Choose
by sailor80
Five
[reviews]
Buffy threw clothes into her suitcases. She took the photos from her dresser and tucked them into the interior pocket of the larger case. She put them in the hallway, went back to her room and got her favorite leather jacket, put it over them. She went to Willow's room. Willow was dozing twitchily. Buffy sat beside her and took her hand. She leaned over kissed Willow's cheek.
The redhead's eyes flew open, bounced shut. "Hey," she said sleepily.
"Hey," Buffy answered, kissed her cheek again. "Anything you want me to pack besides your laptop?"
"No."
"All right, I'll just get some clothes." Buffy started to get up, but Willow held tight to her hand. Buffy smiled and sat still.
"I need to tell Tara about us before we leave."
Buffy nodded. "We'll find a few minutes."
"What did Giles say to get you into action Buffy mode?" When Buffy didn't answer or meet her eyes, Willow asked again, "What did he say?"
"He said you could die," Buffy whispered, then leaned down to rest her head on the pillow beside Willow's. "You can't die, Willow. I need you."
"No on dying. Check." Willow wrapped her arms around Buffy.
"Don't you forget it, either." Buffy kissed Willow's cheek, pulled back. "Tara's back. I'll ask her to come up."
Willow sat up. She tried to smooth her hair.
"W-willow?"
"Hey." She gestured at the foot of the bed, waited until Tara sat. "You can say I told you so. I didn't know, not consciously, cause I was so crazy about you. I still am, but I'm not yours any more."
"You n-nnever w-w-w-were mine, W-will. I w-was always yours." Tara wondered where Willow was going with her babble. She always had a point.
"See? I told you so. And I wish, so much, that you were still mine, but you can't be. I made sure of that, didn't I? I'm so sorry, Tara. I never stopped to think about what I was doing or I never would have. And then I did the only thing that was sure to make you leave like everybody else. Stupid. And now it's better and worse and I'm really hoping for happy endings all around. Cause you deserve one. You're the nicest person I have ever met."
"Um, thanks, and everyth-thing, but Buffy said w-we're k-kinda on a deadline."
"Oh, right. Anyway, oh hell." Willow looked Tara in the eye for the first time. "Buffy and I, we're together."
"Good. You should b-be. You guys have d-d-destiny with a capital d written all over you." Tara stood up. Later, they could, no, would talk about it. Right now, it was still too fresh, that they were really, really finished with that part of their lives. "Did Buffy pack anything for you yet?"
"No, she was gonna and then you came."
"I'll pack you some clothes. You get dressed and pack up your laptop."
Willow moved slowly, but did as Tara instructed. When Tara took Willow's suitcase of clothes to join the others in the hall, Buffy was there. They looked at each other for a moment, and Tara told her, "We're good."
Buffy nodded.
"Don't hurt her, okay?"
"No. I, I didn't, you." Buffy stopped, started over. "I won't. I meant everything I said. You're family."
"Thank you."
"No, thank you. You kept them all together. You took care of my girls when I couldn't. You took care of me. Now just let us, let me, okay?"
Tara nodded slowly. She eased past Buffy and carried Willow's bag down the stairs. Buffy let her go, went to the room. Willow was peering into her computer bag.
"You ready?" Buffy asked.
"I think so."
"You warm enough?"
"No, I was gonna get a jacket."
Buffy went to the armoire, opened it, pulled out a hooded sweatshirt. She knew it would hang on Willow, but it should help keep her warm. She helped Willow into it and asked one more time, "You ready?"
"Yeah." Willow fastened the tabs on her bag.
"Good." Buffy picked up the bag. "Lean on me."
"I can walk," Willow told her indignantly.
"Uh huh. Lean or be carried."
"Oooh, you're goin' all cave Buffy again."
Buffy blushed but refused to back down. "If I have to."
"All right," Willow acquiesced. She slid her arm around Buffy's waist. They got to the top of the stairs, and Willow stopped. She looked at Buffy.
"Piggyback," Buffy told her. She carried Willow down the stairs and to the sofa. "Stay here a minute, okay? I'll be right back."
She took the last two bags and Willow's computer case out to the Jeep, where Dawn and Tara were stowing the other bags. She left those three and went back into the house. She checked the back door and set the front door lock. She scooped up her keys, but left the door open. Then she went to the couch. "One more little walk."
Willow nodded and let Buffy pull her to her feet. Buffy pulled a little more, so Willow came close to her, and they held each other for a long moment. Buffy lifted Willow's thighs and carried her out of the house, and Willow let her. She rested her head against Buffy's shoulder and closed her eyes. Buffy sat Willow in the back seat. She sent Dawn back to close the door and handed Tara the keys. She fastened Willow's seatbelt, then went around and climbed in the backseat beside her. Willow leaned against her and rested her hand on Buffy's thigh. Buffy covered Willow's hand with her own.
No one spoke during the drive to the airport. Willow was asleep when they got there, so Buffy left Dawn and Tara in the car with her while she found out where they should go. When Buffy went back out with directions, Xander was parked behind the Jeep. She waved and got back into the Jeep. Buffy gave Tara directions that took them directly to a private hangar. They parked outside it, and there were people around the car as soon as they got out. They handed the luggage off, and Buffy carried Willow again.
The plane taxied down the runway at 3 pm. Willow slept in a window seat, with Buffy beside her. Tara sat across the aisle from Buffy, with Dawn in the window seat beside her. Xander and Anya sat in front of Tara and Dawn. Everyone but Tara and Buffy soon were napping. Tara watched Buffy when she could. The Slayer was so gentle with Willow. She touched her constantly, and when Willow became restless, Buffy would stroke her cheek and speak quietly. She recognized the action. She and Willow had done that for each other many times.
It was right, she thought, that Buffy and Willow were together. Tara had speculated once or twice that she would lose Willow to Buffy, but Willow was steadfastly attached to Tara until the same magick that brought them together forced Tara to push herself away. Buffy had been so confused after her resurrection, trying to feel instead of actually feeling. That had led her to Spike, and Tara was glad he was not here with them. She was glad, too, that she had realized there was more going on than Buffy admitted that night.
Buffy looked up to find Tara watching them. "Hey."
Tara pulled out of her reverie. "Hey. How is she?"
Buffy grimaced. "Restless. I was hoping getting away from the Hellmouth would help."
"It takes a wh-while to wear off."
"Thank you." Buffy nodded toward Dawn. "I couldn't do this without you."
"You could. B-b-b-but you don't have to."
Willow whimpered and Buffy turned back to her. She kissed above Willow's ear, crooned, "It's okay, you're safe, I've got you." Willow's hand tightened around Buffy's fingers, and Buffy did it again.
Willow screamed and her eyes shot open. She pushed at Buffy and couldn't be comforted. One of the Council's team came to them. "We have tranquilizers," he offered.
"No, thanks." Buffy answered tersely. She released Willow's seatbelt, pulled her stiff, spasming form into her lap. She rocked her while everyone but Tara watched with wide eyes. Only Willow could hear what she was saying though. Buffy repeated, "I love you, Willow. You're safe. I've got you,"
It took a few long minutes for it to pass, for Willow to lie bonelessly against Buffy. Buffy drew her closer and closed her eyes. She was exhausted and she feared it was too late to save Willow, like she had been too late to save Jesse, and Jenny, and all the others. They haunted her. Buffy didn't want Willow to haunt her, too. She wanted her bright and alive and beside her. Buffy needed her family, but mostly she needed Willow. She closed her eyes and remembered the night she first realized it.
~She was numb. Sitting in the dark and afraid of it for the first time ever. Her mommy was gone and monsters were real and she was alone. She heard the front door click open, and shut, and she waited in the dark for whatever monster it was to come and kill her. Except it wasn't a monster. It was Willow. Who for once said nothing. She stood beside the chair and pulled Buffy against her and held her while Buffy fell apart. It took a long time for Buffy to cry herself out. When she did, Willow moved them to the bed and Buffy rested against Willow's chest, listening to the steady thump-thumpthump of her heartbeat.~
Tara draped a blanket over them and put a second one on the empty seat. Dawn was still looking at them with wide eyes when Tara sat down. She turned her gaze to Tara, who looked serene. Willow looked like she always did asleep. Buffy's fierce concentration softened, but she remained focused on Willow. Her lips rested on Willow's forehead. Beneath the blanket, she slipped her warm hands under Willow's shirts to rest against her cool skin. They both sighed at the contact, and Willow's lingering discomfort slipped away. 'I can do this,' Buffy thought, relishing the feel of Willow's smooth skin under her fingertips. 'We will do this,' she promised herself, 'and then...'
That thought stopped Buffy. She couldn't remember the last time she thought of the future, any future beyond her next breath. For so long, there was just Now. Act or react. And Don't Die. That was important. More important now. Because ~Willow~ loved her and she loved Willow and they had a lot of things to do together that didn't involve dying. Many of them were exactly this: Willow's skin under her fingers and lips, inhaling Willow's scent with each breath.
Dawn saw the small smile that slipped onto Buffy's face, and things clicked into place. She wasn't sure what to feel. Buffy looked happy, for the first time she could remember. And it was Willow. But Tara had been crying, although she wasn't now. She looked kind of pleased. Tara would explain it to her, maybe. "Tara?"
"Hmm?"
"What's the deal?" Dawn nodded toward her sister.
"You should ask Buffy."
"Aren't you and Willow ever going to get back together?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Are you sad?"
"Yeah, some."
"I'm glad you came." Dawn lowered her voice. "Maybe they'll stake Spike before we get back."
Tara smiled grimly. "Maybe."
Dawn unfastened her seatbelt. She stood, bent over, and moved past Tara to the aisle, where she stretched. She walked up and down the aisle a few times, then slid past Buffy into Willow's vacant seat. "Buffy?"
"Hmmm? Oh, hey, Dawn." Buffy moved so she could see her sister.
"She okay?"
"Yeah." Buffy shifted a little, pulling Willow closer. "There's a lot going on, you know?"
"Yeah," Dawn answered. "Are you happy?"
"More like content." Buffy paused. "I'll be happy when she's better." She turned to press her lips to Willow's head. "You okay with this?"
"I will be. Just need to get used to it. And me and Willow need to have a talk."
"As soon as she's better."
Dawn nodded. "We're keeping Tara, right?"
"Absolutely. You heard Wills. She's essential."
Willow started trembling. Buffy turned her complete attention back to the redhead. "Shh, Wills, I got you. You're safe. I love you." She repeated her litany during the long seconds it took for the redhead to settle back against her.
Dawn watched. She could see and feel Buffy's affection for Willow. It was obvious Buffy had told her the truth, Willow was sick. And if Willow was sick, she hadn't hurt Dawn on purpose. Dawn felt the anger she had been holding slip away. She tucked the blanket around Willow's back, then stood and went back to her seat. Tara's eyes stayed closed as Dawn stepped over her, and Dawn laid her head against the seat and closed her eyes.
Everyone around her was asleep when Willow woke. She tried to stay still. She knew Buffy was exhausted, and she didn't want to wake her. But when she pulled her head away from the Slayer's shoulder, her hazel eyes opened. "Will?"
"I need to move," Willow whispered to her.
"Okay." Buffy pushed the blanket off them. Her hands went to Willow's waist, steadying her as she stood in aisle. "Hold on to the seat and I'll stand up."
Buffy was on her feet and behind Willow before the witch registered her movement. They walked to the back of the cabin. At the next to the last seat, Willow stopped. She leaned against the seat. Buffy slipped into it and pulled Willow into her lap. They were a dozen rows from their friends. "You okay?" Buffy asked.
Willow nodded. "Tired."
"I know." Buffy cupped her face.
Willow turned her lips into Buffy's palm. After her caress, Buffy's hand drifted behind her head, pulled Willow closer. They kissed slowly. For those seconds, all of the noise in Willow's head stopped. When their lips separated, Willow said hoarsely, "I love you so much."
"I love you," Buffy answered, pressed her mouth against Willow's again. Kissing her was enough for now. One day there would be more. Her brain threw up a picture of Willow naked and sweaty and Buffy moaned and pulled Willow closer before she chased it away. They kissed until they were both breathless, then rested forehead to forehead. Buffy's fingers continued to move against Willow's skull, massaging gently. Willow's hands rested on Buffy's collarbone.
"I'm sorry," Willow said softly.
"No more sorries, Wills. You aren't hurting me. Am I hurting you?" Her fingers moved slowly down Willow's neck, massaging gently.
"No." Willows eyes drifted shut for a moment.
"I'm trying to help. Am I helping?"
"Yes."
"Good." Buffy moved in and kissed Willow's cheek. She moved her lips slowly, trying to kiss each freckle. "I love you," Buffy repeated.
"Thank you," Willow answered. She focused on Buffy. "Thank you for helping me."
"My pleasure."
"What's gonna happen?"
"I don't know. Giles said we'll be safe, and they'll help you get better."
"I'm safe right here." Willow dropped a light kiss on Buffy's mouth.
"Me, too."
"There's so much."
"Get better first, Will. Then we can make plans." One hand came forward to rest against Willow's face.
"You want to make plans?"
"With you."
"Really?" Willow was stunned. Buffy had never made any plans for the future, except to make a will and guardianship arrangements for Dawn after their mother's death.
"Really."
Willow smiled the first real smile Buffy had seen from her in months, and Buffy smiled back. The wall that had been between them for so long was gone. Buffy inhaled deeply, and pulled Willow's face toward her own. Still smiling, they kissed, then broke into giggles.
The sound drifted toward their sleeping friends. Hearing it, Xander smiled. They were young, and they had won again. Sex hadn't confused everything between them yet, and he felt best when he made them laugh. Anya frowned for a moment before she placed the noise and realized it had nothing to do with her. She returned to her dream.
Dawn leaned against Tara and sighed. They were always together, her sister and her sister's best friend. Who was way nicer to her than her own sister. They would giggle most of the night, and Dawn knew there would be no screaming to wake her. Buffy never had nightmares when Willow stayed over. She shifted again, folding her long frame into the seat and as much against Tara as possible.
Tara frowned a little. She had never heard them like this. Although she knew it was right, she didn't want it to be. Her bruised heart wanted to be jealous and angry, but it couldn't. She was loved, unconditionally, by everyone around her. Any one of them would die for her. They had all fought for her, then with her. And there was someone out there for her. Who would love her and whom she would love.
*****
In the cargo hold, Spike cursed softly. He was so cold he couldn't feel his fingers, and so couldn't find his lighter, much less light a cigarette. He hunkered down against the bulkhead and continued to swear.