Tonight and the Rest of My Life
by Casandra
Finale
[reviews]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy POV
I'm panicking, that's exactly why I'm down on my knees in front of my best friend, literally begging her not to leave me. And that's why I decided to lay all my chips down. I'm taking a huge chance here. Besides the fact that I'm coming off sounding beyond needy. But it's the God's honest truth. I don't know what I'd do without her here with me. Not now. I was so tempted last summer each and every day to call her, to hop on a plane for London to see her. Anything just to know that my Willow was still in that shell of a woman she had become. But I never once did. And I'm determined to never make that same mistake again.
Everything was going so well. I had parked myself in her lap somewhere around the same time the Faith look-alike started making out with her little girlfriend. I literally had to stop myself from purring like a cat when Willow started running her fingers through my blonde locks. It felt *that* good. So instead I just snuggled down, feeling truly content and safe in her arms. I didn't have a care in the world. Which for someone who spent her entire teen life trying to avert one earth ending crisis after another, it was a completely new feeling for me. As much as I cared for Angel, I never felt free, never felt completely at ease with him. After he lost his soul I always wondered afterward just how far his trigger was. Was it the peak of our lovemaking? Or was it before that? I was always walking a very fine line, because having a repeat performance of the second half of my junior year was certainly not on the top of my list of things to do in this lifetime.
But now everything has gone to hell again. So much for that feeling of security. I can't believe Willow would even think of leaving us to go to New York. For Kennedy. Oh, I definitely sound jealous. And I'm being completely unfair. I half heartedly tried to get Willow to leave back when we graduated high school. I thought the best thing for her would be to get away from me, away from the literal hell we lived above. And honestly, I was right. But I'm beyond that now, I'm beyond trying to fight against what my better judgment, my self sacrificing complex, has deprived me of all these years.
If I want her to stay here. With me. I'm going to have to fight for her.
And the only way I can do that is to tell her the truth. Give her all her options, let her make an accurate and informed decision. The one thing that scares me though, more than anything I can ever remember being frightened of before, is that she'll still go, knowing everything. But I'll probably lose her anyway if I don't speak up. So that's why I told her I couldn't live without her. Honestly? At this point in my life, when everything is finally starting to fall into place, where I might actually be able to live the rest of my life out in relative normality, I don't think I could survive without Willow here next to me. But that's not really a new thing. I've always needed her. First as a friend, then as my best friend and confidante, and then as a witch, casting one spell after another, doing her best even when she was worried about the consequences of her casts. And the funny thing is, now that things are as normal for me as they have been in the last 8 years, I think I need her more than ever.
I glance up at her again, taking in every feature of her gorgeous face. Her sparkling emerald green eyes, that are misting over with unshed tears. Her cute, finely boned nose. Her flawless porcelain skin, dotted with faint freckles here and there. And her pink, pouty lips that just have me begging to taste them. She still hasn't said anything, which is rather odd, given her tendency to run off at the mouth when she's nervous. And I think this would definitely qualify as that type of situation. Unless it's just me of course. She seems to be staring off at something over my shoulder, her gaze focused on the bureau across from her bed. What could be so fascinating that she'd rather be concentrating on that then her best friend's rather large revelation?
I turn around, finally getting too curious not to. She's looking at a photo of us! I stare a little more intently at it, trying to place just where it came from. We both look so young, Willow still has her really long hair. She hasn't worn it like that since we were in high school. Then it hits me, where I remember the picture from.
It's from the time Xander, Willow and I went roller skating. We were trying to cheer her up after the whole internet demon fiasco a couple months after I had moved to Sunnydale. I hadn't realized Willow couldn't skate, and by the time I was clued into the fact, both of us had ended up on the hard wooden floor. To be more accurate, I was on the floor, and Willow was sprawled across my lap, I guess even back then I knew I'd rather be hurt myself then ever see harm come to her. I don't know where Xander had been hiding the camera though, because before Slayer sense kicked back in, he had already snapped off the picture.
And somehow Willow has it. I don't know how long, because this is the first I've seen it. And I had been in her room back in Sunnydale more times than I can count. Plus we lived together for a whole year in a small confined dorm room. So whether she just got it from Xander now, or she was just too embarrassed to display it, I don't know. I can't imagine why she would be embarrassed though. Ever since I can remember I've kept pictures of her and Xander around me. On my nightstand, on my bulletin board. I even have a blown up one of the three of us hanging on my wall here in Cleveland. I was so glad that I kept one of the wallet sized with me at all times, otherwise it would have been sucked down into the hellmouth right along with everything else that we all owned. Which of course begs the question of how Willow still has the one she's transfixed by. She must have been doing the same thing I've been. Which warms my heart by leaps and bounds.
I turn back around to find her still gazing at the picture, a very small smile starting to edge its way onto her lips. Squeezing her hands gently, I try and get her to focus back on me. Back on the huge conversation I think we really need to have now. "How long have you had that?" When she finally meets my gaze I gesture with my head over to the picture.
She startles a bit, looking back and forth between my still kneeling form in front of her and her mahogany bureau. Finally she focuses back on me, a very subdued version of her infamous Resolve Face forming across her features. "About a week after it was taken I went with Xander to get his film developed. I don't think he even realized that one was missing."
"That long!?" Ok, I couldn't help it. The question came right out before I had a chance to censor myself. But my god, that's at least 6 years, probably more, if I really take the time to add the numbers in my head. Willow blushes a bit and looks down, to our entwined fingers, fiddling a bit with my ring. Our ring. Or that's at least how I see it, how I've always seen it. I wasn't lying when I told her that it made me feel connected to her, it did. She was the only one that remembered my birthday this past year. And it's not even the fact that she remembered that warms my heart. It's that she took the time to buy me a present, a gorgeous one at that, wrap it, and give it to me. When I was being an uber bitch to just about everybody. I would have deserved something more along the lines of road kill stuffed in a box and handed to me. But no, not my Willow. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love her more, she goes and does something like that. Always full of surprises, my red head is. Of course she's not exactly MY red head. Yet. I'm trying to correct that right here and now. "Will?"
"That long." She pauses a bit to look up and gauge my reaction. Did she think I'd be upset or something? "The day we went to fight The First I pulled it out of the photo album I kept it in and stuffed it into my back pocket. I honestly thought we were going to die. Actually, I thought *I* would die." She never told me that. She never once told me that she was *that* worried. Of course not that I made myself readily available for her to do so. "I knew that if I could manage to pull off the spell that I'd probably be dead. Either from the overload of magic, or from Kennedy having to kill me."
"What!!!??" Now wait just one damn minute here. Kennedy was going to kill her? Oh I knew I disliked that girl, but now I have a legitimate reason besides mad raving jealousy.
"Buffy, I asked her to....."
"What!!!??" Why in the hell would Willow ask her girlfriend to kill her?
She pulls one hand out of my grasp and gently cups my cheek, wiping away moisture in the process. Damn, I must have started to cry. But really, just the thought of Willow being hurt gets to me like nothing else ever has. "Buffy, I thought I'd go all big bad again. Doing a spell of that magnitude. And I didn't want to be a danger to you or anyone else. There was no way I was going to repeat my run for hell on earth." She never said she couldn't do it. She never once said anything about being afraid of letting go and giving herself over to the dark magic again. No, instead, she just did what I asked her. No hesitation except for a few nervous comments when I first suggested the idea. She went right to it, studying, making sure she had the spell completely memorized. And now, 6 months later, I find out I could have lost her, by my own doing. Yet again. "And I figured even if I didn't go Black Magic Mama all over again, that it would probably overload me anyway. So either way I was dead. And I just wanted to be close to you in that moment, in some way, even if it only was a picture." So she does understand. She had my picture, and I had her ring. So, does that mean what I think it means? Did we have the same reasons for cherishing those things? God I hope so!
"Stay here Willow. Don't go to New York. Stay here. With me." I made my sentences very short and precise, no misunderstandings allowed now.
"What you said before......." Her anxiety makes her trail off uncertainly.
"I meant every word I said. I don't want you to go. I rely on you too much Willow. You're my best friend, we've been together so long that I can't even remember what my life was like before I met you. And Will, I don't want to remember." I pause to catch my breath. I'm not used to wearing my heart on my sleeve like this, even with Willow. But surprisingly, the words are coming with relative ease. "I need you here with me. It's as simple as that. I need you." Ok, well I left out one very important fact. Sure, I need her. Like the air I breathe. But I love her too. That's what's behind the whole needing her factor. I hope she realizes that. But really, I should have said it.
"Ok."
Huh?
"Ok what?" Well lets just see if I have more to offer than that brat. I guess I'll soon find out.
"Ok, I'll stay here. I actually wasn't really going to............" I don't let her finish. Because I just don't care about the rest. She's staying! That's all I need to know right now! I jump out of my still kneeling position and tackle her into a massive hug, knocking her back onto her bed and burying my nose in her silken auburn tresses. She wraps her arms around me and tightens our collective hold. For endless moments I'm nestled into her warmth, my nose tucked tightly into the crook of her neck, inhaling that scent completely unique to Willow. It's intoxicating to say the least, and I fight against every urge I have not to just extend the tip of my tongue out and lightly caress the tender skin in front of me.
"Thank you." I mumble into her neck, where my entire face is still buried. I hear her giggle a bit, I must have ticklish breath or something. She runs her hands up and down my back in soothing circles, prolonging the contact between the two of us for as long as possible, I hope relishing it as much as I am.
"You know, I have a bit of a confession to make." Oh please let it be what I hope it is!
"What's that?" I finally manage to pull myself up into a sitting position again, not letting go of her hand though, I just need to be in physical contact with her right now. She just gave me the scare of a lifetime.
Willow fidgets a bit under my gaze, breaking it and finally settling her eyes on the tiniest piece of lint she could have found on her bed. "Well I wasn't really planning on going anyway. I was just curious how you would react." That little rat!
"So Kennedy's not going to New York then?"
She focuses back on me immediately. I guess I did sound a bit more harsh than I intended. "No! I mean Yes! Ugh, what I mean is, yes, Kennedy is moving. And no, it's not what you're thinking!" She *has* always been able to read me pretty well. "She DID ask me to go with her. But I told her no."
"You didn't even consider it?" Ok, so much for my self sacrificing complex not kicking in anymore. I mean why don't I just tell her to get the hell out of my life, it'd have the same effect. God, what is wrong with me!?
Willow rolls her eyes a bit and smiles. That cute Willow smile that seems to be reserved especially for me. "Of course not! Why would I go to New York when you're here?" The smile has slipped into something more shy, more nervous. Something reminiscent of when I first met her.
I reach up and gently brush back a stray strand of delicate red hair and tuck it behind her cute little ear. "Will, you can't live your life based on where my crazy mood takes all of us. You have to live it the way you want to." Say hello to Miss Dumbass. Ugh.
"But Buffy, don't you get it? You ARE my life!" Um, what? I know I must be hearing things. I mean, she did not just say that. "I stayed in Sunnydale to help you. I could have gone anywhere in the world, but I didn't." She takes a deep breath, preparing herself for something. What it is I don't know. I mean I have high hopes for sure, but still. "I lied." I look up sharply at that. Willow is NOT a liar, I don't think I've caught her in even one small lie that I can remember. "That day out under the tree. I told you that I wasn't staying because of you, that it wasn't about you. I lied."
"Will........" I'm getting choked up. And so is she. I can't stand to see Willow cry. And she always takes me right along with her. This time is certainly no different. Her gorgeous eyes shimmering with silver teardrops, just moments away from cascading down her porcelain cheeks. I can't take it anymore, I just have to reach up, do anything to comfort her. Just before my palm makes contact with her cheek the first tear escapes, leaving a wet salty trail in it's wake.
She leans into my hand, closing her eyes briefly, just savoring the contact I suppose. "Buffy, I need to be with you. It's just that simple." I know how she feels. It really IS just that simple. We need to be together. We need each other. "I love you." I barely heard it, her voice was but a mere whisper. But I DID hear it. And that makes my tears release from their confines as well. We're staring into each other's eyes. No. We're looking into each other's souls. I can see right down into the very essence of who Willow is. The love she has within her is enough to take my breath away. But when I realize that it's almost entirely directed at me, well, words fail me. The revelation of knowing that the person you love, love beyond measure, beyond reason, beyond anything else in this universe and any other. Knowing that they love you back the exact same way? It's the most unbelievable thing I could ever possibly imagine. And then some. To infinity and then some.
I lean in, not caring that my face is damp with my own tears, just focusing solely on those luscious pink lips not inches away from my own. "I love you too." I seal my pledge by closing the remaining distance between us and joining our lips together in the most sensual, passionate, wonderful, mind blowing kiss I've ever participated in. I feel like I'm about to climax right here and now. And we're just kissing. Not even with tongues! I'm sitting here, on Willow's bed, my arms wrapped firmly around her waist, her hands cupping both my cheeks, and I'm about to reach my release. She's that amazing.
Wow. Just wow.
Unfortunately, even with Slayer special powers, I'm losing my breath all too quickly in our embrace. And if I'm this breathless, I know Willow's probably close to suffocating. With extreme reluctance I break our kiss, running the tip of my tongue over Willow's now slightly swollen lips, trying to prolong our contact for as long as I possibly can. I rest my forehead against hers, trying to drag in some much needed air, but doing my damndest to keep eye contact with her. It's funny, I don't even think of pulling away and apologizing for making the first move. Because I know she wanted it just as much as I did. I didn't force her, I didn't initiate anything that she didn't want. And knowing that leaves me feeling so very content. One of the few times in my life, and interestingly enough, every time I've felt that way, it's always been because of Willow.
"Well, we've never done that before." Willow giggles a bit, shifting against me to lay her head down on my shoulder.
"Nope, that was new." I turn my head and place a delicate kiss against the top of her auburn head. "But I'm certainly not complaining."
"Nope, neither am I. New is good. Well of course not all new, but this new is good. Very very good." Oh, I love it when she babbles, it's just the most adorable thing in the world.
I pull her down into a reclining position on her bed, nestling her into my side, with her head still buried into the crook between my neck and shoulder. She huddles down a bit, making herself more comfy, and giving me even more to sigh contentedly about. I find myself startled out of the peaceful trance that I had slipped into with Willow nestled in my arms by the feel of soft gentle lips touching the pulse point right below my ear. "So what now?"
Now? Well I can think of a couple things I'd like to do. But something tells me she's talking in the long run sense, not in the horny Slayer sense. But that's ok, because thinking about the future is actually a luxury I have now. And there's no one on this earth I'd rather spend it with than the woman in my arms. "Now we live happily ever after Will. Just like it was always meant to be."
~~~~~~
-Epilogue-
Little did she know that it IS supposed to be like this. In fact, it shouldn't have taken this long. But sometimes The Powers don't get their timing right and everything goes to hell. Even when yours truly uses his matchmaking skills to move things along. There was a reason Miss Rosenberg never noticed that small little jewelry store before. I was actually quite worried that she would sense the glamour I had erected. But I think she was so entranced by the ring that she didn't stop and let her senses kick in. Lucky for me.
The original plan was supposed to work right away though. We knew that the Slayer's birthday was coming up, so it was the perfect plant. What we didn't count on was both of their stubborn wills getting in the way of what they both knew would be utter happiness. Gotta let those mortals have their free will, but it always makes things even more complicated for the rest of us. When I was given this assignment I didn't know what I was in for, what I was about to experience. And even for a coldhearted half demon such as myself, who's life for centuries has revolved around keeping the precious balance between heaven and hell, even I thawed a bit watching and waiting for them to finally figure it all out. The connection those two have is the strongest thing I've ever been a witness to.
Centuries upon centuries, they've come and gone, never getting it just right. The way it needed to be to finally cement the scales of Good and Evil in their place. I'm glad I read up on my history about the Slayer and her Sorceress. In this life at least, Slayer and Sorceress. It's never been quite the same situation twice, in dozens of lifetimes before. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on these two. A love blessed by Aphrodite herself two millennia ago. I've lost track of just how many times they've come so close to finally sealing their pledge for eternity, but something always stopped them. A warrior and a bard, fighting the good fight. Getting the blessing of more than just Aphrodite in the ancient Greek pantheon of gods. An emperess and a playwright, torn apart by the jealousy and greed of a Roman emperor. The heart of the Egyptian people and her heroic Roman lover, conquered not by love, but by the outside world coming down upon them. France's first couple, one driven mad by the loss of the other, doomed to spend the rest of his life in exile. Two lost souls, who found each other, only to have an even greater passion that ultimately led them to their own self destruction, going out in a blaze of misguided glory.
So I found out that history has known Buffy and Willow for centuries, just as they've known each other. In different lifetimes, in different bodies. But always their souls, destined only for one another. And now, after all this waiting the time has come for them to finally make it eternal, to stop the never ending cycles of pain and loss. That is, if I do my job right. In a few months the dear Slayer will come across the matching ring to hers. Courtesy of another little glamour of mine, one that I hope is just as hidden, this time by Willow's blissful euphoria of coupledom with her Slayer. I can see them running off to Las Vegas, or traveling over to the UK to give that father of theirs the news in person. And by that time all the elements will be in place. No stupid laws telling them otherwise. Supportive friends and family. And The Powers That Be at their back. And for the first time in 2 thousand years, things will be as perfect as they can ever be.
And I just know I won't get any credit for it.
Finis.