Stranger In My House
by Shyfox
Stranger In My House
[reviews]
Comments, questions, criticisms are as always welcome at shyfox30@hotmail.com
A Stranger in My House
by
Shyfox
Prologue
My name is Buffy Summers, or at least that's what I've been told. See, I woke up a week ago unable to remember anything, including my own name. I can say, with all honesty, that's a pretty freaky thing. I was introduced to people that knew me, but I couldn't remember them. It's kind of like living in an episode of the Twilight Zone. You know, the one where the guy wakes up one morning and he remembers everybody but nobody remembers him? I saw that one yesterday and it kinda says it all about how I feel, only for me it's reversed.
Everybody has been really terrific and understanding though. My mom has been by my side, practically every second since I woke up, filling me in on the details so to speak, like what's been happening for the last eighteen or so years. It's been kind of freaky, taking it all in...I mean, who knew that my high school would burn down my senior year? At least I graduated...I think. So, this hospital therapist gave me this journal...said I should write down my thoughts and feelings so I don't get too confused, or jumbled up.
Mom says she's been looking forward to the time when I'll come home, so it's really weird that she's not picking me up today to take me home. She said she wanted to get the house ready for me, whatever that means, but Xander's coming to pick me up, so I guess that's okay.
I must say though, I've got some really strange friends. I haven't known him that long, but I can tell Xander's a wild one. I wonder if he and I ever...no...probably not, it would be too weird not to remember something like that. But he's pretty cool, in a zany kind of way. I can't really tell if he's really like that or just trying too hard.
I hope he's not bringing his girlfriend with him. I only met her once, but she said some pretty off the wall stuff. Something about Willow, and how she was taking everything really well considering the circumstances. And that if it had been her she would have completely fallen apart by now. Xander had shot her this really harsh look, then looked at me kind of guilty like, as if he was hoping I hadn't caught that. I had though, and I'm still wondering over what that meant.
Speaking of which, I'm really confused over Willow. I mean, from what everybody has told me she's supposed to be one of my very best friends, and yet I've only seen her a couple of times for very brief visits. And she always has this lost, sad look in her eyes, although she tries to cover it by talking a mile a minute. I tried to ask her about it once, but she made this really lame excuse about having to water her plants or something, then disappeared faster than I could blink.
It must be hard for them though. I mean, they have all of these memories about me, things we've done, places we've gone, conversations we've had, and I can't remember a single thing about them.
I've just looked at the clock, and it's almost noon...Xander will be here soon to take me home. Home...I wonder what that will be like...or if I'll even like it. I'm not sure why I'm thinking that, except it will be strange and unusual, and something else I'll have to get used to. Well, I can hear them coming up the hall, and yes, he brought the girlfriend with him. Ugh. I guess my fate is sealed. I hope I don't feel like too much of a stranger in my own home...I guess I'll see.
Chapter One: Welcome home, Buffy
Don't wish it away,
Don't look at it like it's forever.
Between you and me,
I could honestly say that things can only get better.
And while I'm away,
Dust out the demons inside.
And it won't be long before you and me run,
To the place in our hearts where we hide.
And I guess that's why they call it the blues.
Time on my hands could be time spent with you.
Laughing like children, Living like lovers,
Rolling like thunder under the covers.
And I guess that's why they call it the blues.
-- Elton John.
"Welcome home, honey." Joyce stood in the doorway, watching her daughter make her way slowly to the house. She had healed, for the most part, her super fast healing ability taking care of most of the bumps and bruises that had peppered the Slayer from her fall. The only noticable remaining indication of her ordeal was the limp in the her walk as she favored her left side, where her bruised ribs and still healing gash still caused her some pain, and the incredibly empty look in those hazel blue eyes.
"Thanks, Mom." Buffy tried not to lean too hard against Xander, who was trying valiently to help her to the house, but she still felt overwhelmingly weak. She thought she'd be feeling so much better by now, somehow, and it irked her that she felt like she had to rely on Xander just to walk from the driveway to the house.
Xander just wished Buffy's Slayer strength would hurry up and make an appearance, for both of their sakes.
"Do you feel up to the grand tour, or would you like to lay on the couch for a little bit." Joyce asked, trying not to worry over how tired Buffy looked.
Buffy shook her head, unsure what she wanted to do as they walked into the house together. She thought she should at least recognize something, but as she looked around at the unfamiliar furnishings, she felt the reality of the situation pressing in on her. Part of her wanted to go back to the hospital, where at least something was familiar, but another part of her, a deeper, stronger part, wanted even more to stick it out and get reaquainted with her life.
"Maybe we can just sit down for a little bit." Buffy said, as she headed over to the couch.
*****
The ride to Giles house was very quiet. Rupert wasn't quite sure what to say to the young woman who was staring out the window, lost in thought. Willow couldn't get the image of Buffy arriving home out of her head. She had only seen her for a brief split second, and yet, seeing her standing in the driveway in front of her house had seemed so right. Like she truly belonged there, and all was once again right with the world. Unfortunately, that wasn't completely true, at least as far as Willow was concerned.
She had to keep reminding herself that her leaving was for the best. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do if she could just go home again, crawl between the sheets of Buffy's bed, wrap her arms around her wife and just stay there, safe and secure in the love that she felt for her.
Things were never that simple though, and so, here she was on her way to Giles house, for who knew how long, wondering if things would ever be the way they used to be. Wondering if her wife would ever look at her with the love that used to shine, just for her, from the depths of her bright blue eyes. It did her absolutely no good to wonder if Buffy would ever even get to know her own child, it just left her feeling miserable and alone. She had to get a handle on these feelings, if not for her own sake, then at least for Buffy's.
She knew she wasn't being much of a friend to her right now. She'd tried to visit her a couple of times in the hospital, but it just hurt too much to be around her. Then Buffy had called her on it, and she wasn't sure what to say. She remembered muttering something about plants while walking backwards, and then she'd been out of the room, staring at the closed hospital room door, wondering if she'd ever be able to get her act together.
She sighed, drawing Giles attention to her once more. "I know...it won't be home. But....I..I think I have everything set up so you'll be comfortable."
Willow tried on a smile for his sake, feeling it stretch across her lips, though no emotion lay behind it. "I'm sure it will be just fine, Giles."
The older man searched blindly for something else to say, then gave up and simply nodded, returning his attention to the tree lined streets.
*****
"And this is your bedroom." Joyce finished the little tour by pushing open Buffy's bedroom door. Buffy entered the room like she was seeing it for the first time, and in a way she was, she had walked through the whole house like that, her attention being drawn to every nook and cranny as if she was memorizing where everything was.
Joyce had breezed by the closed room at the head of the stairs, but for some reason Buffy's attention had been drawn to it, almost magnetically.
"What's in there?" Buffy had asked, her eyes almost poring through the wood, and Joyce thanked God that her daughter didn't have x-ray vision as one of her many powers.
"Oh that?" Joyce thought her voice sounded a little strangled to her own ears, she hoped Buffy hadn't picked up on that, but she was completely unprepared to answer questions about that room. "That...that's just my n-...uh...office, honey. Nothing really to see in there."
Buffy had looked at her a little strange, almost as if she was sensing the lie, but then just answered her with a simple. "Oh."
Now, Buffy looked around her room, hoping for one small feeling of recognition to jump out at her from the four silent walls. Not a shred of recognition was elicited from the clothes hanging in the closet, or the ice skates hanging over the door. Even the stuffed pig in the corner left her feeling cold. 'I sleep in here. This is my bedroom, the bedroom that I've had for the last eighteen or so years? Shouldn't I feel...something?' Buffy asked herself. A growing feeling of isolation and fear began to settle around her weary shoulders, but then she noticed the picture frame resting on the dresser.
Picking it up, she examined it curiously, wondering why just seeing the redhead grin at her from the photo made her want to grin in reflex. She hadn't seen the redhead grin at her like that in the hospital, if she had, she knew she would have felt the warm feeling that was swimming around inside her now. There was a truly joyous expression on that face, one that captured her attention and made her feel joyful herself. Even if it was just a sliver of what was reflected from her friend, it was enough to let her give in to her feelings and grin. But looking at herself was weird. She tried to find the answers to all her questions about herself in those deep hazel eyes. She imagined how it would be if the person in the picture could speak. What she would tell her about how her life had been and who she was.
She placed a hand on the picture, running her fingers over the smooth glass. They were friends, best friends from what Xander and her mother had told her, and here in her hands was the proof. She wondered what she had done to change that. Was forgetting about her the thing that had stolen the smile from that endearing face? She found herself wishing that she could remember, just so she could put that smile back in it's proper place.
Joyce's heart skipped a beat as she saw the smile appearing on her daughter's face. It was the first genuine smile she had seen since the coma, and knowing that looking at Willow's picture had put it there caused her to feel hope for them again.
*****
"Well, here we are." Giles put Willow's suitcase down by the bottom of the stairs, as she looked around the apartment.
"Where's the rest of it?" The wiccan asked in a near state of panic. Not only had she lost Buffy...she'd lost her stuff. It was an irrational fear, but then she wasn't exactly thinking rationally at the moment.
"Ah. Yes. Right this way." Giles said, as he resumed his hold on the suitcase and started carrying it up the stairs.
Willow was speechless as she followed Giles into his room. He had fixed it up so that everything she would need was right at her fingertips. Her clothes were neatly put away in his closet, and her stuffed panda bear, the one Xander had given her, was waiting for her on the bed.
"Giles...You didn't have to. I mean...giving me your room? I..I mean thank you...but...I would have been just as comfortable on the couch." She stuttered over herself as she tried to recover from the shock. "I...I mean...I don't deserve all this."
"Yes you do. And yes, I did." He reassured her gently. "I mean, really...I couldn't have you sleeping on the couch. What would Buffy th-" He felt like biting his own tongue as the well-meaning words slipped out of his mouth. Especially when he saw the pinched look come over her face. They had come out so easily, so naturally that he hadn't been able to stop them, and now Willow was looking like she'd just been slapped. "Oh, Willow...I'm so sorry...I didn't think."
Willow took a deep breath, willing the sharp sensation in her chest to go away, then let it out slowly. "No...It's okay, Giles. I'm going to have to get used to it. I can't avoid her completely. She's still my best friend, even if she doesn't remember me." She shared a small half grin with the watcher, knowing he was worrying far too much for his own good. "Besides, it's not like she's going to be this way forever. Right?" Her grin turned half-hopeful as she looked for some reassurance from the older man. "Right?"
The truth was, there really was no way to tell with Buffy. The doctors on the case had been less than hopeful, considering the extent of the damage she had suffered, but then again, they didn't know how truly special she was either. "I wouldn't count her out just yet. If I know Buffy, she'll be back to her old self before you even have a chance to miss her."
"That's good." Willow nodded slowly, then turned her misty green eyes towards him. "Because I miss her already."
Putting an arm around her shoulders, Giles comforted her the only way he knew how. "I bet she misses you too."
*****