Down Twisted
by drkdreamer
Chapter 13
[reviews]
The smiling occupants of this small house had just arrived at the part of the movie where Matt Dillon and Cindy Fisher's character's elope to Louisiana when the front door bell began it's incessant ringing. Willow, who held the remote within her loose grasp, was all set to hit the pause button when Alex, abruptly, stood.
"It's cool, kiddo. Ya'll keep watching and I'll be back in a few with the eats."
It took no time at all for the dark woman to open the door and fork over a cool $20 bucks for tonight's dinner. She then pivoted on her heel and strode into the kitchen. Alex set the 2 boxes on the counter and, prudently, grabbed a mess of paper towels. Before walking back into the livingroom, the hungry Southerner also retrieved 3 Cokes from the fridge.
Only the intoxicating smell of freshly made pizza dough caused Buffy Summer's to tear her gaze away from the images flickering upon the TV screen. Something about this movie touched her and the Slayer didn't really no the reason why. The older woman had taken the safe route and, as a result, there was now a super supreme and extra cheese pizza's sitting on the livingroom table. Realizing that Ginny Duncan was just about to revel that she was pregnant with her husband's child caused Alex to take hold of the remote and hit the pause button. She then, quickly, passed out the cola's and slices of hot pie. It was only after everyone began consuming their meal, that Alexandra Roberts pushed play.
The pizza was utterly fantastic, just the right amount of tomato sauce and heavy with mozzarella. While the dark Southerner enjoyed every single bite, Buffy and Willow seemed oblivious to their pieces of super supreme. They ate mechanically, fully intent upon seeing every movement in the flick. Alex was just about to reach for another piece when she saw exactly where the movie was about to head. She nixed that idea because there was only 20 minutes left and that woman knew she better take the time and prepare herself for the wholly heartbreaking ending.
By the time the flick was showing the lovely montages of Matt and Cindy's characters, Willow had launched herself into the startled blonde's arms, weeping against the Slayer's strong shoulders. Buffy was crying silent tears, only the dark woman got away with one, single tear sliding down her cheek bones. The composed Southerner gritted her teeth as she hit the button for rewind. It was only then, that a bitterly, hard grin flickered across her tightly compressed lips.
"Know what, guys? There are actually two endings to Liar's Moon; surprised ya didn't I?"
Alex never waited for an answer but forged on with her harshly ironic narrative.
"Paradoxically speaking, no one was ever supposed to see this particular one."
This news caused the teens to bolt up right and stare at the suddenly silent older woman. That movie had just ripped their heart's to shreds and, hearing that it wasn't meant to happen, intrigued both Slayer and Witch.
"Why do you seem to know so much about this movie, Alex?"
The gray eyed woman found that she had to take a quick sip of her drink before she could respond to the genuine curiosity in that girl's voice.
"It's really quite simple, Darlin'. I was 14 when the movie premiered but I wouldn't see it for another two years. As ya'll can imagine, I also had a voracious appetite for teen magazines. After seeing the add for the movie, my insatiable curiosity had me by the cross hairs. I soon found myself looking high and low for any information I could find on this movie. As luck would have it, I struck gold with the Sept. Issue of TeenBeat. Really, it was only a tiny little article but it intrigued the hell outta me. It stated, blandly I might add, that the movie studio had set up a special screening of Liar's Moon to a few select members of the general public. Their reactions where the same as ours only, they loudly complained that it was much too sad for them to watch. The studio took notice so when it finally hit the movie screens, there was an entirely different ending taxed onto this film. This is the reason that if your...lucky you just might be able to come across a copy of that tape at your local video stores. If ya do, you can then see Ginny Peterson Ducan survive that botched abortion! What sucks is that I've seen both ending to Liar's Moon. Even though I harbored thoughts about that girl living, I much prefer the original ending to the happy version. It just doesn't work for me, happy lacks the sheer emotional impact that I find myself craving."
Buffy pressed a sweet kiss to the top of her girl friend's head before frowning over at the dark woman.
"Tell me you know of how I can lay my hands on That copy, Alex"
The Southerner could only shake her head, knowing that what she was about to say would most likely tick off the Slayer.
"I'm really sorry, Buffy but I don't have any clue. Only reason I've seen it is because I happened to catch a rebroadcast on the TBS Network about 4 years ago. Naturally, I taped the damn thing. If we where back in AR, I'd be more than happy to loan you my copy."
"Damn," said the blonde teenager, "I need to be excused for a minute."
In the wake of the Slayer's departure, a comfortable silence drifted up between the dark woman and the Wiccan. Willow, who had been thinking about Alex for most of the day, gathered her last bit of courage and turned to look that woman straight in her eyes.
"Can I...can I ask you something kinda personal, Alex?"
Those enigmatic gray eyes widened fractionally which caused the flustered Wiccan to blush a deep scarlet. Alex Roberts couldn't help but be charmed by that reaction, she keep her reply light and easy.
"You should know by know, Will, that you and Buffy can ask me anything. So tell me, sugar, what'cha need to know now?"
It took the Witch a full minute before she could let loose the torrent of thoughts that had been plaguing her since last night.
"Your a sweet, incredibly kind woman, Alexandra Roberts but you carry so much pain upon your shoulder's. Sometimes, if I look at you very carefully, I can almost see it surrounding you like some massive black cloud. Don't misunderstand me, it isn't very often because you also seem to be able to hide it quite well. Talk to me, Alex, allow me to help you with however much pain your willing to revel to me. What do you say, please?"
Oh baby, thought the stunned Southerner, you got no idea just your asking me to do.
Those gently spoken words made Alex want to weep like a baby. It was too much for the dark woman and she fought a hard, internal battle to pull herself back from the point of total breakdown. That woman was glad when she got back some semblance of control.
"Let's get one thing perfectly straight, I'm not now, nor will I ever be, sweet. I, Willow Rosenberg, am both courteous and unfailing polite. Yes, I have a lot of pain within but don't we all? Only a bloody fool couldn't see what is so plainly there before them. You, my young friend, in no way-shape or form resemble a fool. Let's put that upon a back burner because I think I know what you really want to talk about. It's Brett, isn't it Will?"
The girl, by that time, had lowered her head and refused to look at the astute older woman.
She was horribly afraid that she'd just ruined the easy friendship that had been there from the very beginning.
"Yeah."
Alexandra Roberts was smiling quite sadly as she gently lifted up the Wiccan's face to stare deeply within the shadowed depths of the girl's green eyes.
"We're okay, Will. I have no shame in talking about Brett. He was a tender, warm, kind hearted, loving man and sometimes I desperately miss him. Gotta say, kiddo, that you kinda remind me of him. Buffy told ya about the basics to our relationship, right?"
It was only after the red head nodded that Alex began discussing the only man she'd ever truly love.
"I knew Bretten Shea Matthew's for the majority of my existence. He was everything to me, my best friend, safe harbor, closest confidant and, for a far too brief time, my only lover."
Willow was frowning after hearing the underlying anguish in that low tone of voice.
"Why, Alex, why did it take you so long to admit to yourself that you fully loved Brett?"
It was a simple question but, alas, there where no easy answers for the dark woman. Alex cocked her head to the side and began rubbing her tired shoulders.
"To explain That, I'd have to tell you the whole story. Is that really what you want, Willow? Be damn sure of your answer because once I start talking, I won't be able to stop myself from telling you all the horrible details."
There was a clear warning in that voice. A tiny part of the Wiccan wanted to run screaming into the other room. The bigger part of herself flatly refused. She'd started this conversation and, damn it, she wasn't going to end it until she found out more about the dark woman.
"I'm ready, Alex. Nothing you will say will make me look at you any differently."
For a brief moment, only silence stretched between the girl and the still woman. It was broken by the heartfelt sigh of Alexandra Roberts.
"Allright, if that's the way you want it. Hang on tight because I don't think your ready for the harsh reality that was my formative years. From the day I was born, until my fourth birthday, I was your typical child. My Mom tells me that I was a perfectly normal, outgoing, curious, loving kid but I find that image hard to correlate within myself. Suppose it'd be easier if I could recall anything from that time period but I don't. I have no concrete memories of the first 3 years of my life and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. No, my memory begins just a few hours after my birthday party. It was then that a person, whom shall remain nameless, began to sexually abuse me. I refuse to go into all Those details, Will but I think you can understand how it just completely screwed me up. I was, by no means, a stupid girl so I, instinctively, knew there was something fundamentally wrong with what was happening to me. Only problem was that I could never quite grasp the concept of why it was so wrong. I became both angry and withdrawn, it wasn't a pretty site by any means. Thank any God, of your choosing, Brett was always there for me. He very quickly became my only safe place. It was only around Brett that felt any part of normal. We'd been nothing more than casual friend's then be became the closest person to me."
Upon hearing all those shocking words, Willow could only gape back at her in stunned disbelief. It explained so much to the horrified Wiccan and her heart ached for that woman.
"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Alex. Did Brett know what was happening?"
The dark woman's lips twisted up into the perfect parody of a smile because she was desperately trying to keep all Those memories at bay.
"Not then. The molestation continued on for an indefinite amount of time. It was, no lie, complete and utter hell for me. At home and school, around family and friend's I strove to appear as normal as possible. Must've been damn good at it because only Brett, Scott and now you and Buffy know the full extent of my formative years. It was in the spring of my seventh year that my molester finally died. It's a sad thing to even admit but, at that young age, I actually relished the thought of another human beings death. It irks me to say this but, do you know, I actually thought I could just pick up the shattered pieces of my existence and go back to being the girl I once was?!?!?"
The older woman chuckled coldly and shook her head.
"It wasn't my most intelligent of moments."
The sheer amount of scorn in that broken voice tore at Willow's tender heart strings. Without much thought, she reached over to cup on of Alex's flushed cheeks.
"I hate to repeat myself but I'm so sorry, Alex."
The dark woman groaned as she reached up to grasp that cool feeling hand and placed it back into the girl's lap.
"No, Will, don't look at me like That. You have no need to pity the woman sitting beside you. I'm perfectly content with the person I've turned out to be, there aren't many others who can claim the same thing. If your determined to have sympathy for anyone, have it for the girl I once was. She, certainly, could have used it. Let's just get back to my story, shall we?"
Alex forged on with her narrative, resolutely ignoring the crying seven year old who still existed somewhere deep inside her being.
"You wanna know my darkest secret, Willow? I hated my abuser so, it completely fucked up my thought processes trying to understand how my own body always seemed to respond to his horrid touches even when my brain was screaming a multitude of obscenities at that bastard. I didn't have any answers and the lack of knowledge was driving me ever closer to the edge of insanity."
Neither Alex nor Willow realized that Buffy had overhead everything while standing out in the darkened hallway. The blonde was totally horrified by that harshly, spoken confession.
Holy God, thought the silent teenager, how had Alex retained her sanity under such duress???
The object of her thoughts, in the meantime, continued speaking all the while studiously avoiding the Wiccan's tenderly, compassionate gaze.
"I was not, how shall I say, dealing well with the shit my life had become. Every day was a constant struggle for me. Trying to appear just like everyone else, while attempting to deal with the disgust, pain and raw anger for my lost youth, was tearing me in many different directions. Add to that, I was still trying to make sense of why my body choose to disobey my direct orders and, perhaps, you'll get a clear picture of who I used to be. I very quickly realized there was no one I could talk to because they'd then want to know why I was asking such questions, stumped me for the longest time. Round then, I discovered the joy of the written word. I would delve into any book I could get my grubby little hands on and, as fate would deem it, a huge amount of those happened to be the raunchy sex kind. While they explained the mechanics, pertinent parts of the puzzle where still lacking to me.
"One rainy day, like a proverbial bolt of lightening, it hit me. I knew what I needed, some real people to..show me the ropes, as it where. Didn't exactly know where I'd find these people so I kept my eyes open at all occasions. I eventually found the answers to my prayers at, of all places, the drive-in movies! It was a biweekly occurrence at my home. I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary to occur on one perfectly warm Saturday night back in the spring of '76. My parents are the trusting kind so, when I said I was gonna go up to the toys to see it there was anyone I'd know, they bought it hook, line and sinker. I was heading over there when suddenly, I found the two people whom showed me how beautiful it can be to love another person. Swear to God, if I'd planned it, it couldn't have worked out more perfectly! Their names are Mike and Amy and, that mindblowingly gorgeous looking couple, simply took my breath away. He was 18 then with shoulder length golden blonde waves and dark, sky blue eyes. At seventeen, she perfectly offset that boy's handsomeness with long, reddish brown hair that was parted straight down the middle and the warmest, deep brown eyes that I've ever seen. I really hadn't been paying too much attention to my surroundings when, there they were!
"My first sight of Michael Robert McDaniel and Amy Kathleen Fuller was like a direct kick to my stomach. She was perched atop the red El Camino's hood, long legs hanging almost to the ground. He just happened to be standing between her jean clad thighs. Mike was leaning flush against Amy's chest, her arm hung loosely around his tan neck. Since they where facing my line of vision, I had the proverbial bird's eye view. Jesus, Will, I genuinely thought my brain was going to explode as I watched that girl's perfect, pink lips suction themselves just below the boy's right ear lobe! Perhaps I made some sound, don't really recall, because he opened his beautiful eyes and smiled at me. It was, however, the sweetly grinning girl who broke the ice between us. Basically what she said amounted to hi and what's your name. I remained in utter shock from their sheer physical beauty, it took me several minutes before I could form a coherent answer. Imagine my complete and total surprise when they both motioned me closer. Might as well come on in and take a seat, Buffy. I'm sure you'll be much more comfortable sitting down instead of lurking out in the hallway."
Alex Roberts took a huge drink of her Coke as the sheepish Slayer followed her sage advice. The woman half considered sugar coating some of the finer details about Amy and Mike but, ruthlessly, squashed that idea. If she was going to come clean then, damn it, the teenagers would have to hear the complete and utter truth.
"Ya know," said the dark woman, "this could take a while. If either of you are thinking about refreshing your drink or going for a bathroom break, do it now. I'm only going to be able to tell you everything about the very first people I ever gave a damn about, just this one time. I dunno if you should consider yourselves lucky or not? You, my dear young friend's are going to be the only people to know the whole truth about my misbegotten youth. Even Brett and Scott, bless their hearts, didn't know everything about me. Do what ya gotta do, then we'll begin once more."
Those girl's rushed to their feet, the Witch heading for the lavatory and the Slayer the dimly lit kitchen. Alex simply remained where she was sitting, correctly guessing it wouldn't take long before her captive audience would return. Even she had to chuckle because, in the end, it took them all of 10 minutes.