What I Am
by sailor80
Two
[reviews]
Buffy woke slowly. She inhaled deeply and smiled when she recognized the scent. She nosed the hacker's soft red hair aside. 'Twenty-three shades,' Buffy remembered dreamily and nuzzled Willow's neck.
"Mmmm," Willow answered and pushed back against Buffy.
Buffy slid her hand along Willow's smooth skin up her stomach to cover one of Willow's breasts. Willow turned her head toward Buffy and they engaged in a languorous kiss.
"Good morning, sweetheart," Buffy greeted her beloved.
Without opening her green eyes Willow answered "Morning, darling." She kissed Buffy again before asking, "What time's it?''
Buffy peered past Willow's shoulder. "Seven something."
"But it's Saturday," Willow whined.
Buffy smiled. "You can sleep a while." She lowered her hand to rub Willow's stomach in slow circles.
Willow rolled completely over to face Buffy. "Like you'll let that happen," she smirked.
Teenagers were scattered throughout the first floor of Rupert Giles' apartment. Xander Harris, this week a pizza delivery specialist, rummaged through the Watcher's refrigerator. His girlfriend Anya, an 1100-year-old former vengeance demon, sat at one end of the sofa playing TV remote roulette. At the other end, William the Bloody, previously one of the scourges of Europe, Asia, and North America, slurped Weetabix and blood from a mug. Willow worked on her laptop at a desk cluttered with papers and open books. The Slayer stood in front of the open weapons chest. She had two knives, one airborne and the other held loosely in her left hand. Giles stood before the bookcase ostensibly searching for an obscure text, but actually nursing a hangover and minor resentment that his home had replaced the Sunnydale High School Library as their second favorite gathering spot.
Buffy, hazel eyes closed, threw first one knife, then the other, into the air and caught it by the blade. She was bored and showing off in the hope that Willow would look at her. Without opening her eyes, Buffy knew that Willow was engrossed in whatever project Giles had asked her to complete.
A knock on the door drew Giles across the room. To avoid the bright light he stepped back with the opening door.
Buffy reacted first. The familiar scent raised the hair on her forearms. Her surprise, both at recognizing the visitor and who it was, caused her to miss the knife. It dropped point first into the floor and vibrated. That noise caught Willow's attention and she turned in her seat to tease her best friend but froze in mid-spin. Her eyes fixed on the diminutive figure in the doorway. "Oz," she choked out.
The werewolf crossed the threshold, his eyes fixed on Willow. "Hi."
Willow's eyes were wide. Xander stepped between them and greeted the musician. ''Oz!
Long time no see. When'd you get back?"
"Pretty much now." With effort, Oz shifted his gaze to Xander.
"Hate to go all grandma but..." Xander stepped forward, offering his hand. "You don't write, you don't call."
Oz accepted Xander's handshake with a shrug at his comment.
"You back or what?" Xander asked.
Oz turned his gaze back to Willow. "Depends," He answered laconically.
"I have to go do that thing," Buffy said in a rush, and pushed past Oz. Willow watched her go.
They talked and talked. Oz told story after story about his travels. Willow listened with part of her attention. The rest was waiting for Buffy to come home.
"I wanna show you something outside," Oz said.
"Sure," Willow answered distractedly. They went out into the cool night air. Oz pointed at the full moon. Even so, it took Willow a moment to piece it together. "I'm so happy for you," she said sincerely, and hugged him briefly.
Buffy, watching from the shadows, turned and ran.
"I did it for you," Oz said quietly.
"I wish you had done it for yourself," Willow answered. She pulled away.
Oz looked at her curiously. "I did it so we can be together."
"Um, about that," Willow began. She took a deep breath, and words began tumbling out. "It's not that I don't like you, cause I do, but I don't feel the same way about you that you feel about me and."
"Xander," Oz spat.
"Oh no, not Xander. No siree. Things are different, Oz."
"I can wait," he offered.
"Wait for what?"
"For you to be ready."
"No, no, no being ready. No waiting. I'm not the same girl you left behind."
"Willow, we can work it out."
"No, Oz, we can't." She paused. "I'm sorry. Really, really sorry, and." Willow stopped again and looked at Oz. "Are you okay?"
"Run," he growled.
"Oh." Willow's eyes got wide. She turned sprinted. "Buffy!" she screamed as she headed for the dorm.
After a long run and hours of ferocious slaying, Buffy headed back toward campus. She stopped a block from their dorm and paced a square of sidewalk, muttering to herself. "Trust Willow. She'll tell him. They're friends, like Xander. I can deal." She straightened her back and turned back toward the dorm. She had taken only a few steps when she heard Willow's panicked yell. Buffy broke into a run, and her Slayer sense took over. She put on speed and had the dorm in sight in a few seconds.
What she saw alarmed her and infuriated the Slayer. Willow was being chased by something. Buffy ran it down and leapt, throwing it roughly to the ground. 'Werewolf,' she thought, immediately followed by, 'Oz.' She stopped thinking and worked toward subduing her prey. She smashed her fist into his head, knocking him backward. As she advanced, he got his paws under him and made a hasty getaway.
Buffy watched for a few seconds, then turned toward the dorm. She followed Willow's scent to their room and let herself in. Willow was sitting on the bed. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she worked the prayer wheel Oz had brought her. "Did he hurt you?" Buffy demanded, her voice harsher than she intended.
Willow looked up at her and shook her head.
Buffy took the few steps to stand directly in front of Willow. "I'm sorry," she said in a gentler tone as she stood before her girlfriend.
"He, he," Willow started, then sucked in a whistling breath. "He," she said again, as Buffy pulled her close. Willow threw her arms around her girlfriend's waist and pressed her face into Buffy's stomach.
"Shh, Will, it's okay." Buffy stroked Willow's hair. She pushed her anger at Oz away and concentrated on the redhead. "I'll talk to him in the morning."
Buffy let Willow cry while she slowly maneuvered them down onto Willow's bed. Willow clung to Buffy, and Buffy kept her voice as soft and even as her caresses, until Willow fell into an exhausted sleep.
Willow woke when Buffy sat up just before dawn. "I'm coming," she said in a scratchy voice.
Buffy looked at her, saw Willow's resolve face, and nodded. They were still dressed from the night before, and only needed jackets. Buffy chose a hooded pullover sweatshirt from high school. Willow wore Buffy's leather jacket. They leaned against Oz's zebra striped van as the sky lightened, and for two hours after sunrise. Willow's unease grew to full-blown panic.
"Buffy, what if those soldiers got him? The ones Spike talks about."
Just then, Buffy got a whiff of Oz's scent. "No such luck," she answered sourly.
Oz stopped when he saw them waiting. He was wearing too big jeans and loose black t-shirt he had borrowed from the Laundromat. "Hey," he greeted them nervously.
Buffy glared at him, and Willow squeezed her hand.
"I'm sorry," he started.
Buffy stopped him. "Don't, Oz. You never intend to hurt her. Go. Don't come back."
Oz looked down while she talked. When she finished, he looked past Buffy to Willow. "I'm sorry," he said again.
Willow nodded, but didn't say anything. Her fingers convulsed around Buffy's, and Buffy forced herself to remain still. She wanted to destroy him, and only the memory of graduation and the knowledge that Willow would be more upset by his death stopped her.
Oz opened the driver's door and climbed into the seat. The girls took a step back, then another when he closed the door. They watched him drive away, and when he was gone, Buffy said, "Willow, please let go for a second."
"Huh? Oh," Willow looked down, and loosened her grip on Buffy's hand.
Buffy untangled their fingers and looked at her hand. She plainly saw the the imprint of Willow's fingers. "Ow," she said softly.
Willow took Buffy's hand, gently this time. "C'mon, big baby. We'll get you some ice."
"You left marks," Buffy complained with a grin.
"Don't even think it," Willow warned. She pulled Buffy into the dorm lobby and pulled the door shut with a click behind them, then did the same with the next set of doors.
She fussed over Buffy when they reached their room, but couldn't be persuaded to miss class. Willow kissed her one last time, and said, "See you in Psych," before running out the door.
It was always hard to concentrate in Psych. Willow sat beside her, and Buffy always paid attention first to Willow, then to her surroundings. Today, Buffy could clearly smell her lover's scent. Willow hadn't time for a shower this morning, or even to change out of yesterday's clothes. Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, and time seemed to slip.
She and Willow were making out in front of the class. Buffy was laid on the lectern like it was an altar, and Willow's face floated over hers. In the background was some sing-songy voice, and it took Buffy a moment to place it. Recognizing a child's voice, she dismissed it as unimportant as Willow leaned down to kiss her.
When the kiss didn't come, Buffy opened her eyes. Some thing, cadaverous and grinning, offered her something red and slippery and Buffy knew it was Willow's heart.
She jerked back to consciousness as the bell rang. "Just tell me I didn't snore," she groaned.
"Very discreet," Willow grinned at her. "Minimal drooling." She leaned close to Buffy. "Extremely cute," she reported in a low voice.
"Hi, Buffy, hi, Willow."
Willow froze at the voice. She was close to Buffy, 'too close for friends,' her panicked brain added. Buffy's arm around her waist ended the panic.
"Hi, Riley." Buffy answered the TA in the bored tone of a girl used to turning down dates.
"My fraternity is having a party this weekend, if you want to stop by. I'd really like it if you came," Riley said to Buffy with his best smile. "Both of you."
"Thanks, Riley. We'll think about it," Buffy replied and turned back to Willow. "You ready?"
"Uh huh."
Buffy let her hand slide down onto Willow's butt as they crossed the room. Riley, watching, heard Willow's protest, but Buffy's hand stayed where it was.
Buffy reached out and turned down the volume on Willow's clock radio. She waited for the luminous green eyes she adored to open.
Willow's first sight on waking was Buffy, and she smiled sleepily before sliding her hand through Buffy's soft blond hair and pulling the Slayer into flirtatious good morning kiss. "Love you, baby," she said softly before her brow furrowed. She tried to repeat herself.
Buffy drew away and asked, "What?" The same perplexed look appeared on her face when no sound came out. Then she rolled her eyes and mouthed "Giles" at her girlfriend, who nodded vigorously in reply. Buffy didn't move immediately. She rested her hand against Willow's face and looked at her with all the affection she could muster. When Willow's frown relaxed, Buffy kissed her gently.
The first thing Willow wrote on her whiteboard was, "I should have thought of this."
Buffy snorted. None of her friends had any knack for making money. Willow or Giles usually paid for things. Willow always had cash and had two platinum charge cards in her own name when Buffy met her. Buffy received an allowance plus the guilt money and shopping sprees her father sprang for. Xander got fired weekly, and his ex-demon girlfriend was always broke, too.
They met Xander in the last block before Giles' apartment building, and the three of them made their way to the Watcher's home.
Research turned up nothing, and late in the afternoon, Giles sent them all on their way. There wasn't really anything they could do. Buffy and Willow returned to their dorm, where Willow restarted her search spiders. Buffy made her promise to stay in and keep the door locked.
Buffy was exhausted when she returned. The streets were full of angry people, and she had broken up dozens of fights. She had seen Riley doing the same, as well as a couple other guys she was sure she recognized from on campus. Willow was still up, sitting crosslegged on the chair in front of her desk. She got up quickly so they could embrace. Buffy put her jacket in the closet and sat beside Willow on the bed. Willow immediately handed her one of the whiteboards.
"Nothing new. How was patrol?" was written on it.
"No demons. Lots of really agitated people," Buffy scrawled and handed it back.
"We'll figure it out," Willow wrote.
Buffy nodded and pantomimed sleep. They changed into pajamas and turned off the lights. Willow left the computer running.