My Salvation
by Bwriter
Part ten
[reviews]
(AN: lyrics by Christina Aguilera)
Part ten
Nearly two weeks had passed since Buffy had been kidnapped, freed, hospitalised, had found out her father was dead and let out of hospital.
Willow and Giles were worried. Buffy had been acting as if nothing had happened and they feared that she wasn't dealing as well as she wanted people to believe.
Living in the same house with her Giles was privy to information the others didn't know. Buffy was having nightmares. Very loud ones.
He would wake up and hear her screaming. Sometimes it was "No" but most of the time it was "Please don't" He was at a loss about what to do to help. So he told Willow what he knew and what he suspected.
She informed him that when it was just the two of them Buffy was quiet. It was like she retreated into herself when the crowds disappeared.
Buffy looked up as Giles entered the kitchen. Lowering her head so he wouldn't see her tears she passed him the tea she had made before finding an excuse to go to her room.
She didn't want them to know that she wasn't dealing well with what had happened. She had nightmares nearly every night, which she was sure Giles heard, but thankfully he never spoke of. In some the scene played out as it did that night, but in others it changed. It some Buffy stalled a little to long and Hank killed Willow, and in others the cops never arrived and he raped her repeatedly before leaving her there lying in pools of her own blood.
Lying on her bed she tried to figure out a way to make the dreams stop. She was afraid to even go to sleep and the camomile tea and herb drinks she had tried so far weren't helping even a little.
She had a problem, she knew, but she didn't want to talk about it, not to anyone.
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Willow arrived to collect Buffy. They were spending the day at the beach along with the rest of the gang. Saying hey to Giles she smiled when he shouted for Buffy to hurry up. Looking at him she saw the worry lines gracing his brow.
"She's still having the dreams huh?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so." Giles looked tired and worn so Willow decided to suggest something that she wasn't sure he would like, what with Buffy and her dating.
"How about Buffy stays at mine tonight? You can get some rest and if she has a bad dream I'll try to get her to talk about it rather than letting her stew over them in silence."
Giles looked to Willow not knowing what to say. On the one hand they were dating but he hoped that neither Buffy nor Willow were ready for that kind of involvement.
"Ask her and see how she feels about it, if she agrees then its fine with me." Willow gave Giles a loose hug just as Buffy entered the room.
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Buffy was looking forward to spending a day at the beach. There would be sun, sea and sand, which would take her mind off other things. Plus she got to send the whole day with her friends and her girlfriend.
Jumping into Willow's convertible, she started fiddling with the radio hoping to get a good station. Settling on one she relaxed back against the soft leather and closed her eyes only to open them when she felt Willow's lips on her own before closing them again to savour the kiss.
Opening her mouth for her girlfriend she sucked on her tongue while wrapping her hand in Willow's hair. As they kissed, everything fell away for Buffy until the only think that existed was Willow. She needed this. When she was kissing Willow it was like she was erasing what had happened. With Willow she felt clean.
Hearing a moan coming from Willow Buffy knew she should really stop but she didn't want to. Pulling Willow as close as she could she intensified the kiss. She sucked, nibbled, caressed and searched her mouth as if she had never kissed her before. Her free hand was no longer free as Willow grabbed it within her own and was stroking the soft skin she found there. Buffy felt like she was on fire. The barking of a dog pulled them both out of the trance like state they were in and they smiled at each other while regaining their seating positions for the journey.
Once again resting against the seat Buffy listened to the radio and tried to get her body under control after the kiss she and Willow had just shared.
"Coming up now is Christina Aguilera with I'm okay which was requested by Mandy"
"Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home"
N"ever know just where to turn for shelter from the storm
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon"
Willow reached over to change the station but Buffy caught her hand bringing it up to her mouth and placing a small kiss on the palm whispering, "Don't"
Buffy lay her head back and closed her eyes letting the words wash over her, feeling emotions that she had tried to keep buried but were being opened like a can due to the words being sang.
"Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm OK"
Buffy knew that she wasn't okay but she desperately wanted and needed to be.
"I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all
These walls I've built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming "please no more" "
By this point Buffy had silent tears running down her face thinking of all the times in the past when that very thing happened to her.
"Daddy don't you understand the damage
You have done
To you it's just a memory, but for me it
Still lives on"
"Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday"
"It's not easy to forget
All the lines you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And every day I'm afraid to come home
In fear of what I might see there"
"Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm okay
I'm okay"
The song finished and Willow stopped the car. Unhooking her seatbelt she climbed across the car and took the sobbing Buffy into her arms whispering words of love and trying to soothe her cries of pain and remembrance.