Start of a New Life
by Rin
Betrayal and Blankets
[reviews]
A/N: Moving is a bitch!! Just thought I'd mention that!! Hope it's not too confusing! Let me know!
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She had felt miserable for the past week, and what was even worse was that she knew she was dying, and all she could think about was Willow. They were supposed to grow old together, something that had even been discussed during their honeymoon. 'I guess old for me means right now...how peachy.' The sarcasm in her head wasn't helping matters any, and she just let the pain all over her weakened body slide away, as she focused on the sleeping redhead beside her. Willow had been careful not to do the snuggles thing, afraid of adding more heat to the already fevered blonde. However, Buffy couldn't help but smile lightly at the way her wife still kept her hand in contact with her body the entire time. Whether it was for reassurance that she was still there, need to be snuggled, or just the need for a constant touch from her, Buffy wasn't sure...but it made the pain so much easier to take when the redhead was with her.
"Wills...I promise. Things are going to be okay." Buffy turned on her side, wincing at the pain the simple movement caused, and brushed the auburn locks with her damp hand. The past few days had been even worse than usual. She didn't feel like herself, and Giles and Ethan would come by to help. Dawn would give Willow a break, after much protest, and the redhead would eat rapidly, and take a shower in the same manner. She was more concerned with being next to her lover, fear that when she returned, Buffy would be dead.
The strange thing about the past few days was that she found it more difficult to do things than usual. Her body often protested when she tried to move, and her muscles would give out. Things that she would have easily picked up before, she had a hard time with, and it unnerved her. She was afraid to tell Willow but knew she had to, and just assumed it was because of her body slowly deteriorating. 'Dying sure doesn't get easier...' There just wasn't any strength in her left, it seemed, and what was worse is that Giles had taken up some crazy healing method with crystals...supposedly helping but she didn't feel any better. Willow was intrigued at the idea, and said anything would help at this point. When they told her about the serum, she was extremely worried, and had said no, since it may only make things worse. She knew it pained Willow to hear that, and it hurt her as well...but she still held out hope that her natural healing ability would fight the apparent infection Ethan had finally found in her blood.
Slowly positioning herself to a sitting position, her dizziness overtook her again. It was that moment when Willow woke up, feeling the loss of contact from hand to thigh. Moving to help Buffy up, she kept the loose embrace shortly before placing her soft lips against the waterfall pouring down the blonde's forehead. When her wife was somewhat comfortable, Willow went to run another bath, and start the recent daily routine. Make sure Buffy eats something, drinks PLENTY of water, bathe her in cold water, and just keep her comfortable. She let the water flow into the oversized bathtub, and went downstairs to fix a quick lunch, and grab several bottles of water.
Giles entered the bedroom when he saw Willow exit the bathroom to head downstairs. Buffy tried to smile but she reserved all of her strength for those few painful smiles she could give her wife. He quickly went about setting up the needed crystals.
"Hi, Giles." Her raspy, harsh voice sounded weaker than usual, and he was glad to see that the serum was working.
"Um, yes. Good morning, Buffy. Glad to see you awake this early." He finished setting up the crystals on the nightstand, and helped turn her body towards it, noticing with careful observation the way she depended on him more than usual. Just then, Willow entered with food, water, and what she hoped was a cheerful grin. Seeing Giles, she frowned. "Oh, Willow. Sorry. I thought I would go ahead, and start the first session a bit early, since you two seem to be awake already."
"Giles, you couldn't let her rest at least a bit first? I mean...we just woke up. I still need to feed her, and bathe her..." Willow laid the plate of food on the table, and managed somewhat successfully to place the three water bottles she carefully carried up the stairs on the dresser.
"It's okay, Wills. The sooner I get this over with...the more time you have to see me naked." Buffy let her grin show, and internally danced about when she noticed Willow's flustered face. 'Yep...may be dying...but I still got it!'
"Are you sure...I mean, I could..." She moved over to sit next to her lover, and helped put a thin robe around her shoulders, in order to cover up her feminine parts. Willow was still very much in the state of mind that there would be no sharing.
"I'm sure. Just give us a few minutes, okay? You can go brush your teeth, and eat something yourself. You almost look sicker than I am..." Buffy may look weak and helpless at the moment, and there may be nothing she could do to help but she would be damned if she was going to watch Willow ignore her own needs.
"But Buf-"
"No...now go. I'm fine. We'll be done in a minute." Seeing Buffy's pained eyes, she frowned, and nodded in stubbornness, letting both of them know she wasn't happy about it but she'd go along. "Okay...let's get on with this. Otherwise, we have to deal with an even angrier redhead."
"Right." Turning his attention back to the crystals, he motioned for the blonde to do the same. "Yes, I think we should start with the grounding crystal again." After the breathy 'okay,' he continued. "Now, look very carefully for the tiny flaw at its core." When she had finally managed to concentrate her power, she fell into a sort of trance, allowing Giles time to insert the serum without anybody being any wiser. He was extremely careful not to leave any trace of blood, or anything that might be noticeably different on her arm. Once he had the kit put away, he took a deep sigh, and willed himself to continue. This was the last dosage, and her body was already beginning to heal itself, even if she may feel weaker. It was all part of the process, and it would take weeks for her to become herself again. With this non-FDA approved treatment, and the way he was going about administering the muscle relaxant, he started to feel no better than his old friend, Ethan. Finally, he remained casual, and waved his hand between Buffy and the crystal.
"Oh...sorry, Giles. Guess I just zoned out; you know...been doing that a lot lately." Her attempt at a light air about dying was unnerving to Rupert Giles, and he could only pray that his betrayal was worth it. "Should we go back to..." Willow walked back in, wearing a resolved expression that left no room for argument.
"No, I think it best that we call it a day." He nodded, and gathered his things, and before he left, he noticed Willow helping Buffy eat and drink. 'I truly am sorry...but you said it yourself, Willow...you'd do anything to help Buffy. I would do anything to help you, and I just hope you can forgive me if she gets better.'
"Chew, baby." Willow knew Buffy was getting weaker but this was ridiculous. Just then, Dawn walked in, and sat down on the other side of her sister. The blonde smiled softly at her sister. "Hi, Dawnie."
"Hey, Willow. Buffy." Dawn took a hold of Buffy's other hand, and squeezed in assurance. She had been walking past, and even though she didn't want to interrupt the intimate moment, she wanted to help the process. Suddenly, Buffy just couldn't chew any more, and her head felt heavy again.
"Willow?" The pain in her voice let her know that it was just too difficult to chew at the moment; they would try again a little later.
"It's okay. Let's just start slow today. Um, Dawn, could I have that?" Willow motions towards the tray on the bed, and the brunette handed her a cup of applesauce and a spoon. When she had the package open, she scooped up some of the grainy substance, and held it to her reluctant lover's mouth. "Here you go." Spooning the applesauce into her mouth, Willow smiled warmly on the brink of tears. "That's my girl."
"Can I help?" Dawn watched a few more bites happen, and decided this was an easy enough task. Willow simply nodded, and handed over the cup and spoon. After feeding in complete silence, they managed to get Buffy to drink a bottle of water before she passed out again. "I'm sorry I couldn't-"
"It's okay. I can do this. I'm gonna take care of her. Even if she never..." Willow took a deep sigh, and Dawn touched her forearm gently in reassurance. "She's my girl."
"I understand." Dawn looked at Buffy, wincing in pain, even in her sleep.
"I know you do." The two shared a small smile before Dawn started picking up the tray. Willow turned back to her sleeping lover, and looked at her with so much love that it broke Dawn's heart. She may be losing a sister but Willow was losing her soul mate. The young brunette couldn't even imagine what that must be like. It had been hard enough losing her mother. "Hear that, baby? You're my always." When Willow leaned down to kiss the blonde on the forehead, Buffy woke up again, just as Dawn was departing. "Hey."
"Hey." Buffy was weaker...she knew that. However, when Willow helped her up, so that she could take a bath, her legs went out from under her completely, and the redhead couldn't support all of her weight. They both crashed to the ground, and that's when Buffy lost it. The sobs just wouldn't stop, and even with Willow there, soothing her, holding her...none of it was enough. She was going to die, and what was worse...she was leaving Willow. Dying suddenly became a reality to her, and that little bit of hope left that kept her calm was no longer there.
After what seemed like forever, Willow had finally managed to get her in the bathtub. It was more difficult than usual but they had managed. As the redhead massaged her shoulders, Buffy let every sensation feel her senses. Each tug, each pull, each squeeze...everything Willow did to her, because it could be their last time doing this very thing. When she relaxed completely under her wife's ministrations, she allowed time to focus on the past few days. Suddenly, she realized something that she had missed completely; although, she was baffled at the fact she had missed them, since they were very apparent usually. The fever convulsions had diminished, and where she would normally have had three already at that point in her waking hours, there had been none. Also, she hadn't coughed up blood since two days ago. She wasn't sure...but that was a good sign. Buffy had been so lost in her thoughts that she completely missed the rest of her bath, as Willow worked around her quietly, letting the blonde just relax in the moment. Then, there was nothing left for her to do, so she had to end the clean, wet, naked Buffy time.
"Buffy...baby? I need you to help me here. I don't have all that nifty slayer strength, I'm afraid." Willow tried to chuckle but her mood was still too sad. "Buffy?"
"Huh? Oh...sorry Wills. Must've zoned out; I've been doing that a lot lately." Just then, Buffy's attention went back to
her session with Giles that morning, as she experienced déjà vu. 'The healing crystals...they must be helping. That doesn't explain why I feel weaker, though.'
Willow helped her back into bed, and crawled in beside her. After the bath, she would usually get in a few minutes of cuddling while Buffy's temperature was lower. There was less of a fear of making her worse that way. When Buffy didn't tap her like she usually did when she was starting to get hot, Willow didn't notice. Instead, the two just lie there, cuddled on the bed, and when the redhead finally did pay attention, she looked at the clock, and it had been two hours. 'We stayed like this for two hours? That doesn't make sense...Buffy hasn't started sweating yet. Could that mean...?' Letting reality sink back in, she sighed again. 'No...stupid clock is probably just broken.'
The blonde noticed the sudden change, and she too was quite aware that she hadn't started sweating, or even felt hot for that matter. In fact, she felt the need to cuddle closer to Willow, and wrap twenty blankets around them. Her body temperature had seemingly dropped tremendously. It was certain to her then. She had to tell her wife everything.
"Willow...don't move. I'm cold but I need to tell you something." She waited for a reply but all she got was the worried face from her lover. "I seem to be getting a little weaker...okay, a whole lot weaker. I think my fever's gone, too; I'm all of a sudden really, really cold, and in desperate need of lots of blankets." When Willow jumped up with a startled expression, she tried to pull her back down but to no avail. She had to let the redhead run to get the blankets, since her arms just weren't strong enough to hold her. After being fussed over, and wrapped in several blankets, Buffy felt like a stuffed burrito...only, she was the stuffing, and not the burrito. "Wills...could you just...maybe..."
"Buffy...no, baby, please? Don't go into the light!!!" Willow was frantic, and gripped the blonde's face between her hands, urging her to focus on her face. "Stay, baby. Please stay...oh goddess, Buffy..." Just then, Buffy started to burst into laughter. It was inappropriate but seeing her lover like this, and knowing that she may be all right after all, every emotion hit at once, and she couldn't stop laughing. Willow just looked on in shock, as though Buffy had completely lost her mind. "Buffy...Buffy!!! Buffy, stop laughing!!! It's not funny!! BUFFY!!!!!!!"
When she heard Willow shout her name, the giggles instantly stopped, and she was faced with stone cold Rosenberg. 'Uh-oh...better explain fast.' "Uh...Wills. It's not what you think. My fever's gone. I'm not sweating. There's no more convulsing, and the pain is more from my sore muscles than anything. I'm better, baby. That's why I'm laughing...not at you. I'm happy. I get to stay. Somebody must have been listening because I think Giles's crystal thingy worked!!"
"It did?" Willow wanted to believe it, more than anything, but she couldn't shake that this was a cruel joke on her. When she realized it was Buffy, she snapped out of it, recognizing what her lover was saying. "It did!! Oh, Buffy..." Willow tackled herself into the manmade burrito, and the blonde could hardly make any movement, more from the fact she was wrapped tightly than the weakness.
"Will...I'd like to join in the celebration here...but I'm a little tied up at the moment. How many blankets did you use again?" Buffy smirked, and it didn't hurt for the first time in a week. This, the thought that she wasn't going to die, and the woman in her arms crying was enough to let her own tears shower again. She smiled when she realized it was the only liquid cascading anywhere on her body.
Willow finally broke her out of the cocoon, and just placed the blankets neatly on top of the covers. Snuggling under them, she quickly latched onto Buffy, also noticing the lack of wet spots. If anything, the blonde's skin was chafing from the constant sweat. Instantly, the thought of getting to moisturize that skin all over made for a very happy redhead. Letting her thoughts linger, she just let the feelings of Buffy's fingers loosely moving in her hair.
"I'm not 100 percent, though. My body seems to be strangely weak...like I can't lift anything. I can't even play with your hair like I used to, and chewing was just a no go earlier. It was like my appetite just left...I'm not used to that. I'm always hungry." When Buffy mentioned that, Willow's started clicking things into place, and she scowled, and her eyes narrowed. The blonde noticed the tension, and when Willow jumped out of bed, she wanted to follow, and see what the angry was about but found she couldn't move so much on her own yet.
"GILESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The scream would have scared anybody, and Buffy heard a plate crash somewhere downstairs. There was also a loud thud from the direction Willow had headed.
Willow threw open the door, and noticed the frazzled, frightened expression on the normally stoic British man's face. Yes, she was dark Willow now. Nothing mattered except for Buffy...and her own mentor had gone behind their backs. It was hard to focus on Buffy not dying anymore at the moment. No, she was completely focused in on her anger, and it would be easy to say that her normally bright green eyes had an extremely dark hue to them that made them almost look completely black. That would make any man piss their pants...that, and the extremely angry looking redhead in the doorway.
"How could you do this??!! She told you no!! You raped her of her power!! She said no, Giles." Willow steps in further but thinks better of it, and stays in the doorway, blocking the exit. "Who are you?" Her voice was quiet that time, and she was starting to feel the betrayal full force. "Why did you do this? All this time...all this time, you knew what it would do to her, and you still did it after she said no!!"
"I'm terribly sorry, Willow. You have to understand; Buffy was going to..." He starts to walk towards her but she slaps him across the face hard enough to leave a handprint.
"You think I don't know that? Giles...everyday. Every single day, I sat there, and I helped her...hoping, praying that she would get better...but not to this extent. You lied to us. You stuck a needle in her! You poisoned her!!" She just stood her ground, ready to blow a gasket. She was shaking with hatred at that point.
"Willow. Listen to me...the effects will wear off in about two weeks, and now that you know that, you can go about helping her more efficiently. Everything will be okay now, and whatever I have to do to help...and to win back your trust..." Giles starts to move forward again but when he sees the tear-streaked, angrily shaking girl, he thinks better of it.
"I don't know you." She glances up at him, and her blackened eyes send a jolt of ultimate fear up and down his spine, causing his skin to crawl, and the tiny hairs on the back of his neck and arms to stand at attention. Then, she left, and so did he. Only, he left to return to England, allowing his former student the chance to heal. He knew his actions would have consequences...but he was more than willing to take them if it meant Willow would be happy. He knew the trust would never be complete again but he also knew that the fiery redhead would calm down, and once Buffy was better and the muscle relaxant and adrenaline suppressor wore off completely, he would get a call. However, he just wasn't sure if he would be healed from the guilt he still felt about the whole situation. Time could only tell...