The Longest Night
by Casandra
Ghost of Christmas Present
[reviews]
The Longest Night Pt 3
"Anya?" Ok, this is way too weird, Anya as one of my guides is pretty much downright disturbing. It's not that I don't like her, although I'd never admit it to anyone. But the only thing I can imagine her guiding me through is a sex ed class. But then again, this isn't really Anya, is it?
"Nope, you're right, I only wear the face of your friend. You must be Buffy," The spirit looked at me with a small grin plastered across her face. Either these guide thingies could read minds or I had started talking out loud to myself. "It's the first one if you must know. But not all of us are telepathic, only the cool ones, like me!" Ok, well this, whoever she was, she didn't just look like Anya, she was even starting to sound like the ex demon. She must have heard my thoughts because she rolled her eyes at me in a exasperated expression. "Well I don't know about that, because I don't know your friend. But I have been told that I can be rather blunt on occasion. So fair warning for you I guess. So come on blondie, are you ready or what?"
"Ready? Ready for what? Where are we going this time?" I don't know if I was subconsciously trying to stall my way out of it. Maybe if I kept her talking until it was time for her to leave I could get out of it altogether. Because for some strange reason I know that I'll be shown images of Willow. The certainty of that was overwhelming and for some reason it scared me. I was starting to understand why I had been shown the scene of Willow and I from that Christmas 4 years ago. Not just the exchange of gifts we made, but what happened after that. The kiss under the mistletoe that I initiated. Seeing my younger self kiss Willow had brought back all the emotions for my best friend that I had learned to lock away and hide. Over the years it had gotten easier and easier to hide the jealousy I felt whenever I saw her with Oz and then later with Tara. I guess practice does make perfect.
"Well I guess you'll just have to wait and see. Besides, time has stopped for us right now, it won't begin again until we start the second part of your journey," The spirit idly flicked at her fingernails as I gaped at her in shock. I knew that she could see into my mind, she had already confirmed it. But to know that she heard all of my internal ramblings about Willow was unsettling to say the least.
"What?" She cast me a dubious expression. I could see she was getting more than a little irritated with me.
"You think that your friend Willow would be among the images that you will be shown. I just meant that you'll never know unless we get going." She offered me her hand and I hesitantly took it. "Remember, everything you are being shown tonight is for a reason."
"To lead me to my destiny?" I was curious. Ford had basically said as much, but this spirit seemed a bit more open than the previous one.
"You already know part of your destiny Buffy. You're the Slayer, and as the Slayer you know what that destiny is, I don't think I need to spell that part out for you do I? This journey isn't about the Slayer though, it's about you. The path you are being led down tonight is to show you what Buffy the person, not the vampire slayer, is destined for." I was a bit confused but I think I understood the basics of what she was saying. I had to admit, the idea that I could be destined for more than just killing demons was something I had hoped for, but I never thought it really possible.
"So you're saying that there's more to me than just being the Slayer?" I was too afraid to even hope.
"Yes Buffy, much more, but you'll never get to see what I mean if we don't get our butts in gear!" I felt her tugging me towards the kitchen, the protest forming on my lips as she moved us swiftly towards the back door. As soon as I was out the back door I knew I would encounter the first vision. The spirit, apparently not one to disappoint, smirked at me when I suddenly realized we were standing in Xander's apartment. I looked around until I saw Xander sitting in his recliner, gazing at the beautiful Christmas tree in the corner. Anya sat on his lap, snuggled down into him. Seeing them all curled up like that made me realize just how perfect they looked together. You could feel the love they had for each other radiating off them in warm waves. I glanced to the spirit guide and then back to the content couple, my eyes landing on Anya first. It was definitely a weird experience seeing two of them at the same time. I shrugged that thought off though as I focused on Anya, who seemed to be fidgeting around in Xander's lap, almost like she was trying to find a way to tell him something. My eyes drifted down when I saw her absently rubbing her stomach. It hit me like a ton of bricks dropped off a ten story building.
"Oh my god, Anya's pregnant!?" The spirit smiled gently over at me before confirming it.
"Yes she is, about 8 weeks along I believe."
"Wow, Xander's going to be a father!" I stood there awed by how much we had all really grown up. But then I realized that Anya hadn't told him yet, that's what she was trying to do now.
"Yes, watch Buffy." I cast my eyes away from the spirit guide and back to my friends. Anya was still fidgeting in Xander's lap, apparently still at a loss for words as to how to tell him.
"Ahn, if you insist on doing that shimmying thing you better have something naughty in mind." Same old Xander, always thinking about sex.
"Xander, I'm pregnant." I almost laughed out loud. I should have known Anya would just blurt it out like that, she never was one for subtlety.
"Wh...........What?!" Poor Xander, I think his jaw is going to need to be surgically reattached. "How?" Uh-Oh, bad question. I have a feeling I'm about to be witness to a Anya style birds and bees lesson.
"Well it's easy Xander. You and I had sex, which led to an or........."
"I know HOW, how it happened Anya. I mean how could it, we used protection!" Thank gosh Xander interrupted her. I don't think I could bear to hear the O word come out of Anya's mouth one more time.
"Oh that's easy, it must have ripped." She said it so matter of factly that I should have been completely floored. But I wasn't, this was Anya after all. I turned away from the scene when I heard the spirit chuckle softly beside me.
"Well I know I'm not THAT blunt!"
"I don't think ANYONE is that blunt, Anya's certainly one of a kind." I laughed softly as I turned my attention back to the parents to be.
"Xander, please say something. I'm scared, you've never stopped talking for this long before!" I could hear the panic in her voice. And I'd be willing to be that she was just as frightened about Xander as she was for herself.
"I'm sorry Ahn, you just threw me for a pretty big loop there." He smiled down at her and started to gently stroke her slightly swollen stomach. "But I promise you that I will love you and this baby with every fiber of my being. And I'll protect you both till the day I die." If I had any doubts that Xander really was a grown-up they were erased the second I saw the look in his eyes. Pure devotion and determination. He was determined to be the father that he never had and devoted to being the best husband he ever could be to Anya. A single tear dropped from my eyes and I watched him embrace his happily sobbing fiancé. In that moment I don't think I've ever been prouder of him. I continued to watch Xander and Anya until I felt the spirit pulling on my hand.
"Come on Buffy, there is something else you need to see, something extremely important."
"What do you mean extremely important?" The spirit's cryptic words had certainly unsettled me.
"I don't need to remind you again do I?" She must have seen my blank expression because she gently sighed, then continued. "Everything you're seeing has it's purpose, it's for a reason. And what you're about to see is one of the most important. I'm unable to tell you why, only you can figure it out. In fact I've probably already said more than I should have." I nodded my head mutely, completely at a loss for words. I turned back away from the spirit and suddenly found myself standing in Mom's room. Only it wasn't my mother's bedroom anymore, it was Willow's. I glanced around until my gaze caught her, sitting curled up in a bean bag chair on the floor. I noticed she was gently sobbing, I could hear the small hiccups in her throat all the way across the room. I instinctively crossed over and tried to wrap my arms around her, but instead of pulling her into a comforting hug like I had intended, I passed right through her. I blinked up at the spirit in surprise.
"What the hell was that?"
"Relax Buffy, you're not dead or anything. To be able to pass through the fabrics of time and space like you have on this journey, you need to be in a spiritual form. Think of it as a sort of astral projection. Your body is still downstairs, fast asleep, curled up in Willow's blanket." She quirked her eyes at me and smirked at the last sentence.
"But how can I comfort her if I can't even touch her?" I was starting to grow irritated. Willow was in pain and I couldn't even hug her and try and make it better.
"You're not here to comfort her Buffy, just merely to observe. It's important that you WATCH, Buffy." Again the spirit emphasized on the importance of this image. Slowly I nodded my head and then crouched down next to Will. For the first time I noticed what she was holding in her lap. A photo album. And not just any photo album, it was the one I had given her last Christmas, the one that was filled with pictures of the two of us.
At the time I thought it was the best idea in the world. I wanted to show Willow how much her friendship over the years meant to me. She had been so wonderful when Mom was sick that I just wanted to give her something special, so I made her the album. I filled it with all sorts of pictures, some of the old gang, some with our new friends, but mostly it was just the two of us. As I had made the album I tried to ignore the feelings that had resurfaced from looking at all the pictures of Will and me. But as I sit here watching Willow trace her finger over one of the pictures, I know that it was just a matter of time before I wouldn't be able to hold it in any longer. I break out of my little reverie as I focus on the page that Willow seems to be mesmerized by. It has about 4 pictures on it and Willow's tracing her fingertip over the bottom-most one. I glance back up at the other three.
The first one was taken about 6 months after I had come to Sunnydale. It was right after the whole internet demon fiasco. Xander and I had decided Willow needed some cheering up, so we decided to take her roller skating. Apparently Willow had never been roller skating before though, because she was off her feet more than on. The picture itself had been taken by Xander. I had seen Will starting to fall so I rushed over to try and catch her. But all I managed to do was make us both crash to the hard wooden floor. So there we were, laying on top of one another in a big heap, when Xander whipped out a camera and snapped the photo.
I glance back from my trip down memory lane and focus on the second picture. It's from a picnic that we had in Weatherly Park back when we were seniors. The entire class had gotten off one afternoon shortly before graduation to have our senior class lunch. Cordy was still somewhat on the outs with us and Oz was off on a gig with the band, so it was just me, Will and Xander. I remember we decided to pot luck everything, I made the food, Willow brought the blanket and Xander got the drinks. Apparently though Xander thought the word beverage somehow translated into camera. After we had eaten lunch Will and I decided to take a nap, but before we could do that Xander insisted that we capture one of our last high school moments on film. Reluctantly, Willow and I agreed and let him play photographer while we posed for him. He suggested that we get a couple of shots of Willow and me together. So without even thinking I sprawled myself across her lap and smiled away at Xander. I remember she didn't even hesitate, she just wrapped her arms around me and smiled, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
The third picture was taken right after Oz left. I felt so helpless watching Willow suffer that I decided to try anything to cheer her up. There had been a carnival set up on campus and I decided to treat Will to a day of adolescent fair fun. I was actually rather surprised that she seemed to be having a good time with me. It was the first time I had seen her really smile in almost 2 weeks. We had decided to go into one of those photo booth things and have our pictures taken. Well the first set of pictures didn't come out all that great because the way were sitting was kind of awkward. So I insisted that Willow sit on my lap, that way we'd both be completely in the frame. Again I was surprised when she didn't protest, she just shrugged her shoulders and then plopped herself down onto my right knee. I linked my hands around her waist and smiled for the camera. There are four different pictures of us like that, but this one's my favorite. Willow had leaned back into me and rested her head against my shoulder while I leaned forward and rested my chin on her shoulder. Looking at the picture, if somebody didn't know better, they'd think we were a couple.
Finally my eyes trail down to the picture Willow's fingertips were tracing. "Oh my god!" It was a picture of when Will and I kissed under the mistletoe, the same image I had seen earlier tonight. "How is that possible? I don't remember putting that in the album, I didn't even know it existed!"
"You didn't put it there Buffy, she did." The spirit smiled serenely at my confused expression and then continued. "You friend Xander took the photo all those years ago. Willow found it in his apartment when she was helping him move, and kept it. From everything I've been told, it's her favorite picture of the two of you." Her meaning was not lost upon me.
"Oh Will." I tried to caress her cheek, for a moment forgetting that I couldn't touch her. My fingertips passed gently through her pale face. Suddenly her own hand flew up and cupped her cheek, a confused expression clouding her soft emerald eyes.
"Buffy?" I stepped back in shock, she could feel me? "Goddess, you must be losing it Rosenberg, you're imagining her touching you now! But I know I could have sworn I felt her stroke my cheek, I guess just wishful thinking." Willow pulled the album up from her lap and then stood up, crossing to a duffel bag on the bed, and gently sliding it into one of the compartments before zipping it back up. That's when I finally took in my surroundings. The closet doors were wide open, but all the shelves were empty. And two large suitcases were on the bed, packed and ready to go.
"What's going on, where is she going?" Panic filled my voice as I looked imploringly at my guide.
"She's leaving."
"Leaving? Where? Why?" My mind was working overtime trying to comprehend the thought that Willow might actually leave me.
"She's leaving Sunnydale. She's afraid if she stays here all she'll do is hurt you, and she can't bear the thought of that." The spirit looked sadly between Willow and me. "It's a shame, she was DESTINED for great things too, but if she leaves none of it will come to pass." Again I noticed the emphasis the spirit made. Before I had a chance to process what the guide was telling me I saw Willow grab her suitcases and walk out of the bedroom. I followed her down the stairs and watched as she gently set her bags down at the front door, then she silently crept over into the living room. I was shocked to see myself sleeping peacefully in the chair I had been sitting in earlier, curled up in Will's blanket. She quietly walked over to me and then bent down, gently stroking a few stray locks of blonde hair away from my face. Slowly she raised herself up and placed a gentle, lingering kiss on my forehead. My body stirred a bit at the gentle caress, but I didn't wake up.
"I love you Buffy, I always have, and I always will, until the day I die. Please understand why I have to do this."
I was stunned, completely and utterly stunned, and I probably shouldn't have been after everything I had seen tonight. I couldn't move as I watched her turn her back and walk out of the living room without another word. Even as I heard the front door quietly click shut I couldn't break free of my sudden paralysis. The reality of what was happening struck me with such force that I had to lean into the spirit guide next to me as to not fall over. I knew why I was being shown all this, I knew why the scenes, the visions I was being shown were almost all about Willow. I glanced up at the spirit for confirmation.
"You know it's the truth. Of course my subtle little hints didn't hurt either." She smiled smugly down at me, but her face still carried a soft caring expression.
"What do I do?" I was scared, beyond anything that I've faced, this scared me the most. The implications, the truth of everything, I don't know if I'm ready to deal with it all. Am I really ready to face my feelings for Willow?
"Only you know what's right Buffy, in you heart you know. I am merely a guide."
I turned my head back to look at the shut door, longing to go after my best friend, but something held me back, something I couldn't place. I turned back around to the spirit guide, but she was gone. I was back in the chair again. I glanced at the clock and saw it read almost 3am. Without thinking twice I bolted out of the chair and raced for the front door. I had to find Willow before it was too late. Just as I reached the door it swung open, revealing a hooded figure, draped in a heavy black cloak.
"You're the spirit Christmas yet to come?" I didn't need Ford's warning, I instinctively feared this spirit the most. I've always feared I wouldn't have a future, now I was about to find out.
End Part 3