The Willow and Buffy Song
by Acepilot
Too Many Bitter Tears Are Raining Down On Me
[reviews]
"The Willow and Buffy Song"
Acepilot87
Disclaimers: Joss owns the characters, but the music is owned by Brian May, Elizabeth Lamers and Frank Muskers. Tonight's featured track is "Too Much Love Will Kill You", from the Brian May solo effort "Back To The Light." (Yes, I'm finally away from the Cave addiction)
Pairing: Buffy and Willow (here we go...) and no Willow/Oz.
Rating: PG-15
Feedback: Always. If you want to not say it in public, then you'll find me at batoutofhell25@yahoo.com
Distribution: Anybody, anywhere (anybody find me somebody to love...alright. Couldn't resist). Yeah. Sure. Just tell me about it first, 'kay?
Setting/Spoilers: Set a couple of days after "And I'll Scatter Them Into The Sea... (Chapter 4)". Includes flashbacks to events between chapters...so work with me here. Small S4 spoilers, but nothing major - this has pretty much become an AU.
Author's Notes: Alright, the response to Chapter 4 was varied to say the least...so let's try this on for size. And a big, big thanks to everyone for the feedback on Chapter 4 and "I Never Want To Leave" - it's much appreciated.
Chapter 5
Too Many Bitter Tears Are Raining Down On Me
Acepilot87
/I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone for much too long\
Willow lay alone on her bed, in the orange glow of the setting sun.
She was in her dorm room...normally a place of happiness and fun. Fun times spent with Buffy. A place she loved, shared with her best friend.
Now, her best friend was staying at Giles', instead of living with her. All because of one confused night. No - less than that. All because of one confused moment, shared on the stage of a dark auditorium. In, what Willow would have to admit, was one of the most romantic situations of her life.
She'd talked to Giles the day before. Apparently, after hearing her message on the Watcher's answering machine, Buffy had told Giles all about what had happened. About the kiss, the resulting fleeing and the terrible mess the two were now in as a result.
Two days without your best friend really gave you time to think, Willow had discovered. It gave you time to think about your life, about your boyfriend, and about the fact that said best friend seemed to certainly be head over heels in lust, at least, for her.
Was it lust? Willow couldn't convince herself that Buffy was in love with her - she didn't really want to. She knew she wasn't in love with Buffy - though the blonde inspired feelings in her that she'd never had for anyone before.
She was, ultimately, scared. That was why she'd bailed. She was scared of what these new-found...somethings for Buffy would do to her relationship with Oz, and scared of what the reprecussions could be on her friendship with the slayer.
It was interesting, when she thought about it - here she was, worried about a relationship she wasn't entirely comfortable with being effected by a relationship she wasn't in.
'Hit the brakes for a minute.'
Relationship?
'I'm thinking about being in a relationship with Buffy?'
'No, not possible...I can't afford to have Buffy as anything more than a friend, whether I'm in lust with her or not.'
That was a good first step, she realised. She could finally admit to herself that she was in lust with the blonde. 'Right, we can work on it from here.'
She was startled out of her slayer-induced trance by the phone, which she promptly reached over to pick up. "Uh, hi. It's Willow."
The voice on the other end of the line was English, and tactfully unhappy. "Willow, it's Giles. I think you need to come over here."
"Uh - there? Where Buffy is?" Willow's mind was suddenly racing. "I don't think that would be a good idea, Giles. I mean, me and Buffy in the same building, and all the tension, and - well, and it would be bad, y'know?"
Giles sigh expressed the image of him with his eyes closed and his face showing a worried frustration. "Look, Willow, I think Buffy's just not working through this on her own. She won't go patrolling if I'm not there and even then she's barely putting any effort in - and that's going to get both her and other people killed." Giles' voice took on sorryful undertones. "I know that what happened is still weighing heavily on you, too, but the two of you have to do something about this, or it'll hang between the two of you for the rest of your lives. This won't go away on it's own."
Willow sat in silence for some time after that surprisingly long speech.
"Willow?" Giles asked, wondering if the witch hadn't wandered off.
"I'm here, Giles." Willow assured him. "I guess...I guess I'll see you in a bit."
She hung up the phone and took a deep breath.
'Looks like I'm going to have to confront my feelings about her sooner rather than later.'
---
/I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find where I went wrong\
By the time she reached Giles' place, the sun was nearly down. She wandered casually down into the courtyard, and was not surprised to see the watcher sitting at his patio table with a light dinner in front of him.
"Hey, Giles." Willow said, sadly.
Giles looked up at her. "Willow. I'm glad you came."
Willow shrugged. "Got to get it over and done with, I guess."
Giles raised an eyebrow. "That's perhaps not the best attitude you could go into this with."
Willow slumped into one of the chairs surrounding the patio table. "It's the only one I've got."
Giles nodded slowly. "She's eating inside."
Willow got back up, slowly, and set off resignedly to where a woman who she was terrified of losing was sitting.
/Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster 'cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you every time\
Buffy looked up as she heard the door open.
Who was standing there shocked her to her core, and she was tempted to run for the guest room in which she was staying and bolt the door shut.
"Hi." The red-head whispered, shyly.
Buffy nodded. "Hi."
Willow suddenly began pacing. "Look, Buffy, we -"
She was cut off, " - need to talk?" Buffy said in a slightly sarcastic, ridiculing voice.
Willow looked at her. The tone of Buffy's voice hadn't helped. "Well, for lack of a better phrase..."
Buffy sighed and looked down at her plate. She began playing with her food. "Look, I've been thinking about this for the past couple of days, and, judging by your reaction I think it's probably for the best if we forget that any of this ever happened -"
"Wait!" Willow cut her off. "Don't I get a say in what we're talking about?"
Buffy looked at her curiously. "I thought this would be what you wanted." Her expression turned to one of hurt. "You certainly didn't want to hang around after...what happened."
/I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be
And it seems like there's no way out of this for me
I used to bring you sunshine
All I ever do is bring you down\
Willow turned away from Buffy so that the Slayer didn't see the intense confusion on her face. "I don't know!" She found herself having to fight off tears. "I was...I was just so confused, you know? I mean, first you act really wierd around me and avoid me, and then you're suddenly all over me...it was just so much to take at once."
She couldn't see Buffy's face, but when the slayer spoke, she was glad of that fact. If her tone was any indication, then there would be dark, cold hurt in those wonderful eyes. "You think it wasn't hard for me? I mean, one moment I've got this wonderful friend, and the next minute I don't want a friend, I want so much more..." Buffy sniffed. "And then, just when I finally get ready to confront these feelings, you bolt on me -"
"Hey!" Willow said. "I'm pretty sure you would have done the same, under the circumstances!"
/How would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see it's impossible to choose
No there's no making sense of it
Every way I go I'm bound to lose\
Buffy realised, suddenly, that Willow was right. She wouldn't have been able to cope any better than the witch had. 'But I wouldn't have stayed away for days on end. I would have come and seen her.' "Still - the silence, not knowing if you were even still my friend anymore - that's what really hurt."
Willow lost all urge to argue with Buffy anymore. She wasn't getting any closer to revealing her feelings about her friend - and that was what she had to do. Before Buffy completely hated her.
Willow sat down in a chair opposite Buffy and looked the Slayer in the eyes - at least until Buffy averted her gaze. "Buffy, there's something I think you need to know."
Buffy nodded, but didn't look up.
"I've been thinking a lot, lately. About you and me. And I think I've worked something out."
Buffy looked up now, tentatively, with slight fear in her eyes.
"What have you worked out, Will?"
Willow fought with the right words. "I shouldn't have bailed on you. I should have stayed and talked it out. You were just as confused as I was - deep down, I guess, I knew that."
Buffy nodded but didn't say anything comforting or helpful.
Willow pressed on. "And, after I ran like that, I realised that what happened between us...it was something different. Something I never experienced with Oz, or Xander. It was completely new...and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I loved it."
Buffy had the tiniest glimmer of hope in those eyes now, which gave Willow the courage to finish. "And ever since I realised that, I realised, along with it, that that was something that I wanted in my life."
Tears that had been slowly building up over Buffy's eyes finally spilled over to run down her cheeks. "What are you saying?" It was the most completely cliched line that she could have said, but neither Willow nor Buffy cared. This was as real as it got.
Willow looked down at the table. "I'm not in love with you Buffy."
She heard the slayer's breath catch in her throat.
"But I'd like to learn how to love you."
/Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all
It'll drain the power that's in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
To much love will kill you every time\
Willow had positively, never seen anything quite as beautiful as the light that sudddenly appeared in Buffy's eyes. It was accentuated by the tears trailing down her wonderful face.
The hacker couldn't take another moment of it. She leapt from her chair and, in one long stride, was next to the slayer. She dropped to her knee's and kissed Buffy's beautiful, red lips with a fierceness and passion that she had never quite managed to achieve before.
When they broke apart, Willow was panting for air. And Buffy...Buffy had a quiet wonderment in her eyes as she reached up to trace Willow's brow with her fingertip.
"I love you." Buffy whispered.
Willow still couldn't say it. But Buffy didn't care. They'd get to the point where she could.
Buffy could wait - forever, if need be.
This time, when they kissed, it didn't last for an instant.
It lasted for an eternity.
/Too much love will kill you
It'll make your life a lie
Yes too much love will kill you
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life you'd sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
In the end
In the end\
(Completely corny ending, huh? So - what did you think? Better? Worse? Tell me, please!)