Down Twisted
by drkdreamer
Chapter 14
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"Comfy, Darlin's?"
Both teens, sitting closely together on the couch, nodded and Alex resumed the conversation. It pleased her immensely that Buffy and Willow had the guts to calmly sit there and listen to her, admittedly horrid, youth. The Southerner could only pray that after telling them everything, they'd still be able to look at her with no pity in their eyes.
"Then, let me once again, tell you about the sweetest part of my entire formative period."
The dark woman, with that wistful smile gracing her lips, found that she had to draw in a few deep breathes before she could tell the waiting girl's about those most cherished memories.
"The question of how I came to find them never once came into play. Instead, to my utter delight, we simply began having a short conversation. Found out that Mike lived only one, short block away from my own home. 'Yeah for me,' were the words I could hear gleefully shouting inside my mind.
Possibilities, sheer, unadulterated possibilities, began to form within my depraved little brain. What didn't seem to register with me was that Amy resided clear across the northerner part of town. The fact that they where so nice and actually seemed to enjoy talking with me was the first high point in my whole existence. Mike and Amy certainly didn't have too, Hell; I half expected them to just send me along my way at some point. All these years later, it still awes me to know that they did not. I, at that time, was completely intrigued by that gorgeous looking couple. It slayed me, if you can pardon that expression Buffy, to actually feel some sort of emotion begin to resonate deep within my frozen heart as we began forming our eventual friendship. Tweaked me too because I really had no idea why that boy and girl had the power to make me feel anything.
"Even at this moment, I still have nothing concrete as to why Amy and Mike took such an extraordinary chance to get to know me. If I where to hazard a guess, I would say it was probably because they, somehow, had the ability to look past the genial, relaxed exterior I projected and caught a glimpse of the real me. Way back in 1979, Mike said something that I found very telling. We where spending a pleasant afternoon together and he, par for the course, was cracking jokes. Me and Amy where laughing when I happened to notice the quizzical expression on Michael McDaniel's face. I, quickly, sobered up and asked what the matter was. He replied that there was something he'd never understood about me. Wanna know what he said on that long ago afternoon?"
Alex never hesitated even though she took notice that the Slayer and Witch could only sit there looking, for all the while, like the wind had been sucked from their sails.
"It was only 16 words but they caused me to rethink my relationship with those wonderful people.
'Why is it Alex,' said the man with the dangerous looking golden stubble marring his handsome cheekbones, 'that even when you're laughing the smile never quite reaches your eyes?' That in a nutshell, ladies, is why I firmly believe that Amy and Mike decided I was someone they needed to get to know."
Alexandra Roberts raked a careless hand through her jumbled locks, wholly unaware that Buffy and Willow could almost envision that child sitting directly across from them. They chose to keep quiet because each was quite certain that Alex would detest hearing such a thing. The red head was nervous because she could also see that the dark Southerner's eyes had gone all dark and murky and she knew, there would be more troubling things on the near horizon.
"By the time that long forgotten flick began, I figured it was time for me to leave the young couple alone. Told 'em that I'd had a lovely time, which was true, but that I needed to head back to my folk's car, which was a bold faced lie. I planned to just stroll around the drive-in, ya know, to just get my bearings back on the old straight and narrow. They proceeded to shock the ever living piss outta me by saying that I was more than welcome to stay and watch the movie with them. I was flabbergasted, completely flabbergasted, to find myself actually giving the idea some merit. God, you 2 can never comprehend how much that invitation simply blew my already taxed brain apart!"
Buffy Summers leaned forward to lock her gaze with the turbulent gray eyes that had been looking everywhere but her and Willow.
"Why, Alex, why did you react like that? You just told us that Mike and Amy seemed to genuinely like you so, why did such a simple request stun you?"
The dark woman pursed her lips as she stared into the Slayer's bottomless hazel eyes.
"Sh, Buffy all will become clear, I promise you. What ya'll aren't seeming to understand is the clear picture of who I was then. Allow me to clarify. By the time I found Mike and Amy I had, for all intents and purposes, stopped feeling any emotions what so ever. I will admit, it was a coping factor, I made that decision on the eve of my fifth birthday."
Both Witch and Slayer could only gape back at her in total, disbelieving horror. It was utterly incomprehensible that someone of that tender age should be faced with such a horrible choice and their concern was clearly visible to the dark Southerner. She chose to take the easy route and not respond to those twin sorrowful expressions. Some may have considered that to be a heartless decision but Alex knew it would only complicate things further than they already where.
"My only course of dealing with the molestation was to retreat far back within the confines of my own brain. I think of it as both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it helped because, when my abuser would do things to me, it was almost like I wasn't even there. He may have had my body but the rest of me was far, far away. Wasn't until I was 18 that I discovered the term for what I was doing to myself. Disassociation, it's a common thing amongst the abused or so I've read. The downside was that I've always been a quick study so I was quite proficient at deluding myself at an excreted rate. Round that time, I also came to the conclusion that emotions where nothing more than a hazard and I simply turned mine off. It was, I gotta say, an incredibly easy thing to do and it made my existence far easier to deal with during the cold light of the day. At any rate, the fact is by the time Amy and Mike where literally dropped into my world, I had no desire to flick said emotions back on. Really, why would I? I'd tried, for far too many months, to control my rapidly groaning anger and hatred while still attempting to pretend being the same "normal" person that I was supposed to be. Emotionless was a damn sight better for me. Tell me the truth, guys; can you, in some small way, understand my line of reasoning?"
The hazel eyed blonde and her red headed lover carefully considered all of Alex Roberts heartbreakingly disturbing words before trying to form some kind of coherent answer. Both girls where acutely aware that the dark woman sat rigidly at attention awaiting their answer.
The older woman hardly dared to breathe, what they said next would determine the extent of the rest of her story. Brett and Scott, bless their hearts, had never understood though they did, at least, try. That was the only reason her true love and baby would never know the true extent of her relationship with Mike McDaniel and Amy Fuller. A huge part of the dark Southerner, however foolishly, seriously hoped that the Slayer and Witch, if could not understand, would at least gift her with the benefit of the doubt. Just once Alex wanted to tell someone the whole, unvarnished truth and she, damn well, knew that Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg would be her last chance.
The blond teenager took a monumental risk and answered for both her and the silent Wiccan. She, who'd had her own rough time dealing with being the Slayer, could perfectly understand where young Alex had been coming from, Will would be iffy, at best. The grass eyed Witch was content to let her head strong lover take charge of this particular situation. Though her heart grieved for the lost, angry child Alex had once been, she held no illusion that her reply would've been anywhere near what the dark Southerner was looking to receive.
"Yeah, we dig, please continue Alex."
At the sound of that slowly composed sentence, the older woman let her tense shoulder fully relax.
"I damn well knew, though, that I'd been gone for far too long. If I'd stayed, I ran the very risk that my irate parents would come searching for their lost child. There was no way, on God's green Earth, that I was going to allow such a thing to happen. If my Momma had caught sight of little me having an in-depth conversation with those 2 teenagers, she would have blown her gaskets. So, it was with much regret, I declined that surprising invitation. Before I walked away, I let it slip that I'd be back the next weekend and, hey, maybe I'd see them again. Amy Kathleen Fuller raised my spirits by telling me to count on it. I made it back to my folk's car but I have no clear memory of actually walking there. My mind was fully locked upon reevaluating every aspect of my short time in the young couple's presence. It blew me away to realize that, while I liked the physical appearances of both Mike and Amy, I really liked the people they appeared to be. The fact that I really didn't know them at all, never once disturbed me. The very next afternoon, I informed my bestest buddy about my new people. Stunned me to find out that Brett was friendly with Mike's little sister, Jessica. Infact, as he calmly informed me, he was heading over there that afternoon and, would I like to join him? Temptation, my friend's, in the wrong hands can be a truly Bad thing.
"Well, I was beyond the word tempted to take Brett up on his generous offer. Only thing that stopped me was the fact that I really didn't know how I'd react to seeing them so soon again. Perhaps I could've handled it but, then again, I may have did something that would have alerted my bud of my actual intentions towards those beautiful teenagers. I, quickly, gave Brett some lame excuse of how me and the folk's where gonna be heading out to dinner but that, maybe, he could introduce me to Jessica sometime at school. He took me at my words and the next week passed by in a blur. The next weekend dawned far quicker than even I expected and found my Pop's paying for the family to see a double feature. We where parked smack in the middle of row A, and I was so far passed the term excited that I was, literally, bouncing off our cars interior. Figured I'd better take precautions so, I didn't go looking for my people until well after the previews began. Took a chance and began hunting on my side of the drive-in, no such luck. I hightailed it over to the other side and began relentlessly scanning for Mike's El Camino. Being and observant person, I spotted the car over and began to walk on over. It was parked with the back end facing the movie screen, I correctly guessed this would be where I would find Amy and Mike. Both Scott and Brett, exclaimed that I was a God damn fool for not being nervous during my search. Could be you 2 are thinking the exact same thing but, your wrong. The only things I was feeling was complete relaxation and total elation. Will it shock ya for me to tell you that it looked like they'd been expecting me? They had spread out some old multi colored blanket on the bed, Mike and Amy where stretched, comfortably, out with their backs against the cab. There where three, that's right 3, Cokes sitting off to the side of the blanket and a huge tub of popcorn resided in Amy's lap. It was Mike who spotted me first and the warmest grin I've ever seen lit up that boy's face. I was gratified by that look and it took me several minutes before I could respond to his, hey Alex where ya been? Said I'd been looking for them and my gaze flicked to where that lovely girl was smiling so bloody sweetly at me. Amy had a smile that would make a grown man fall to his knees and I was utterly enchanted by it. Apparently I wasn't moving quick enough for that pretty lady because she proceeded to ask me if I was going to stand there all night long or climb on up and join them. You better believe I was up there quick as my thin legs would carry me. They looked so damn comfortable, I decided to take a seat on the right side of the car. Amy's softly spoken word's halted my most honorable intentions."
That woman's dark gray eyes where beginning to glow in remembrance as she fell silent. Willow saw the smile spreading across Alex's face and released it was equal parts happiness and deep pain. She felt it prudent to jerk the dark woman from her memories.
"What happened then, Alex?"
The Southerner, who'd been lost in sweetly, stunning memories, twitched at that question. She realized she just about lost herself in a time that no longer existed and put a hard clamp on the memories that meant the most to her.
"She asked me to sit between them because we could talk better, if I wasn't so far away from them. For a split second, I honestly didn't know how to react. Common sense should've been telling me to be damn careful because I really didn't know what the young couple was capable of doing to me. That never entered my head because I, somehow, knew Mike and Amy wouldn't do anything I didn't want. Biased that upon the fact that neither one of those people where making any sudden movements towards me and I could read nothing but good intentions in their wide open gazes. It was with a hugely, happy smile that I hunkered down between Amy Fuller and Mike McDaniel. Nothing could have prepared me for how utterly safe I felt sandwiched between that boy and girl. It was only the second time, since my Hell began, that I felt total safety around other people. Bretten Shea Matthew's was, of course, the first person to invoke such a response within me. Picture it. There I sat, stunned and in total sensory overload. Their undeniable physical beauty came very close to almost overpowering me and, as an added bonus, they smelled simply divine. Mike was wearing British Sterling and Amy had splashed on some Je Nattae. The perfume and cologne melded perfectly with their clean, natural scents and I was liking it all way too much.
"Before I could do something stupid, we began conversing again. Found out they'd been dating for the past three years and it was, plainly, obvious to me that Mike and Amy where not only totally devoted but also wholly addicted to one another. That boy would be graduating in June, he planned on joining his Dad's construction company full time. Mike already worked there part time and it left that handsome lad with a tan so dark it would rival George Hamilton's! Amy, of course, had another year of school, she worked at a local convince store. Mike, as I was to find out, had an easy going personality and he genuinely liked each person he ever came across. Amy was a touch more reserved than her exuberant lover. That girl had a huge soft spot for strays of all kinds, joy for me. She adored animals and had a veritable zoo in her back yard. Her pets consisted of 2 dogs, numerous cats, a pair of gerbils and a baby blue jay she'd found after it'd fallen out of it's nest. All in all, they appeared to be perfectly nice, normal human beings. Conversation halted and I simply enjoyed the solitude as we began to watch the flick. I couldn't help but be aware, however, how those 2 kids where literally itching to be closer together.
"I could see it in all those heated, side glances and the fact they where almost squishing me in an effort to touch. I asked Amy if she'd please change seats with me. Surprised that girl but she quickly took me up on my offer. Once everything settled back down, I was trying to tell myself to be a good girl and Not stare so openly at that gorgeous couple. It was hard but I was actually doing a pretty good job, at least, until I happened to catch sight of their tightly clasped hand's. My intrigued gaze was riveted to where Mike's big thumb was ever so slowly stroking against the flesh of Amy's wrist. Sweet Jesus, that sight made my mouth go instantly dry! It was a lovely thing to witness and it got even better when I watched a telltale flush stain itself across Amy Fuller's high cheekbones. I believe my presence was totally forgotten because Mike's free hand drifted upwards so he could, almost teasingly, brush his fingertips over poor Amy's partially opened lips. The brown eyed girl, no slouch in the seductive department either, retaliated brilliantly by turning to roughly dig her nails in Mike's outstretched thighs. I, in the meantime, could only sit there in awed silence with my eyes as big as saucers and my mouth hanging almost to the ground. I hadn't even allowed myself to dream that they'd do anything even remotely like this, at least, not when I was around. I then observed Mike's eyes darken to this righteously hot shade of blue, the hard bulge trying to protrude from his tight, blue jeans clearly told me to hang on tight because things where about to get really interesting.
"It was, no lie, an insanely beautiful thing to watch as he bent his head to take full possession of Amy's waiting lips. But, even as I watched it happen, it left me feeling a huge sense of confusion. I fully recognized that kiss; it was one that whoreson bastard who was still abusing me had taught me a total of two years prior. I'm talking about the deeply hungry, opened mouth, tongue thrusting kiss that almost seems to suck the very life from your body. What confused the Hell out of me was that Amy Fuller was a willing participant in such an act. At that time, I had no concept that passion, sweetly burning, utterly intoxicating passion could be felt by two people at the exact same moment. Visually speaking, I totally enjoyed Mike and Amy's kisses far more than I had any right too. This side of my personality ruled me and it was that part that began to wish that they even take it to the next level. Could be they heard my silent request because Mike reached out, picked up his slightly moaning lover, sat that girl full against his straining bulge and all without breaking their scorching kiss!!
"That, ladies, is the single most beautiful thing I will ever have the pleasure to witness. I liked everything they where doing but it puzzled me as to why some of those actions felt so wrong when happening to me but looked so God damn right on Mike and Amy. In my bafflement, I must have cleared my throat because that gorgeous couple sprang apart. I hated myself for interrupting them because I could tell that things had been rapidly approaching the point of control for my people. I was, therefore, wholly stunned when both Mike and Amy began to apologies to me! God, I utterly detested the fact that they seemed to feel guilty for allowing me to witness such a private moment between them. My mouth began speaking before my brain could catch up because I heard myself I was the one who should be apologizing instead. Told them it had been a lovely thing to see and I was truly sorry for interrupting them. My words clearly confused the young couple and I knew it was time for me to make a hasty retreat. Better get back to my folk's, is what I said and it had been great seeing them again. As I started to climb down, Mike said he'd mentioned me to his little sister and that she was interested in meeting me. I was just about to tell him about Brett and Jessica when his next word's just about caused me to loose my grip on his car.
"Why don'tcha come over to our house tomorrow, Alex?
"Sweet merciful Lord, was what I was thinking, did I just hear him right? Knew I did so, maybe, my word's and actions where okay with those people. I can't even begin to tell ya'll how freaking Great it was to know that Mike and Amy would still wish to see me! It was lovely Amy who confirmed my thoughts.
"What do ya think sweetie," is what she said," You can come meet Jessie at 1:30 p.m. and then, if your feeling up to it, you can join me and Mike for a late lunch.
"Well, hell, took me no time at all to readily agree and get directions over to the McDaniel abode. With one last look, I began to walk away from those grinning teenagers. Once I made it back to the family car, I took some time to try and come up with some way to lay the plans on my folk's. I told Mom and Dad that I'd met a friend up at the concession stand and they wanted to know if it'd be okay for me to come over to their house the next day. Mom, instantly, turned around to make eye contact with her only child. She asked me three questions, I made up the answers on the fly. First was: who was this person, followed by: where did they live ending with: how well did I really know them? Mom really thought she was protecting me from the big, bad world and I could only sit there, pitying her to the extreme. How was she to know that it wouldn't be strangers that would hurt me, instead, it would be one of her own trusted friends? Managed, somehow, to keep that pity from showing on my face as I gave her my answers. Told her that it was Jessica I was meeting, she lived a block away from our house, we met at school and were also fairly tight school friends. Okay, so my last answer was total fabrication and frankly, I didn't give a good God damn. I wasn't about to let anything keep me from seeing Amy and Mike on that next day. Mom told me she'd give it some thought and twisted back around in the front seat. I leaned back and continued to marvel how bloody lucky I was turning out to be. I was dead certain that, had it been any other couple, they would have turned away from me. Clearly, Mike and Amy liked me even more than I'd first suspected and that knowledge warmed my frozen heart.
"I should also tell ya that the nefarious part of my brain was also whispering for me to stay cool. If you play your cards right, it said, you just might get everything you've ever wanted from the young couple. Knew I'd have to be extremely careful and not press my luck too quickly. My people where both intelligent human beings so, just coming out and asking them about everything inside my head was never on the menu. That would'a resulted in a rash of hard questions that I no intentions of ever answering. I decided to curb my natural inclinations and go on pretending to be a typical 6 year old. I went to sleep that night, with a huge grin on my face feeling that, finally, things where going my way. Got my conformation from Mom early the next morning and spent the rest of my time trying to prepare myself our eventual meeting. Since I didn't know where we'd be heading, I hedged a bet and went with casual attire. That was an easy decision compared to my mental preparations. I was feeling the odd combination of supreme happiness, high excitement and a little apprehension. Told myself to relax, I could do this with no worries. By the time I began trekking towards the McDaniel home, I was feeling pretty damn Good about the whole situation. I arrived promptly at 1:25 and, yep, me and Jessica Carin McDaniel got aquatinted. We where standing out in the front yard, my people had introduced us and beat a hasty retreat onto the front porch. Jess was a good looking kid with long, wavy blond hair and cool, ice blue eyes. She also topped me by two inches. Nothing much was said in the beginning and it was then I realized that Jess was simply uncomfortable. Spent the next few minutes racking my brain, trying to figure out some way to break the ice."
It was at this point in the conversation that Alex threw back her head and began to laugh long and hard. Buffy and Willow simply sat there, knowing that the Southerner would pick up the thread when she was good and ready. The object of their thoughts, after wiping away the tears from her eyes, picked up the narrative.
"Well, Alex," said the girl beating me to the punch, "it's a true bitch, dont'cha think?
"I was quite taken aback by her choice of word's and asked what? She shuffled closer and with much eye rolling explained herself. Seemed that Amy and Mike where hell bent on finding that girl some friends because they thought she spent too much time alone. I was more than a little stunned to find out that the couple had been bringing over anyone they thought would fit the bill including some of their own friends. I felt bad for Jess because it would have pissed me off if someone had did that to me. I told her about Brett and that I had intended for him to introduce us at school. That relaxed her and, once she let her guard down, Jess was a total trip and a half. She also possessed a wicked sense of humor and was quite smart. She said something that made me laugh, I figured we'd get along just fine. My assessment was dead on, we're still friend's to this day. It amused me to no end to hear Jess say that she was intrigued by my almost "adult' like manner. I was dying inside from the laughter because if you've never had a childhood to begin with, then how could you claim to be a kid? After about 15 minutes, I saw my people heading our way.
"Ladies," he smoothly asked," everything okay?"
"We assured him that everything was on the up-n-up, I couldn't help but be aware how those words caused Amy Fuller to relax. I was, stunningly, helpless not to flash her a warm smile because her concern touched me deeply. Thankfully, before I could say anything to embarrass myself, the young couple announced that they where hungry and, was I ready to go? I said yes and couldn't believe I actually turned and asked Jess if she'd like to join us? That surprised both me and the blond girl, she recovered quicker than I did. Jess declined by I could see the evil little glints brightening her cool blue eyes. I was struck dumb by the thought that the girl was going to make some outrageous comment, I forestalled her by turning and trucking on over to Mike's car. Told myself that was an uncommonly stupid thing to do because it would surely wet Jess's curiosity even further. After a few seconds, I saw the girl walk back to the house and my people heading my way. Mike and Amy where laughing gaily as they unlocked the car doors, we piled in and where off. Everyone was dressed in shorts and tee's, I correctly figured we'd heading to a fast food joint. The restaurant was filled to the gills so, surprisingly, we just picked up the food and continued heading on down the road. Confused me that we weren't sitting down in Tacker's Burgers and More, I had to ask my people just where we might be heading. Amy Fuller turned halfway in her seat to answer me directly with laughter still lurking in those gentle, brown eyes. Mike, by that time, had flicked on the old, gizzard box, soft '70's rock music was drifting through the air."
"'Well, babe,' she smilingly said, 'we thought you might enjoy a short romp down at the local park. It's turned into such a beautiful day, Alex, we just figured you'd be more comfortable out in the warm sunlight instead of being cramped in some busy restaurant.'
"Amy Kathleen Fuller was right in her assessment of me, it would've spazzed me out to be surrounded by the masses. I'm pretty sure I was grinning madly when I told them if was fine with me. Arrived all too soon and, shockingly to me, said park was barely half full. We took a seat on one of the numerous benches and began to consume our food. Nothing much was said at first, I was quite pleased with the silence. Things got all too serious when Mike took a big sip of his Dr. Pepper only to lock eyes with me. He then asked me if I was enjoying myself, 'course I said. Despite that boy's jovial tone, I could still see the still see the dark lights flashing back in his way serious blue eyes. I simply held that gaze, awaiting what ever else he would say."
"'Gotta ask you something kiddo,' is what he eventually said, 'so please be honest with me and Amy. How come you're not freaked out to be sitting here alone with us? For that matter, why is it that you've always seemed to be perfectly at ease when you're with us?'
"They where both staring at me now, knew I'd better be pretty damn careful with my answer. Too much information would have been a Bad, Bad thing, not enough would've been even worse. I was horribly aware that any wrong word on my part would end our relationship before it ever really began. Always been able to think quickly on my feet, what I said was short, concise and to the point. 'You have never done anything that would make me feel nervous. I've been taught to trust my gut instincts; they tell me that you wouldn't do anything like That. Are you telling me that I'm wrong and I should now be fearful around you?'
"I honestly wasn't trying to be insulting but Amy must've taken it that way. She basically said I was amazing, that I didn't present myself like some kid nor did I say childish things. She ended her short speech by asking me to tell her exactly what I saw when I looked at them. Well, friend's, that left me shocked, surprised and utterly intrigued. Up to then, not one other person had looked into my eyes and saw past the facade I presented to the rest of the world. Even though I was feeling good and in a light hearted mood, I still tried to give them an honest answer. Told them that I saw 2 people who must love each other a lot, that they made one lovely looking couple and that I'd simply like to get to know them a little better. Our friendship began that very afternoon and I had those wonderful people in my world for a total of four years. Didn't surprise me at all to find my like of the young couple to turn into complete adoration. They treated me very gently and where never again afraid to be openly affectionate with one another when I was around. It blew my mind when I discovered that both my people where natural born touchers.
"Took me a little while to get used to this aspect of Amy Fuller and Mike McDaniel. I had never liked being touched by anyone, that includes my parents and Brett, Not until those people where dropped into my world. They taught me a great deal about loving someone else, though sometimes, it was an inadvertent lesson."
Alex, abruptly, halted talking to gratefully down the rest of her Coke. Her throat was feeling utterly parched and it was a divine blessing to be able to relieve that mostly uncomfortable sensation.
In the waning silence, the teenager's gazes locked and held. Willow found herself frowning, what did the totally dark look splashed so expressively upon her Slayer's face mean? Buffy Summer's spider senses where once again tingling, she couldn't help but be slight wigged out by the oh-so slight inflection in Alexandra Roberts last few words. It spoke of things she probably didn't want to know and, very wisely, the compact blonde took a long moment before asking the dark Southerner to explain herself.