Everything I Ever Wanted
by Rin
Some Time Alone
[reviews]
Finally, the storm settled, and Faith and Kennedy were able to leave. Willow and Buffy were glad, too, that the roads were safe again, since they only had a few days left on their honeymoon. However, the storm had done its damage. There would be no more runs around the lake in the early morning fog...it was too muddy, and debris was scattered from the heavy winds. Willow had already recognized that she would need to call a keeper to fix the damage, and clean up the things that made the cabin, and its surrounding area less beautiful than usual. Boat rides, and dinners in the middle of the lake were out of the question, too; the debris had made its way into the lake, and there was even a fallen tree that was rotted, and stood no chance in the strong storm.
With the rest of their honeymoon pretty much decided on more card and board games, the two newlyweds were at least happy that it was only them again. They loved Faith and Kennedy but it was their honeymoon; they really didn't want any company, even though they had become a lot closer to the brunette couple. After making the decision to nix Rome, Buffy and Willow were too excited to actually be going on their honeymoon that they actually forgot to check the weather, and it was too late when they noticed that their plans were foiled. Oh, well...they could make due with what they had. They usually always did...and this time was no exception.
"More wine?" Willow held the bottle to Buffy's glass, not even waiting for an answer before pouring it into her goblet. The red wine floated into the glass like a waterfall, and the glow from the fireplace caught the sparkles from the dark liquid.
"Mmm...this is the stuff." Buffy finished chewing her sandwich, and lent in to kiss Willow, as she laid the bottle on the floor by their makeshift picnic by the fire. If they couldn't have one outside on the lake, then they would make a new picnic place. Luckily, the fire lit picnic was just as romantic as a float on the lake underneath the moonlight. Plus, they wouldn't get gross and icky, and would stay warm from the sudden coldness from the aftershocks of the violent storm.
"Well...it's just a turkey sandwich and wine. I wish somebody would've warned me Faith and Ken were coming. I bought enough groceries to feed you for a week...which could feed an army practically." Willow huge smile received a playful smack on the arm. "Those two have almost as large appetites as yours. Maybe your condition isn't that rare, after all." She giggled, and kissed a pouting blonde. "Okay...it's only you, ya big baby. You're the chosen one..."
"And don't you forget it..." Buffy kissed her wife, as she took another bite of her sandwich, giving Willow a little more than she bargained for, and when the blonde looked over to see her lover chewing the bit of sandwich she captured in her mouth from the kiss, she chuckled at the antic.
"How can I? You never let me forget..." Since they were lying on their stomachs, side by side, it was easy to give a light shoulder body push to the blonde.
"Will..." Buffy's chuckle didn't help her mock warning tone, and she couldn't help but lick the mustard that had escaped Willow's sandwich onto her chin. It was too irresistible; not so much the kosher mustard as the redhead.
"Ugh...I'm stuffed."
"Well, we are eating turkey." The redhead gave her an unamused look but her crooked grin was telling Buffy otherwise. "I like the turkey legs."
"I'm a breast girl myself...but I guess you already knew that." Willow's innocent blush at her own comment earned her a wide smile, and another soft kiss. When Buffy finished her third sandwich, she picked their plates and empty glasses up, and Willow followed with the empty wine bottle. Throwing it in the trash, she helped her lover with the dishes. When that was finished, they just cuddled together on the couch, wrapped in a blanket to keep them warm. Their sweatpants and t-shirts weren't kicking the cold completely, and they enjoyed the warmth from the fire, and the other's body.
"When we get back, I'm going to carry you over the threshold."
"Okay...random much?" Willow eyed her lover with curious amusement, and kissed her temple, since the thoughtful Buffy expression was one of her favorites. Actually, there were too many to make a top ten list...so she just settled with calling them all her favorites.
"Oh...sorry, Wills. I was just thinking...you carried me over the threshold here, so it's only fair that I carry you when we get back home." Buffy cuddled closer, letting the redhead's arms wrap tighter around her body, as she burrowed her head more into Willow's chest.
"Sounds like a plan..." The childlike innocence that was Willow always amazed Buffy, and she vowed that she would do everything in her power to help her never lose it.
"Also, I decided that I'm okay with Dawn moving out...to your apartment, that is. However, I want to keep keys, and let her know that she's always welcome to come over. Besides...I don't think she can stay away from your cooking for too long. She'll probably be at our house everyday searching for food."
"Just like Xander."
"Pretty much." The two shared a soft giggle, and just sighed, letting the comfortable silence cover them again. It was peaceful, calm, and beautiful. "This is better than Rome...no doubt."
"Although I was reluctant at first, I have to agree. Even with the storm, and the sudden intruders...it's been..." Willow couldn't find the right word. She wasn't sure if there was a word in the English lexicon to describe it, so she even searched the several languages that she knew, and still came up short.
"I know..." Buffy leaned up, and kissed the redhead tenderly, understanding the unexplainable emotions and description of the somewhat frazzled honeymoon. "You know what we haven't done in a while...?"
"What's that?" Willow had no doubt what was on Buffy's mind, since the blonde's voice was husky, and there were currently soft, focused fingers inching under her cotton shirt. Her breathing hitched a little, and she gasped when her lover's slightly cold hand found her left breast, exposing her sensitive chest to the temperature difference.
"Hmm...I think that you're a little overdressed, so this has to go." Buffy leaned up, and pulled Willow's shirt over her head, throwing it unceremoniously behind the couch, since her senses were still aware that there was a fire on the other end. When she saw her wife's tousled auburn locks, Buffy straddled her lap, and kissed her sensuously, holding her face in place with both hands. Willow's hands found their way to removing the blonde's shirt, and when the garment reached her head, she kept their kiss a few more moments before parting, and discarding it next to her on the couch. 'Yep...no need to start a fire...well...of the bad burning down the house kind...although...'
Kicking the blanket from their forms, Willow made her way around, and unbuckled Buffy's bra with ease. Removing her hands from the redhead's face, the blonde discarded her bra on the couch with her shirt, thanking the gods and goddesses that Willow hadn't put a bra on after her shower before dinner. She could feel her wife inching her hands underneath the sweatpants, and smiled as she realized that she didn't put on underwear after her shower. Willow was quite surprised as well but only moaned softly in agreement, as her hands caressed the blonde's backside and upper thighs. Their passionate kissing was growing deeper, and Buffy caressed her lover's breasts, as they both moaned their agreement at each other's ministrations.
Willow had managed to get Buffy's gray sweatpants to her thighs, and the blonde could feel the heat from the fire on her exposed skin. She leant up a little from her straddling position, and let the redhead pull them further down, until she was standing, breaking the kiss only long enough to kick the offending garments aside on the floor. Putting one knee on the couch, she captured her wife's swollen lips in another passionate kiss, as she used her momentum to pick Willow up from the couch a little, and remove her maroon sweatpants. When those were kicked off in frustration, she giggled into her lover's mouth, and moaned as Willow pulled her back to her lap.
When Buffy was back to her straddling position, Willow switched gears, and pushed them down into the couch. The blonde could feel the rough, coarse fabric from the couch scratching her skin but the discomfort didn't register, since a suddenly dominant redhead was currently devouring her. Meeting her kiss for kiss, caress for caress, and moan for moan, Buffy matched her rhythm with Willow's, and after long, slow, tortuous minutes, they both finally screamed their releases into the other's mouth. Letting her spent body fall onto her blonde wife, the redhead tried to catch her own breathing, as she buried her head into Buffy's neck, humming in approval. After a few minutes, both had managed to capture somewhat regular breathing patterns but their bodies were still relishing the aftershocks of their releases. It was difficult but Buffy waited, held back until she felt Willow start to orgasm, and then she released with her. Now, in the aftermath, she felt it was worth it when she felt Willow move her head again, and gaze lovingly into her hazel depths. In those green eyes, Buffy found paradise.
"Mmm..."
"MmmHmm..." Willow buried her head into Buffy's neck again, and suppressed her chuckle. When their giggling stopped, she lifted her head again, and just kept the loving gaze, as she stroked her lover's shoulder lightly with her fingertips. Buffy ran her fingers through the messy red hair with one hand, and the other one was softly drawing patterns on the soft skin of Willow's upper back.
"Funny how we don't make loud noises now." Buffy smiled, and never let her eyes drift from the redhead's once. Their gaze was too intense, and she would let her eyes take in too much air, causing them to water a little until she finally had to blink.
"Yeah...only when people aren't around..." Willow's content smile was simple but it said so much. It held the aftershocks of pure pleasure and lust, and the calm sereneness found in soulful love. "I love you...so much."
"I love you, too...so much."
"Are you ready for bed?" Willow let her fingers sift through blonde locks as her hands reached further up to Buffy's head.
"Yeah...I think so...just...can we stay here a little while longer?"
"Most definitely." They stayed there for several more minutes, just being together. Hands stroking, eyes locked, and solace-like silence. When their eyes started to drift shut, despite their minds' protests, they got up from the couch, and picked up the living room, carrying their clothes back to the bedroom, where they discarded them in the dirty laundry bag. Snuggling under the sheets, there were a few more whispered declarations of love before sleep finally stole them.
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The early morning sun was peeking its orange tendrils into the bedroom, where the two lovers were spooned against the other in a loving embrace. Willow was still sleeping soundly, humming in bliss from her dreams, and Buffy had woken several minutes before, careful not to wake her tired wife. Instead, she snuggled more firmly against her lover, wrapping her right arm completely around the redhead's body, letting her left arm dangle above Willow's head on their half-shared pillow. The blonde let her busy fingers quietly stroke the messy auburn locks that were in her face, as she would close her eyes every once in a while to let her senses feel the silky strands of hair, and the gentle clean smell that was her wife, added with her apple shampoo. It was times like these...the early morning hours when all was quiet on the western front...when Buffy's mind would work over everything. This morning, the first thing that popped into her mind was her future, and the only thought that was always a constant was Willow.
Then, her thoughts came to what would happen to them after the honeymoon was over, and they had to settle into life as a married couple. Buffy began to panic, and when her body tensed, Willow started to shift from her embrace. Turning around to face her, the redhead carefully opened her eyes from her restful sleep, willing her mind to wake fully. The blonde kept their embrace, and kissed her wife's temple before kissing her softly on the lips as a morning greeting. Once again, Willow hummed in approval, and her groggy voice cut through the silence.
"Why the tense?" The redhead kept opening and closing her eyes, letting her pupils dilate to the proper place, and getting all of the sleep-induced haze from her sight.
"Just thinking." Buffy smiled a solemn, tight smile, and when Willow's eyes finally stayed open for longer than a millisecond, she noticed the worry lines, and immediately went into concern mode.
"Bad thoughts?" Willow brought her lazy body into a makeshift stretch, doing what she could without coming out of the embrace. When she brought her arms back, she covered her mouth as she yawned. When she sighed and chuckled off the yawn, and her self-awareness of covering morning breath, she rested her hand on Buffy's shoulder, and sifted her slender fingers through soft blonde locks.
"No...not really." Upon seeing her wife's disbelieving look, she backtracked, and gave a sheepish grin. "Well...not really bad. I was thinking about the future, and what happens when we go back."
"What do you mean?" Willow kept her loving, supportive gaze focused on the blonde, and received a content sigh and loving, worried gaze in return.
"Well...it's just that...I've never...you know...been a wife before. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Is this going to change things between us? Between others around us? What happens when we decide to start a family?" Buffy's list would have kept coming through a nervous babble but Willow kissed her softly to reassure her, and calm her anxiety before she reached full blown-out panic.
"We are starting a family."
"I mean...when we, well that is if you want to...eventually, maybe someday...have children." Buffy grazed the topic lightly, not sure if they should reach the heavy stuff yet. "I know you have awesome insurance, and that I'm now covered since we're partners...but what..."
"No buts. I want to have children...yes, someday. Right now, we'll take it one day at a time, okay? Do I think that our relationships will change? Yes...I do...but not in a bad way. You're not expected to do anything different than what you already do. I married Buffy Summers, not June Cleaver, so I don't expect anything different from you, even though we're married now. The only thing different than before is that we've announced our commitment to the world." Willow cast worried eyes to her wife, and kissed both temples before cupping a cheek gently, bringing the blankets over their naked bodies more, as she felt a sudden cold chill come in the room.
"Wills...how do you always make me feel better about myself? Lying here...all I could think about was the future...and you were the only constant. I know you want children. Honestly, I'm not ready right now but we'll see."
"When the time comes to that, we'll know. With Jesse, Xander and Anya hadn't planned her...but seeing them, seeing her, and watching the three of them together...I want that someday. I don't just want children, though...I want them with you. Stop worrying so much. I can't promise that things aren't going to be difficult. With our lives, something always seems to come up but I think that as long as we love each other, things will always work out in the end."
"Willow...call me cheesy, sappy, or just helplessly romantic...but I can't help it." With that, Buffy smiled lovingly, cupping one of the redhead's cheeks, letting the pad of her thumb caress her cheek lightly. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you...please don't take..." She let the song trail off, as she noticed the saddened tears that suddenly fell from Willow's eyes. It was confusing to the blonde because the salty pools trailing down her lover's cheeks were a mixture of sadness and joy. "Wills...baby? What's wrong?" She wiped the trailing tears with her gentle thumb caress.
"Nothing. It's nothing...just remembering something that happened a long time ago." She took her hand from Buffy's face, and wiped the tears, embarrassed at the sudden burst of emotions; emotions that she thought were long ago buried.
"Come on, Will. We both know it's nothing...so spill. You can tell me...I know I have a bad voice. I just couldn't..."
"No, no...it's nothing to do with that. Well, it does but not in the way you think. That was beautiful. I just have issues with that song." Finally, Willow had managed to stop crying, and took a deep breath, opening up old wounds that she had buried with her past. This was Buffy, though, the woman she intended spending the rest of her life with...she wanted to be open and honest completely, she just had to tackle those waters carefully.
"What is it? Tell me, Wills. Not all of those were happy tears, and I plan on spending my life learning everything about you. This is one of those opportunities." Buffy wrapped her in an awkwardly positioned hug but it worked nonetheless because she felt Willow wrap her own arms around her body, and sigh deeply into her neck.
"It's about Fred...I know how you get when I mention her, so don't get mad, okay?" She broke from the embrace but kept her arms loosely around Buffy's body, catching her expression, which was hard to read. She decided to just lay it all on the table. "When..." She coughed lightly, covering her mouth briefly, and immediately returned her arms to their previous position. "When...um...that summer that Tara was gone, and Fred and I...ya know..." Buffy nodded, remembering the infidelity that still haunted her lover. "Well, we were on a picnic in LA with some of her friends from up there, and we were cuddled under a branch. Earlier that day, she was working in the physics lab with her coworkers, and had...she had inhaled some strange smoke or gas...they were never sure what it was." Sensing Willow's distress at opening the old wound, Buffy kissed her forehead gently, and brought her expression to a loving, supportive gaze, urging her wife to open up to her. "Well...they were worried but the infirmary checked her out, and guaranteed nothing was wrong."
"What happened at the picnic? Did she get sick?"
"Um...you could say that." Willow paused, swallowing for courage, closing her eyes gently, hoping that she could say this. She hadn't even told this to Tara because it was during the summer she was cheating on her...not exactly something you want to bring up with the cheated. "She had this friend, Lorne; he had this skill that he could sense a person's emotions and whatnot...I'm still not sure how to describe it. Anyways, the day was beautiful, and the sun was shining, and we were...um...constantly kissing each other, and still felt deeply for each other, despite my being with Tara still. Buffy, are you sure you want to hear this?"
"Will...I'm sure. Tell me. I may be jealous but I really do like Fred. She's a big part of your life, and that makes her part of mine. Never be afraid to tell me anything. I want to hear it all. Okay?" Buffy kissed her softly when she heard the quiet 'okay' that added to the nod.
"Well...I was leaned against a tree, and she was cuddled in between my legs, leaning up to kiss me every once in a while."
"Only every once in a while. I'm disappointed. I could do better...kissing you all the time. You'd get tired of the kisses because I kissed you so much." Buffy stated in her proud voice that had a hint of predatory nature, letting Willow know she was claimed as her mate. They both just chuckled softly, and the redhead relaxed as she finished her angst-worthy memory.
"Anyways...she started singing that song to me, and then all of a sudden, Lorne's there, and she's convulsing in seizures. I was on the verge of panic. It happened all so fast. One minute she's happy, beautiful, singing to me, and the next, she shaking violently, and has blood sporting out her mouth like crazy. To say I was scared doesn't began to describe it..." Willow had to stop for a moment, and collect herself, since the memories of that time flooded her mind again, and she couldn't stop the soft tears that fell. Buffy just watched her with sad eyes, sad that Fred and Willow, and even this Lorne character, had to go through that. She knew that if anything happened to her wife, she would panic completely, and wouldn't be her usually calm self in the situation. That was another talk they would have to have eventually. "I..." she sniffled. "She...Fred...she got some harsh infection. When we got to the hospital, Cordelia and Lorne finally managed to get me to calm down a little. Granted, it took an hour but still. Her parents arrived from Sunnydale not long after...they must've been driving like crazy." Willow let out a slight chuckle at the thought of the Burkles trying to get to their daughter. The loving, and sometimes fun-crazy acting couple were more of a family to her than her own parents. "The doctors said that...that her organs were cooking. They let me in...to see her. Buffy, it was horrible. She looked horrible. We all thought she was dying...I don't know what happened.
"That entire week...I was a wreck. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat...the only thing I did was thank the gods and goddesses that we were in a 24 hour visiting hour hospital. Otherwise, I would have gone crazy. I was there...the whole time. Cordelia brought me my weekend bag that I'd brought with me for the trip, so I at least stayed semi-clean." Buffy smiled warmly. 'Leave it to Will to still worry about her hygiene when her lover's on her deathbed.' This made a sharp pain rise in the blonde's stomach, and she couldn't shake the idea of her being in Fred's place. She never wanted Willow to go through something so painful; it already broke her heart that she had to go through that with Tara. Now, she was finding out that it came close to happening with Fred, too.
"Baby..." Buffy closed her eyes, and held back her tears. Right now, it wasn't about her; this was Willow. Her sweet, loving, kind Willow who had already seen so much violence in the world. Her heart ached that the redhead ever had to endure pain.
"I know. It's okay, Buffy. I'm okay. At least, I am now. I wasn't so much then. I stayed there. I held her hand; she would have me read her stories, and held her childhood stuffed rabbit. I tried to stay strong...but...but..." Willow's tears were flowing freely, and Buffy took a deep breath, holding back tears of her own, as she kept softly caressing the redhead's tears away...it was obvious that her wife had never talked about this incident since it had happened. She had let it fester too long, and it warmed Buffy to the core that her lover was letting her in completely. Willow took a few deep, calming breaths, and willed herself to finish. "She almost died...Buffy...she almost died, and I was right there, holding her hand the whole way through; I refused to leave her side. The doctors and nurses are still afraid of me there, I think..."
"Ah...you must have given them the old Rosenberg glare." Willow smiled gently through her tears, and closed her eyes briefly, loving the feel of Buffy's soft touch on her face.
"Darn tootin'." They chuckled softly, and sighed again. "Obviously, she got better. They managed to flush it out of her system somehow but I was so scared. I almost lost her, and then...a month later, I let her go. I was so afraid of losing her again that in my naivety, I almost thought that breaking up completely would help heal that wound on my heart. When Tara came back, I didn't tell her that part. I mean...how could I? I chose to stay with her basically because the woman I was so desperately in love with had almost died, and I was scared, so I took the easy road. Don't get me wrong, though. It didn't happen at first glance but what I had with Tara was different than what I had with Fred. It wasn't something I was looking for...it was just...there. I was happy with Tara. Then, my safe road ended up being the dangerous one. I guess you just never know, and now...if something happened to you...I honestly don't know, Buffy. If you died, I think that I would die, too."
"Come on, Will. Think happy thoughts...I'm here, you're here." Suddenly, the blonde's stomach growled at her, angry at the lack of food to digest. "My stomach's obviously here...so let's only think happy thoughts today. Okay?" Receiving a half-tearful, half-grinning nod, she got out of the warm cocoon they were in, and pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt. "How about pancakes for breakfast?"
"Sounds good...maybe some scrambled eggs?" Willow's childlike innocence was returning, and after the intense revelations, her shoulder and heart seemed lifted, as though something that had weighed her down for most of her adult life was released. Following in her wife's footsteps, she pulled on sweats and a t-shirt. Standing, the two lovers embraced completely. No more awkward angles that had caused their muscles to be sore. 'Yep...massages both ways today.'
"Alright. Scrambled eggs and pancakes it is, then." Making their way hand in hand to the kitchen, Buffy had to ask a question that suddenly popped into her mind. "Funny shapes or rounds?" Willow turned to her, and saw the love that was shining all over her wife. Suddenly, she knew that everything would turn out just fine.