Choose
by sailor80
Four
[reviews]
Buffy was gone when Willow woke. Willow wrapped herself in her robe and headed for the shower. She met Tara in the hall. Tara was dressed.
"Are you f-feeling better?"
"A little." Willow couldn't meet Tara's eyes. She bit her lip.
"I'm glad."
"Um, I'm gonna take a shower."
"A-a-are you hungry?"
"No, thanks." Willow carefully passed Tara.
After her shower, Willow slowly dressed, then straightened up the room. Her efforts exhausted her. She sat in the armchair and closed her eyes. There was a knock at the door. Willow looked up to see Tara.
"C-can w-w-we t-t-talk?"
"Ok."
Tara crossed the room and sat on the trunk at the foot of the bed. She gathered her thoughts without looking at Willow.
Before she could speak, Willow told her, "I haven't cast."
"I know. That's not g-good."
"Huh?"
"You're a w-witch, W-will. N-not doing magick w-will make you sicker than doing d-d-dark magick."
"What am I supposed to do?"
Tara got up and crossed to the bookcase. She selected a volume and offered it to Willow. Willow accepted it and set it in her lap with a soft, "Thanks."
"I'm sorry I c-c-can't help you with it."
Willow looked directly at Tara for the first time. "Don't apologize to me, Tara. You don't have anything to be sorry about."
"I could have," Tara started
"Don't." Willow cut her off. "I messed it up." She held Tara's gaze. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I broke us up."
"Me, too," Tara said sadly.
"When you're ready, I want us to be friends."
Tara gave her a small smile. "We're friends, W-willow."
Willow smiled back. "Thank you."
The ensuing silence wasn't as awkward, but it drove Tara toward the door. "Buffy will be back in a few hours. If you need anything before th-then, call me."
"Thank you."
"You're w-welcome."
"Tara." Willow stopped her. "Are we over?" she asked when Tara turned toward her.
Tara closed her eyes and drew a deep, ragged breath. "I, um, I th-th-, oh, uh."
"Not that I blame you, you deserve somebody better for you than me. I'm really sorry for what I did. I never, ever set out to hurt you."
Tara nodded. She reached out and moved toward the door, paused when she touched it. She didn't trust her voice or her knees. Willow was so much of the past two years. There had been so much good, undone by a collection of moments of indifference and one willful act. But she knew that she could not offer her heart unreservedly to Willow again, and Tara pulled herself into the hallway, away from what she had once needed like oxygen. She knew this would be over some day, that it wouldn't hurt to breathe, that every thought wouldn't burn through her like a needle. But right now, all she could do was drop her gaze to the floor and back away.
Willow, exhausted again, laid her head against the back of the chair. Her eyes were glued to the point she last saw Tara, and for one final aching moment she believed Tara would return. Then Willow closed her eyes and let the tears drip. She drifted off and that was where Buffy found her when she limped in early at 2:30.
Dawn and Tara were sleeping together in Buffy's bed. It was obvious to Buffy that Tara had been crying. She sighed and backed out of the room without getting her clothes. Buffy's anxiety level rose when she found Willow had also been crying. She leaned on the arm of the chair, relieving her twisted ankle and knee. She stroked Willow's hair and listened to her breathe. "Wills, you wanna move to bed?" Buffy kissed around Willow's ear.
Willow hummed, and Buffy saw the beginning of a smile.
"I can't carry you tonight."
Willow's eyes opened immediately. "What happened? Where are you hurt? Do you need stitches?" Her hands reached for Buffy.
"No, no, I just landed funny and twisted my ankle. I'm ok." Buffy caught Willow's face in both hands and held her gaze. "Honest," she promised. "I didn't want to take any unnecessary risks." She leaned down and kissed Willow lightly.
Willow's fingers skated over Buffy. Satisfied when she found nothing, Willow exhaled.
"You ok?" Buffy asked.
"Now."
It took a moment but Buffy smiled. "Charmer."
Willow blushed.
Buffy let it pass with an affectionate smile. "Why aren't you in bed?"
"You propositioning me?"
It was Buffy's turn to blush. "Sleeping."
"Uh huh."
"So why are you up? Everything ok?" Buffy persisted.
"Tara and I talked." Willow's voice was barely above a whisper.
"Are you ok?"
"I don't know."
Buffy leaned around Willow. Willow pushed over and Buffy slid down into the chair beside her. It was a tight fit, so Buffy maneuvered Willow onto her lap. She felt Willow's ribs under her palm and frowned. "What happened?"
"Nothing. I mean, we talked. It was so hard." Willow's voice dropped. "She won't touch me. She barely looks at me and her stutter is as bad as when we met and it's all my fault. It wasn't supposed to hurt her. I wasn't supposed to hurt her, I was trying to help, and I'm afraid I'll hurt you and then what..."
"No, shh," Buffy gathered Willow to her. "Tara knows it wasn't malicious."
"But what if."
Buffy laid two fingers against Willow's lips. "No."
"But..."
Buffy repeated, "No." She kissed the first place her lips touched. "You won't. You haven't ever."
Willow stilled against her. So much was happening and she wasn't able to sort it all out quickly enough. But she was safe. Buffy held her and it was the safest place Willow had ever been. She drew her first complete breath of the day. Her heart ached from the realization that Tara was gone from her life in a way Willow had never foreseen, but each second that Buffy held her it healed a little. She would have to tell Tara, this, too, that Tara had been right in the fight they had, the one that had begun everything going so terribly wrong. ~But Tara left me.~
Buffy stroked Willow's head. Her hair was so soft. Her shampoo was apples, and her soap was lavender, and Willow herself was spicy. It was all she had ever needed, and she was done denying it. She slid the hand at the redhead's waist under her shirt and felt vertebrae. She frowned. "Did you eat anything today?"
"Um, I don't remember."
"You need to eat, Wills."
"I'll try at breakfast. Promise."
Buffy frowned again, but decided to let it pass. Her hand spiraled against Willow's smooth skin, and Willow relaxed against her when Buffy didn't push her to eat. "Ready for bed?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah," Willow said, but didn't move.
"No door to door service tonight. Injured Slayer, remember?"
Willow pushed herself off Buffy. She stood and offered her hand, but Buffy used the arms of the chair to push herself up. She stripped down to her underwear and t-shirt, limped past Willow to the bed, sat. She swung her legs into bed and rolled to the other side. Willow climbed in behind her.
The phone woke them several hours later. Willow rolled over and answered it, more from habit than any desire to speak with anyone.
Giles recognized her sleepy voice. "Willow, how are you, dear?"
"Been better."
"You will be again," he promised.
"You're not mad?"
"I am, but we'll discuss that later."
"I really screwed up, Giles."
"You did," he agreed. "And we'll fix it and move on." When Willow didn't answer, he asked, "Is Buffy there?"
"Just a minute." She laid the receiver on her pillow and turned to Buffy. She pushed blonde hair off her face and leaned down. "Buffy, Giles is on the phone."
"'Kay." Buffy held out her hand, and Willow put the receiver in it. "Giles."
"Buffy."
"What'cha got?"
"She needs to come here."
"Unh unh."
"I can't find any other way."
"No."
"You and Dawn can bring her. The Council will send a team to cover the Hellmouth."
"You called the Council?" Buffy sat up. "Are you insane?"
"Listen to me." Giles put on his sternest voice. "She will die. It will kill her. You bring her here, the coven can help her purge herself. You can train. Dawn will be tutored."
"You've done it all ready."
"You asked me to."
"No, I asked you for options."
"There aren't any. I swear to you, you are safe. She will be safe. Dawn will be safe."
"Giles," Buffy started, but he cut her off.
"You know I wouldn't do this if there were another way."
Buffy sighed. "When?"
"There is a chartered plane at the airport. It will be ready when you arrive."
"You mean like now?"
"Yes, now. Please don't delay."
"What about the others?"
"If they want to come, they may. I'll meet you at the airport."
Buffy sighed. "I'm trusting you on this, Giles."
"You have my word, Buffy." He knew she was nodding at him.
"See you," Buffy said, and handed the receiver to Willow. She put it in the cradle.
When Buffy didn't speak, Willow asked, "What?"
"We're going to England."
"Huh?"
"All of us. Giles set everything up. He says only the coven there can help you."
"Again, huh?"
"Emergency Scooby meeting. I'll explain while they're coming." She leaned across Willow and got the phone. She called Xander on his cell, and set him on the task of gathering the others. Then she turned back to Willow. She repeated most of her conversation with Giles to the redhead.
Willow sat wide-eyed. When Buffy finished, she said, "I can't disrupt everyone's lives like that."
"You're going, and I'm coming with you. I'd feel better with everyone with us than worrying about what the Council goons are doing to them here."
"Buffy," Willow began.
"I don't like it, either, Wills. But I cannot lose you." Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, opened them. Her hand reached for Willow's. "I love you," she said hoarsely, "and I will do whatever it takes to make you well."
"Thank you," Willow answered softly. She moved closer and put her arms around Buffy. Buffy rested in her embrace for a few moments. Willow gave up trying to order her thoughts. It was too much. All she could do was trust Buffy to do what had to be done.
Buffy pulled back. "They'll be here soon. I should get dressed."
"'Kay." Willow let her go, and Buffy let the bed, then the room.
She returned less than 15 minutes later, dressed and carrying a tray. Milk, juice, toast, a small bowl of fruit cocktail, a carton of peach yogurt. She pushed things aside to make space on the bedside table and set the tray down. Willow looked at it, then at Buffy.
"You promised you'd try breakfast," Buffy reminded her.
Willow bit the inside of her bottom lip and nodded. She reached for the juice, pulled back when her hand shook too much to settle around the glass. Buffy picked it up and held it for her. Willow wouldn't look at her, but she took a few sips from the glass. Buffy set it aside. "Toast or fruit?"
"Fruit."
Buffy held the spoon for her. Willow ate three before she refused more. Buffy handed her a small triangle of toast, a quarter slice of bread. Willow nibbled her way through half of it. Buffy offered her more fruit, but Willow shook her head. "Maybe later."
They heard the front door open, and Dawn call "Buffy?"
"Up here," she answered.
They all came upstairs, arrayed themselves around the bed.
"What's wrong?" Dawn asked.
"You guys know Will's been sick," Buffy started.
Everyone's eyes went to the redhead. It was the first Anya and Xander had seen her since that night. Xander's eyes widened at how bad Willow looked. Willow, embarrassed, looked at her lap.
"I called Giles, and he said the only way for her to get better is to go to the coven in England. We need to go ASAP. The Council's going to send a team to cover the Hellmouth while we're gone. I want you guys to come."
They all started talking at once, and Buffy yelled, "Hey!" to get their attention. "One at a time.
Dawn."
"You're going to leave me and go to England with Willow?"
"No, we're going to England with Willow."
"But."
"No buts, go start packing. Two bags."
Dawn stayed put as Buffy's eyes turned to Tara. "Sc-sc-s-school," she stammered.
"Transfer. A semester abroad. I want you to come. Please," Buffy asked.
"My scholarship."
"We'll get it all straightened out."
"I don't know."
Buffy's hazel eyes bored into hers. "Tara, we need you. You're family."
Tara looked at the floor, and Buffy turned to Xander. Before Buffy could speak, Anya asked, "You're not going to let us stay, no matter what we want, are you?"
"No," Buffy said honestly, "I'm not. It's like this. Willow's sick. I'm taking her to England to get better. She needs her family, I need our family around us. I just got you guys back, and I'm not voluntarily leaving you again. So you can go home and pack and meet us at the airport in two hours, or we can just go now, empty handed. But we can't wait."
"I'm in," Dawn said.
"Us, too," Xander said.
Everyone turned to Tara. "You don't need m-m-me."
Willow looked up, caught Tara's eye. "You're essential."
Buffy got off the bed, stood in front of Tara. "Please," she asked again. "Please come with us. You're family, Tara, and we love you. We need you with us."
Tara's eyes were still locked with Willow's over Buffy's shoulder. Her thoughts spun and whirled, and she realized that if she said no, she would be utterly alone, and that she needed all of them as much as they wanted her. She pulled her gaze from Willow to Buffy. "Okay," she said, turned to Dawn. "Okay," she repeated.
"Thank you," Buffy told her, took a step back. "Go pack, people. We'll meet at the airport in two hours."
Xander and Anya left, and Dawn went to her room.
"Buffy, can I b-borrow the J-jeep? I need some things from the dorm."
"Sure, you know where the keys are." Buffy followed Tara into the hall, stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you," she said again.
Tara shrugged and walked away.