Choose
by sailor80
Three
[reviews]
It was 4:30 before Buffy returned. She stuck her head into each room before heading to Willow's. Tara was asleep in Buffy's bed, her arms holding a pillow to her chest. Dawn was snoring lightly. Willow was staring at the ceiling. Buffy crossed to the bed. "I'm back."
"Good."
"How you doing?"
"Okay."
"Did you keep dinner down?"
Willow shook her head.
"Okay, why don't I fix us a snack and you take a shower."
"Okay."
Buffy brought ice cream, sodas and pretzels up. She stuck her head in the bathroom. "You okay?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
She went back into the bedroom, changed the sheets again, then went back to her own room to get pajamas. She got in and out without disturbing Tara. Willow was sitting on the bed when Buffy returned, and she was still there when Buffy came out from her shower.
Buffy told Willow about patrol and persuaded her to eat a couple spoonfuls of ice cream and drink half a Coke. When she finished her snack, she put the tray on the floor. She turned out the light and climbed under the covers beside Willow. Buffy reached for Willow, pulled her close. Willow turned onto her side and settled her head on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Willow," she said quietly.
Willow pushed herself up. "I don't understand," she whispered.
Buffy held her gaze. "You will," she promised. "Lay down."
Willow lowered herself back to Buffy's shoulder. She tried to stay still so her friend could rest, but her limbs moved without regard to her brain's orders. The sky was light before she dozed. The Slayer held her and drifted off.
Buffy came up from sleep slowly. Willow was still holding on to her. One leg was thrown across Buffy's thighs, and her hand had slid under and up Buffy's shirt to cover her breast. Buffy took a quick breath when Willow adjusted her fingers, but made no effort to move. She lowered her face to the crown of Willow's head, inhaled Willow's scent. Her lips moved soundlessly, thanking the deities that nothing irrevocable had happened to any of them, but especially Willow.
Willow began whimpering. She separated from Buffy, and Buffy let her go. Willow rolled onto her other side, her back to Buffy. Buffy followed, cradled Willow against her front. "Shhh," she whispered. "You're safe. I've got you."
Willow stopped moving for a second. "Buffy?" she murmured.
"I'm right here." Buffy kissed behind Willow's ear.
"It wants me."
"It can't have you. You're mine."
Willow whimpered.
"I mean it, Wills. You stay right here with me."
Willow began to rock in Buffy's embrace.
"Fight it, Wills. You can do it. I'm right here." Buffy felt the tremors start. All that came from Willow's stiff form was an involuntary high-pitched whine. Buffy closed her eyes and focused on Willow. "Hang on, hang on. It'll be okay. I've got you."
Finally, it eased. Willow was sweating and shivering, and Buffy pulled the comforter over them. She continued to croon in Willow's ear, and felt her relax. She kept Willow cradled against her, occasionally murmured an endearment into her scalp.
It was noon before they woke again. Willow went to the bathroom and Buffy went downstairs. No one was home, but Tara left a note on the refrigerator that she had taken Dawn with her to the grocery store and to pick up some things from her dorm.
Buffy got a Coke and the leftover spaghetti from the refrigerator. She put the food in the microwave and tapped her foot impatiently while it heated. She pulled it out and went upstairs. She heard the shower running and set her food aside to check on Willow. When Willow didn't answer, Buffy pulled the shower curtain open enough to see Willow leaning against the wall. She heard her weeping, and, still in her pajamas, stepped in the shower. Again, she cradled Willow's back to her front, and let her friend cry.
With one hand, she reached for a washcloth and the soap. She kept her arms around Willow's waist and worked up a lather in the washcloth before returning the soap to the dish. She moved Willow's hair to one side and started with her neck, rubbing down her neck, across her shoulders, down her back, up her side, down and back up and arm, across her stomach, up that side to her other arm, across her chest. Willow's sobs had slowed to the occasional hiccup by the time Buffy went down and up her legs, between them. Buffy rinsed Willow's skin, then started on her hair. She washed and rinsed her hair, then turned off the shower.
She lifted Willow out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her before pushing her to sit on the toilet. "Stay."
Willow nodded and Buffy stepped back into the shower. She adjusted the water temperature before stripping her sodden pajamas. Buffy showered quickly. She wrapped a towel around herself before climbing out. She was relieved to see Willow where she had left her. Buffy turbaned a second towel over her hair and grabbed a towel for Willow's hair.
Buffy stood Willow up and snugged the towel around her. They went into Willow's room, and Buffy sat her down on the bed. "You gonna tell me?"
Willow stared at the floor.
Buffy shrugged. She crossed the room, got panties and clean pajamas for Willow. She put them on the bed beside the redhead. "Need help?"
"No."
"Okay. I'll be right back."
Buffy went to her room to dress in jeans and a t-shirt and comb her hair. When she returned to Willow's room, she was sitting where Buffy had left her.
"Willow?"
"What? Oh, sorry." Willow stood. She freed the towel and dried herself halfheartedly, then slowly dressed. Only then did she look at Buffy. "Um, can you do my hair?"
"Sure." Buffy was gentle and Willow was falling asleep when she finished. Buffy laid her back on the bed and overed her before leaving.
*******
For the next week, only Buffy saw Willow. She was sick and weak and ashamed. Dawn was still angry and Tara couldn't bear to see her. Willow didn't want to see anyone, but tolerated Buffy. Buffy did her best to take care of Willow. She kept her clean, coaxed her to eat and tried unsuccessfully to get her to leave the bedroom.
When Buffy came in from patrol, she checked Tara and Dawn before going to Willow's room. As usual, the witch was awake. They talked for a few minutes before Buffy went to get a snack before showering.
Clean and full, she slid in beside Willow. Willow was shaking, and Buffy braced herself for a long night. Willow was worse, and Buffy was worried. Buffy wrapped herself around Willow's back. She waited until Willow had settled to tell her, "I'm really worried about you, Wills. I want to call Giles."
Willow didn't answer.
"Willow?"
"You'll do it no matter what I say," Willow answered in a monotone.
"No. Well, yeah."
"So do it."
"I don't know what else to do. You're not getting better. I can't lose you."
Willow didn't answer.
Buffy kissed the back of Willow's head. "I don't know what else to do," she repeated.
Willow twisted until she faced Buffy. "I'm sorry."
"No more sorries. I just want you to get better."
"I'm trying."
"I know," Buffy soothed. "We need to get some help. Giles will know what to do." She pushed away tears that began when Willow heard Giles' name. "What?"
"He's gonna yell at me again."
"No yelling. I promise."
"There should be lots of yelling. Giles should yell. Tara should yell. You should yell. Dawn should yell. Even Xander should yell."
"No yelling," Buffy reiterated.
"Tara's not gonna come back ever."
"She's here now."
"Not for me."
Buffy hesitated. "I'm sorry, Willow. I know it hurts. But I'm here. I love you and I'll be here."
"You keep saying that."
"What?"
"You love me."
"Yeah."
"What do you mean when you say that?"
"I'm not good with all that stuff, Will."
"What stuff?"
"Feelings. You know, relationships."
"Still not getting it."
Buffy drew a deep breath before saying anything. "I love you. I have since I met you. And I'm in love with you. When I realized it, you were with Tara, and I wouldn't mess that up for anything. And if you two can find a way to be together, I'll step aside. But I want."
She was cut off by Willow's lips.
Their kiss was slow and luxurious and when it finished, Buffy understood what poets wrote about.
"I love you too," Willow told her, and snuggled down on Buffy's chest.
Buffy wrapped her arms around her. "I need you to get better."
"I want to be better."
"So it's okay to call Giles?"
"Yeah," Willow said finally.
Buffy kissed the top of her head. "Thank you." She stroked Willow lightly, running one hand through her soft red hair and the other up and down her back, soothing her into sleep.