Brush Up Your Shakespeare
by Kirayoshi
The Play's The Thing
[reviews]
Disclaimers;
Like Athena sprung from the brow of Zeus, these rude mechanicals be the children of the fertile imaginings of Joss Whedon. I, your humble scribe, doth be a sapling to his mighty oak.
Author's note;
This is my response to Stephen Booth's Shakespeare challenge. It's set in an alternate fifth season; Joyce is recovering from her tumor, Glory's laying low, and Buffy's completely over being dumped by the Beefstick. I say 'alternate' because in this set up Willow and Tara have agreed to be just friends(you'll find out why in the story), that whole thing about Spike being obsessed with Buffy is not an issue, and Buffy is this close to finding out who her true love really is(hint; think redhead.).
Rating; PG
Feedback; yeah, verily! JDMeans@aol.com
Summary;
When the gang help Willow out with her drama class project, "All the world's a stage" for romantic escapades between a slayer and a wiccan.
-----
Brush Up Your Shakespeare
(or, Much Ado About Buffy)
A comedy in two acts
By Kirayoshi
-----
Dramatis Personae;
Buffy Summers --- A Slayer
Rupert Giles --- A Watcher
Willow Rosenberg --- A Wiccan
Tara McClay --- A Likewise Wiccan
Alexander Harris --- A Zeppo
Anya --- A Wanton Trollop
William Blood --- a Vampire and Poor Poet
Dawn Summers --- A Key
Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare,
And the women you will wow.
If you quote a few lines from Othello,
Then they'll think you're a heck of a fellow.
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter her,
Tell her what Tony told Cleopater-er.
And if still to be shy she pretends well,
Just remind her that All's Well that Ends Well!
Brush up your Shakespeare,
And they'll all kowtow!
--Cole Porter
"Brush Up Your Shakespeare"
========
Act the First;
The Play's The Thing
"You want us to do what?" Xander's question hung over the collective heads of the Scooby Gang as they met in the Magic Box.
"I want you to reenact some scenes from Shakespeare," Willow explained, her eyes pleading with her friends for their cooperation. "Please, it's for my drama class."
Anya puzzled slightly. "Ol' Bill?" she mused. "This could be interesting."
"Bill?" Giles huffed at Anya for her disrespect of the Bard.
"That's what I always called him, when his wife made me curse him with chronic writer's block," Anya explained. "The only thing he could write at that time was 'Comedy of Errors', which no one could understand. It flopped at the Globe." Giles stared at Anya as it dawned on him that she wasn't joking. "He was nice enough though, for a philandering scum, so I finally relented and helped him out of his block." She dimpled proudly as she announced, "I was the inspiration for Lady Macbeth."
"Namedropper," Xander teased his ex-demon girlfriend.
"Hey, guys," Buffy silenced the odd conversation that was occurring at the table. Only in Sunnydale, she thought. "Serious up for a sec, willya? Willow needs our help." Sitting next to Buffy, Willow's spellcasting buddy Tara nodded in full agreement.
"Thank you, Buffy," Willow acknowledged. "Really guys, it's important. We're doing a module on directing in my drama class right now, and our main project is to direct a videotape of five scenes from two plays of Shakespeare. I can get the video equipment, all I need now is someone to act the scenes."
"And you want us to be your troupe," Giles mused. "Hmm, it could be entertaining."
"Says the stuffy British guy, who's genetically predisposed to liking Shakespeare," Xander puffed. He then looked at Willow, whose face was slowly contorting into a determined expression. "Oh no, Wills," he grimaced, "not the 'resolve face'! Okay, you win, I'm in."
"I'd be glad to help, Willow," Tara said sweetly to her friend.
"I call dibs on Juliet in the balcony scene," Buffy smiled.
Willow nodded approvingly. "Okay, sounds good. Anyone else have any favorite scenes they want to do?"
Giles pursed his lips, saying, "I once played the ghost of Hamlet's father in my school days."
"Good. Anyone else? Anya, want to be Lady Macbeth?"
Anya groaned slightly, then said, "Nah, I'd rather do one of the comedies." Linking her arm with Xander's, she smiled sweetly; "The girls always got the guys at the end. And no one dies."
"Okay, I can set you up with something," Willow nodded, and Buffy couldn't help but notice the wicked gleam in her eye. Willow was planning something.
"Now," Willow continued, "we need a location. Maybe some outdoor stuff."
"Willow," Buffy suggested, "what about Angel's old mansion? No one's using it right now."
"Hey, good idea, Buff," Willow smiled. She was getting into this project, Buffy could tell. "Okay, guys, I'll photocopy some edited scripts for you all tomorrow, we can start rehearsals this weekend, and do the final shoot in two weeks. I'm not expecting Mel Gibson from any of you," she turned her eyes toward Xander as she said those words, and her longtime friend looked mortally offended, but said nothing, "just remember the lines."
"Will do, Will," Tara promised, and the others quietly assented.
========
Two weeks later;
"I AM GOING TO KILL WILLOW ROSENBERG!"
The shout rattled the walls and timbers of the old mansion, and could be heard from outside. Buffy had arrived with Dawn in tow(her mother needed her to baby-sit, and since no slayage was involved and Buffy was concerned about Glory's recent absence, she reluctantly agreed) when she made it to the mansion.
"What's going on, girlfriend?" Buffy asked as Willow tried to control the situation.
"Xander's locked himself in his trailer," Willow explained, her voice strained with her exasperation.
"We have a trailer?" Buffy asked.
"Well, he's locked himself in one of the bedrooms," the redhead answered. "He doesn't want anyone to see him in his wardrobe for the scene from 'As You Like It'."
"Who's he playing?" Buffy asked.
"Rosalind," Anya smiled. "And he doesn't look too bad."
"Rosalind?" Buffy asked, "Isn't that a girl's name?" Dawn shaded her eyes with her hand, moaning, "Say it isn't so!"
Willow rolled her eyes. "C'mon Buffy, you saw 'Shakespeare in Love', didn't you? In Shakespeare's day, women weren't permitted on the stage. People thought it was vulgar for a woman to act in front of an audience." Toward the bedroom, Willow shouted, "Come on, Xander, you promised!"
"Okay," a petulant voice puffed from the dank hallway. "Just let me get into character." A few seconds later, Xander shouted, "I'm ready for my close-up, Willow."
"Great," Willow announced, lifting the video camera up, to capture Xander's entrance. She shouted to the others, "Ready, clear the stage. And ACTION!"
Xander strutted out into the main room, sporting a white lace dress and a halter top. He turned toward the camera, a mock-sexy leer plastered on his face. He pointed to the camera, and started to sing; "How do you do, I -- See you met my -- Faithful HAN-dy man!"
"CUT!" the frustrated director shouted as Xander and Anya dissolved into unstoppable giggles. It was going to be a long weekend.
========
"My hour is almost come," Giles moaned like the ghost of Jacob Marley to Xander's Hamlet, "When I to sulfurous and tormenting flames must render up myself."
"Alas, poor ghost," Xander stammered in a valiant attempt to master iambic pentameter.
"Pity me not," Giles wailed in a stentorian tone, "but lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold."
"The weather started getting rough," a familiar and unwelcome British accent started to sing, "the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost!" Buffy stopped the camera and rewound the video tape to where the performance had started, while Willow glowered at the intruder.
"Spike, what the hell are you doing here?"
"Y'mean this isn't opening night of the new deli?" Spike asked innocently. "I mean, you've got plenty of ham and cheese around here." He glanced at Xander, sneering. "Oh, yeah. Anyone ever tell you you're the finest actor since Mel Gibson?"
"Uh, no, not really."
"There's a reason, ya ponce." Turning to Giles, he added, "And you, some ghost of Hamlet. You couldn't haunt an efficiency apartment, much less a castle in Denmark!"
Giles stared angrily at the neutered vampire. "I suppose you could do better?"
Spike said nothing for ten seconds, before speaking;
"I am thy father's spirit," he began, "Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night, and for the day confined to fast in fires, till the foul crimes done in my days of nature are burnt and purged away."
He regarded Xander with a baleful eye, as he approached him. "But that I am forbid to tell the secrets of my prison-house," he whispered with an urgent intensity that shocked Xander to hear it, "I could a tale unfold whose lightest word would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood," He now stood quite close to him, as he continued, "Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres, thy knotted and combined locks to part and each particular hair to stand on end, like quills upon the fretful porpentine!" He then backed slowly away, continuing in a calmer voice; "But this eternal blazon must not be to ears of flesh and blood. List , list , O, list! If thou didst ever thy dear father love--" He pointed a sinister finger at the young 'Hamlet', "Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder."
"M-murder?" Xander stammered, partly from a genuine fear of the vampire that stood before him.
"Aye, murder most foul," Spike continued dolefully. As he began to detail the crimes of the false king Claudius, Willow whispered at her camerawoman, "Buffy, tell me you've got that on tape."
"Right from, 'I am thy father's spirit'," Buffy answered sotto voce. Willow grinned. This was gonna put her grade over the top.
========
The other performances went off without a hitch. Dawn got into the act, taking a sprightly turn as the fairie Puck to Xander's Lord Oberon and Anya's Queen Titania, while Tara delivered a heart wrenching performance as Hamlet's doomed love Ophelia, during her moment of madness("There's rosemary, that's for remembrance -- Pray remember me, -- And pansies, that's for thoughts.").
Finally came the piece de resistance of Willow's assignment, the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. The location shot for this scene was a balcony overlooking the city, captured in a nearly-full moon. Willow thought that she couldn't have asked for a more perfect night for this classic love scene. Buffy had earlier visited a costume shop(making sure that Ethan Rayne wasn't the proprietor), and rented a fancy costume dress for the scene. She hadn't shown the costume yet; she wanted to surprise Willow. Xander, for his part, was prepared to play Romeo, and committed his dialogue to heart. For his friend, he was going to give his all.
But moments before the scene was to begin, Anya protested. "Forget it, Buffy," the former vengeance demon intoned, "you can't have Xander."
Xander turned toward Anya, his eyes widened with startlement, and no small amount of embarrassment. "What do you mean, she can't have me?"
"I won't let you be Romeo to her Juliet," Anya said simply. Hearing this argument from the balcony
Willow rolled her eyes at the interruption. "Anya," Willow tried to explain reasonably to Xander's girlfriend, "this is just acting. Not real. Buffy isn't in love with Xander, and Xander loves you," --for reasons that still escape me, she thought ruefully, "there's nothing to worry about."
"I am not worried," Anya stated matter-of-factly, "because Xander's not doing this scene." She turned around and started out the door.
"You want me to talk some sense into her?" Xander offered.
"No, Xand," Willow let out an exasperated sigh. "We don't have much time before we lose the light of the moon. Here," she handed Xander the camera, "you shoot the scene, we go to Plan B."
"We had a plan B?" Xander shrugged his shoulders, "I didn't know we had a plan A."
Willow grinned at Xander's efforts to lift her spirits. "I'll be Romeo." She shouted to Buffy, "Casting change, Buff. You cool with that?"
"Hey," Buffy answered, "anyone but Riley."
Within a few minutes, the scene was ready. Willow called for quiet on the set, and once Xander started running the camera, Willow entered her character. She became Romeo of Montague, stealing through the Capulet's orchards to spy upon fair Juliet.
"He jests at scars that never felt a wound," she began. She looked upon the balcony, and caught the silhouette of her Juliet just outside the frame of the balcony window. "But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?" she declared, launching into the most famous love-lines in literature;
"It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!"
Buffy was all but mesmerized by Willow's performance. Her best friend was clearly putting everything she had, all of her heart into her performance. She could imagine that Willow was pouring her heart to Tara, if they hadn't ended that love story so recently. Who are you serenading, Willow? she asked herself. Who is your true love--
"Aye me!" Dawn whispered from off-stage. Buffy shook her head, abandoning her daydreaming to remember her line. Glaring hard at her sister, Buffy spoke clearly toward Willow; "Aye me!" As she spoke, she emerged in full view, her pale green dress sparkling in the moonlight. Willow's voice almost caught in her throat at the beautiful sight of her closest friend in this beautiful dress, but was able to compose herself to continue the scene.
"She speaks:" Willow whispered aloud.
"O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air."
Buffy, hanging closely on every word of Willow's monologue, began her speech;
"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
"Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" Willow spoke her aside.
Buffy continued;
"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself."
"I take thee at thy word:" exclaimed Willow, emerging from the bushes and in full view of Buffy. "Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo."
Buffy's eyes smiled serenely at Willow, fancying the red haired wiccan as her own true love as she continued;
"What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night
So stumblest on my counsel?"
Willow;
"By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am:
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee;
Had I it written, I would tear the word."
Buffy;
"My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:
Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?"
Willow;
"Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike."
Buffy;
"How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here."
Willow;
"With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do that dares love attempt;
Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me."
The scene continued to its inevitable conclusion, with Romeo and Juliet pledging to be married in the sight of God, despite their warring families. Lost to all but each other, Buffy and Willow invested all of themselves into their performances. It was as though Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg, not Juliet of Capulet and Romeo of Montague, were the ones making the solemn vows. They were speaking their hearts to each other, even if neither of them were aware of their own feelings.
At the close of the scene, Buffy and Willow emerged together, and Willow asked her audience, "What did you guys think?"
The five others were silent for a full three seconds, before Giles began to applaud loudly and sincerely, followed by the others, cheering on this bravura performance. Buffy and Willow smiled, slightly embarrassed by the attention, and took dramatic bows before their friends.
Willow then glanced at her watch, and said, "Hooboy. The audiovisual lab at U. C.
Sunnydale will still be open for an hour. I have just enough time to run through the tape and check the sound balances. Thanks for everything guys."
"Hey," Buffy offered, "how about you bring that tape over to my place tomorrow night? We can all watch the show and scarf some nachos." The others agreed, and Buffy took Willow's hand in hers. "I have to go on patrol soon," she offered, "can I escort you safely to the lab?"
"Thanks, Buff," Willow smiled. "I'd like that." The two friends said goodbye to the others, and left quickly. Tara looked on at them, marking their connection, their easy closeness.
"Something wrong, Tara?" Giles asked as he noticed the shy young woman.
Tara blushed at the attention, and looked away from her former love. "Now you see why I chose to just be friends with Willow," she said with just a trace of melancholy. "I never really possessed her heart. It always belonged to Buffy."
"They always have been close," Xander admitted thoughtfully. "I've known Willow all of my life, Buffy just the last five years, but Buffy knows her better than anyone alive, I'd bet."
"No wonder Riley bugged out when he did," Dawn agreed. "Those two have got it bad. But Buffy's been hurt too much to drop the shields over her heart, and Willow's too afraid of losing Buffy's friendship to say anything."
Giles looked thoughtfully at the others. Even he, with his provincial, stuffy demeanor and his conservative ways, he could see that Buffy and Willow were deeply, for want of a better term, in love. And for all of his protestations in the past that Buffy couldn't afford the distraction of love as the Slayer, it was clear that her love for Willow was probably more responsible for her being alive right now than any other single factor. If they were ever to realize their feelings, and express them to each other, to truly love each other as they were clearly fated ---
Xander turned to the unusual sight of Giles chuckling. "Private joke, G-Man?"
"Nothing like that, Xander," the Watcher smiled. "Perhaps, if they are unable to see what we see, it falls to us to enlighten them."
"What's going on in that vast Watcher brain of yours, Giles?" Dawn quipped. Giles glanced at the young girl. Clearly, he thought, this proves she's Buffy's sister.
"Let's just say that I am inspired by one of Shakespeare's comedies, 'Much Ado About Nothing' to be specific," Giles explained.
"Hey," Tara said, "I saw a version of that with Willow. Kenneth Branaugh and Emma Thompson were Benedick and Beatrice, Denzel Washington was Don Pedro, and Keanu Reeves was the villain."
"And you remember how Don Pedro tried to play matchmaker between Benedick and Beatrice?" Giles asked.
Tara's eyes widened, and a huge Cheshire Cat grin formed on her face. "You think we should, Giles?"
"You think we can?" Xander asked. "Double team them, I mean?"
"Why not?" Giles offered happily. "Ladies and Gentleman, let me explain my plan---"
And within the next half-hour, Operation Don Pedro was in full swing. And Buffy and Willow would never know what hit them.