New and Old
by Rin
Enemies and Lovers
[reviews]
"Hello, niblet." Dawn smiled when she saw Spike standing at the door. Opening it further, he crushed his cigarette beneath his boot before moving inside the house, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. "What's happened now?" Dawn closed the door behind them, and took Spike up to the guest room, where she helped him settle in before taking him to see Buffy, who was still in bed since she'd departed her company yesterday.
"I don't know. She won't talk to me, Spike. It's worse than ever, and I don't know what to do. I'm honestly scared. I didn't know what to do, so I called you."
"Probably for the best."
"I hope so. Something's up, and all I can figure out is that something happened between her and Willow."
"Who is Willow?"
"Her girlfriend."
"Oh." He tried not to show the shock on his face that his ex lover had taken to dating a woman. He knew that she was bisexual, had shown him many times in their sexual excursions but never imagined that she'd actually settle down with another woman. Tossing his black duster on the bed, he turned back around to Dawn. "Well...tell me what you know, and we'll go from there."
"Well, Willow calls, and she won't talk to her, lets the message get it, and you can tell that Will is distressed, too, from her voice. Other than that, I don't know anything. She won't talk to me. She wouldn't even talk to Charles when he called yesterday. Willow's in LA with his girlfriend right now, and her roommate."
"I see. Well, where she at? Time old Spike knocked some sense into that mind of hers."
"Thanks for coming, Spike." He just nodded. "I know it's probably strange being back here, after...well, it's good to see you again."
"Don't mention it. It's something your sister and I do."
"I never understand your relationship."
"It was never a relationship, that's probably why."
"Oh."
"Well, where is her royal pain in the ass?"
"In her bedroom. She hasn't come out since last night. She hasn't eaten, and I when she is out of bed, I don't think she's really there. She's just...there."
"Right. Okay. Time I got to it then." He headed towards Buffy's room, and Dawn watched as he opened the door slowly. When he was completely inside, she moved down to the kitchen to prepare dinner, hoping that her sister would finally eat something. Spike inched his way into the darkened bedroom, and took in his surroundings. The curtains were completely closed, hiding the moonlight, and there were tissues and clothes strung all over the place. The usually somewhat tidy room was filled with nothing but small, white sheets, and a mess of clothes that he didn't remember the blonde ever wearing. He saw Buffy curled up into a ball underneath her comforter, and decided to just get on with it. Sitting down on the bed, he placed a comforting hand over her blanketed form.
"Go away, Spike." He arched an eyebrow at her dead tone.
"How did you know it was me?"
"You're the only person I know that smells like cigarettes and death."
"Can't blame a fellow for making a living."
"You dig graves. I hardly find a living in that."
"Making jokes now, I see."
"It wasn't a joke." They were quiet for a few moments before Buffy peeked her head out from under the covers. "What do you want?"
"I got a call."
"Yeah, well. I don't need your help this time. You can go."
"Don't think so. You got little bit scared, and that's not like you. Tell me what's going on, love."
"Nothing."
"It doesn't look like nothing from where I'm sitting."
"Well, then maybe you should move."
"Can't do that."
"Lose the use of your legs?"
"Hardly."
"Then go."
"Sorry, love. I'm staying until you spill." Buffy sighed angrily, and sat up in the bed, hair
tousled, tear-stained cheeks, dark circles under her eyes, and pink and puffy in the face. "You know I'll get it out of you one way or the other...might as well do this the non-violent way."
"Look...just leave me alone."
"Sorry. I stay."
"No...just go."
"No."
"Please?" Spike could see that she was about to cave, and wasn't going to give up to her sobbingly pleading tone. She was about to break again.
"No."
"Spike, please? Just go..."
"No."
"Please..." She was pounding on his chest, screaming and sobbing with everything that she was. She was all cried out, it felt, but the tears just kept coming, and wouldn't stop. The pain was just too unreal, and she felt as though she was dying. "Spike..." She stopped hitting him, and he grabbed her tight, stroking her hair, and rocking her pathetic form. "Why?"
"Why what, Buffy?"
"Why did she sleep with her?"
"Who, love?"
"Willow..."
"Ah...I see." Buffy moved away, wiping at her face to get a less blurry view of her ex-lover. She took a look at him for a moment. His hair was still slicked back, bleach blonde, and he still wore only black. At first glance, people would be intimidated by the way he carries himself but Buffy was immediately attracted to the danger that he represented. He still screamed dangerous but she still trusted him, after so long of finally being able to do just that. This was a normal occurrence. When she was feeling lonely, or fell into a funk, he would show up, and the two would start up with their hard, rough sex antics, and spend time doing nothing but. He loved her, and she had known that long before they had started having sex but she was never sure exactly how she felt about him. She felt for him but she didn't honestly know if it was actually love. It was nothing like she felt for Angel, and Riley to some extent, and now that she had been with Willow, she knew that it was never love...because she had now felt genuinely, painful, pure love, and she had lost her.
"It hurts so much."
"I know it does."
"Yeah, I guess you would." She exhaled slowly, and took a few calming breaths, willing herself to at least tell somebody, and since Spike was always who she ended up talking to in these times, it was better now than later. "She was sleeping with her roommate, too."
"Ah..."
"It wouldn't have been that bad if she didn't always treat me like I was the only one. Instead, she was sleeping with Faith, too...argh!!!!" She stood up quickly, and felt dizzy from the sudden movement. Spike caught her before she fell, and moved her to sit back down on the bed. "She didn't even think she did anything wrong! She just sat there on the floor, acting like it was nothing!"
"Buffy..."
"When Dru did that to you, how did you feel?" Spike didn't say anything, knowing exactly where she was coming from completely. "Spike...she was nothing like that...never even gave me a reason to doubt...so why?"
"I don't know, bit."
"I...it...it hurts so much, and I feel like I've been slip, and she took the best of me with her. I haven't been to work all week...I've hardly eaten anything. I haven't showered."
"I can tell."
"Spike, it's killing me, and I don't know that I'll ever get over this."
"Well, niblet mentioned that she's called...maybe if you talked to her..."
"No!! Absolutely not!!!"
"Why not?"
"She was the one that was cheating on me! I shouldn't be the one to apologize."
"Little bit mentioned that she's tried over seventy times."
"I don't wanna hear it."
"You just said that you wanted her to apologize."
"But I want her to mean it."
"How do you know she doesn't?"
"Because...I can still feel her."
"And..."
"She doesn't know what's wrong, why I reacted the way I did...she's in pain, too...and I can't give into it no matter what. She was the one that cheated."
"Yes, we've established that part."
"No, Spike. That's it. It's over...I can't live with somebody that thinks that sleeping with somebody else while in a relationship with me is okay."
"Didn't bother you before..." He smirked, knowing that she used to meet him in tombs for their sex games when Riley would fall asleep at night.
"It's different this time."
"Maybe..."
"Spike...please...make me feel something...anything...I can't do this anymore...I can't...I..." She crashed her lips roughly against his, and they continued kissing hungrily, practically ripping their clothes off in the process to just feel something. Buffy wanted to get rid of the pain of losing Willow, and she thought that Spike could make her forget...just like he had time after time. Deep down, she knew this was the chicken's way out...she was just running away from the problem but the pain was too much for her to handle. She was about ready to explode, and she needed Spike to hurt her in all the right places...just to make the emotional pain go away, even if just for a moment. It wasn't cheating, she kept telling herself, because she had told her it was over, and just as she was being slammed against the wall for the third time that night, she kept telling herself that it was poetic justice. However, she was still crying on the inside, even more now because she still felt like it was cheating, and she couldn't do that to Willow, even if her ex-girlfriend had done that same thing to her.
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Piling out of bed, Dawn grabbed the incessantly ringing phone. Buffy and Spike had kept her up all night with the constant moaning, groaning, and banging on the walls. She was more than upset that she had fallen in to her old sex escape with the bleach blonde but at least he had gotten her to talk, reveal what was wrong. Still unaware as to what that was exactly, she was planning on drilling one or the other for the facts.
"Hello?" Her voice was tired, and mumbled. There was no answer on the other end but she could hear somebody gasp for breath. She sat up further in bed, and willed herself to wake up somewhat. "Hello?"
"Dawnie?"
"Willow!! Where are you? What happened? What have you done to my sister?"
"Dawnie, calm down. I didn't do anything to Buffy...at least I don't think. Can I talk to her?"
"She's not awake."
"Oh...um...how are things? Are you on spring break?" Dawn could hear the defeated
resolve fall from the redhead's voice, and she wanted to slap them both for not figuring out what the problem was. They were both obviously severely depressed over what happened. Dawn decided that maybe Willow would be willing to tell her something...anything. She wanted to help her sister out of her funk, and she wanted to see her happy again. Knowing that the woman on the phone was what made her happy, the young brunette decided to drill for some information.
"Yeah. It's been dull, though. My friends from school all went to New York, and they aren't out yet here. So, it's just me and Buffy, who by the way is more dull than usual. What happened?"
"I don't know, Dawnie. I really have no idea. She just snapped, like I had done something horrible, and it was just a secret."
"Oh...what kind of secret? Like...you're actually married and have seventeen illegitimate children?"
"No...nothing like that. Just that Faith is in love with me. That's all. Faith didn't want me to tell her, so I didn't. I feel so bad, Dawnie. I didn't know she'd react like that."
"That is awkward...that's it? That's all that happened?"
"As far as I know...look, maybe I should let you go. You sound tired. Did you not sleep last night?"
"Oh...um...there was a lot of noise." Dawn really didn't want to tell Willow the real reason...that was between her and her sister. More than angry at Buffy at reacting so ignorantly, and not just talking it out, she resolved herself. "I'll talk to you later, Willow."
"Okay." Dawn was about to hang up when she heard Willow call her attention back. "If she'll listen, can you tell Buffy...tell her that I love her, and that I'm sorry."
"Don't worry, Willow. She'll get the message."
"Bye, Dawnie."
"Bye." She hung up the phone, and set her jaw, trying to breathe deeply, thinking her sister had brought all of this upon herself because she was scared. Dawn wasn't about to let Buffy give up total happiness over something so mundane. After she was calm a little, she stretched, and went to brush her teeth. Once she had her hair pulled back, she set her resolve again, and stormed into Buffy's room without knocking. She wasn't even startled to see Spike and her sister uncovered on the floor, scratches, cuts, and bruises all over their bodies. This happened every time, and she wasn't about to let it happen this time. She thought of Willow as a surrogate sister, and wasn't about to let Buffy ruin the best thing that had happened to her. "Get up!" Her tone was icy, and that caused the two to stir.
Hearing Dawn's angry voice, Buffy snapped her eyes open, realizing that she and Spike were still naked. Pulling a crumpled sheet that was torn from the bed, she wrapped herself, and threw a blanket to Spike. Standing up, she was wide-eyed, and still hazy from the lack of sleep, and pained from the rough sex. She hadn't even been turned on that much by Spike like she used to be, and when he thrust into her each time, her opening burned from the harsh entrance and constant in and out.
"I'll be in the hall. Get dressed."
"Dawn, what..."
"I said, get dressed." She left no room for argument, and slammed the door shut as she exited. Waiting impatiently in the hall, her sister emerged with a long t-shirt the only thing covering her form. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you do this every time?"
"What? Spike?"
"That's part of it."
"Well..." Buffy was in defensive mode, and Dawn was in bitch mode. Sister against sister, the fight had begun...the outcome still unknown.
"Well...don't you have something to tell me?"
"Tell you what? You obviously heard us...and saw us...there's nothing else to tell."
"Yes, there is, and you know it."
"What are you..."
"Willow."
"What about her? She was the one that cheated on me...we're through...it doesn't matter who I sleep with now, and it's none of your business. So, just back off!"
"Cheated? You think she cheated on you?"
"She sure well made it clear the other night!"
"What? Did you just walk in on her and some other girl or guy?"
"No...not exactly..."
"Then what? Because, honestly, Buffy...she's the best thing that's ever happened to you, and I can't stand to see you throw that away. You always do this! You always run away when things get too bad!!"
"I am not running away!!! I love her!!! That's why it hurts so bad!!! Can't you see that?"
"Then what are you doing? Why aren't you over there right now, making up, getting back together?"
"She cheated on me!!! What part of that don't you understand?"
"What, did she just come out and say, 'Oh, by the way, I'm cheating on you?' Because I gotta say, Buf...doesn't sound plausible. Willow's not like that."
"How would you know?!"
"Because you know it, too." They stopped yelling for a moment, and just stared at each other, jaws set, eyes bold, and minds not budging. "So, tell me, Buffy...what did happen exactly?" Buffy sighed, and walked her sister into the brunette's room. Shutting the door, they sat on the bed. "You can tell me..."
"We were at the Bronze, and Rogue Slayer was playing."
"Oh!! I bought their CD!" Buffy eyed her sister warningly but Dawn could see the pain still emanating from behind her hazel eyes. "Sorry...continue..."
"Next thing I know...I'm asking about Faith because she'd been acting differently lately, especially around me. She'd been avoiding me. I tried talking to her but...it was nothing but defense mechanism central with her. When I asked Willow, she just told me that she'd been with Faith since before we went to the cabin that weekend."
"Wait...the cabin...I remember you telling me about that."
"Yeah..." Buffy hung her head, and tried to stop the tears but it was still to no avail.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I know that weekend meant a lot to you."
"More than you know...more than I even know sometimes."
"Tell me what else..."
"We just started fighting. She ran back into the hallway that holds her office, and we just kept fighting. I couldn't take it, and told her that I couldn't be with her, and left. It was the worst day of my life...even worse than when Angel..."
"I know, Buffy...I'm sorry."
"Dawn...it hurts so much..." Dawn cradled her sister's weeping form, and just held her there in silence.
"Shh...Buffy, it's okay." She kept cooing soothing words to calm the crying Buffy. "I talked to her this morning."
"Willow?"
"Yeah..."
"I don't want to talk to her."
"Maybe you should."
"Why? I have nothing left to say to her."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't."
"See, Buffy...I think something happened in the lines of communication. You have a hot temper..."
"Hey!"
"See?"
"Okay...I'll give you that but that doesn't change anything."
"Maybe it should. I don't think Willow ever cheated on you. I think you just heard what
she said, and twisted it that way."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you always do. In every relationship you've ever had, you've always felt that you didn't deserve to be happy, that when you were, it was too good to be true. Now...you've never been happier. So, you take her words, and only hear what you think you deserve."
"Did you change your major again, and I don't know about it?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind. She told me she was sleeping with Faith, Dawn."
"Did she really? Because when I talked to her, she didn't understand why you had reacted so harshly over the fact that she kept a secret. A secret, Buffy...that's all."
"Yeah...the secret was that she was sleeping with Faith."
"No...Faith is in love with her. That's all. Nothing happened."
"That doesn't make sense...why would she..."
"Buffy, listen to me. Snap out of it. You're going to have to deal with the fact that you are
going to be blissfully happy for the rest of your life if that girl can help it. She's not going to do ANYTHING that'll jeopardize that. You do deserve to be happy. She knows it. I know it. Hell, even Spike knows it."
"Oh my god...Dawnie..." She looked up fear-stricken at her sister, as she replayed the entire conversation, and realized that Dawn was right: never once did Willow say that she had been sleeping with Faith. "I slept with Spike..."
"Don't remind me...I'm going to be sleeping all day now because you two were at it all night. When I called him, I honestly didn't think you'd..."
"Oh my god...Dawnie, what have I done?"
"Buffy...Buffy..." Seeing her sister getting ready to fall back into herself again, she tried to think quickly before it actually happened. "Buffy! Listen to me!! We're going to get Willow back!! We are! She wanted me to tell you that she misses you, and that she's sorry. She's not mad...she just doesn't understand. You need to explain, Buffy."
"Dawnie..."
"No! You are not doing this again! You're going to eat something..." She looked at Buffy, and waved her hand in her face for emphasis "...and definitely take a shower...maybe two. Then, we're going to the store, and we're going to plan a nice evening for you two. You're going to explain, then you'll kiss and make up...it's that simple."
"But, how do I explain Spike? Dawnie...I slept with him, and I didn't even like it."
"Well, that's a start. People have different ways of coping...I go to chocolate...you for some strange reason go to sex with Spike...which I will never understand..."
"You used to have a crush on him, remember?"
"Please, don't remind me. I was fourteen; what's your excuse?"
"Okay...are you sure you didn't change your major to psychology?"
"Nope. Still romantic languages."
"Which I will never understand..."
"Okay...at least I'm doing something that I love, unlike some people I know..."
"Hey...I'm getting back into it."
"Oh, really? Let me see something you've written in the past month."
"Okay...so it's mostly notes, and stuff like that...nothing concrete..."
"At least it's a start. And see? Willow got you back something you love. Were you really willing to give that all up?"
"Okay, Dawnie. You've made your point." Dawn smiled, and dragged Buffy out of her room, sending her off to get a shower...or maybe two.
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Deciding that she couldn't wait any longer, she set off back to Sunnydale with a nervous resolve. She WAS going to talk to Buffy, and she didn't care how much it hurt, or what happened. She couldn't live like a zombie. Fred was right. Willow was more than grateful to her friend that she had stopped her from making a mistake. Instead, she had watched over her, and held her at night, making sure that she slept. Fred truly was a great friend to her, and she had listened to her advice, and decided that she was not willing to give up that easily on Buffy. Since the blonde wouldn't talk to her on the phone, she was just going to go to her house, and make her talk to her face to face since there was nowhere to run. Standing on the doorstep for a few minutes, she finally took a deep breath, and managed to knock. When the door opened, she was prepared to go straight into but was shocked that Buffy, or even Dawn didn't open the door. It was a strange man that she'd never met, never even seen pictures of him. She thought that it might be Dawn's boyfriend, even if he did look a little old for her. He was standing there, wearing nothing but a pair of leather pants, and his bleached hair was tousled every which way. He just stared at her, staying out of the setting sun's rays as though he were allergic.
"Yeah?" She wasn't prepared for his British accent, or his rude way of acknowledging his presence.
"Hi. I'm looking for Buffy or Dawn. Preferably Buffy if she's home." She was feeling her resolve crumble under his cold stare.
"They went to the store."
"Oh, okay...will they be back soon?"
"I don't know. They just left me here without a word that they were leaving."
"Oh...well, do you mind if I come in and wait? It's kind of important."
"Yeah...whatever." He moved back as she entered the house, and closed the door behind
her. They both stood there in the foyer, and he wasn't sure who the cute redhead was. Since she had a young, innocent face, he assumed that it was one of Dawn's friends, or possibly somebody that worked with Buffy. He never in a million years thought that she would be Willow. "Um...do you wanna sit down?"
"Oh, yeah...sure." They both went into the living room. She sat uncomfortably at the end of the couch, slightly clutching the arm. Spike sat down in the chair, and plopped his feet up on the coffee table, and just stared at her, and smirked when he noticed that she was squirming under his gaze. "Um...are you dating Dawn?"
"No."
"Oh...um...who are you?" Spike chuckled wickedly at the way she scrunched her eyebrows together nervously.
"Spike."
"Oh...hi. How do you know Buffy and Dawn?"
"Buffy and I go way back."
"Oh, how'd you meet?"
"You're full of questions."
"Just wondering." He leaned forward in the chair, and studied her downcast eyes, noticing the sudden change of tone in her voice. She sounded sad.
"I'll tell you why I'm here, if you tell me why you're here."
"Okay...um, I'm here to talk to Buffy. She and I...we have some business to discuss." She
didn't want to reveal too much because she didn't know him, and wasn't sure how much he knew about her and Buffy's relationship. "Your turn."
"When Buffy gets in a jam, let's just say, I come and help her...work out the kinks." Seeing his smirk, Willow decided that she immediately didn't like him for sure. The way he had said that...about her Buffy...she didn't like it one bit.
"How exactly do you work out kinks?"
"Are you really that naïve, Red?"
"Um...yes?"
"Well, well...then, let me put it in simple terms." He leaned back in the chair again, the intimidating, seductive smirk still plastered on his face. Willow really, really didn't like him. "Well, you see...birds and bees take part in..."
"What?!" She was more than upset. She jumped out of her chair when she realized exactly what he was implying. "No! Buffy wouldn't do that!"
"Well, Red...good to see you've caught up finally."
"No! Buffy wouldn't...she wouldn't!"
"Well, she did...over and over and over last night."
"Wait! You and....she and...you?"
"Right..." He drawled out, wondering what made the redhead suddenly go white. Then, he saw her face turn from pale to red, and wasn't prepared for the explosion.
"No! She wouldn't! Buffy wouldn't do that to me! It doesn't matter that she said it was over, she wouldn't!! Who are you? There's no way she would ever!!!"
"Well, she did...and what do you mean do it to you? I was there, and think I'd remember you being there, too."
"No! No! Stop lying! She wouldn't!!" He leaned forward, and finally understood what the nervousness at the door, and after that had been. It wasn't completely from his intimidating gestures. He stood up, anger set from what the woman in front of him had done to his Buffy, the only person that he'd ever loved.
"So, this business you have with Buffy? That wouldn't happen to involve...oh, say...breaking her heart?!!" Willow was bright as her hair, and stepped over to stand next to the taller form, not backing down from his obvious attempt at acting dangerous. She didn't care...all she cared about was Buffy, and she refused to believe that her girlfriend would sleep with this man. He was attractive, she admitted, and she was more than jealous at the idea. Sure, she had said it was over but she wasn't going to let her go...she was too important...THEY were too important. Thinking that this Spike ever laid a hand on her Buffy was making her go crazy...wanting to hit him hard, throw him against the wall, stick a wooden stake in his heart...anything. Her jealously was at full force.
"What are you talking about? It's none of your business!"
"To hell it is! I know her, and I've never seen her this dead before...you did that to her.
You and that other girl of yours...shagging behind her back. Doing what you please...bloody hell, if I didn't have a soul, I'd have a mind to pop you..."
"What?! There is no other girl!! I told her that!! I don't want Faith! I only want her!!
Nothing ever happened!!"
"Right, and I'm supposed to believe that."
"Damn right, you are, you jerk!" Buffy and Dawn heard shouting from inside the house, and knew that Spike was still supposed to be inside. Afraid that something was wrong, they clutched their shopping bags tighter, and ran into the door to find Willow and the blonde in a heated verbal battle, practically throwing punches and kicks with their eyes. The tension was strong, and the two girls quickly moved to separate the two, and figure out what the problem was. Buffy took Spike, since she knew she could handle him better than her sister, and Dawn moved Willow to sit on the couch.
When she saw Buffy move to calm Spike down, the fire just raged on, and her jealous streak was screaming, still throwing daggers at him, even though her heart was crying that she had chosen the man over her. Dawn just held her down the best that she could, and Buffy finally turned around, anger in her voice at the both of them. She wasn't prepared to see Willow so soon. She was just getting used to the fact that she'd overreacted, and pushed her away without a chance to explain. Seeing her fighting Spike, though, she got a headache, not ready to deal, especially that knowing Spike, he had revealed her last night's activities.
"Somebody mind telling me what's going on here?"
"I think you bloody well know what's going on. Your little girlfriend over there came here to rattle you up some more!"
"I did not!!" Dawn had to pull Willow back down to the couch again, and Buffy had to hold Spike back to some degree.
"Okay! Calm down, both of you! Now, one at a time...Spike?"
"Why does he get to be first?"
"Willow...not right now!"
"See! She's already doing it, bit!"
"Spike, enough!"
"Right...well, we were just talking, and then she starts yelling at me."
"What'd you say to her?"
"Why do you automatically assume..."
"Spike." Her tone was warning, and he knew better than to push her further.
"I was explaining why I was here...and what happens when I'm usually around." Buffy sighed deeply, not prepared for that discussion with Willow, knowing that she'd have to talk to her privately after this. "That's when I figured out who she was, and I wasn't about to let her come in here, and get you upset again!"
"Okay, Spike...thanks but really not necessary. Now, what are you doing here, Willow?"
"For you."
"That's not good enough. Explain."
"You aren't taking my calls, and we need to talk. I don't understand what happened,
Buffy! Then, I get here, and he's here, telling me that you guys were...that you were..."
"Fuck buddies."
"Dawn!" Buffy and Willow both admonished the girl for her language, and Spike just smirked at the chemistry that was still poring from the two women but not willing to let the redhead to cause his lover more pain. He was too protective of her feelings, even if they weren't of love for him. Even though he loved her, and more than enjoyed their sexual excursions, all he wanted was to see the blonde happy. From what Dawn told him, this woman had made her ultra-happy Buffy, and it was obvious why, even when they were fighting.
"What? It's basically what you two are but I gotta say that I didn't think it'd happen this time...with Will and all."
"That's between Willow and me, and possibly Spike...I'm not sure yet."
"I just wanted to talk, Buffy. I didn't think things were that bad between us. Instead of
working out our problems, you go around with Captain Peroxide here...what am I supposed to say to that?"
"We aren't together anymore, so don't give me jealous Willow right now. I messed up, I know that! There's nothing I can do now!"
"Yes there is, Buffy! Talk to me! Help me understand what I did wrong. Was it because I kept a secret from you? I didn't think you'd react that way...if I'd known, I never would have promised Faith not to tell you. She just didn't want to hurt you, or make her act any differently around her. Nothing happened, or ever will...is that what you thought? That I'd just give up on you now that Faith was in the picture? Is that how you think of me?" She was trying not to cry her words out at the end but she was desperate to understand. The two hadn't noticed that Dawn and Spike had gone into the kitchen to give them privacy. Buffy sat down on the couch next to Willow, trying to find a comfortable distance, even if she just wanted to hold her, and tell her everything would be alright.
"Will! No! You never directly said that Faith was in love with you, and that was it. I heard what you were saying, and I thought you were telling me that you and Faith were sleeping together. When I saw that you didn't know what was wrong with that, I panicked. I couldn't deal. I needed out...because I wasn't willing to share you with anyone."
"Well, I'm not either but apparently you've already...shared." Buffy cringed at the tone, and harsh jab from the redhead.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I'm not even sure if I can say anything but I am sorry. More than you'll ever know."
"I don't know what to say, either. I mean, do you want to be with him?"
"Spike?" She laughed under her breath, then remembered that it wasn't appropriate at
the moment. "No...never. I would never want Spike the way I do you, and he knows that."
"Then what? When I'm not in town, you're just going to call him up for a good time?"
"No."
"How do I know you haven't done this before when I was in New York, or Los Angeles?"
"Because I haven't, and you know that I'm telling the truth. I was hurting, Willow. I thought that you'd cheated on me."
"Maybe I should have...it would make things less painful."
"I don't believe that, and neither do you. I've never felt this bad in my life. When I walked out that hallway door, I left the best part of me behind, and I've been nothing all week long. Knowing that you were hurting, too...I wasn't mad at you, and I think that's what hurt the most. The thought that I couldn't make myself hate you because that would've made it hurt less."
"I never hated you, either. I just didn't understand why you reacted like that. Faith loves me, okay...that's fine. But I don't love her back. I could never love anybody the way that I love you. Doesn't that mean anything?"
"It means everything." They both sighed, relieved to get everything in the open, but aware that they still had problems to work out. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too, Buffy. So much." Both girls were freely crying now, and neither was sure what to do next. "When Spike told me you...I felt what you must've felt. Only mine is real...but I don't want it to be. That's hard to forget, and I'm sorry that you were going through that."
"I'm sorry that I didn't give you a chance to explain, and that you have to go through that now. It just happened."
"How come you never told me about Spike?"
"Spike and I...when we're together..."
"I know...he works out the kinks...I heard."
"No...he's more like an escape. I'm always running. From myself, from relationships, from the pain...he was always around, and things just started getting out of hand. One thing led to another, and I was having violent sex in a crypt."
"A crypt?"
"He digs graves."
"Figures."
"I'm not proud of it but I don't hate him, either. He's my Fred, in some degree."
"Oh, Buffy..."
"No, Will...you were strong. I wasn't but I'm through running. I'm staying right here, and if you're willing to try again, then I'm already there."
"Buffy..." She was hesitant to explain that she wasn't strong, that she had faltered, and that it was Fred that said no.
"Yeah?"
"I stayed with Fred." She saw Buffy's face drop, and knew she had to explain fast. "Nothing happened."
"See, you're the strong one."
"I wasn't. She was. I tried...just to get the pain to go away, even if just for a minute...but she wouldn't let me do that to myself. I'm sorry."
"No, Willow. You have nothing to be sorry about...at least she stopped you. Remind me to thank her."
"Trust me...I've thanked her all weekend long, and will be for years to come."
"But Will...I guess you know I'm no angel now."
"I never thought you were."
"Willow!" Both girls were glad to be back to friendly banter.
"What? I've seen you in the bedroom. That's hardly how an angel would act."
"Never heard you complain."
"And you never will." The two smiled at each other, and sighed.
"Willow?"
"Yes?"
"Can we be not fighting anymore?"
"I'm already there."
"Willow?"
"Yes?"
"Can you be kissing me now?" Willow didn't have to be asked twice. She'd longed for those lips against hers all week, cried at the fear that she never would again. They hadn't even made love since that Monday before the album release. She'd fallen asleep the night before, and felt awful that she did after Buffy had made sure her welcoming home was more than romantic. However, she more than made up for it in Buffy's opinion. The frustration, the tension, the pain, everything slowly melted away as they held onto each other tightly, and rejoined their lips in a familiar passionate embrace. They both knew there were still problems to be worked out but for now, things were settled, and Buffy let Willow take the lead. After all, she was the one that wasn't strong, she was the one that had jumped to conclusions. Willow kept a tight hold on her, and moved her face away just for air, both of their breathing hot and heavy against the other's face.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"Does this mean I'm your girlfriend again?"
"Oh, it definitely means that."
"Good." Willow crushed her lips against her girlfriend's again, and pulled her up from the couch, never letting the contact be broken. Dragging her up the stairs, in a lip-locked embrace, Buffy pushed her into her mom's old room, knowing that hers was still Spike infested. She didn't want the mood to falter, and knew that if Willow saw the remnants of her night, then the mood would definitely be broken. The redhead just followed her into the bedroom, clumsily keeping her grip tight, and lips connected.
Once the door was shut, Willow pushed Buffy all the way to the bed. Falling on top of something, Buffy pulled Spike's duster from under her, and threw it the floor, not caring about the argument that would come later from him. All she cared about was that she was in the arms of the woman that she loved, and that she thought she'd never feel again. So far, the make-out process of the making up was going pretty good, and they were both resolved to make the rest just as good. For hours, they spent time getting acquainted with the other's body, and hardly stopped for breath between takes. It had been too long, and their bodies were craving the other too much to be tired or hungry.
----------------------
Meanwhile, in the living room, Spike and Dawn were watching late night reruns, munching on the blooming onion thing that the blonde had made for them. They figured that the two lovers would be hungry after they made up but that was four hours ago, and they were still upstairs, making noises in pure ecstasy. Dawn was jumping up and down that they made up, Spike was wary about Willow hurting Buffy again but was more than aroused by the noises, and had to hold a pillow to himself to save Dawn and himself from embarrassment.
"Ugh...are they ever gonna stop? I'm getting a migraine from all the moaning and groaning. It's the second night in a row that I won't get any sleep because my sister's sex life. They should have a rule or something about this. At first I was happy for them; I can deal with the fact that Buffy has sex but geez...you'd think she's the Energizer bunny up there or something."
"From the sounds of it, Red's not having a problem with that."
"Ugh! Spike...thanks. Now I'll never get that image out of my head."
"Hey, you asked, niblet."
"No, I didn't. Turn the volume up. It's like they know we're turning it up, and purposefully are being louder."
"Well...as long as Red there doesn't hurt your sister again."
"She won't. I'm not entirely sure that she hurt her this time. It was just Buffy being Buffy
again...running, even if she didn't know she was doing it."
"Well...that's when I usually come in, and stir things up a bit."
"I know you didn't know, and I'm not mad at you. It's who you are but you saw her. You
knew she'd never been this bad. You could've stopped her."
"I know but it got her out of it, didn't it?"
"Yeah but..."
"That's that, then. Besides, it's never gonna happen again."
"How can you be so sure?"
"She's in this one for the long haul. She's not gonna need ole Spike anymore to fix her problems. Nope."
"I'm sorry she never loved you back. I know that hurts."
"Ah, it's done. Thanks, though...she's happy."
"She really is."
"Then, that's all I need." Dawn smiled at him, and he actually genuinely smiled back at
her. After a few minutes of watching more reruns, Dawn turned the volume up on the remote yet again, and did so every so often for the remainder of the night. She and Spike decided to just crash on the couch because it was going to be a long night.