What I Am
by sailor80
Thirteen
[reviews]
13.
They heard the low unintelligible rumble of some demon language before they reached the remains of the library. They stayed out of sight and surveyed the area. Three big demons were walking counterclockwise around a chasm. The same noxious smoke that they saw in the garden rolled from the hole. Giles, bound and obviously out of it, laid perilously close to both the demons and the Hellmouth.
While they watched, one of the demons threw something into the smoke, causing it to increase in volume while the earth trembled. Buffy turned to Faith. "You get Giles out of the way and I'll start on tall, green, and ugly."
Faith nodded, and they separated, moving stealthily toward their targets. Buffy kicked one in the back, knocking it into the Hellmouth, which rumbled and caused the ground to shake again. The debris load shifted, and Faith had to wait for it to stop so she could throw Giles over her shoulder and carry him away.
She didn't go far. Faith put Giles down as gently as possible. She pulled a knife from her boot and cut his bindings.
"Don't let them get into the Hellmouth," Giles ordered in an urgent tone.
Faith nodded, and hurried back to the fight just in time to see Buffy thrown into a pile of concrete rubble. One of the remaining demons vocalized something and leaped into the growing Hellmouth. The last one headed toward the hole, and Faith got between him and it. It growled impatiently. Faith grinned and took a step closer. "Can't let you go there," she said, and launched herself at it.
Kicking and punching furiously, she forced it back. A few moments later, Buffy rejoined the fight.
"G-man says don't let him get near the Hellmouth," Faith yelled.
"Easy for him to say," Buffy answered, and was thrown aside again.
Faith went, flying, too, and landed on top of Buffy. Buffy pushed her aside, and they both scrambled to their feet. The demon was just a little faster, and scooped up something from the ground and dived in.
"I gotta get him," Buffy said.
"Okay, but you're coming back," Faith answered. She pulled on a carabineer clip attached to her belt and threaded it through the belt loops at Buffy's waist, then clipped it back on the line.
Buffy dived in, using her strong legs to propel herself into the smoky mess. Faith braced herself down low while the line played out. She lurched forward as the line suddenly reeled out faster. "All right, B!" she yelled in triumph when the line stopped moving. Faith started pulling it back in. Even with Slayer strength, it was slow going, although Faith could tell when Buffy began climbing out.
When Faith saw Buffy's hand reach through the smoke, she cautiously moved closer.
"Little help?" Buffy called.
Faith climbed over the rubble as quickly as she could. She needed both hands to pull Buffy and the demon from the hole. Buffy kept an iron grip on the squirming demon's ankle while it kicked with its free leg and swiped at her with its claws. As soon as they were out of the hole, Faith jumped on its back. She grabbed its head and twisted viciously until she heard its neck break. It fell lifeless to the ground as Faith jumped free.
Buffy released her grip on the demon when she heard its neck break. She sat up and looked at Faith. The ground rumbled and shook as the Hellmouth closed. They looked at each other, and at the same time, said, "We better get outta here."
Faith unclipped the carabineer and the last few feet of line were sucked back into the reel. Buffy scrambled forward and pulled a heavy gold chain with a large red stone pendant from the demon's hand. They both hurried out of the library, then the building.
Giles paced outside as he waited impatiently for the Slayers. When they came out together, talking and laughing, he exhaled with relief.
"Giles, you okay?" Buffy put on speed when she saw him.
"Yes, Buffy, I'm fine."
Buffy offered the necklace to him, but Giles refused to touch it. He shuddered.
"Giles?" Buffy looked him over again, and wondered whether he had another concussion. He had a purple and red knot on his forehead, and his clothes were rumpled and filthy, but seemed otherwise unhurt. "You usually take these things."
"I don't want it near me, thank you."
"Why?" They began walking away from the pile of rubble.
"The Vahrall demons used it to control me." He shuddered again. "Quite unpleasant."
"What do you want me to do with it?" Buffy asked.
"As long as it stays away from me, I truly don't care." They crossed the street and Giles turned toward his home. Buffy and Faith followed him.
Giles was uncharacteristically silent during their walk, but the Slayers excitedly told him how they knew there was a problem and where to find it. They checked Giles' apartment while he made tea, and left him with his cuppa and plans for a long shower.
It was nearly dark before they made it back to the mansion. They entered through the back, Faith first. Tara was standing at the stove, and Faith quipped, "Honey, I'm home."
Tara smiled at her, relieved that both Slayers seemed uninjured. Buffy slid past Faith and left the room to find Willow.
"Everything okay here?" Faith asked Tara.
Tara nodded. She stirred a big pot of something that smelled good, and Faith came over to investigate. Tara offered her a taste, and Faith accepted it. After a few seconds, she gave Tara an enthusiastic thumbs up. Tara smiled again, turned the heat down, and covered the pot. She tried to move around Faith, but Faith sidestepped and stayed in front of her and waited until Tara looked at her. "How are you?" Faith asked softly.
"I don't know," Tara answered.
"There's only a few more hours," Faith reassured.
"It's almost like being home again," Tara said quietly. "Knowing something b-bad's going h-h-happen, no matter wh-what I do."
"Nothing bad's going to happen."
Tara met Faith's eyes. She saw the gold flecks dancing in Faith's irises, and felt a little better. She gave Faith a tight smile, and said. "We can eat as soon as you get cleaned up."
Faith looked down at herself, then grinned at Tara. "Be right back," she said, and headed upstairs. She passed Buffy and Willow, sitting at the table with their heads together.
"You sure, Will?" Buffy asked as Faith passed.
"Pretty sure. I mean, we don't have all the data, but it's the most likely scenario. It's what I'd do, you know, if I was an evil government scientist with a secret lab."
Buffy smiled at Willow's admission. "Guess it's a good thing for everybody that you're not."
Willow smiled back. "Guess so."
Buffy pointed to the pendant, now lying on the table near Willow's laptop. "See what you can find out about that."
"What is it?"
"Dunno," Buffy answered. "But it scared the pants off Giles. He wouldn't even look at it." Buffy looked thoughtful for a second. "Maybe we should send it to Angel."
"Let me see what I can find out first," Willow asked.
"'Kay," Buffy agreed, and stood up. "I'm going to get cleaned up." She stretched before moving toward the door.
Willow watched until Buffy disappeared. She shook her head to clear it, and got out of the chair. She followed her nose to the kitchen. "Can I help?"
"Set the table, please?" Tara asked without turning around.
"Sure." Willow pulled dishes from the drying rack and unclipped the cup of tableware to take along. She set four places quickly and returned the caddy to its place. Next, she fixed drinks for everyone, and put condiments, bread and butter on the table. "Anything else?" she asked Tara.
Tara turned to look briefly at the table. "No, that's great," she said, and turned off the heat from the pot. She moved it to the center of the table. She brought a casserole dish out of the oven and put it near the pot. Tara took a seat with a sigh, and Willow joined her at the table.
The Slayers didn't keep them waiting long, and everyone except Tara at enthusiastically. Unlike their earlier meal, this one was filled with conversation. Tara listened to Buffy and Faith describe their encounter at the Hellmouth while she picked at her dinner. She looked up from time to time to see Faith watching her, and quickly dropped her eyes again. Willow described what was on the disks Riley brought.
Again, Buffy and Willow took cleanup duty while Faith and Tara went outside. Faith reached for Tara's hand, but Tara had her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Faith put her hand on Tara's waist instead. "We were gonna talk," Faith said. She let Tara lead their ramble. "Well, I was gonna talk."
"Um hmm."
"And I was kinda hopin' you'd talk, too."
"Okay." Tara said tiredly.
"I know you're stressed out about your birthday."
"I was born at 8:34 p.m." Tara looked at her watch. "So we have twenty minutes. Roughly."
"Okay," Faith nodded, although Tara wouldn't look at her.
Tara stopped abruptly. "Don't s-s-s-say anything you'll have to take back l-l-later." She looked resolutely at the ground.
"Okay," Faith said again. "What did Willow tell you about me?"
"That you're evil and crazy."
"Wow, Red's not usually that succinct."
"W-w-w-we w-w-were in a hurry." Tara started walking again. Staying still felt akin to parking on a railroad crossing to wait for the train.
"I was, you know. Evil and crazy. And now I'm sorry about it. At the time, though, it seemed like the thing to do. I mean, what did I have to lose after I staked that guy? It was an accident, ya know, but I was scared. I been to juvie. I didn't wanna go again." Faith sighed.
Tara kept walking while she waited for Faith to continue.
"I did all kinds of stuff. Stupid stuff. Just to be mean, most of it. I liked it. The mayor's flunkies were afraid of me. I mean, I killed the vice-mayor, a human, and got a great apartment for it. They knew he wouldn't do shit if I said one of them got out of line with me. "
They entered the sunken courtyard in the center of the garden. Tara stopped and looked up into the stars. They were the same as they always were this time of year, and Tara sorted them by her own designations, checking each off on her mental list. She sighed at the memory of her mother's laughter at their game. She finally looked at Faith, who was staring into the darkness.
"I almost killed Angel," Faith continued, "and Buffy almost killed me, and Angel almost killed Buffy again. But she got it all sorted out in the end. She told me about it, while I was, uh, out of it. And she apologized. I still don't understand that one, but hey, it's all good."
The breeze picked up and Tara shivered. Faith stepped behind her and pulled Tara against her. "You shoulda worn a jacket," Faith told her.
Faith's breath across her ear made Tara shiver again. She didn't trust her voice, but laid back and rested her head on Faith's shoulder.
"I gotta tell you a story," Faith said softly. She rested her cheek against Tara's and closed her eyes. "I was 14 when I was Called. I was in bed, but I wasn't asleep yet when all of a sudden, I got the greatest high I've ever had. It was incredible, intense, amazing, and when I told my mom about it, she threw the empty gin bottle at me. I caught it and laughed, but she wasn't looking. Told me to take my sorry ass back to bed. So I did.
"When I got up the next day, I felt great. I had a ton of energy and I was pretty hungry, so I cleaned out the cereal cabinet and at it before heading off to school. I went cause I was still hungry, and I could get breakfast there. I got breakfast, and I ate three lunches, and as I'm walking home, this British lady starts walking beside me. She knew my name and everything, and starts going on about my destiny and all kinds of stuff. She knew I didn't' believe her, but she offered to buy me dinner while we waited for the sun to go down.
"She kept saying, get whatever you want, and I think I ate one of everything on the menu. It was the first time in a long time that I wasn't hungry. She paid the bill and we started to go to my house. We passed a cemetery along the way, and she pulled me into it. We waited by a new grave for the vampire to rise. I almost peed my pants when it did, but I didn't run away. I beat that vampire up. It wasn't even hard. When she threw me a stake, I knew just what to do with it, but I still couldn't believe the vampire just went poof and disappeared."
"I went home that night to get my things, the few I had. I remember I had to have a doll my dad had given me. It was the last thing he gave me before he left. All our stuff was in boxes on the curb. We'd been evicted, and somebody had taken my doll. Mom was nowhere to be found, so I went home with my Watcher and she took care of me, and I took care of her. Until he came to town. He tore her to pieces and made me watch. I wasn't supposed to get away. He was saving me for dessert, but he didn't count on me still wanting to fight, and I was able to get away from him. I stabbed him in the eye with a pencil and ran as fast as I could to Sunnydale. I knew he would come after me and he did. We killed him, me and B. Everything was good, and then it went all to pieces." Faith sighed, and moved her head to rub her cheek against Tara's. "I went all to pieces," she corrected herself. "Or maybe I was all ready in pieces when I got here, I don't know. I just want to do what I gotta do and go as far away from it as I can."
"You can't," Tara said. "It's p-part of you."
Faith didn't answer or move. Tara raised her arm and they both looked at the watch. Both hands pointed directly at 9. "You feel any different?" Faith asked.
"No." Tara straightened up, but made no effort to leave Faith's loose embrace.
"Let me see," Faith said, and Tara turned to face her. "You look the same, except, um," Faith scrunched up her face, "for the horns."
Tara laughed. "I don't have horns."
"No, you don't," Faith agreed. "I was teasing."
"I know."
"I didn't finish m y story," Faith said. "Do you want me to?"
"Please?" Tara asked.
Faith smiled and nodded. "My watcher had her hands full with me, but she was good at making lessons seem more about fun than learning. There's a lot of history they shove at you, and the Handbook, and it's all about as dull as a tie convention."
"There's a Handbook?" Tara asked.
"Oh, yeah. It's huuuuuge. And Watchers ask you questions about it all the time. Other watchers, not mine. Anyway, she told me there were people I should be on the lookout for, people who would be mine. I think you're one of them." Faith looked into Tara's eyes. "I want you to be one of them." She waited until she couldn't wait any longer for Tara to answer. "I like you a lot, Tara." Faith raised her hand to Tara's cheek again.
"I like you, too," Tara answered. She watched the gold flecks skitter nervously around Faith's irises.
Faith smiled. She was relieved that Tara had listened to everything she had to say without backing away. She lowered her hand to Tara's waist again. "Happy birthday," she said softly.
"Thanks." Tara smiled. "This is probably the least crummy birthday I ever had."
"Oh?"
"Long story for another time." Tara's smile widened. "I'm not a demon."
"Nope."
"I'm not a demon, I'm not a demon," she sing-songed.
Faith laughed at Tara's demonstration of relief and pulled Tara into a brief hug. Tara squeezed her in return.