Just a little foolish
by Norwalker
Chapter 1
[reviews]
Just a little foolish
Part 1 of 2
By Norwalker
Pairing: Buffy/Willow
Rating: NC-17
Type: Romance/Angst
Summary: Well, a third part to the sorta series started by " April's Fools " and continued with " Foolish hearts". So, Buffy Summers decided that for now she'd just be Willow Rosenberg's friend. No pressure(much) or nothing... just be there so Will could get over her heartbreak over Kennedy. And she's of course never EVER going to let her go, right? Hmmm... does this sound like the Buffy and Will we know? And what about Dawn? Buffy still not clued in on that one, is she? Why am I asking all these questions? I don't have a clue, just keeping you on your toes.
Disclaimer: Oh yeah, Joss Whedon? He owns all these characters. Wonder what he'd think about what were doing with them?
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This has probably been the best week of Buffy Summer's life.
Now that it was ending, she was in total quandary mode. Willow had to get back to San Francisco soon, and that meant another goodbye. Something that Buffy so didn't want. Yet, she couldn't just pull up and follow Will back to the Bay Area either, could she? They had decided after that first night, that for awhile they'd just be 'friends' (ack. That could be so...kiss of death!). Willow was still too fresh off the hurt of Kennedy, and wasn't ready for a romantic relationship just yet. So, how would it look if Buffy just dropped everything and moved to San Francisco with her? Like she's this lovesick puppy following her mistress anywhere she went, begging for a bone now and then? Anyway, she didn't want Willow to feel pressure or nothing either. She needed time; Buffy understood that. So how come it wasn't any easier?
Maybe because again it had been probably the best week of her life. It wasn't anything special, really. No bodice ripping romantic stuff(though I wouldn't have minded a little ripping of bodice...Buffy! Behave!). No earth-shattering revelations(Didn't we like have those in the first day? How many do you get in a lifetime? Er... don't ask, K?). It was just two friends, two best friends hanging out with each other, enjoying each other's company. It was totally cool that Willow owned her own company, so she could stay a week on this faux business trip. Buffy, on the other hand, had a job, so for the first few days she had to go into work. Willow was cool with it. She said it gave her time to 'think about things'(translation, cry in private without wigging out Buffy). After mid-week, though, Buffy was able to finagle the rest of the week off.
So, what did they do in this greatest week of Buffy's life? Went shopping a lot( ok, wasn't Buffy's place already crammed with like mega stuff? But Malls aren't just for shopping... they're a way of life!). They hit the museums( Will's thing, but Buffy enjoyed it anyway... she was with Will after all, wasn't she?). Went to movies(though, once they got the VCR unpacked, that changed to movie nights... with all the requisite giggling and popcorn tossing and making fun of really bad films). One exceptionally warm April day, Buffy dragged Will up onto the roof of her building, and they sunbathed(Well, Buffy did. Willow was a party poop, saying she's like blister girl under the sun, so didn't get in a swimsuit at all but just wore long sleeves and jeans). Willow liked that day, because she got to see Buffy in her bikini( yummy stuff), sipping pseudo tropical drinks and just having some quiet time with Buffy. Buffy was jazzed just being with Willow, even if she was a party poop about the dressing for the 'beach'. Buffy even managed to drag Willow out to a couple of dance clubs while she was there. Took some nagging, both to get her to go, and to get her to dance. But once Willow got on the dance floor, she had fun. And Buffy had to admit that Will had become quite the little dancer, shaking the Willow tree like nobody's biz. When a slow dance was played, it got a little awkward, because of the 'just friends' rule, and Buffy knew if she slow danced with Will, that might go to ashes. So, when they did play slow dances, the girls retreated off the floor and waited for the next fast number. But even that was cool too.
Because , when it came down to it, it wasn't what they did in the week, it was the fact they were together that made it special. They hadn't had this closeness for a long time. Even before Sunnydale became Sunny-hole-in-the-ground, Buffy and Willow had drifted apart somewhat. Adult responsibilities, time and circumstances just kept them from really being able to be as close as they were in high school, or even college. They tried to arrange time to be together and hang out, have a movie night, or something, but it just didn't happen like it used to. Buffy, for her part, knew she really missed being with Will. Missed being able to gossip for hours about nothing, or talk about things close to the heart. She missed just sitting with Will, doing nothing. Or taking a walk with Will, with no purpose in mind than to be with her, talk with her, laugh and cry with her. So this week was like getting reacquainted with her best friend, her bud, and it was golden. Her heart hadn't felt this light and happy for...well, she couldn't remember when.
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Of course, even in a goof off week, there were things that had to be done. Buffy spent a good part of the first evening putting the bed together. Thank god for slayer strength. Those mattresses can be totally heavy, never mind the bedsprings, headboard and frame. But of course, Buffy hadn't been expecting company, so there was only one bed, and two people, and since those two people had had some serious heat earlier, and were trying to avoid having that serious heat again(just friends, right?), who was going to take the bed?
" Will, you take the bed. I got a sleeping bag. I can be comfy on the floor" Buffy said." I mean, you're like my guest and all"
"No, Buffy, you take the bed. You gotta work in the morning. It's cool. I like the sleeping bag. It's ... like camping out" Willow said, gamely.
"C'mon, Will, don't be silly. I insist you take the bed. You're so not a campfire girl, you know?" Buffy said, smiling.
"Hey, that's not true. I can camp out with the best of them. I'm taking the sleeping bag. End of discussion" Willow said." See, I've got my resolve face on. You know what that means, Buffy!" Willow puts on her resolve face.
"Yes, Will. It means you're being stubborn. Take the bed, I'm perfectly good in the sleeping bag!" Buffy says.
"I'm not being stubborn. Just resolved" Willow shot back.
"Stubborn, Will" Buffy replies
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
Ok, we can kinda get where that was going. Finally, reason prevailed and they decided they were adults here, and mature enough to share a bed without any funny stuff happening. Not that both of them didn't want funny stuff to happen... talk about conflicted feelings. But they felt it best to keep things on a platonic level at the moment.
Buffy, in her yummy sushi pajamas, slipped into the bed, taking the far side closest to the window. Willow padded in from the bathroom, dressed in her comfy flannel jammies. Buffy, head propped on her arm, couldn't help but note how cute she looked, even in rather shapeless flannel pj's( wonder how she'd look OUT of those pj's? Buffy, behave yourself!). Will slipped under the covers, turned out the lamp, and settled down to sleep.
Or tried to sleep. After all that went on this evening, her mind was racing over her relationship(or end of relationship) with Kenny, her anger at Dawn, and how she was going to deal with that... and then there was Buffy... sleeping next to her(so she thought), so close...and so very far away. Damn. She could hear Buffy's gentle breathing next to her, and feel her presence even though she was on the other side of the bed. It took all her willpower not to cuddle up to her...or do other things to her. Despite their little 'pact', she couldn't get that kiss they shared out of her mind. Or the taste of Buffy's skin when she kissed her, or the way Buffy responded to her. She felt all tingly and ... yeah, ok, just a tad horny. She knew sleep wasn't going to come easy tonight, if at all. She lay facing away from Buffy for a few hours, staring out into space. Finally, sleep gradually took over, and she drifted off.
Buffy, however, wasn't asleep. She lay staring at Willow's back, fighting hard with herself to keep from scootching over and snuggling up next to Will. Despite the darkness, and the oh -so-not-revealing sleepwear Will was wearing, Buffy could see the gentle curves of her body. What was worse, she could smell Willow...her soft spicy clean scent. It was like a drug to her; the more she had, the more she wanted. And the memory of Willow's soft lips on hers, her hands touching her, was giving Buffy delightful little tingles in her most intimate places. More than tingles, she definitely felt a dampness that she hadn't felt before getting into this bed. It was pure torture; Willow was so close, yet she might as well be in another dimension. Buffy needed to touch her, HAD to touch her... but she couldn't. It would be wrong. And, with Willow so close, she couldn't... well... relieve herself. For obvious reasons. She felt a huge whimper coming on, but even that she had to suppress, knowing it would probably wake Will and lead to questions she didn't want to answer. Couldn't answer truthfully, without Willow freaking. She's not ready for anything but friendship. God, how'm I gonna keep my hands, my lips...everything to myself? But I gotta... for Will's sake, I just gotta. So, Buffy lay there, her eyes closed, balling her fists, trying to control her breathing, her thoughts, and anything else about her that might betray her. She tried thinking of things that would make her not horny. Slime demons, Jonathan, vampires, Giles, Andrew, Kennedy... all didn't help. They kept morphing into a certain sexy red-haired Wiccan dressed in a diaphanous gown, her arms stretch out and beckoning( except for the Giles/ Willow morph... for some reason Willow was dressed in tweed... don't ask). Buffy was near tears in frustration, but knew she just had to hold on a little longer... a little longer... and finally, out of pity or just plain boredom, sleep claimed her.
But even sleep didn't give her the escape she sought. Buffy dreamed.
Her dreams were nowhere nearly as chaste as her actions. She gave into temptation, and cuddled up to Willow. Willow turned on her, and their lips met in a long suppressed fiery passion. They pulled each other close...they couldn't seem to get close enough. They fumbled, wrangled and finally tore at each other's clothing, because they needed the skin to skin contact. Legs entangled and fingers probed as their tongues, seeking dominance, wrestled and filled each other's mouth. Then, as if by design, the pace slowed, calmed, and quieted... as if touching soothed the burning heat, brought them back to a gentler place. Touches were soft and seeking, the kisses were long and sensual, only breaking to breathe.
"Will... we've got to stop, this is so wrong," Buffy says, ecstatic and miserable simultaneously." I shouldn't be doing this to you."
"Wrong. Yes. Gotta stop, " Willow replies, her breathing heavy, her voice low and sensual," But I can't stop, Buffy. It aches too much when we're apart. I need your touching me, feeling you against me." Willow covers Buffy's face and neck with kisses, " Need to taste you, kiss you ... can't stop. Don't stop. Goddess , please don't stop."
Buffy moans softly, " Gotta stop, Will. Wrong, so wrong. Not what you need," Buffy's fingers wander and explore, touching Willow in her curves, along her legs, and then between her legs." I'm so evil, taking advantage of you" Buffy sighs, then slides her fingers into Willow's wet slit. Willow groans her pleasure, then moves against Buffy's hand, increasing her excitement. Buffy, Willows moans and groans exciting her, begins to push her hand against Willow's thrusting movements." This is wrong, Will. Stop me please, I love you don't want to hurt you."
" Goddess, Buffy use me please use me" Willow gasps, and then humps against Buffy's fingers." Need this so much love this love you". Willow slides her hand betweens Buffy's thighs, penetrating her. She feel's Buffy's wetness running down her fingers to her wrist. Buffy gasps, and her hips start to move against Willow's fingers." Yes, baby, yes let me love you too yessss" Willow says, growing more excited.
Both women pull each other as close as possible as their hands do their work. Their mouths lock in a deep, sensually fiery kiss, their tongues working back and forth into each other mouths, each sucking on the other's tongue. Their bodies writhe in pure heat, their fingers trying to reach deeper into each other. Slowly, the fire between them builds to a fever pitch, as their hips move against each other, the bodies gleaming with sweat. Moans, whimpers, hissing and cries spur them on, as the intense feelings start to overwhelm them. Their bodies seemingly locked together, they climb higher and higher, approaching the edge. Almost together, their cries nearly simultaneous, they bring each other to a mind shattering orgasm.
At that very moment, Buffy wakes up.
Buffy lay drenched in sweat, cursing her evil mind, her wanton desires... and her damned honor that kept her from the former. I'm never gonna make it. I'm gonna go crazy. She's sooo ... oh, god, I'm soaked... and not just from sweating. Damn... wet dream deluxe. I gotta get up, clean myself up. IF I don't, I'm gonna smell really nice in the morning, and I know Will's gonna recognize the scent, then there's going to be questions, and I'm so not gonna be able to explain that I had such a hot dream, and she's gonna wig, and she'll leave and... just get UP, Buffy!
Buffy starts to sit up, and realizes her hands are caught... one arm under Willow's ribs, her other hand... oh, god ... between her legs. Damn, I can't even sleep next to her without... never mind that. How'm I gonna get them back without waking her up? Buffy is in Dilemma land, and she can't see a clear path out. She has to get up and wash up, or her scent is going to give her away. On the other hand(ha-ha), she's rather... stuck... and if she gets up, she has a real chance of waking Willow. And if Will wakes up with my hands where they are... Lucy, you gonna have a lot a 'splanin' to do...
Of course, when things seem to be at their most awful, fate steps in to make 'em even worse. While Buffy is lying there, next to Willow( oh, god, she smells sooo good ), she hears Willow talking in her sleep... and oh boy, it's a doozy of a dream. Worse, Willow's body starts to move around...
" Oh...mmmm... Buffy...oh...baby...ooooo... yes, baby... yes, right there... mmmm...feels sooo good... mmmm.... Yessss... just like that....." Willow whimpers softly, and her hips shift around Buffy's hand...placing her fingers tantalizingly close to her warm sex. Buffy is nearly dying, she's so charged up. Then Willow moans." God, Buffy... that's just... nasty... ohhhhh... yes, again...do it again!!! .... Mmmmm... bite 'em Buffy, please? Harder baby... ohhhhh... yessss... just like THAT... oh...oohh... god, Buffy...how do you do that with your tongue...don't care....just do it again...and again....ooo... AAAA....oh...gonna....oh... oh... ohhhhh ... mmmm ... yes ... Buffy ... YES ... YESSS ... YESSSSSSSS...." Willow is rocking her hips, and Buffy feels her dampness through her pj's. Oh, my god, she's having a wet dream too... and damn, it's making me ... Buffy feels her own tingles down low...and she's feeling so horny she could explode... then Willow's thighs part briefly, and Buffy is able to snatch back her hand...and it took every bit of her will power to do it, because that's not what she wanted to do... she wanted to put her hand under Willow's pj's bottoms, and start... Buffy!!! STOP IT!!!..." Buffy? Baby? Why'd you stop? Oh, please, don't tease me like this.. I'm sooo close...baby...please, come back, baby...do me...I'm hurting bad..." Buffy realizes something. Her hand...her body... had been stimulating Willow in real time, and it had translated to her dream...and now... she couldn't ... because Buffy had removed her hand...oh...crap... Now, what do I do? Buffy can't just let her friend ... just admit it, girl. The woman you love... get so close then have to come down without release. Oh, god, just don't let her wake up...please... Buffy carefully inserts her hand between Willow's legs, and suddenly, Willow is moaning and cooing again " Oh....baby...you're so... nasty... Buffy... Buffy... L.. love you... Buffy...Oh...B-U-F-F-Y !!!! mmmm...baby, baby oh gonna ... gotta... oh, can't hold back...gotta....AAAAAAAAAAAAAA....." Willow's body seems to stiffen...and then Buffy feels Willow become soaked... Willow lets out a loud moan, followed by whimpers and mewlings...and she rolls away from Buffy, freeing her.
Buffy, almost bursting, quietly as possible gets out of bed. She wants ... no, she needs a shower now ... and maybe a bathtub of ice to follow. She can't remember the last time she was this stimulated (Oh, for god's sake, Buffy... it's horny...you're horny, girl ), and she needs to get away from Willow... or she won't ... can't be responsible for her actions. This is wrong... so wrong... so why does it feel sooo damned... shut UP! Buffy makes a bee-line for the bathroom.
Willow's eyes pop open, and she feels how soaked she is between her legs, and she's embarrassed beyond belief. Oh, god... what if Buffy wakes up now? How'm I gonna explain that? Oh, but goddess, it was such a wonderful dream...
Buffy was just kissing her... just an innocent kiss on the cheek. But Willow turned to say something, and their lips connected... and oh, it was sooo sweet. They parted, and looked at each other... and they knew, they shouldn't. Because...it would be wrong...right? But how could anything so sweet, so soft... be bad? So they kissed again, hesitantly...and then it deepened. And Buffy's tongue insistently parted Willows oh-so-willing lips, and then Willow was sucking on her sweet tongue. Then Willow slid her tongue into Buffy's mouth, and Buffy was sucking on hers... and it just went nuts after that.
They're clothes magically disappeared. Yeah...uh, huh... magically... you can guess who did that, Willow giggles. Buffy's hands were all over her. touching her , exploring her, and Willow was just in heaven... so she thought, until Buffy's lips surrounded her nipples, and started sucking on them... then Willow was really in heaven... until Buffy started biting her nipples... and then Willow didn't care where she was, as long as Buffy just kept doing that. She didn't think it could get better... but she was sooo wrong... because Buffy's nasty fingers found Willows most intimate opening, her puffy little slit, and then... they were inside her... caressing her...thrusting and probing...and Willow just lay back, letting her legs fall open for Buffy's sweet, so sweet fingers... and now she KNEW she was in heaven... but then Buffy introduced her to her tongue... and Willow was going mad. Maybe she's never been with a woman before, but damn... she must've thought about it a whole lot...because what she's doing with her tongue is just... insanely nasty and wonderful at the same time. Buffy is driving Willow insane in the most wonderful of ways, and Willow is riding the wave to her first... but not last by any means, orgasm.
Willow believes she is safe, but Buffy turns out to be a relentless lover. She continues to find new and , in some cases, nasty ways to push Willow over the edge, and Willow gives into the fantasy, because she is in a haze of sexual pleasure. This being her dream, she explored avenues of stimulation and pleasure she never considered while awake... Buffy always being the purveyor of these new and exciting methods. It's during one of these 'sessions' that the intensity of the pleasure pushed her from dream to waking... and she now lays here awake, vaguely remembering her dreams, while her body has reacted on it's own to her mind's creativity.
Willow is afraid to turn over. She's not truly in control of her own desires, and she's more than convinced that if she looks at Buffy, her will to refrain from intimacy will collapse, and she'll frankly be all over the smaller blonde woman. This both frightens her and excites her; but now isn't the time. It's not right... not yet. Still too fresh off my last relationship... too much hurt and pain way too fresh in my heart. I rushed too quickly with Kenny...and that blew up in my face. I want it to be perfect with Buffy. I want it to be forever with Buffy. But, goddess, I want her sooo bad right now...
Willow is surprised when she hears the shower come on. Why is she taking a shower at this time of night? Willow doesn't know, but she feels some relief. She rolls over, laying flat on the bed. At least I don't have to worry about attacking her now. I can get myself back under control. Yeah, that's so gonna happen. Damn. Willow, determined to keep things on a platonic level, decides she can't sleep in the same bed with Buffy. Too many things could happen, accidentally, that would make things awkward at best, and ruin what they were just beginning to build together. Cursing her hormones, cursing Kenny for making spend this time , which should be spent getting sweaty and naked and nasty with Buffy, just wrong for the good stuff. Cursing Dawn, for giving into Kenny's wiles, and mostly, cursing herself, for not being more in control, more stable. Willow forces herself out of the bed to find the sleeping bag. I should be safe there... if I put it at the other end of the room... and hit myself over the head so I'm out like a light.
Willow flips on the light, and crosses the room to the closet where the sleeping bag is stored. She passes the bathroom doing it, and hears something coming from the bathroom. She moves closer, curious and hears moaning coming from inside the bathroom. Oh, my god she's hurt herself. Willow, alarmed, opens the bathroom door.
Buffy, having extracted herself from the bed without waking Willow, heads for the bathroom to eliminate any incriminating evidence of her little 'accident'. God, Buffy, just say it. Wet dream. You're still horny from that dream you had about Willow, and feeling guiltier than hell. So just stop euphemisming it to death, and just admit it ... at least to yourself! Buffy, still feeling Willow's wetness on her hand, brings it up to her nose. She almost shivers in desire as she smells Willow's sexual fragrance. Oh, god, this is so not good! She goes to the sink and washes her hand, trying to eliminate the enticing smell. I gotta get the sleeping bag out after I shower. No way I'll be able to sleep in that bed with her in it. Sorry, I'm NOT mature, I want her, and the only way I'm gonna not attack her is if I'm sleeping at the other end of the room...I hope...damn! She finishes washing her hand, but still can faintly smell Willow's scent. Sighing, she reaches in and turns on the shower, then begins to undress.
Buffy steps into the shower, and realizes that while it might get rid of any errant smells she might be emitting, it's not going to help with her overwhelming sense of stimulation. She's still horny, and the warm water feels like a thousand tiny kisses on her skin. She feels soaps up the bath sponge, and starts to clean herself... and finds it's doing more than cleaning. The feel of it against her skin is making matters worse. Her nipples, already hard, are aching. The feel of the sponge on her breasts, and the warm water flowing over them, is sending little electric jolts through her... directly to her already throbbing sex. She's afraid of what'll happen if she puts the sponge down there.
Frustrated, horny, and more than stimulated, Buffy finally has had enough. Screw this. She can't hear me in here... I'll be real quiet. But if I don't find some release, and I mean soon, I'm gonna go nuts. Buffy, having made up her mind, starts to gently touch her breasts, rubbing little circles into the nipples, feeling a moan escape from her throat. Damn, be quiet, or you'll wake her! she chides herself, but she doesn't stop playing with her breasts. Mmm feels sooo nice, she thinks, as she pulls on her achingly hard nipples. She shudders as the warm jolts of electricity rush through her. Changing the pace, she runs her fingertips lightly over the areola, feeling the bumpy bumps swell up under her touch. Another moan escapes her, but she doesn't care now. it just feels so good.
Her hand traces down her stomach, and she gently slides it between her legs. Her bud, already swollen from her dreams, is brushed by her fingers, and Buffy shakes violently. She is so near, the slightest touch is making her knees weak and her body shudder . She parts her legs, and slowly, gently slips her hand down between them, gently caressing her swollen, puffy lips. Biting her lips not to groan, she caresses her fingertip over her lips, her hips slightly swaying as the sensations pour through her. She closes her eyes, and in her mind, it's not her hand anymore, but Willow's hand gently caressing her. She leans against the shower wall, and her fingers slide into her now lubricated slit. Unable to help it, she lets out a low groan, the feeling is so intense. It's Willows soft fingers touching her, and she starts to call out her name.
" Oh, Willow baby ... mmmm... oh, oh, oh god Willow ... uhhhh... ahhh....mmmmm"
Willow hurries into the bathroom, afraid Buffy's hurt herself while showering. She hears Buffy moaning, crying out her name. She sees her slumped against the wall. Oh god, she's fallen and hit her head. Fearing the worst, Willow gamely slides open the shower door. At first, she's not sure of what she's seeing. Buffy is slumped against the wall, but doesn't seem to be hurt... no blood... and she's smiling. Then Willow notices where Buffy's hand is, and she turns about 15 shades of red, and lets out a choked squeak.
Buffy's eyes fly open, and she sees Willow standing before her, getting wet by the shower spray, staring at her. She realizes WHAT Willow has seen, and is mortified. She wishes that right now, this very second, the earth would open up and swallow her whole. Her hand is still in her sex, and she's so close, but she sees Willow eyes, emerald green and wide open, staring at her. She's never been so embarrassed in her life.
" WILLOW! What're you doing! God!!!" Buffy, turning red herself, tries to cover herself.
Willow, mortified, and at the same time, excited seeing Buffy nude and well... doing what she was doing, squeaks again and backs out, turning and running out of the bathroom. In her haste to be elsewhere, she nearly runs into the doorjamb, and then caroms off into the other room. Buffy, wet, frustrated, horniness replaced by shame and guilt, quickly exits the shower, drying off. She wraps herself in the bath towel and follows Willow into the other room.
Buffy finds Willow on the bed... hiding beneath the blanket. She is shuddering, and Buffy can't help but feel a tiny bit amused at her friend's distress. Overreact much, Will, honey? I mean, what? You thought I never touched myself? Please don't even try to tell me you've never touched yourself, girl. Sighing , she sits next to Willow on the bed. Willow scoots away, a small squeak coming from under the blanket.
" Willow?" Buffy says, reaching out to her friend.
" Go 'way, Buffy" Willow says, sounding nervous.
" Willow, "Buffy repeats, soft but with a touch of firmness, "c'mon, we've got to talk about this."
" No we don't," Willow says from under her blanket, " we don't ever have to talk about this."
" Willow, please, it's... not that bad, honest, " Buffy says, feeling her cheeks warm, " I mean... c'mon, you just caught me ... oh... geeze, Will... please... we're both adults here. I was masturbating, and you ... well, walked in on me." Buffy glosses it over, conveniently leaving out she was in the shower and Willow had to open the shower door to really see her.
" I'm sooo sorry, Buffy, " Willow says , " I thought ... I heard you moaning, and I thought you were hurt, and you were calling out my name and I thought ' oh god she's hit her head and she's bleeding and she might die' and I had to help you so I opened the shower door and you were... you were... and I ... oh, I'm so bad... oh my god ... I saw you... and I couldn't look away... I didn't want to look away... I'm bad. I'm a bad, bad person. I should've never... oh..." Willow makes a little yipping noise, and huddles farther away from Buffy.
" Willow. Geeze, it's not the end of the world. I don't think there are any apocalypses concerning ... this." Buffy jokes, trying to reassure her friend. " I mean, color me red, huh? I was just embarrassed, was all. I didn't... I mean, I was surprised when I heard you and saw you. But ... please, honey, I'm not like upset or anything...really I'm not!"
" Not mad?" Willow peeks her head out her blanket. " You're not mad at me? I mean, that was so totally intrusive... and it was private, and I stood there like Cletus the slack jawed yokel watching..."
" You were watching?" Buffy says, surprised, embarrassed, and just a little excited.
" Watching? Did I say watching. No, not watching. I mean staring... noooo... not staring, I meant I saw you... and I ....well... I just was surprised..."
" How long? Were you... looking?" Buffy asks. God, why'd I ask that?!!
" For a second. Not even a second. A millisecond... a nanosecond... ohhhh... this isn't good..." Willow starts to duck under her blanket again, but Buffy won't let her. She grasps Willow's shoulder, and pulls her out.
" Willow, don't get wigged. Not mad, see?" Buffy smiles brightly at her. " Just curious... not a bad thing, ok?"
" 'K" Willow says, almost whispering it, but not trying to hide under her blanket.
" Just kind of ... well, I guess I'm kinda wigged by your reaction." Buffy says, quietly, " not like you haven't seen a woman naked before, and in a sexual way. So, you getting all wiggy... just kind of wigs me. I mean, am I ugly or something?"
" Oh, goddess, no, Buffy!" Willow says, emphatically, " You... you're beautiful" Willow whispers, almost shyly.
Buffy feels herself doing a full body blush. She thinks I'm beautiful!!!! Buffy, for all her bravado and confidence, like a lot of women, doesn't have a high opinion of her body, and finds every little fault, but tends to overlook the total picture. So Willow thinking she's beautiful is like chocolate. It stimulates her pleasure centers like nobody's business.
" Ok, " Buffy says, trying to keep her voice calm, " So why so wiggy, then? I mean... this IS the same girl that a few hours earlier was kissing my neck, touching my breasts, and really getting me all hot and bothered. Right? She didn't seem to have a shy bone in her body."
" That was totally different, Buffy" Willow says, " Then ... well, we were both in the same place, you know? We were sharing a moment, " Willow thinks about the taste of Buffy's skin, and wants to share lots and lots of those moments. BAD. STOP!! BAD!!! " that was different. But, when I ... well, when you were... I mean... in there" Willow points at the bathroom, still too freaked to say it, " that was private. I mean, private for you. And I walked in on it... and it was wrong!"
"Wrong? You think it was...wrong for me to masturbate?" Buffy says. Her tone is defensive.
" No, no, no. I meant, it was wrong for me to ... look... do you get it?" Willow blushes again.
" No"
" No?"
" I mean, I don't get it, Will. Look, honey, I know right now were on a strictly ' no touching, no kissing, no anything' platonic place. I respect that, and I know it's the right thing to do," which is why I'm hating it so much. Grrr." But, if we ... go beyond this phase, and get physical, I really don't want it where we have things we have to hide. I want everything to be ... out there, open and above board. No secrets. I'm not saying we should just be able to do anything... something that disgusts you, or me... we don't do. But something like ... this? I don't mind if you see me do it. I'd be totally freaked if like Dawn caught me... or Xander... oh, god, that would be totally bad," they both laugh at that, " but, ok, to be honest here? I'm not like minding it at all... sort of sexy?" Buffy looks at Willow for a reaction.
" Really?" Willow says, her tone sounding hopeful. The corners of her mouth turn up in a shy grin.
" Yeah, really," Buffy says, putting her hand on Willow's cheek. Unconsciously, she starts to stroke Willow's neck with her fingers. " I wanna be clear her, Will. If ever you want to try something, ask. I mean, if It freaks me, I'll tell you. But otherwise, who knows? It could be fun... I might like it... hell, I might be jonesing for it."
"Buffy?" Willow says, her voice sounding a little funny.
" What, Will?" Buffy asks, her fingers still stroking Willow's neck.
" Ummm... don't take this wrong, but please stop doing that!"
" Doing what?" Buffy asks, genuinely puzzled. Then she realizes she's stroking Willow's neck, and her cheeks burn. " Sorry, god, sorry." She snatches back her hand.
" I hate this, " Willow says, pouting.
Buffy nods, sitting silently, feeling sad and embarrassed. God, how am I gonna survive a week?
" Not meaning your touching me, I love that" Willow says, that strange little note in her voice again, " I just hate we... can't... shouldn't..."
" I think .... Willow, I'm going to bed. I'll sleep in the sleeping bag. But I can't sleep in the bed with you. it's just... too tempting, and too hard not to want to give into temptation."
"You're right, Buffy. I thought I was more mature... but I guess I'm not" Willow says, " But I'm sleeping in the sleeping bag, you need the bed. You gotta work tomorrow."
" Will, let's not Laverne and Shirley this, ok? Goodnight," Buffy stands up, and impulsively, leans in and kisses Willow on the top of her head. " Sweet dreams, Will ". Buffy turns and walks to the bathroom to retrieve her Pj's.
Willow watches Buffy walk away, and sighs. I so want to just run after her, tear that towel off of her, and do things to her that make her scream. I'm totally evil! It takes every ounce of her willpower to sit there. Worse, she's right back to where she was an hour ago, Buffy's unintended little caresses have her all wet again. Major horny here! Sighing yet again, she lays down. This is so going to be a loooong week. It's gonna be the hardest thing I ever do, I swear.
She closes her eyes, and tries to think of things that won't make it worse.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
Willow was wrong, however.
The week flew by. After that first awkward night together, both women managed to keep their hormones in check, and unconsciously found ways to avoid getting themselves into a similar situation. Instead, they concentrated on the other aspects of their relationship, and got back to a place of comfort... and familiarity. They remembered what was important... they were friends, good friends that enjoyed each other's company, and cared deeply about each other. They relaxed, and just let themselves be themselves. She couldn't remember a time when she was happier.
And the hardest thing? Wasn't getting through the week. It was standing here, in the airport, waiting for her plane. Knowing that she was going to have to say goodbye to Buffy again. That was hard. That was killer hard, and she was doing her best to keep a brave face... but she wanted to cry. This week had been amazing, and she didn't want it to end. Ever. The fact that Buffy was acting all cool and collected didn't help. Especially since Willow could see right through her, and knew she was feeling all bluesy and miserable too. Ache, ache, and more aches. Is that all we're ever going to have?
** " Good Evening, ladies and gentlemen. United Airlines Flight 715 to San Francisco International is now boarding at gate 23." **
" I guess that's me, " Willow says, standing with her carryon bag. She's facing Buffy. Neither are looking particularly happy.
" I guess so, " Buffy says. She reaches out, and puts her hand on Willow's shoulder. " Well, take care, Will. Have a good flight."
" I'll... uhhh... I'll call you when I land in San Francisco, ok?" Willow says, feeling the distance Buffy is trying to put between them. Knowing it's hurting Buffy, saying goodbye, as it's hurting her.
" You better!" Buffy says, trying to joke it up a little, and failing. " Well, goodbye....Oh, screw this!"
Before Willow can react, Buffy pulls her into a massive, warm hug. She feels Buffy's head on her shoulder, and Willow sighs. This is sooo much better! She pulls Buffy even closer, and whispers" I'm going to so miss you, baby."
" Me too, Will" Buffy says, her voice choked with emotion. She pulls Willow even closer. She doesn't want to let her go.
They hug for what seems forever, but it's still not enough. Finally, on the second boarding call , they break the hug.
" I promise, Buffy. I do. As soon as I get everything straightened out, I'll be back. Or you come, or something. We're gonna do this, I know it. I won't... no, I can't live without you!"
Buffy looks at her, not speaking. Instead, she pulls Willow in for a kiss. It's a warm, passionate kiss. Expressing all her emotions and longings and desires with her lips. Willow swears her brain melts.
" I gotta go, I really do Buffy, " Willow says, gasping, when they break the kiss.
" I know, I know, I know, " Buffy says, cupping Willow's face with her hands, " just so hard to let you go."
" I know, baby, oh goddess I know" Willow says. They kiss again, briefly. Then Willow turns, grabs her carryon and literally runs away. She knows if she doesn't, she won't go.
Willow, looking out the window as her plane taxis away from the gate, swears she can still see Buffy, looking so small and alone, looking out of the terminal window, watching her plane, her hand on the glass....
... watching as Willow's plane departs. Buffy can't help but feel a major part of her heart is taking off with Willow, leaving her feel alone and empty inside. She hates the feeling, hates it intensely.
Buffy watches Willow's plane until she can't see it any longer. Even then, she stands by the window, her thoughts flying out with Willow as she flies out of Buffy's life.
For now. Just for now. Buffy tells herself, over and over.
She turns and walks away from the window.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
Continued in Part 2