Down Twisted
by drkdreamer
Chapter 15
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Warning, Warning, Warning: this part deals with things that will probably piss of a huge amount of people. If you've read the preceding chapters, you should be able to figure out where this is heading. I assure you, however, sex between Alex, Mike and Amy does Not occur. Other sexual things do, in fact, happen and young Alex is front and center for most of them. If you can't handle that, skip ahead to the very end of this chapter. Remember, you've been warned!!!!
"Alex..... what do you mean by invertantly?"
The dark woman half grinned, leave it to the astute Slayer to pick up on the things she'd always kept so well hidden. Clear, gray eyes locked upon the waiting blonde for an endless moment of time.
"Give me a second, 'kay? Try and understand, guys, this won't be at all easy for me to say."
Willow, instantly concerned, whipped her head around towards the older woman. She could see the strain this situation was causing the dark Southerner and sought an easy way out.
"We don't have to finish this right now, Alex, not if you're not up to it. There's always tomorrow, ya know?"
Alexandra Roberts fought a hard, internal battle to keep the grimace from showing on her face, if only that where an option. When she thought she had better control of herself, she looked into the Wiccan's bottomless, green eyes. She could read so many things in that warm gaze and it tore at the remnants of her heart. Willow cared way too much and the dark woman was afraid that the girl would never be able to handle her eventual demise.
I'm so sorry, she thought, baby maybe it would have been best if we'd never met.
Alex, being the woman that she was, wisely kept any of those thoughts from showing upon her face.
"No, Will, it's okay. Where did we leave off? Aw yes, I remember. As I've already said, Mike and Amy had a habit of always touching one another. It wasn't at all uncommon to find them locked in a heated embrace, sucking face or walking with one hand firmly planted in the other's back pocket. I completely adored every single kiss, hug, caress or look that passed between Michael McDaniel and Amy Fuller. It was more than enough for me; I had long ago stopped thinking about them naked and ravishing one another. That all changed one perfectly bland afternoon in July. See, we'd planned on getting together sometime after lunch. I was bored outta my skull at home and decided to walk over to the McDaniel home a full 30 minutes before I was supposed too. Confused me when I saw no cars in the driveway but it didn't stop me from walking up to the front door. I knocked, it swung open, startling me. I proceeded to shake off my unease and walked into that far too quiet home. Common sense should'va been telling me to high tail it outta there. I, however, thought it would be nice of me to leave my people a short note explaining that I'd come over but then walked back home. Knew Mike's bedroom was just down the kitchen hallway and figured, quite correctly, that this would be where I'd find a pen and paper. His door was slightly open and, without much thought on my part, I swung the door wide open.
"The beautiful sight that caught my gaze left me reeling and utterly incapable of thought. Amy and Mike where stripped naked and in the process of making love, right before my still disbelieving eyes! Gods forgive me, it will forever be the most beautiful thing I've Ever had the pleasure to witness. The heartstoppingly lovely way their toned bodies fit so perfectly together left me feeling stunned, shaken and stirred. It just waylaid me, I was about to start recalling my own name when my thought processes where once again obliterated by the sheer gorgeousness of that boy's lips nibbling their way down the exposed length of Amy's neck. My mouth gaped open when I watched Mike's mouth close, so very tenderly, over the girl's pale, pink nipples. I was sure nothing could top the beauty of that act until I saw Amy's long fingers clench into his pale, muscular behind. Would ya believe, it was just then, that my long forgotten morality decided to rear it's ugly head?!? I, visual pig that I am, was actually considering turning around to just walk away? Thank the Heaven's, my perverted brain took control of that situation or I would have missed the completion of one of my very favorite memories. Amy Kathleen Fuller moaned and, since neither one was covered by sheet or blanket, I could clearly see this is where Mike slid into "home plate", as it where. The intoxicatingly husky sounds coming out of that girl's throat caused a multitude of goosebumps to raise up along my body. I was literally frozen onto the spot in which I stood, as I watched him make slow, passionate love to that girl.
"When it was finished, Amy sank her teeth into one of his shoulder's as Mike, still gasping for air, collapsed across her body. It was at that point, she turned her head and caught sight of stunned little me. There was utter surprise upon Amy's face but, shockingly, she did nothing to alert her lover of the situation. All she did was mouth, 'what was I doing there?' I could only shrug, helplessly, in answer. She untangled her hands from Mike's sweaty scalp and motioned for me to go. Ya better believe I did just that. Made it out to the front porch and, with my brain in a total fog, proceeded to take a seat. I was beginning to realize that they'd just gifted me with my fondest wish and, despite my supreme shock, I'd Liked everything I'd just witnessed. Only thing that puzzled me was the monumental differences in how I felt when some of those things had happened to me and the fact that both my people clearly enjoyed and wanted it to happen. Simply couldn't make any sense of that and it gave me a bitch of a headache just thinking along those lines. To relive my tension, I shut my eyes in a futile attempt to calm my seething emotions. It took me several minutes before I realized I wasn't alone. Opened my eyes t find Amy Fuller staring concernedly into my face.
"'Alex, babe,' she said, 'you okay?'
"I nodded yeah which caused her to sigh in apparent relief. She told me that she was sorry, I was never supposed to see that aspect of her and Mike's relationship and to, please, forgive them."
The dark Southerner was wholly unaware of the ironically bitter pall that overtook her face as she continued with her story.
"Christ, Almighty, that made me feel 10 times worse than I already did! Told her that everything was A-OK, that I really hadn't minded seeing them like that. I also added that there was nothing for me to forgive; after all, it'd been me who had intruded upon them. Those soulfully, deep, brown eyes carefully searched my face, looking for any deception on my part, and brightened when she saw I was being completely honest with her. Amy was smiling so bloody sweetly at me when she reached over to gently cup my right cheek. The next word's she said became a virtual lifeline for me, it was the best life defining moment in my entire existence."
"'If you ever need anything,' she said, 'just tell us, babe. I'm sure, between the two of us, me and Mike can come up with some way to help you.'
"Do ya know, sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still hear her light, clear voice echoing around inside my head? I gave my soul over to them in that moment but they never knew it. The girl then stood and asked me if I was going to come back inside with her. I hesitated, momentarily, then figured why the Hell not? Slipped my hand into her's, we where both grinning as we headed back into the McDaniel home. We spent an enjoyable afternoon together and, no, none of us mentioned what had previously happened. I went to bed that night feeling light hearted and, for once, happy. Never did catch any Z's because I was trying to figure out the unique aspects of our relationship. Fleetingly thought that, maybe, it was time for me to give Mike and Amy up. I'd seen all that I needed so, was there any point in continuing on? God damn right there was, I liked those people way too much to give them up that easily. Our friendship, as I'm sure ya'll can understand, deepened after that memorable day.
"Actually, for all intents and purposes, if was as it....well as it Mike and Amy adopted me. We began spending every available moment together and no, sex didn't always happen. Let me rephrase that, my friend's, just sex never entered the picture when it came to my people. They always made love, ya gotta know, there's a wealth of differences in that and just sex. Our days where spent cruising around Little Rock, heading over to one of my home state's many lakes or just catching a movie. Sometimes, we never even left the McDaniel house. My people enjoyed dancing so, I'd crank up the ole gizzard box and just watch the show. Amy and Mike made such a pretty picture, swaying together on the livingroom floor with the sun highlighting their figures from the McDaniel's big, bay window. One day, out of the clear blue, they decided it was time for me to learn the basics. Yes, it's true, my brand of dancing came to fruition while mimicing Mike McDaniel and Amy Fuller. I also give them full credit for developing my TV habits because they are the one's who got me hooked into Hart to Hart. To this day, they will always have my unshaken gratitude for that small fact alone.
"All in all, the molestation notwithstanding, my existence was turning out to be far better than I ever expected. I had my family's love, my friendships with Brett and Jess, my relationship with Amy and Mike and, most importantly, I no longer felt dead inside. By our third year together, I could finally admit to myself that I actually loved both Mike and Amy. God, that knowledge rocked me down to my very foundations! You see, in all honesty, I'd never considered love to be a viable option for me. I assumed that the organ that used to pass for my heart had shriveled up and died a long time ago. Finding out that wasn't the case, tweaked me to the furthest degree. Debated for day's about telling those people about my feelings because, God knows, I longed to shout it from the roof tops. Took me a full 30 days before I could work up my courage, told them as we where sharing a pizza in the McDaniel living room one afternoon. Figure I was either being really smart or just incredible stupid, I'm still not entirely sure which is the case."
"I was remarkably calm when I told them my feelings and was left stunned by their own words of love for me. Was also around that time that yours truly began to feel deep pangs of want around Amy and Mike. Tried to convincing myself that it was just my overactive brain screwing around with me. It actually worked for a little bit but my vividly real dreams put an end to that facade. In my sleep, I took those people in each and everyway I so desired. I could clearly envision myself licking every blessed inch of their perfect bodies and, quite often, I'd wake up with the imagined taste of Mike and Amy still lingering in my mouth! This total sexual need for my people was, emotionally speaking, ripping me apart at the seams. Hell, it got to the point of when Amy or Mike would, innocently, touch me I'd burn for the rest of the whole damn day. I bloody well Knew I was in serious trouble when, one night after hugging Amy goodbye, I found myself mere inches away from kissing her full on those groin tuggingly soft-looking lips that where so haunting my night time hours. Needless to say, I went home and took a good, hard, objective look at myself. Simply put, I recognized I was in a situation that was way beyond my own comprehension. On one hand, I needed those people in a way that was damn near crushing in it's intensity. On the other, I was emotionally damaged prior to ever meeting Amy and Mike and I just didn't know if I could actually handle all the ramifications of having all of them. After about a month of wrestling with my baser instincts, I was well aware that the answer was no. Cost me a great deal to even admit That to myself because I knew of no way to stop from wanting Mike McDaniel and Amy Fuller with every fiber of my being. Brought my baser self to a hard won compromise, I'd wait until my 14th birthday and then just offer myself to them. Four years of waiting would be a small price to pay and it would have been a mindfuckingly beautiful night!! Alas, as ya'll are well aware, that never happened.
"They had become engaged at the start of my tenth year. Color me both honored and privileged that Mike took me along when he picked out Amy's ring. I was blissfully happy for my people and it knocked me for a loop that woman asked me, not Jess but me, to be her bridesmaid! The wedding was set for June 1st, at 3:00 in the afternoon. Things where going on swimmingly, that is, until I had the rug pulled out from underneath my feet once again. Mr. McDaniel had been trying to get his son a cushy new job with one of his college buddies, nothing had been heard back until April 30, 1980. I wasn't told the bad news until the next day. Mike's new job was baised in Colorado, he had to be prepared to leave AR within a month's time. Amy, quite naturally, would be going on with her intended when he left our town. I can't even begin to tell you guys how bad that news hurt me. Don't get me wrong, I was overjoyed that, at least, they'd still be together. However, I was devastated with the knowledge that they would no longer be able to brighten my world. In all honesty, it was, until the loss of my beloved Brett, one of my lowest points. The next 23 days passed with me trying, desperately, to act normal and happy around my people. For the most part, I think I was highly successful in my endeavor. Sometimes though, out of the corner of my eye, I'd catch one or both of those people sending me strange little looks. Didn't pay too much attention because I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the day when Mike and Amy would walk out of my life. It is, without fail, the only time I can ever recall feeling ill at ease around the people I loved more than anything else.
"Two days before their impending departure, we had one last afternoon together. What was unbeknownst to me, at that time, was that Amy and Mike had carefully planned out those hours. They had, ever so casually, asked me to join them on Saturday afternoon, I was more than happy to oblige them. That day I was greeted, normally enough, then asked if I'd enjoy a short romp down at Myers's Lake. Answered yes before Amy could finish telling me that they'd packed a light lunch to take along with us. Everything had already been packed in the El Camino, we headed out to the car and where soon on our merry way. Arrived at the lake at 1:30 and I was totally surprised to find that we happened to be the only people there. It was towards the end of April and that year, it was totally humid in Arkansas. As a result, we where dressed in shorts and tee shirts. Everyone piled out and Mike began to pass out the provisions. I ended up carrying an old, green blanket, Amy was holding the wicker picnic basket within her capable hand's and Mike was carrying his portable radio. We ended up camping underneath one of the massive oak trees that used to boarder the lake's edge. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I watched Mike flick on his radio and Amy start to lay out the food. Jesus, their physical beauty actually hurt me that day but I couldn't stop myself from drinking in the sight of the very first people I ever really loved. Swear to God, it almost felt like little pieces of me where slowly dying as I looked my fill at those wonderful human beings! Amy, sweet, beautiful Amy, must've seen the pain lurking within my gaze because she, instantly, asked me what was the matter.
Alex, paused, to draw in a quick unsteady breath. Images from that long ago day where running with crystal clarity inside her head and the familiar pain was threatening to overwhelm her. Buffy and Willow's only course of action was to sit there in stunned silence. Nothing could have prepared for all of This and the immense amount of suffering reflected on the older woman's face hurt the Witch and Slayer much more than they cared to admit to themselves. The dark Southerner could read the affect her story was having upon those girl's and she liked it not one single bit. Though Alex was fully conscious that this would be her only chance to unload herself, she unselfishly chose to put the teenager's needs above her own.
"Maybe it's best if we just drop this line of conversation. What do ya say, ladies, shall we simply turn in for the night?"
Buffy Summers was eternally grateful that the dark woman cared enough to spare them the rest of the gory details but she wanted to know the rest of this story. Willow, for her part, was utterly amazed that Alex would, willingly, stop herself from telling that which weighed so heavily upon her psyche. The slender Wiccan reached over to grasp the older woman's right hand. Willow Rosenberg smiled quite tenderly into the burning silver eyes that where turned her way.
"It's allright, Alex. You obviously need to get this off your chest so, please, finish your story. Promise, me and Buffy will continue to listen with open minds, okay?"
Alexandra Robert's, moved beyond belief, simply raised the hand she was holding to rub it across one of her cheeks.
"Your a sweetheart, Willow and I thank you for your promise. If you're both sure, I'll finish this up as quickly as I can."
She waited only for their nods before deviling back into the part of her existence she tried very hard Not to spend so much time thinking about. Alex did, however, release the Wiccan's hand before resuming talking.
"I threw caution to the waste side and spoke as directly as I possibly could. Told them that I'd miss them and that I was deeply grateful that they'd taken the unbelievable choice to get know the 6 year old kid I used to be. My word's caused that gorgeous woman to stand, walk over and pull me into a hug. I was full up against the length of her body when she leaned down to whisper these word's into my ear.
"'Alex, love, you gotta know we're going to miss you too.'
"As I was concentrating solely upon Amy, it shocked me to then realize that Mike had wrapped both his arms around me and his lover. It was sublime, utterly sublime, being held so closely by my people."
The Southerner went silent once more, lost in memories that where anguishly beautiful. The red head hardly dared to breath because she could read every emotion within those burning silver colored eyes. Buffy, realizing that Alex was losing herself in the memories, thought it prudent to jar the dark woman back into reality.
"What'd ya do then, Alex?"
The relatively short sentence caused that blisteringly, hot gaze to lock fully upon the blonde teenager. It took Alex Robert's several minutes to form any sort of reply. When she did, both girl's flinched from that dangerously low husky voice because each realized that these word's came from the deepest recesses of the older woman's shattered heart.
"Not nearly enough and it is the greatest mistake of my entire existence. Tops my regret list, of course, I have a few others. Wanting back those lost 720 days with Brett is #2, wishing I hadn't turned down Scott's offer to spend the night with him on the day he was butchered is #3 and still believing I have every right to slaughter my molester is #4. But wait, I digress. I could've had Amy and Mike that day, would have been so damn easy to accomplish."
That utterly tortured voice quieted once again, and both teens were acutely aware of the harshly naked pain that was splashed so expressively across the older woman's face. Alexandra Robert's gave herself a mental shake, squared her shoulders and continued speaking.
"We stayed locked together for a short period of time then began to separate. Took myself over the right side of the blanket, my people where reclining directly opposite from me. I, as you might imagine, still tingled from that sweetly, tender embrace. As I looked over at Michael McDaniel and Amy Fuller, there was only one thought that existed inside my head. They both had such perfectly shaped lips, I yearned to know who possessed the softest. Didn't really have a concrete plan to ask them that question and, in the end, I just blurted it out. Well, it was dead silence for the longest moments; I was thinking I'd just fucked up the best thing to ever happen to me. It was my brown eyed angel who answered the question and I, freely admit, that woman totally stunned me."
The sudden smile that overtook the dark woman's visage was the perfect picture of awe and deep mourning. Buffy, thinking she knew where this was heading, blindly linked hand's with her red haired lover. That surprising touch caused Willow to, momentarily, to glance away from Alex and at the Slayer. The blonde merely shrugged as the Southerner picked up her narrative.
"They where both grinning, that's right grinning, at me as Amy said the word's that will haunt me long after my dying day.. She said and I quote: 'Get your butt over here, Darlin' and find out.' Never even hesitated, I was standing beside them long before the last word crossed the mouth I'd so dreamed about. I chose to kiss Mike before Amy because I was insanely curious to find out how utterly different his kissable lips would be in comparison to the bastard who'd ruined my life. I'm happy to report that I was not disappointed. His mouth was baby soft, in texture but I couldn't help but notice that he kept his hand's curled into fists at his sides. Then I moved over to the still grinning woman, assuming that a female's lips would have to be far softer than any males. Amy Kathleen Fuller proceeded to graphically show me that assuming anything was paramount to a fool's paradise. I was kneeling beside that woman, doing absolutely nothing because I wanted that moment to last for as long as possible. Amy remained propped up on her forearms, simply awaiting any movement on my part.
"Without thinking, I reached down to run the tips of my fingers over those far too soft looking lips. Amy groaned at my caress, I believe, surprising the both of us. I like to believe that my next rash actions would have never taken place, if only she'd been able to control herself. I truly only meant to brush my mouth across hers, but in that next instance she part her lips and I became utterly lost in our kiss. I was completely overwhelmed by the taste, texture and scent of Amy, everything else simply faded into the background. Of course, I'd dreamed about that moment for way too long but I'd never considered that the reality of actually kissing the only woman I'm ever going to love would cause pure arousal to run rampant throughout the entire length of my body. I, also, hadn't factored in that woman's own well spring of passion. Hell, it never once occurred to me that Amy would become so passionately moved by the feel of my mouth and tongue moving against her own, not when she had Mike."
Alex paused to compose herself, wholly unaware that dark, never ending hunger was reflecting out from her molten silver gaze. The sheer magnitude of that look left the red head feeling almost scorched as the dark one's eyes briefly held her own. Buffy Anne Summer's actually felt her heart stop as she came to the rather stunning conclusion that it was a damn Good thing Alex wasn't attracted to her or Will because she wasn't, at all, sure they'd be able to resist such need from the dark woman. The Southerner, never realizing what was going on inside the Wiccan and Slayer's heads, took a long moment before picking back up from where she'd so abruptly left off.
"A tiny part of me was thrilled by how easily I could excite that woman but, it caught me totally unawares when she began running her hand over my arm and fingers. I, damn well, knew what she was asking, Amy wanted my hand's on her body. Gotta say, that knowledge actually floored me! Never allowed myself the luxury of thinking that Amy Fuller would actually want me because, really, what would have been the point? I was torn between giving her what she so obviously wanted or just stepping away as quickly as possible. Took too long in my decision making because the next thing I remember was the feel of that intoxicating mouth was tracing it's way across my cheek and down to my neck. She did pause at my ear, to whisper the sexist damn word's that I'm ever going to hear. The unbelievable sound of that low, slightly husky voice caused my body to break out into a cold sweat.
"'Touch me, Alex,' was what Amy said, 'for God's sake touch me now!'
"Even after all these many years, I still sometimes awaken with that desire filled plea ringing inside my ears. Gave her what she wanted because I was ill prepared to fight against the raging need that was coursing along my every nerve endings. Amy had beautifully shaped breasts, they responded so bloody nicely to my touch. I was obviously doing something right because the next thing I felt was her sharp, white teeth sinking into the flesh of my left shoulder. The perverse pleasure from that tiny bit of pain caused my eyes to slam shut. I'd actually forgotten about Mike McDaniel, can ya'll believe that?!? When I felt the hard length of his body press flush against the back of me, it brought the golden haired man squarely into focus. God forgive me, I wanted them with everything that resided within me and, for one moment, I gave serious thought about just giving myself to them. Temptation went up a notch higher when I heard him say the sweetest words into my right ear.
"'Let us make love to you, Alex. We want you, baby, consider it our final gift to you.'
"I wish I could say that I spent the next couple of hours loving Amy and Mike but, I cannot. Unfortunately for me, it was at that particular point that my long forgotten morality decided to take control of my thought processes. The fact that they wanted me was never called into question; I was simply more than a little concerned about the long term effects of giving into their needs. Couldn't stop imagining what would happen to Mike and Amy if, one day in the near future, they'd feel guilt or shame in having me. Once that thought took root in my brain, I couldn't seem to get it out again. I bloody well refused to take That chance so, I dropped my hand's to my sides and simply went perfectly still. It nearly killed me to do that but my honorable action would be the greatest gift I could offer to Amy and Mike. It was, however, abundantly clear that I'd just confused the Hell outta my people as they slowly moved away from me. They never spoke a word and I was left battling back the overpowering urge to just launch myself back into their heated embraces. I just couldn't take the utter confusion staring back at me from their expressive eyes. I hated it, to be perfectly honest and I blurted out my reasoning for stopping them.
"I told them that they would never be able to comprehend the magnitude of all that they had given to me and that I would forever be grateful for everything they did for me. I also said that they where the first people I ever chose to give a damn about and I would never be able to stop loving them. But, and I stress this, I couldn't allow them to make love to me because it simply wasn't the right decision on their parts. Amy had sucked in her breath and then asked me what in the Hell was I talking about? That sent me walking over to where they were standing and I couldn't stop myself from reaching up to cup one of her flushed cheeks. I simply told them that, maybe not then but later, what if they where to feel guilt-regret or shame in having me? Confessed that I had no wish to become their dirty little secret because I'd much prefer being a nice memory. Mike shook his head and, point blank asked, did I base my decision on the fact that I really didn't want them?
"Well, I must say, that left me laughing hysterically. Once I calmed down, there was no damn way I was gonna leave them thinking anything along those lines. Forced myself to confess that I'd planned on coming to them on the eve of my 14th birthday but, obviously, that was never going to happen. I was then struck dumb with the need to explain exactly why they meant so much to me. Perhaps, its both a blessing and a curse that I've always been able to see the two sides to any situation. The way I figured it, there would be only 2 outcomes to spilling my guts to Amy and Mike. Option A was that while they'd be totally disgusted by what I had been put through they'd also come to the conclusion that I'd used them simply as a crutch against all those painful memories and, B, they'd still be horrified by the waste of my formative years and would still think I came to them for answers but, ultimately, know that I loved them simply for who they are. Can't really say which option they would have chosen because I've kept my secrets to this day around them. I can tell you that the mere thought of the first one repulsed me even more than remembering the Hell of the abuse. My little speech placated my people, they relaxed and went spent pleasant but sad afternoon together. That night, as I stared into my bathroom mirror, I couldn't stop calling myself the world's biggest fool. How, in the name that is all good, decent and right, did I. Not make love to them? I was perfectly right in my assessment, ya know, I don't believe their will ever come a day when some part of me doesn't yearn for Amy and Mike. But, ladies, once again I must digress. To know the whole story, you must hear about the worst day of my youth, in all its guts and glory."