The Willow and Buffy Song
by Acepilot
And I'll Scatter Them Into The Sea...
[reviews]
"The Willow and Buffy Song"
Acepilot87
Disclaimers: Joss owns the characters, and Sunnydale, and all that rocks...but he doesn't own the music. Tonight's episode will contain "Bring It On" by...you guessed it, Nick Cave. I really am sorry about the fact that this is his third straight appearance, but I write what I listen to...I just had a fight with my best friend, and when I'm depressed it's nothing but Nick.
Pairing: Buffy and Willow (well, in theory) and, I'll admit, some Willow/Oz (I'll get rid of him, I promise, just give me some time)
Rating: PG-15 for angst. (If that's possible...In Aus, we just have G, PG, M, MA and R...it makes things alot simpler)
Feedback: As ever, it's what I live for. Actually, I live for chocolate, but that's an entirely different story...ahem. If you don't want the public to see it, then you'll find me at batoutofhell25@yahoo.com. Don't use the acepilot87@hotmail.com anymore, as it's perilously close to full.
Distribution: Anywhere - just tell me about it.
Settings/spoilers: Immediately after "Come Sail Your Ships Around Me (Chapter 3)". Some spoilers for S4 in general, but it's going slowly more and more towards being AU...
Authors Notes: Thanks for the feedback...and I seriously hope that not too many people get pissed off with what I do here.
Dedication: This one is for Luke again...sorry, L.
Chapter 4
And I'll Scatter Them Into the Sea
Acepilot87
/This garden that I built for you
That you sit in now and yearn
I will never leave it, dear
I could not bear to return
And find it all untended
With the trees all bended low
This garden is our home, dear
And I got nowhere else to go\
'Heaven must be like this.'
The capability of thought was not something that Buffy Summers was sure she could hang on to for much longer, so she quickly pulled Willow to her feet and pressed her tongue to the red-head's lips before she forgot to do so. As Willow opened her mouth to the Slayer's invitation, Buffy had to contain a moan. She reached up and ran her hand through silky red hair that she hadn't realised she dreamt about.
Then she felt Willow's breath catch in her mouth - the tiniest of pained gasps.
Then, slowly, painfully, but surely, she felt herself expelled from Willow's body, pushed away by surprisingly strong hands.
Buffy couldn't quite bring herself to open her eyes and see the look on Willow's face...but the words that came next said it all.
"What are you doing?"
An innocent question, by any standards. But the tone of voice in which Will said it...it was barely recognisable as a voice, much less recognisable as Willow's. It was a whisper, a mangled hiss. It was pain, and it was fear.
Buffy was paralysed and couldn't answer. She had brought her best friend...her love...to pain? Made her afraid?
"Buffy?" The almost-voice asked again.
Buffy tried to catch her breath...but it was impossible. The oxygen seemed to elude her. Like it didn't want to know her lungs.
Finally, Buffy opened her eyes and rose to meet Willow's gaze.
She couldn't quite fight the tears when she saw horror in the hacker's eyes.
/So bring it on
Bring it on
Every little tear
Bring it on
Every useless fear
Bring it on
All your shattered dreams
And I'll scatter them into the sea
Into the sea\
"I...Will - I," No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't quite put the words together to say what she wanted to. She needed to apologise, or comfort, or do...something. And all she could do was stand there and make vague vowel sounds.
She stopped trying to speak for long enough to realise that Willow was now standing several metres away from her, down the stairs leading up to the stage, backing slowly towards the door...
"Will, please don't go!" At last. Managed to get some words out. Probably not the words that she should have said, but it was a start. Something in a "Willow, I'm sorry", or "I don't know what I was doing..." was probably more in order, but at the moment she'd take anything she could get.
---
Willow stopped backing away for a moment. She stared at Buffy's eyes. The girl was crying, and Willow was desperately fighting off her own tears.
What the hell was going on? Buffy kissed her...and she didn't stop it! She was in love with Oz, didn't love Buffy...well, not as anything more than a friend...and yet she completely let herself fall into the Slayer's lips.
'Do I love Buffy? Does Buffy love me?' Willow quickly realised that her mind was working far too quickly for her liking, and she urged it to slow down. She realised that Buffy was still standing there with a pained expression on her face.
"Yes?" Willow managed, just.
Buffy appeared to take several deep breaths. "I'm sorry."
Willow's first instinct was to tell her not to apologise, but her mouth was not working all that quickly and wasn't ready to say anything until her mind told her that Buffy needed to apologise...but she had to stop and wonder at the fact that, instinctually, she didn't want Buffy to be sorry...
At any rate, anything she was going to say was pre-empted by Buffy's sudden loss of control over her vocal chords, which, after several minutes of standing silently in the darknened audiotorium, finally seemed to start working again...and working in a rush.
"Look, I shouldn't have done it, I just thought...with the playing for me and the tenseness and stuff...I thought you wanted it too...I didn't think that I could be wrong - god Will, I'm so sorry." Buffy could no longer control herself and collapsed to her knees.
Willow looked up the stairs at the blonde woman in tears...and it slowly sunk in that, to some extent, those tears were for her.
Oz had never cried for her.
Once again, her rational mind caught up with her, and she banished those thoughts from her brain, but still couldn't help but stare at the slayer on the stage.
"I..." Willow couldn't find the right words to say to Buffy. She could hardly just say "Everything's going to be alright," or, "It's okay," or anything comforting...without lying. Willow had no idea whether or not everything was going to be alright, or if everything was okay. Buffy had just kissed her - and, apart from that, she had no idea what was going on. So she finished with "I need to go."
And she did just that, not looking back at the stage even as the slayer fell from her knees to be face down on the floor, her head in her arms, shaking continuosly with sobs.
/The geraniums on your window sill
The carnations, dear, and the daffodil
Well they're ordinary flowers
But they long for the light of your touch
And of your trembling will
Ah, you're trembling still
And I am trembling too
To be perfectly honset I don't know quite what else to do...\
---
It was at six thirty a.m that Rupert Giles was woken by the shrill ringing of his phone. He clambered downstairs to answer it.
"Have you got any idea what the time is!?" He asked angrily, not giving the person on the other end of the line any chance to speak.
"Uh..." the person on the other end of the line didn't seem to know how to respond to that question, so she just pressed on with the reason for calling. "Mr. Giles?"
Giles sighed irritably. "Yes?"
"Can you please come down to UC Sunnydale as soon as possible?" The woman said, sounding mildly concerned. "You are listed as the emergency contact for Buffy Anne Summers, correct?"
The blood suddenly drained from Giles' face and he felt dizzy. "Yes." He managed to mutter, his mind filled with images of what could have happened to Buffy...all sorts of horrific fates filled his mind before his inner voice screamed at him 'Find out what's wrong, you nit!' "What has happened to her?" He tried to keep fear out of his voice.
"In all honesty, we're not sure." The woman on the other end said. "One of the janitors found her collapsed on the stage of Lucas Auditorium about fifteen minutes ago - she seems to have passed out or something. We think she might have OD'd - she vomited and it looks like she's been crying, but we can't find any sign of drugs near her and no marks on her arms that suggest she was shooting up."
Giles wasn't sure if he was relieved or more terrified. "I'll be right there." He managed to say, before hanging up the phone and going back towards his room to get dressed.
/So bring it on
Bring it on
Every neglected dream
Bring it on
Every little scheme
Bring it on
Every little fear
And I'll make them dissappear\
---
Willow had finally managed to stop crying.
It'd taken some effort to leave the auditorium, but once she had, she'd run straight for Oz's house. After she pounded on the door for a brief amount of time, he'd opened it, looking somewhat dishevelled but nevertheless awake. After seeing her close to tears and panting for breath, he'd let her in - not asking any questions, but simply holding her.
She was aware that, at some point, she'd taken her up to his bedroom and laid her down, but hadn't stopped holding her. He stroked her hair, muttering comfort. "It'll be alright." "Everything's going to be okay."
She realised, looking back on the night that had just transpired, that those were the words she couldn't quite bring herself to say to Buffy when she needed comfort.
Oz loved her - he didn't even need to know what had Willow so upset to comfort her. She hadn't told him and he hadn't pushed for answers, he'd just comforted her unconditionally.
So he loved her.
What she was slowly coming to terms with was that she didn't love him.
Time with him left her kind of cold...empty and aching. When they were together, she felt his love for her...but it didn't spark anything in her.
On the other hand, kissing Buffy, and feeling Buffy's love for her - that had set her whole body on fire. Partially, it had been from confusion and anger, but she couldn't deny that there was something, deep within her, that had enjoyed the kiss that the two of them had shared.
But she didn't love Buffy - she knew that. Or, at least, she thought she didn't love Buffy.
She fell back onto Oz's pillows, moaning in confusion.
'Things can just never be simple, huh?'
Hearing Oz in the shower, she reached for the phone and dialled a number she knew fairly well by heart.
When she got a response, it was hardly the one she'd been hoping for.
/So bring it on, bring it on
Bring it on
Every little thing
Bring it on
Every tiny fear
Bring it on
Every shattered dream
And I'll scatter them into the sea\
---
Warmth.
Everything was fuzzy and warm.
'Warm - good.'
With the warmth came light.
'No, light bad. Light no good. Light go - warm stay.'
Finally, the light became unbearable, and Buffy opened her eyes - if somewhat reluctantly.
She felt that she was moving and had to valiantly fight the urge to be sick. And speaking of being sick...there was a taste in her mouth that had to be the result of vomiting.
She sincerely hoped wherever she had vomited had hardwood floors, as she couldn't really afford carpet cleaning bills.
'Right. Establish base facts - name: Buffy Summers. Occupation: Vampire Slayer. Location: -'
She paused on her checklist. She forced her eyes open enough to see where she was.
'en route to unknown destination.' Right. That worked.
Her brain finally clicked.
She was in a car.
She turned her head cautiously to the left.
Giles sat in the drivers seat, occasionally cursing and carefully steering his way towards, Buffy assumed, his house.
"Uh," she finally managed to make a noise, "Giles?"
If he was startled, he covered it well. "Buffy - good, you're awake."
She groaned. "More or less. What am I doing in your car?"
Giles didn't bother to look over at her. "The University called me this morning. A janitor found you in an auditorium - you'd fainted."
Buffy searched her mind for what she would have been doing in an auditorium that morning, but she couldn't quite grasp it.
She realised that they'd stopped somewhere, and she looked up to see that they were parked in the lot of Giles' apartment block.
"Why are we at your place?" Buffy asked, very confused.
"The University couldn't contact your mother." Giles said. "Where is she?"
That, for some reason, Buffy could remember. "In San Fransisco - I think. Something about the gallery..."
"Okay. At least she's presumably alright." She heard Giles' unbuckle his seat belt and get out of the car, but it didn't register that she should do the same until his face appeared in her window. "Uh, Buffy, would you like a hand?"
She shook her head. "No, I'm alright." She fumbled for the buckle of her seatbelt. When she found it, she pushed the button and felt the seatbelt release her.
But she couldn't quite find the energy to move.
"Okay, yeah, I could use some help." She admitted.
Giles' helped her (somewhat carefully) down the stairs and into his small house. "You sit on the couch, and I'll get you some tea. I think you could use it."
Buffy lacked the energy to argue, so she just collapsed onto the couch.
---
Giles was just wandering into the kitchen when he noticed that his answering machine was flashing.
He looked at his watch. It was still only quarter past seven. Who was calling him?
He pressed the button.
---
"Hi, Giles. It's Willow. Uh, look, I kind of need to talk to someone...I'll try you again later - bye."
Buffy froze.
Auditorium. Piano. Ships. Willow. Willow kissing...kissing Willow. Willow leaving. Buffy fainting.
It all rushed back on her.
She passed out once more.
/Whoah - so bring it on
Bring it on
Yeah - bring it on
Yeah bring it on
Oh come on - come on
Oh bring it on
Come on come on
Come on come on
Bring it on
Every little fear
And I'll make them dissappear\
Giles heard a slight thud from the lounge room.
"Uh, Buffy?"
/And I'll make them dissappear\
(As ever, with feedback there will come more...)