Loving Willow More
by Rin
9
[reviews]
A/N: Sorry it's taking me so long to update more often. I've just been working extra hard lately.
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"This is the best way to wake up..." Buffy mumbled from underneath the sheets. She was blocking the light from the window; it was Saturday, too early to get up at dawn. Willow was staring at her through half-closed eyes, and she couldn't resist placing tiny kisses against her fluttering eyelids.
"Sleepy..." Willow was only half awake, and was on her way to passing out again. Yesterday's activities were more than tiring. After a quick vitals test, Buffy was put through several basic training exercises from army camps, which she passed with flying colors. The blonde tried to pass her success off as lucky but poor Graham was feeling the aftereffects from the taser rifle from when she used him as a shield during an attack. After that, Walsh pitted her against seven vampires at once in the training room, and she had no problem taking them down. Since she wasn't training as often with Giles anymore, Buffy found the exercises to be beneficial to her rapid improvement as a slayer. Whether Dr. Walsh was aware or not, Buffy was actually improving because of the numerous experiments. When the tests were finished, the slayer patrolled, and the fights were heavy. When she got back to the dorm, Willow was barely finished bandaging her arm properly before the slayer pounced on her with the aftereffects of battle. Their sexual activities lasted well into the night, and had finally passed out in satiation around 5 that morning. Just two hours previous.
"Okay...sleep..." She kissed her cheek right as Willow drifted back to dreamland. Crawling from the covers, Buffy was still wired, so she pulled back her hair, and donned a pair of sweats, sports bra, and old Sunnydale High t-shirt. Kissing Willow one last time, she left the dorm, intent on a light morning jog.
As she ran, thoughts ran through her brain like crazy. Everything seemed perfect in her little world, except for the telling everybody part. They still were trying to ease Xander into the idea but he just would not take the hint. Willow mentioned that she suspected Anya finally caught on, since the two had started acting more couply around everybody. Buffy had talked to Giles, and got the 'dear lord' speech when she told him. When she told Willow about their talk, her girlfriend sighed in relief. That was one less person to tell, so now they just had to keep working on Xander.
When she came upon a clearing in the woods, she stopped and stretched. She'd been running for over an hour, and had tired herself out, a feat that takes a LOT of energy. While she was lost in her thoughts still, she stretched out across the tiny lake, enjoying the sun's sparkle against the water. Making a mental note to bring Willow along to see this one morning, Buffy just enjoyed the peaceful feeling coursing through her veins. Standing up, she started to run back to campus...to Willow.
When she barged into the room, she had every intention of jumping on her girlfriend to wake her but was halted by a body just inside the door. Umphing back, she had to bend over to catch her breath, hands resting on her knees. Looking up, she noticed Willow clutching their bed sheet to her body in a protective, panicked manner. That's when Buffy noticed that Fred was standing beside her. She had run into her girlfriend's ex, the girl that the redhead loved so much, and a former member of the Scooby gang. When nobody said anything for a while, Buffy decided to just come out with it.
"Well, this is awkward." She found no argument from the room. Fred was looking anywhere but at either of them, and Willow was scrambling to hold the sheets closer to her body. They had been caught again. "Maybe I should just..." She indicated towards the door but the redhead stopped her with a pleading look. "Right...I can stay."
"When did all this happen? Cordy said Xander mentioned something about a new girlfriend but I thought she said it was some witch girl named Tara." Fred was shocked, and utterly humiliated. This was the last thing she had expected to find. Angel needed Buffy's help for something, and was about to drive from LA to Sunnydale but Fred had stopped him. She hadn't been back since the breakup, and that was well over six months. Her parents were worried, and she would just assure them repeatedly over the phone that things were fine, that she was just busy with school. However, things weren't fine, and she had finally come to terms with everything. Cordelia had figuratively slapped her back to reality, and she was ready to see Willow.
Waking up, the redhead stretched luxuriously. Making love to Buffy all night...again...had
been amazing, and something was definitely growing between them. She wasn't sure what it was yet but it felt great. Everything was perfect; she should have known something would disrupt that. Getting out of bed, she found the note on her desk, saying that her lover would be back shortly after a quick run. Since she was still nude, she just enjoyed the peaceful confines of their room together, and booted her computer. Just as she typed her password, there was a knock at her door. Seeing Buffy's keys on the bedside table, she unlocked the door before crawling back under the covers. There was a definite chance of staying in bed all morning. Laying back seductively under the covers, she called out for her girlfriend to come in, the door was unlocked. She just didn't expect it to be her EX girlfriend. Pulling the covers more fully on herself, they hadn't said a word to each other; that's when Buffy came crashing in the door.
"Where did he get that idea?" Willow scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. She'd been hinting about a new girlfriend for months but Tara had been nowhere around. Apparently, he was getting the hints she would drop, just not the right person. Shutting the door, Buffy cleared her throat before she moved to take a seat at her desk.
"He said you weren't around anymore but that you were happy. I just never..." Fred was at a loss for words; what could she even say?
"Do you want to sit down?" Buffy was panicky. This was the moment she'd feared for some time, and as per course on the Hellmouth, when things are perfect, the shit hits the fan.
"Yeah." Sitting in the other chair, Fred was in a daze. She wanted to see if she could get Willow back; she knew she'd messed up big time but she wasn't going down without a fight. From what she understood, the redhead wasn't even talking about the relationship to her friends, so she had a good chance. Now, though...now things were different. She held no chance against Buffy.
"Fred?" Willow didn't know what to do. Here she was, naked in front of the only two people who had seen her this way in her young adult life, both of whom she loved. She knew that a confrontation with Fred was inevitable but she thought it would be a mutual meeting, where both were clothed.
"Sorry...um...so...you didn't answer my question." She looked up, willing herself not to cry again. "When did..."
"About a month after you left." Willow never thought about the time factor before; to her, it had taken her more time than needed, and she suddenly felt guilty. "I should have..."
"No...no, I'm actually glad I didn't know." Fred looked at Buffy, who looked more powerful than she remembered. Something was different about the blonde, and it was frightening. "I was dating Gunn for awhile, not too long after..."
"Gunn?" The disbelief in the redhead's voice made Fred cringe at the memory. She'd used the guy big time, and now he wasn't talking to her.
"Yeah, it's not something I'm proud of..." She took a deep breath; it was hard to think. Buffy decided to pipe in her two cents, as she stood from her chair.
"Look, maybe I should go, and leave you two to talk. I'd only get in the way, and it's obvious you two..." Before Buffy could go any further, Willow stopped her.
"Please don't go, Buff?" The pleading in her voice was shaky; Willow was scared, and Buffy would protect her.
"Sure." The blonde sat back down, and an uncomfortable silence fell over the room again. "So...how is everybody in LA?"
"Actually, that's why I'm here..." Looking over at Willow, she felt the need to add something to her statement. "One of the reasons."
"Fred, I..." Willow could see what was on the girl's mind, and part of her really longed to be in the brunette's arms again. For a brief moment, she thought about it until Buffy spoke again.
"Let me get you something to wear, Wills...you've gotta be..." Buffy stood, stumbling to her dresser, and throwing a t-shirt and underwear to her girlfriend. At least it was something.
"Thanks." She proceeded to pull her clothes on, keeping the sheet firmly in place. When she was finished, she kept the covers over her underwear clad lower half. "What's going on in LA?"
"There's a law firm that's giving Angel a lot of grief, and they're out to hire a slayer to kill him. Naturally, he wanted to warn everybody here first." Fred kept her eyes averted, not willing to see the tousled hair of her ex, knowing why her hair was like that.
"To make sure we didn't take their offer." Buffy nodded, understanding exactly what was going on, and standing again. She was STILL wired, and now pacing the floor nervously. Willow sent a worried gaze to her lover, and received a smile from the blonde. "Why couldn't he come down himself?"
"He was going to but...but I wanted...needed to come, so Cordy and I convinced him to take a day to brood." Fred suppressed a chuckle at the memory. "I honestly didn't expect..."
"I'm sorry, Fred. Everything has been so hectic here, and we've not been together long." She motioned between herself and Buffy, and the brunette nodded in acknowledgment. "We've been trying to tell Xander but you remember his big thing for Buffy. It would hurt him, especially since it's me, and I don't want to..."
"I get it, Will. You don't have to explain." Fred swallowed hard.
"I want to, though. You deserve that much." Willow sent pleading eyes to her former lover, and sad eyes to her current one, who nodded as she left the room. "Can you...I mean..." She indicated that she wanted to put some pants on, so Fred had to think about what she was asking. Then, it hit her, and the very thought of Willow, her Willow asking for her to turn around, so that she wouldn't see her without pants; well...her heart collapsed. "Oh...I can..."
"No, it's okay, Will. I don't have that right anymore, I guess." Fred sighed, turned around, and willed herself not to cry. She could hear her ex pulling pants on behind her.
"All done." She patted her legs for emphasis; it was a quick change. She just pulled a pair of pants off from the floor that was tossed last night in the heat of passion but looking down, Willow noticed that she had Buffy's pants on, and she felt guilty feeling aroused at the thought in front of her ex.
"Right." Fred turned around, and didn't even realize that they weren't her pants, so Willow no longer minded the guilt. "I...do you..."
"Fred, it's good to see you. I've missed you." Willow was the first to make contact. She didn't care that smelled of sweat, sex, and Buffy.
"Oh, Wills...I've missed you so much." Fred didn't care anymore; she let the tears roll. "Soooo much." Burying her head into the redhead's shoulder, she immediately regretted it because she could smell Buffy all over the girl.
"Shh...it's okay." Willow soothed the girl like she used to, and it almost felt like nothing had changed. They were still Willow and Fred, the twosome of cuteness. "You're here now; that's all that matters."
"Will, I knew...I knew you were in love with Buffy." Fred keeps the embrace; not letting the redhead let her go the way she had so many months ago.
"How could you; when I wasn't even sure?" Willow let her stay in her arms; it actually felt good to feel their bodies pressed together again after so long.
"You knew, too. We were just too caught up in each other for you to notice. If the situation presented itself, though...you would have figured it out sooner than later." Fred swallowed audibly before they both sat down at the edge of the bed. "You didn't have to kick Buffy out of the room."
"No...I know. I wanted to talk to you, though, and she would have distracted us. Plus, she would be hurt; I'm sure she's either brooding, or punching something right now. We need to talk, though, and she knows that." Willow moved a leg up on the bed, and positioned herself more towards Fred, who mirrored her actions. "I want you to know that I never stopped loving you; I still do, and it hurt. I...when you left me on that sidewalk, I didn't think I'd ever see you again. I was a wreck; I even missed three days of classes."
"No; you? I don't believe that." Fred's tone was sarcastic, and they both chuckled lightly to relieve some tension. "It hurt me, it still does, and I'm ashamed of myself for leaving you like that. We should have at least talked, and I'm sorry."
"No. No, you reacted on instinct. I understand that now, even if it still hurts a little. You'll always be a big part of me. Spike even apologized; although at the time he just said it because he wanted his blood..."
"Spike?" Fred hadn't been aware of that fact. If Cordelia or Angel had known, they hadn't said anything. "Why would you be..."
"Oh! Yeah...I thought Xander told Cordy that. He was supposed to tell that Spike has a chip in his brain right now, and it causes him immense pain if he tries to hurt a human." She grinned, remembering how happy she was that he was suffering.
"A chip?" Fred was surprised; even with a chip, she never expected the gang to take in Spike. "That hardly..."
"Oh but it does! It's really amazing. Do you remember Dr. Walsh on campus here? We went to a lecture she had once on communication. It was right before all the mayor stuff." Willow was excited. The part that she missed most (besides the sex) with Fred was the intellectual conversations. Sure, Buffy was smarter than she appeared but Fred was a genius, and the blonde just wasn't as concerned about quantum physics.
"Yeah. I remember; that's the night you stayed over for the first time. There's no way I'd forget a day like that; I was so nervous...there you were, in my bed, with me, and I didn't know what to do! You weren't faring much better, as I remember." Fred smirked, teasing the girl.
"Hey! It's not like I knew you slept half naked!" They giggled. "I really have missed you, Fred. I'm sorry that we can't...I mean...well, with Buffy..."
"I know, and...are you happy?" Fred took a deep breath, unsure of how she wanted Willow to answer.
"I am." Willow smiled, knowing exactly why she was happy. "It's not something I can explain..."
"Maybe it'd be better for us both if you didn't." Fred met Willow's green gaze, and smiled sadly. "At least for now; maybe sometime down the road...who knows? I'll meet some guy or girl, and the two of us will go on double dates. Just not now; I need some time to process all of this. I mean...you and Buffy? That's huge. There's no way I could compete with her."
"It's not a competition, and you know that." Willow didn't mean to sound upset; she was actually happy to see Fred. "Sorry. It's just...it was never a contest to win my affections, or to see who loved me more. I love you both, and even though it didn't work out between us doesn't mean I ever stopped. I'm just..."
"You're just in love with Buffy now. I get it, Will, and I can deal. Just...like I said, give me time?" Fred shrugged her shoulder, and had a pleading expression plastered on her face.
"I'll wait. At first, I didn't think anything could help." Willow was going into deep, emotional territory but recognized that they had to discuss what happened completely. "Like I said...emotional train wreck. Buffy waited. She gave me control over what happened, and I was the one that changed our relationship. I feel guilty telling you that it didn't take long; part of me was still hurting but the biggest part of me wanted to be with her. It just...it feels right."
"I guess I should admit that it was only three weeks after that I started dating Gunn." Fred smiled sheepishly, and watched the torn emotions cross Willow's face. "I was so upset, and he was really kind. I just confused thankfulness for affection. Needless to say, the relationship went nowhere; the first time that we..." Fred stopped, realizing what she was about to admit.
"No, go on. I'm...I'll be okay." Willow swallowed, not sure if she was ready to hear this.
"Well, I broke down, and I've been in a funk ever since. Will, are you sure there's no way..." Fred had to try; there was never harm in trying. Willow sighed.
"I will always love you, Fred but things just happened, and it's hard to...I'm with Buffy now, and I'm happy. Things are great here, and there will always be a place for you. Never doubt that I will always want you around. Who else am I going to argue with on the points of quantum mechanics?" Willow entwined their hands, staring deeply into Fred's, which were about to brim over in tears again.
" 'I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.'" Fred smiled through her tears, and kept her eyes focused on Willow's. It would be the last time they ever gazed in each other's eyes this way.
"Richard P. Feyman. See? Who else but you? I'll always want you...here." She pulled their entwined hands over her heart, "and here." Then, she placed their hands on her head. Kissing Fred's hand, Willow squeezed one last time.
"I should go see my parents. I've not been back to Sunnydale since." Fred stood, and Willow followed, keeping their hands entwined.
"Really? They must be worried out of their minds. I see them walking around town, and your mom honks her horn when she drives by me in her bus." Willow looked at her ex with surprise. The Burkles were the nicest parents, along with Joyce, that she'd ever met. They cared about Fred so much that Willow always longed to be a part of the family, and there was a point in time when she thought she would be someday. Now, it appeared she'd end up being a Summers instead of a Burkle; either way suited her just fine. "You did tell them what happened...between us...right?"
"Yeah. I didn't for a long time but mom finally coaxed it out of me. They were shocked but if it weren't for them, and Cordy...I'd be in a mental institution right now." Fred smiled, not quite ready to let go but knowing she had to now. "Can I call you now, or email maybe?"
"Anytime you want; never hesitate if you feel the need, and hey! Let me know when you're in town, and we'll try to get together. I miss you, and so does everybody else." Willow bit her lip. 'So this is closure?' Her first major relationship was ending on a good note.
"I promise." Fred went to entwine their hands, so that she could get going but Willow stopped her, pulled her body towards her, and kissed her feverishly. It took her a moment but she responded with just as much fervor. Breaking apart, the girls calmed down before speaking again. "This is really it, huh?"
"Yeah..." Willow sighed. "It really is." Fred nodded, and left the room, leaving the redhead behind to wait on a possibly irate slayer.
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As soon as Buffy left the room, she was in a state of numbness. She had to shut herself off of any emotions in case Willow decided she wanted Fred. The slayer needed time to meditate on this idea before reacting. Angel had left her, why wouldn't Willow? 'No. This is Willow. She would never do that to me.' Sitting down in the lobby, she looked up anxiously at the clock every fifteen seconds. The guy sitting beside her looked at her in frustration before he moved to another chair. The sitting vigil lasted only two minutes and forty-five seconds before she was up pacing, which lasted one minute thirty seconds before the same guy yelled at her to sit down.
She thought that a walk would calm her down but that wasn't helping, so she tried running. Halfway across campus, she panicked, and realized that Willow would need her to be there when Fred left. No matter how the reunion went, the redhead would need to talk to her. Seeing that Fred's car was still there, she clinched her hands, and took a deep breath. Again pacing nervously, she sat on a bench outside, and watched the rest of the lazy campus make their way to the cafeteria for Saturday lunch. Legs twitching up and down, she watched the clock tower like a hawk, as her hands were starting to build calluses from the harsh rubbing. Buffy didn't even pay attention when blisters broke on her hands from last night's slayage, and blood started to appear. The other students didn't even pay attention at all.
It took Fred one hour twenty-three minutes and forty seven seconds to leave the dorm; she didn't even notice Buffy on the bench, since she had a huge grin on her face. There were all sorts of possibilities for that grin but the more painful ones caused Buffy to stay seated for another few minutes. Finally, she decided that she couldn't face the breakup that was about to happen, so she took another run through the woods, again finding the lake. The sparkling water didn't seem as beautiful as it did that morning.
She stayed out until dusk, knowing that Willow would be worried but still unable to face the heartbreak. Patrolling until dawn, she took out all her frustration, anger, heartache, and pain on the creatures of the night. She even managed to avert an apocalypse, beating three giraffe-looking demons to a bloody pulp before they could open the Hellmouth...again. Pocketing the artifacts, and carrying the spell book used, she kept walking in a daze. Finally, she decided to call on Giles, so she knocked on his door until he answered, scruffy in the early morning hours.
"Buffy, my God. We've all been worried sick; where have you been? Is everything all right? Willow called in a fright, having not seen you for hours. What's going on?" Giles retied his robe tighter, and ushered the obviously emotionally and physically exhausted girl to his couch. Making no sound, she placed the book and artifacts on his desk before exiting his townhouse. She'd held the talk with Willow off long enough. It was time to face the music.
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