a bit stiff after seeing Xander and Willow holding each other like that. It wasn't so much that she thought they would be actually doing anything, as it was the easy comfort those two shared. She was actually jealous. Not that she'd ever tell Xander that. She hated the fact that she was falling for Xander Harris, king of losers. But, despite the fact that she hated it, it was still happening.
"Someplace quiet... I- I didn't have anyplace specific in mind. We could go to my house, I guess. The parents are probably passed out by now," he said, the bitterness clear in his voice.
They never really talked about it. She knew his parents were alcoholics, and she got the impression that Xander's home life was... unpleasant, but he never gave her any specifics. She softened her attitude a little bit, and offered, "We can go to my house. Mom and Dad are in LA for the week- some charity event or other."
"Ok," Xander said. The rest of the ride was made in silence; each wrapped up in their own thoughts.
========== BtVS ==========
Xander turned down Cordelia's offer of something to drink. He led her by the hand into the plushly appointed living room and sat them down on the couch, facing one another. He didn't relinquish her hand as he began to speak.
"You remember that night when the werewolf attacked us in your car?" Xander asked.
Still having no idea where any of this was going, Cordy said, "Uh, you mean one more night where I almost died since I started hanging out with the 'Scooby Gang?' How could I forget it?"
Xander ignored the gibe; "You accused me of caring more about Buffy and Willow than I did you; of spending my time thinking of them, when I should have been focused on you." Xander was having a hard time meeting her gaze. "You were right," he admitted.
Cordelia failed to strangle a little gasp. "Oh my God! He's going to break up with me?" she asked herself incredulously. She pulled her hand away from his and back into her own lap. "This can't be happening! I thought we were..." his next words interrupted her line of thought.
Xander had his hands clasped in his lap, his fingertips turning white as he wrung them together. "I've spent too much time thinking about Buffy, when I was with you. I owe you an apology for that, Cordy. It was unfair to you, and really to us both. I- I..." Xander finally stiffened his backbone and looked up into her eyes, which were wide and shiny. "She's shocked that I'm apologizing?" he wondered. He continued on, "I want to make it up to you... kinda... well, not really starting over or anything, but like, maybe..." he trailed off, frustrated that he couldn't find the words to express his feelings.
Ok, now she was seriously confused. "Doesn't exactly sound like a breakup..." she thought.
He tried a different tack- "Look, I'm not saying this very well, so I'm just gonna say it: I'm falling in love with you. Hard. I- I miss you when you're not around. I even miss arguing with you over stupid things. I... you make me happy when you walk into the room... and when you smile at me- really smile... I kinda wish I could freeze time and just stop right there." He reached up to cup her cheek, saying "You're so damned beautiful when you smile."
"Oh my God!" she thought again, her face breaking out into one of the smiles he was talking about.
He noticed his hand was shaking as he touched her skin. "And, it terrifies me," he continued, "To feel like this, to say this to you... I thought about it, and I think you might be falling for me, too. But there's a little voice in the back of my mind that has been screaming at me not to say anything, not to risk it."
Cordy managed to choke out one word from her suddenly dry mouth, "Why?"
Xander smiled, his eyes shiny with tears as he said, "In my dreams, you tell me that you love me too. In my nightmares you... laugh as you..." he had to pause and swallow as he felt like his heart was trying to climb out his throat. "...as you stomp my heart under your foot like a grape."
Cordelia could clearly hear the aching tenderness in his voice- she could see the hint of fear showing through his unshed tears. She was too choked up to speak herself. She got up and stood before him, pushing him back into the couch. She straddled his lap, one knee on either side of his hips. She pressed her body up against his and whispered, "You are *so* going to get lucky tonight!" She immediately began to kiss him with all the unrestrained passion she could muster.
After she had kissed him breathless, she sat back upright and started to untuck her shirt. Xander's eyes dilated in lust. It took a great deal of effort for him to reach out and grab he arms, stopping her. His voice was hoarse as he said, "Cordy, I didn't tell you I love you to make you sleep with me..."
She smiled another of her thousand-watt smiles, her feelings heightening even further at his restraint. Especially when she could feel his denim-covered excitement pressing into her now wet center. She ground against him a little as she said, "Xander, this isn't because you said you love me. This is because I love you too."
"Oh God!" Xander squeaked when he felt Cordelia rub herself against his erection. His mind was on the edge of a cliff. One more step and he thought would utterly give way to instinct and emotion. There was only one more hurdle before he gleefully threw himself into that chasm. He had yet to let go of her arms as he choked out, "Protection! I- I don't... I didn't..."
Cordelia smiled. Under the circumstances, Xander was being quite the gentleman. Most guys would have thrown her on the ground and screwed her brains out the moment she straddled their lap. "Must really be love," she thought with a giggle.
Xander's eyes widened even further when Cordelia giggled; she leaned in and he heard her seductive whisper in his ear, "Xander, I went on the pill a month ago." The thought that she had, as much as a month ago, started planning on having sex with him incited him wildly. His mind kicked down the last barrier and thew itself into the abyss.
Cordelia was shocked when she heard Xander's almost feral growl. She laughed in excitement when he grabbed her ass and stood up, keeping her up against his body. She wrapped her legs around him, hooking her ankles in the small of his back and her arms around his neck as he carried her out of the living room and made his way through the house to her bedroom.
Xander made it to her bedroom, despite the distraction of her sucking on his neck the whole way. When he got into the room, he slammed her into the wall- not hard enough to hurt, but just enough to heighten the sense of danger and loss of control.
Cordelia gasped as she was pressed against the wall. She felt wild and uninhibited as Xander attacked her mouth with a searing kiss while rubbing himself against her in a simulation of the act they were about to engage in.
Her sex felt swollen and heavy with hot moisture as she felt the friction of their jeans against their most private parts. She broke off the kiss, panting, "Need... skin..." She moaned as he began assaulting her neck with lips and tongue. She started clawing at his shirt, trying to get it down over his shoulders while trying to pull the t-shirt up and off at the same time.
Xander must have gotten the hint at last because he pulled her away from the wall and went over to the bed. He threw her back on the bed and grabbed at his t-shirt, yanking it and his shirt over his head at once. He toed off his shoes and tore at the fly of his jeans.
Once he had them open, he pulled them and his boxers off at the same time. While he was bent over, he tore his socks off as well.
Cordelia was breathing hard as she watched her soon to be lover frantically undressing. When he stood back up before her- his smooth, broad chest heaving, she couldn't help but ogle him for a moment. When her eyes made it down to his flat stomach she saw the trail of hair below his navel and followed it down to, "Ye Gods!" she thought. Though it was the first she had ever seen one 'in the flesh' as it were, Cordelia had sneaked a peek at her mother's Playgirl magazines a time or two. Xander wasn't the largest she had ever seen, but he looked awfully big, with it sticking straight out from his body like it was pointing right at what it wanted- her.
Xander grinned when Cordy started staring at his erect cock. His amusement changed to hot, dripping lust when she licked her lips. He groaned out loud, "Cordy!"
Hearing her name groaned out like that pushed Cordelia's already overwhelming excitement right into the red zone. She looked up at Xander's wild eyes and gave a little moan herself when he said in a commanding tone, "Cordelia, take off your clothes."
Xander was frozen to the spot as he watched Cordelia scramble to get naked. Shoes went flying in random directions as did her blouse and pants. He let out an unrestrained moan of arousal when she freed her generous breasts from their black lace confinement. She slid her panties off her legs and laid back before him completely unclothed. "You... are *so* unbelievably hot, Cordy," he breathed out.
Cordelia whimpered. She drew her knees up and let them fall out to her sides, opening herself completely to him. "Xander, I need you. In me. Now!"
Xander didn't need to be asked twice. He quickly crawled until he was face to face with her. He reached down and grabbed his cock, rubbing the head up across her wet slit, inciting a moan from both of them. This was his first time, but he had done plenty of research to be ready for this day, not knowing when it might come, but wanting to live by the Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared! His research had given him a basic lay of the land, and an understanding of the task before him.
"God! Cordy you're so wet!" he said with a groan.
His groan was echoed as he dragged across her clit. "Xander!" she whimpered urgently. "Please!"
Xander lined himself up and slowly eased into Cordy's tight heat. "Ooohhhhh Goooodddd" Xander moaned out as he sank into her.
Cordelia cried out in sheer pleasure, "Xaaannnnnddeerrrrrrrr!" as he bottomed out. "Don't move for a second," she breathed out sharply.
Xander was instantly concerned, "You ok?" he asked.
Cordelia gave him a sultry smile, "Oh yeahhh. Just need to adjust a bit." Instinctively knowing that any guy would take it as a complement, she smirked at him, adding, "You're kinda big."
Xander smiled at the complement. He adjusted himself, putting his forearms under her shoulders, carrying his weight on his elbows he pressed the length of his torso against hers, feeling the delightful sensation of her big breasts squishing against his chest, her long, hard nipples poking into him. He leaned down and kissed her for a moment. He asked, "I didn't..."
She looked at him strangely.
"It didn't... hurt?"
Cordelia realized what he was asking. "Oh, no. Cheerleader, remember? High kicks, splits..."
He got it. "Oh... good!" He looked into her eyes and said, in all seriousness, "I love you, Cordelia."
Cordelia had tears of happiness in her eyes as she said, "I love you too." She wiggled her hips a bit, letting him know she was ready for him to move.
Xander got the message. He slowly withdrew from Cordy's heat, causing them both to suck in a breath at the beautiful sensation. Xander began to move within his love, long deliberate strokes. They were both extremely excited, buzzing on the brand new love they had revealed for each other, not to mention the incredible feeling of being inside and around each other for the first time.
It was completely indescribable, the awe-inspiring feeling of giving this gift to each other, their first loves. How rare and precious was that? Both still virgins both physically and emotionally.
Cordelia clutched him to her, wanting maximum contact as he moved inside of her. She couldn't believe how good he felt inside of her, stretchy and burning, but feeling oh, so wonderful as his swollen glans slid along her tunnel walls. The hair surrounding the base of his fat cock rubbed against her swollen clit as he bottomed out with each stroke. She felt her hips reflexively pushing up to meet his downward thrusts, the impact creating a slapping sound as their bodies met with each stroke.
Xander kissed her as he moved, kissing her lips, her face her neck, latching onto her pulse point and sucking hard. She ran her hands up and down his back, reaching down to grab his ass and spur him on.
It was soon too much for Cordelia to stand and she came upon that one perfect moment, where she felt loved throughout her whole body and spirit at once. It wasn't her first orgasm, but it was her first orgasm brought about by someone other than herself. The difference was incredible. She felt like she was sinking into warm water on a cold day. Waves of pleasure rippled through her body again and again as Xander continued to move inside her slick heat. She cried out his name, not screaming but more like a loud victory cry.
Xander felt himself slipping away as Cordelia's tight sheath squeezed and pulsated around his hard length. He came hoarsely shouting his lover's name and it felt like his soul was pouring out of his body into his beloved. He could never have dreamed how much better this was when it was shared with another, specifically with the woman he loved. To put it in Xander-terms it was like comparing Prime rib from Ruth's Chris with Salisbury steak at the high school cafeteria. One was almost edible, the other was almost a religious experience.
He rested his forehead against Cordelia's and said, "I just found my new favorite place in the whole world to be." Locking her eyes with his he whispered, "Inside you."
Cordelia couldn't help a delighted laugh, "That's the corniest thing I've ever heard, Xander."
He laughed along with her, realizing it did sound like a bad romance novel. Not that he'd ever read one of those. No sir! He'd heard rumors, that's all.
"Yeah, well. It's still true," he said with a smile.
Cordelia arched her brow and teasingly said, "Oh yeah? Think you can do it again?"
Xander was surprised, but quickly smiled and said, "Give me a couple minutes and I'll see what I can do!"
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