New and Old
by Rin
Fight or Flight
[reviews]
A/N: I use a lot of jazz tunes for Faith and her band b/c they are more soulful, jazzy rock. I can't remember who sings 'Lady in Red,' though...just thought it was funny. Something you'd never think of Faith listening to in a million years. Love makes you do the wacky! Thanks for the feedback...I really appreciate knowing what you guys think!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Buffy walked into the apartment, she managed to do three things at once: shut and lock the door behind her, hold a few plastic bags, and start to take her jacket off to hang it in the closet. Laying the bags down in the kitchen, she fully removed her jacket, hanging it for storage. Returning to the kitchen, she started removing the various items in her bags. First, she placed the food items in the refrigerator, and then laid the wine bottle horizontally on the tiny rack that she gave Willow for their fourth anniversary. The redhead had a nice selection in her cupboards but the blonde thought she would like to display a few bottles in her kitchen. Finally, she took out the candles and white daisies, and moved back into the bedroom, stopping only once in front of Faith's closed bedroom door, where she was singing along to 'Lady in Red.' Shaking her head in amusement, Buffy continued her journey to the redhead's bedroom.
The month seemed to fly by fast, and something seemed to bothering Willow more each day. The redhead had to fly out to New York for a few days to sit through interviews with one of her bands. As the months went by, Buffy was getting first hand what it was like to be dating the CEO of a record label, even if it was still considered a small one. Willow's flight was scheduled to land five minutes ago, and the blonde wanted to make sure she had a very nice welcoming home. Her editor had kept her overtime to finish her article for the printers the next day, and she felt they both deserved some much needed R & R. Buffy had no qualms with making sure her girlfriend received just that. The month before at the cabin had been perfect, and they decided that they needed to find time to do that more often, even though Willow knew that she was going to be extra busy with Rogue Slayer's album release the next month.
Now, two days before the release, the entire label it seemed had been working extra hard to promote the album. She only had time to talk to Willow briefly a few times a day, and knew that her girlfriend would be driving down to L.A. with the band, and a few execs in the label the day of the release. Once again, she wouldn't see her redhead for an entire weekend, and possibly a few days after that but she was more than willing to suffer the consequences for those moments that they were able to be alone. Now, she was preparing something ultra romantic for one of those moments. After setting up the candles by the bubbling Jacuzzi, and throwing the daisy petals in the floral scented foam, Buffy turned all of the lights off, and moved her way back to the kitchen, stopping and shaking her head in amusement once again in front of Faith's door, listening briefly now to her rendition of a jazz tune. She listened to Faith's smoky voice mixed with the sultry feminine voice, trying to make out some of the words.
I need your love so badly
I love you oh so madly
But I don't stand a ghost of a chance with you
I thought at last I found you
But other loves surround you
And I don't stand a ghost of a chance with you.
"Hmm...Faith seems to be in some lovelorn mood. Wonder what's up..." Buffy shook it off, and went about to finish her task. After pulling out the food, and placing them somewhat neatly on a tray, she tucked the wine bottle under her arm, brought down two wine glasses, and proceeded to move back to the bathroom. Once there, she laid the food tray and wine glasses down by the Jacuzzi, taking the corkscrew from the tray to open the bottle of wine. Letting the wine filter, she lit the several candles that adorned the area around the tub, and went to grab a few towels from the closet, folding them around the bar situated between the tub and huge shower. Hearing the bedroom door open, she knew she only had a few minutes to strip and put a robe on before Willow opened the bathroom door, so she did just that. Situating herself on the edge of the tub, she poured the two glasses of wine gently, while waiting for her lover to enter.
Hearing the bags being laid down on the floor, she didn't have to wait much longer before the redhead opened the door to see a robed Buffy sitting crossed leg by a candle lit Jacuzzi filled with white flowers. She looked exhausted but her eyes immediately sparkled when she saw the setup that the blonde had recently prepared for her arrival. Buffy seductively moved from the tub, and handed her a glass of the Chardonnay, while kissing her sensuously. Pulling back slightly from her face, she smiled lovingly next to her girlfriend's mouth.
"Welcome home."
"Buffy...this is gorgeous."
"Only the best for the best."
"Aww...I missed your sappiness."
"I missed your sappiness, too."
"Can I pee first, though?"
"Okay...just ruined the mood there, Will."
"No...don't worry. Mood not ruined...just...I need to pee really badly. I didn't know you'd be here; I just planned on calling you after I
was settled somewhat."
"Okay...but make it quick...I have a proper welcoming ceremony to give you."
"Yes, ma'am." She kissed her sweetly before moving over to the porcelain-plumbing object, and divesting of her pants and underwear while she was there. When she was finished, she washed her hands, and saw Buffy drop her robe seductively through the mirror, and inch slowly into the tub, keeping her eyes on her with a passionate gaze. Turning around, she unbuttoned her shirt torturously slow, causing the blonde to beg her to hurry it up, and finally flew the rest of her clothes to meet her other articles by the closet door. Cautiously dipping her body into the water, Buffy immediately pulled her body to her, and just locked their eyes together, not saying a word.
"I brought you a snack. Didn't know if you'd be hungry..."
"I'm always up for a midnight snack, as long as you're included."
"Well...you're in luck then...because I happen to have fruit and Buffy on the menu this evening."
"Sounds delicious."
"You'll have to tip the chef if things are good."
"I'll keep that in mind." Willow pulled Buffy into a deep kiss, not willing to let go of slippery body contact. Buffy fed her strawberries, seedless grapes, and cherries, and was astonished when she managed to tie a cherry stem with her tongue. Trying to teach Buffy, but with no success, they finally divested of the majority of the fruit, and all of the white wine. Tipsy to the core, and more than heated for the other, they let the water drain, blew out the candles, and dried each other's body before keeping in constant contact and kisses on their way to the bedroom. Falling onto the bed, Buffy broke contact briefly to yank the covers down, only to find that Willow's breathing had turned, and that the redhead had fallen asleep. Frustrated but careful not to wake her, she pulled Willow underneath the covers, kissing her temple as she went back to the bathroom to clean up a little after their romantic excursion. Putting on a robe, she took the tray, glasses, and bottle back to the kitchen to clean them in the sink. On her way back, she thought she heard Faith sobbing, and stood with her ear to the door to check out the scene. She could still hear the faint sounds of the soft jazz emanating from her stereo.
That old black magic has me in its spell
That old black magic that you weave so well
Icy fingers up and down my spine
The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine
The same old tingle that I feel inside
When that elevator starts its ride
Down and down I go, round and round I go
Like a leaf that's caught in the tide
I should stay away but what can I do
I hear your name, and I'm aflame
Aflame with such a burning desire
That only your kiss can put out the fire
You are the lover that I've waited for
The mate that fate had me created for
And every time your lips meet mine
Baby down and down I go, all around I go
In a spin, loving the spin that I'm in
Under that old black magic called love
Deciding that she couldn't take much more of the constant ignoring Faith had been doing around her, and the quiet sobbing and love songs mixed together, Buffy knocked quietly on the door a few times before Faith flew the door open. Tensing, and then relaxing a little, Buffy noticed the tissues piled in her trashcan, and the red puffiness around Faith's eyes and face but decided not to mention anything for fear of being slugged.
"Mind if I come in?" Faith seemed lost in thought for a moment before she sighed, and moved back to allow her entrance. Taking a seat at the edge of the bed, Faith followed, and curled up with her back against the headboard, trying to act cool but only coming off as tortured. "I heard you singing earlier. Who were you listening to?"
"Oh, um...Sarah Vaughn. She's a jazz singer."
"I like her."
"Yeah. She's one of my favorites. Probably the first jazz album I ever bought. It's the whole reason I play with the guys now, even though we mix it up a little."
"I can tell."
"Did you want somethin'?"
"Oh...no...just..."
"Spill it, B. It's obvious you want somethin'. It's written all over your face."
"It is?"
"Stop with the theatrics already, and get to the point."
"Okay. No need to be snippy."
"I'm not snippy. Who's being snippy?"
"Look...just..." Buffy sighed, and ran her hair through her damp locks in frustration. "You've been ignoring me, and I wanna know why. That's all."
"I'm not ignorin' ya."
"Yes you are. No sense denying it either, Faith, because we both know it's true. Have I done something to make you mad?"
"No. You didn't do anything."
"Then what is it because I definitely don't understand? I thought you and I got along pretty well. Sure, disagreements here and there but nothing that major."
"Nah...we're cool, B. Five by five an' all."
"Stop delaying because I really wish you'd talk to me about it instead of just beating around the bush constantly. You can't ignore me forever because you live with Willow, and you see me all the time when I'm over...what is it? Did I say something wrong?" Buffy noticed Faith move her head away from her, and scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, replaying her last comments, trying to gauge what caused that reaction. Coming up blank, she turned her attention back to the brunette. "Come on, Faith. Talk to me. Please?"
"I dunno...just...I'll start payin' more attention to ya. Sorry, okay?"
"No, Faith...you need to tell me. Obviously something's wrong."
"Look, I'm tired. I need some sleep before tomorrow. Could you close the door on the way out? Thanks." Buffy shook her head but decided not to push the girl any further for the night. Moving towards the door, she looked back before exiting.
"Faith. You can talk to me, or Willow. Either one of us. We consider you a good friend, and hope that you feel the same way about us. I'm not going to push but I do wish you'd talk to one of us."
"Yeah...whatever. G'night, B."
"Good night, Faith." She sighed, and closed the door behind her. Moving back into Willow's bedroom, she noticed that the redhead hadn't moved a muscle practically, and crawled into bed beside her after discarding her robe on the floor. Still worried about Faith, she tried to focus her attention on her sleeping girlfriend, and turned on her side, moving a few stray hairs behind her ear, kissing Willow's cheek lightly, and turning in for the night.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bronze was packed, and the speakers were booming. People were scattered everywhere, and there were cameras and reporters sitting at tables, waiting for Rogue Slayer to come on stage. Their release had hit the stores, and they quickly made a small following from the radio crowd. It was now Friday, and they had just returned back from Los Angeles from a few gigs the label had managed to get them for their first week of release. Faith's smoky vocals, and the mellow style had given the band great reviews in newspapers and magazines from coast to coast, with the few exceptions of the common reviewer. The sales had gradually increased since Tuesday, and the CDs that were being sold at the counter were selling gradually, and the band hadn't even taken the stage yet. Willow was currently in her office with Faith, just relaxing before the band played. The rest of the band, and the manager were mingling within the crowd. Teaching Willow how to play poker was the only thing the brunette could think of to relax her nerves before the show, and Willow amusedly complied.
Buffy walked in the doors, dressed in a pair of low rise jeans, and a fancy white top, and immediately went about the huge crowd to find her girlfriend. Not seeing her since Monday, she was more than excited to again reunite, even if it was while the redhead was working. After scanning the crowd for a few minutes, she found Xander and Anya, and they directed her to Willow's office. After rubbing Anya's growing belly for a moment, she smiled, made idle chitchat, and went off to find the hidden hallway. When she reached it, she was relieved to hear the voices coming from the darkened hallway. Knocking lightly before opening the door slightly, she smiled to find Faith currently giggling at Willow's argument behind how a set of four should beat a royal flush. Finally groaning that Faith was right, the brunette gathered the cards, and startled shuffling when Willow looked up to find Buffy giggling at them. Turning around, Faith physically and emotionally tensed, knowing that she'd have to again watch another physical display of affection between the two.
Moving to sit next to Willow on the couch, Buffy linked her arm through Willow's, clasping their hands at the end, and kissing her sweetly on the cheek in greeting. Knowing that Faith would be uncomfortable, Willow tried to avoid too much contact, hoping that the brunette wouldn't run away from them. Instead of running, she just kept shuffling the cards nervously, while keeping her eyes averted from the couple. Buffy noticed that Faith's mood had changed when she walked into the room, and that Willow had avoided kissing her back. Wondering what was up, she decided to wait to ask her girlfriend when the brunette left for the stage in five minutes.
Deciding that she couldn't wait any longer, and not wanting to jar Willow from being with her girlfriend, Faith laid the cards down, and stood up from the desk chair, moving it back to small table. Saying that she was going downstairs to get ready, she left the office hastily before Will could protest, or Buffy could ask questions. She shut the office door, and took a very deep breath to calm herself before making her way from the darkened hallway.
Buffy was sad that Faith had an obvious problem with her, and Willow just stared at the door, still worried about her friend, and having no idea what to do about it. Maybe it was time to tell Buffy. Turning to her girlfriend, she noticed that the blonde looked nice, and forgot about the heartsick brunette for a moment. Squeezing her hand gently, Buffy turned to look at the gorgeous redhead smiling at her, and the blonde smiled back. Leaning in to kiss her gently on the lips, they kept their heads close together, foreheads touching, and continued with the happy smirking.
"You look nice."
"Yeah...well, I heard there was this party at the Bronze tonight, and thought I'd show up, hoping some redhead would sweep me off
my feet."
"I'm thinking that could be arranged." They kissed a few more times before they heard Xander's voice coming through the speakers downstairs, announcing the band. When the band started to play, Willow pulled Buffy out to stand on the balcony to watch for a few songs, with her arms wrapped around her waist in a loving embrace. Leaning in to her ear, she wanted to be heard above the crowd when she spoke, right after placing a light kiss in her sensitive spot. "I've missed you." Buffy leaned further back in the embrace, and wrapped her own arms around Will's. Turning around, she kissed her sweetly on the lips.
"I've missed you more."
"I'm sorry that I couldn't talk much this week."
"It's okay. It's your job. I totally understand. Just as long as you come back to me in the end."
"As long as you don't mind me doing just that."
"You'll never hear me complain."
"Good." They kissed again, and turned back around to see Faith down on the stage, tinkling her fingers on the baby grand, and singing into the microphone. The band finished playing the last few bars in the slow song, and Faith looked up briefly to notice the two lovers swaying together, watching from over the railing. Looking back down, she didn't give the crowd time to finish clapping before starting up the slow intro to the next tune.
I could show the world how to smile
I could be glad all of the while
I could turn the gray skies to blue
If I had you
I could leave my old days behind
Leave all my pals and never mind
There is nothing I couldn't do
If I had you
I could climb a snow-capped mountain
Sail the mighty ocean wide
I could cross a burning desert
If I had you by my side
I could be a queen dear on ground
Humble or poor
Rich or renown
There is nothing I couldn't do
If I had you
"This isn't theirs, is it?" Buffy turned her head slightly, so that Willow could hear above the speakers. On the dance floor, couples were abound to the slow, sultry music, and Willow was swaying their bodies together while they watched.
"No."
"Is Faith alright?"
"I guess so. Why?"
"Are you sure? The other night, when I was there, she had been crying, listening to all sorts of lovelorn music, singing along. It was kinda strange to see her like that."
"Oh. Well, she has been listening to more music lately, and playing her keyboard more than usual."
"I think something's wrong."
"What makes you say that?" Buffy could feel Willow's body tense against hers but decided that she was just unaware of the problem, and was mentally scolding herself for not paying that much attention.
"Well...she looked like she'd been crying, Will. This is Faith we're talking about."
"No...I mean, there's nothing wrong. Faith could cry. Everybody cries. Why shouldn't she be allowed to cry? It's a natural human response. She's human."
"Will, sweetie..." Buffy scrunched her eyebrows together, wondering what caused the babble. It was only something she did when she was nervous, or scared. There should be no reason for either of those. "Do you know something, and you're not telling me? It's okay; we don't have to talk about it if you know something, and Faith doesn't want you to tell." Willow released her hold on Buffy, and let out a high-pitched groan. Buffy turned around to find Willow's entire face and neck was crimson. "Willow? Are you okay? Do you want to go sit down a minute?"
"No. No, I'm okay. There's nothing wrong. Really."
"Somehow I'm finding that harder to believe. Is it bad? Does it involve me because it would explain why she keeps ignoring me, or finding an excuse to leave when I'm around? Does she not like me, or something, is that it?"
"No. No, she likes you. She told me."
"So, she has talked to you. At least she's talked to somebody. Can you tell me what the problem is? Am I doing something that she doesn't like?"
"No..."
"No what?"
"You're not doing something she doesn't like."
"So...what is it then, Will? You're confusing me."
"More like you're doing someone that she likes."
"What? I'm just doing..." Buffy stopped talking, and let the information sink in. As it gradually became clearer, her eyes grew wider, and her temper was threatening to leak from behind her red face and rapid breathing. "What?" Her tone was more primal, feral, commanding, and Willow moved back a little at the narrowed look on the blonde's face. "How long?"
"How long what, Buffy?" Willow continued inching back, afraid that her girlfriend was going to blow a casket, and her voice was barely audible but she knew the blonde had heard when she found her blazing eyes.
"What do you think, Will?? How long has this been going on? Did you just think that I wouldn't ever find out, or something? That you and her could do this...I can't believe it. Why would you...how could you...I thought you loved me." Willow looked at the fuming Buffy, and even though tears were flowing freely from her blazing eyes, she knew that approaching her wasn't the answer. "Answer me!" Willow flinched at the loud harsh tone, and when she opened her eyes, she noticed that people were starting to turn their attention at them. "Answer me, Willow!! How long?!" More than a little scared and nervous, Willow noticed that Xander and Anya had made their way over to them cautiously, only stopping when they saw Buffy. Shaking her head, and hiding her hands to hide her tears, she made a beeline back to her office, knowing that Buffy was following. When she heard the hallway door slam loudly, she flinched again before she could get her office door open to escape. Buffy pinned her body against the door roughly, and looked like she was about to explode. Willow struggled but the blonde had found some form of supernatural strength all of a sudden, and she couldn't break free. With her hands pinned over her head with one of the blonde's hands, and the other one arching their bodies apart by her head, she decided that she should just answer. 'I didn't think she'd be this upset at Faith being in love with me. I thought she'd be a little upset at me keeping it a secret but not this much. Oh, goddess...what have I done? Buffy...'
"No..."
"What's that, Will? What? No, what?!"
"No..."
"Dammit, Willow!! Just tell me!!!" She slammed the hand that was beside Willow's head against the wall, causing the echo to reverberate in the hall, glad that the music outside could drown all noise from the dark passage.
"I can't...do this." Willow was barely speaking above a whisper, and her words were slightly mumbled from her sobs.
"Yes you can!!! Willow, just tell me how long!!!"
"Two months." Buffy pushed away from her dejectedly, and Willow let her body fall to the floor. "A couple days before we went to the cabin."
"No..." Buffy fell back harshly against the other side of the hall, and held her hand over her mouth to cover up her loud sobs.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be this mad."
"Not this mad? How could you think that I'd be okay with this? I love you...doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Yes...of course it does. More than you'll ever know. I didn't mean for it to happen, neither did she. It just did. You can't plan these things...look at us." Buffy was taken aback that Willow was starting to act calm, like it didn't matter that she was sleeping with Faith while they were together. "Baby, please...talk to me. What's so bad about it? I think it's wonderful to some degree, and we've talked about it a few times. It's nothing to worry about. She knows that I love only you."
"What's so bad? You really have to ask me that? Maybe...maybe I should just go." Buffy stood up, and wiped her eyes to some semblance of clarity. She walked down the hall, and turned back around to see Willow kneel to reach out to her.
"No, baby. Don't go...let's talk about this. What's wrong?"
"I can't, Will. I can't do this. I can't share you with anybody else."
"You won't be. Please don't go."
"I can't believe I'm saying this...but maybe we just aren't going to work out. Obviously, I'm not enough...forget it."
"No, baby...don't. We can work it out, I promise. No more secrets. I promise."
"You really think it's the fact that you kept it a secret from me that's the problem?"
"What else could it be?"
"Bye, Willow."
"No, Buffy...I need you...baby, come back." She didn't listen, though, and just left Willow sobbing on her hands and knees, unable to move from the shock of the sudden turn of events. One minute they were swaying together and kissing, and the next Buffy is breaking up with her because she kept a secret. 'Okay...so it was a big secret but I promised Faith, and I didn't think she'd react like this. Oh my goddess...what have I done?'
Xander and Anya watched Buffy hurry to get out of the club, nothing but tears, and looking like she'd been stabbed in the gut. After a few minutes, Willow never followed her, and Xander began to panic that something major had happened, and that his best friend was in no better shape than her girlfriend. The married couple snuck back into the darkened hallway, and found Willow curled up in a fetal position on her knees, sobs muffled slightly from her arms and the ground. He knelt down, and raised her body up to wrap her into his arms. She just continued to cry into his chest, and he let her, while his wife placed a comforting hand on both of their shoulders, still unaware of what exactly had just happened in this tiny corridor moments before they entered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A week passed by, and both girls were nothing but shells of themselves, neither one talking too much to their friends, families, or coworkers than was absolutely necessary. Willow had tried calling several times but Buffy never answered, and just sat there while the redhead left message after message on her machine. Willow had to go to Los Angeles again for interviews, and publicity for the label, and a few of her bands, including Rogue Slayer. Xander called Fred and Cordelia, and asked if Willow could stay with them instead of going to a hotel. Without much argument from either side, Willow had been staying there for a few days, while she finished up her business but between every meeting, interview, and promotion, she would always call Buffy, hoping that she would pick up just once. After talking to Fred and Cordy, she decided that she wasn't going to give up that easily but Buffy was making it more than difficult.
Meanwhile, Buffy was sitting on her couch, staring into nothing but a dark house. Bubbles jumped on the couch with her, and wagged her nub for attention but groaned after several minutes, and the blonde still hadn't acknowledged her presence. She had barely even moved. All she could see was Willow...happy Willow, seductive Willow, sad Willow...Willow arguing with Anya over her lack of tact, Willow stopping sad movies at a happy part, so that there wouldn't be a sad ending. The way Willow smelled, her shampoo, the way her auburn locks flowed through her fingers when they were cuddling on the couch, her tousled hair in the morning sun. Her yawns, her smiles, the cute way her face scrunches up when she's confused about something. Almost everything they'd ever done together, or said to each other. Buffy had never been so heartbroken...she felt like a part of herself was completely missing now, and the pain was permanently there, leaving her in the darkness. Dawn had come home for spring break the day before, and she had barely even acknowledged her presence. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep, she didn't want to move.
"Buffy...you have to eat something. You look sick." After a few minutes of urging her sister to eat, Dawn decided to call in reinforcements. Buffy wasn't talking, and she'd noticed that she never took Willow's calls, since there were 78 messages from her on the machine when she arrived. Not wanting to interfere in something she knew nothing about, she called the only person she knew that had dealt with an extremely lesser form of this Buffy before, and could deal with her catatonic state. After the third ring, she finally heard the voice on the other line. Explaining the situation, there was hardly any argument, and she knew to set up the guest room for tomorrow. "Buffy...somebody's coming to see you tomorrow."
"Is it Willow?" Taken aback by the neutral tone at the mention of her girlfriend, Dawn decided to just keep it a surprise, since Buffy was obviously in no mood at this point.
"No."
"Good."
"Buffy...what's going on? Won't you talk to me please? This isn't like you..."
"It is now."
"Buffy...come on. I've never seen you like this. I'm scared."
"Nothing to be scared of."
"Then talk to me." Without any movement of her head, Buffy just got up from the couch, and left Dawn in the dark. She watched her older sister walk up the stairs like a zombie, and willed that her last resort would get there faster than anticipated.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Willow, maybe you should come to bed. She's obviously not going to call back this late."
"No. I have to be awake in case she calls back."
"You haven't had any sleep since you've been here, and Xander said that you weren't getting sleep before, either. You need to rest. You look sick."
"I have a right to be."
"Will...sweetie, you need to sleep, and eat something, too, while you're at it. She won't call if you keep torturing yourself like this. Give her some time. She's obviously confused about things right now." Willow turned her tear-stained face up to see Fred, and sighed, once again crying over the loss of her girlfriend.
"This feels worse than losing Tara. Fred..." Fred just wrapped her arms around the sobbing redhead, and rocked her back in forth on the couch. "I just didn't tell her Faith was in love with me. Why would she react that way? Was she looking for a way to get rid of me, and found her chance?"
"No...don't think like that, Willow. You know that's not right. Buffy loves you."
"Not anymore."
"She does...just give her time. She obviously needs to figure some things out right now. I'm sure she doesn't know how she reacted that way, either."
"She made it pretty clear."
"Willow...honestly...things will work out. We used to fight, and we'd always make up in the end. The making up was always worth it in the end."
"Yeah...but you never broke up with me for keeping a secret."
"It was a pretty big secret, and even if we don't understand what made her react that way...it doesn't matter. You need some sleep, and in the morning, I'm making you a big breakfast, and I don't want to hear any arguments." Willow wiped her tears, and released her death grip on Fred, and followed her into the bedroom. She crawled under the covers, and Fred followed suit, turning the table lamp off before getting situated. After several minutes of deep breathing, Willow turned on other side, facing Fred, who was facing her. "It's gonna be okay, Will."
"It just hurts too much."
"I know. We've been there, remember?" Willow nodded slightly, and Fred tucked a few auburn locks behind her ear.
"Did you really love me?"
"I still do."
"Then, why did you leave?"
"I didn't leave, Wills. It was just too hard for us, you know that."
"I know...I just...make it stop hurting, Fred."
"I wish I could. I'm doing everything that I can. It will get better. I promise." She leaned over, and pressed her lips lightly against Willow's, and stayed there for a few minutes before pulling back slightly, and rested her forehead on hers. Willow, content with the contact, pulled her in again for another light kiss, and then another.
"Fred..." She deepened the kiss slightly, and Fred wasn't pushing her away, so she reached up underneath her t-shirt. When she had Fred's slim form underneath hers, she started sliding the shirt over her head, without breaking contact. Cupping a small breast, she was feverishly trying not to cry but she could still taste the salt between kisses. Finally, Fred's logic returned, and she fought everything that she had to keep herself grounded for her friend. Moving her arms back around Willow, she kissed her lightly one last time, as she pulled her away from her body. When the redhead stopped, she took one hand to remove the one holding her breast, and cupped her friend's tear-filled cheek with the other, wiping the trails with her thumb.
"Willow...we can't. As much as I've wished for this moment over and over again, we can't. You're not thinking clearly, sweetie. I can't let you do something you'll regret in the morning. That both of us will regret in the morning."
"You don't want me?"
"I just said that I did."
"Then, why regret it? Nobody's regretting here."
"Willow...you're just looking for an easy outlet right now for the pain. A few seconds of pleasure isn't worth the pain and guilt you'll feel in the morning, and I'll feel guilty because I had the power to stop it, and didn't. Things are going to work out. Just give it a little more time. Even if it's painful, I promise the end is going to be amazing. I've never heard or seen you so happy before in my life, and it's all because of Buffy. I have a feeling that she's hurting right now just as much as you are, and you know it to be true." Willow moved off of Fred's body, and just lay facing her from her right side. The slim brunette kept wiping the tears away from her face. "You go back on Monday."
"No. I'm finished tomorrow."
"I know but I'm making you stay another two days, so that I can make sure that you eat and sleep. When you get back with Buffy, she'll want a strong, healthy Willow. You've always had my heart, now let me get you back yours." Fred kissed her temple, pulled her shirt back down, and pulled Willow's body to hers. Rubbing her back in calming circles, she started to cry herself when she felt her ex-lover fall asleep snuggled against her.