Switcheroony
by alicorn
Chapter 16
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They lay curled together in sweet exhaustion with Willow spooning Buffy. It was almost seven o'clock and neither had gotten any sleep, as Willow had approached her list with unwavering dedication. Buffy had never been so sated, so fuzzy and warm. The feel of Willow's warm body at her back offered such completion. Again she struggled to stay in the dream.
Willow noticed the stillness in Buffy. "You okay?" she quietly asked, afraid the weirdness was already taking over.
Willow's words drew Buffy back from the dream. "Yeah. Just coming back down to earth," Buffy said, grinning at the memories of last night. She didn't want Willow to let go of her just yet.
"Mmm. I know what you mean," Willow said as she absentmindedly squeezed her dear friend tighter. "That was ..." Willow's mind searched for a word, a safe word to describe last night but none came to mind.
"Really ... something," Buffy offered, feeling a little foolish. She couldn't remember the last time she had allowed herself to feel shy, vulnerable and nervous, yet it felt so right. "You knew ... a lot more ... than I was expecting," she admitted, feeling more like a giddy love-struck young woman of her age rather than the 'wise beyond her years' Slayer that she had to be in order to survive.
Willow felt the heat filling her cheeks at this compliment. "I don't think I was the only one — with the unexpected," she replied as she fondly remembered when Buffy had taken her turn.
Buffy giggled at the thought of the things she had done and, if Willow's reaction was anything to go by, had done well. "Yeah. Who'd have guessed?"
Buffy stared at the hand holding hers ... her own hand. Suddenly her euphoria was drowned in cold water. She had been so caught up in the sheer pleasure of last night that it wasn't until now, as dawn peeked in through the curtains, that the truth became evident to her. This wasn't real, last night hadn't been real. She wasn't in her body and neither was Willow. A shiver of creepiness and sadness ran through her as she realized that the warm skin she had caressed last night, the body she had entered and tasted had been her own.
She so wanted to escape the image that was forming in her head, the memory of their actions. 'I've just made love to my own body. That's well like ... Oh god!' All she had wanted was to live the dream ... she tried to reclaim the dream for just a little longer. She loved the feel of Willow holding her but the knowledge of what they had both done last night and the danger they were still in overshadowed everything. Add on to that the realization that they had been in the wrong bodies during what had been a heavenly night and reality suddenly came into sharp cold focus.
Part of Buffy wanted to turn over and tell Willow how much last night had meant to her, how long she had dreamt of making love to her, how much she wanted to try to be what she needed. But the weirdness was kicking in. Willow had made love to her while Buffy was still in Will's body and ... and it had been making love! Yes she was pretty sure she would have known the difference. But it hadn't really been her. She couldn't allow herself to believe it was anything more than the love of a dear friend who was trying to make an ordeal easier, trying to help fix something that was wrong.
She couldn't burden Willow with her needs, her wants, her fears, her wishes, her dreams. Willow had been so sweet, so wonderful, so giving because that was who Will was. That was her way and this was what they had to try ... to do ... to get their bodies back.
No matter how much she had wanted every touch and every moan to mean more, she couldn't allow herself to take advantage of Willow's giving nature. The possibility of telling Will how she felt and seeing that look of pity in her best friend's eyes while she explained that she didn't feel the same way ... tore at her heart and courage. She wanted love not pity and she was far too scared to take the chance. "So how are we going to tell them?" Buffy asked, pulling reality back into their world.
"Tell them what?" Willow asked, concern evident in her voice. She suddenly had the very real fear that Buffy was expecting to debrief the Scoobies in detail. "Oh!" She had forgotten for a moment that this wasn't real, that last night hadn't been real. As that knowledge grew within her, she shook herself and thought 'What did you expect? Buffy's only letting you hold her like this because last night we had great sex last night. Nothing more.' She couldn't blame Buffy. She knew that her hopes for something more were her own problem. But that didn't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes.
"That it didn't work," Buffy explained. She had known the morning after was going to be hard but this was like having a thousand paper cuts and sitting in a bath of lemon juice. She either wanted this over or a few moments return of the mind reading power she had once had in high school. Anything but this strained conversation and the desire to run.
"Right. Oh yeah. They'll need to know. I mean Giles ..." Willow said as she slowly removed her arms and released Buffy. "He'll want to review ... the curse." She rolled away. The feel of Buffy's warm body had now become a torture as the tears silently filling her eyes testified. 'Last night was it' she decided. It was all she could ever have. Drawing herself in she tried to find her center; controlling her breathing; forcing the tears back that she would shed later ... alone, she continued, "I mean we'll need to ... look over the wording again and see what we missed." She stared at the ceiling and felt very small and alone. The desire to go and beat up something engulfed her. 'This is so unfair, so cruel.'
"Will, I really don't know ... how to say this. I mean if there even is a right way to say this. So ... you know ... (gulp). Thanks ... for last night," Buffy ended somewhat uselessly. She wanted to say so much more but now that Willow's arms had released her she didn't seem able to form the words. Somehow she felt more monosyllabic than she normally did.
"Yeah. No prob," Willow responded lamely, wondering how long the polite period was ... before you could get up, get dressed and run away.
Buffy lay still admonishing herself. 'What a lame way to say thanks for a night you will never forget.'
The shrill sound of their phone broke the need to speak further. Buffy shot from the bed, still naked and reached for the phone in desperate gratitude for the interruption. "Hi?"
"Buffy, sorry if I woke you. I know it's still early but I've just finished a telephone call from England and I believe that I should see you both immediately. It seems ... we may have gravely misunderstood the curse," Giles said, the gravity of the matter evident in his tone.
"Okay Giles. We'll be there pronto," Buffy promised and hung up the telephone. She turned towards the bed but she didn't, she couldn't raise her eyes to meet Willow's. Her mind really wasn't ready to see the woman she had slept with last night in her own body. "Giles needs us," she explained, adding "Sorry." And with that inadequate apology for ending their post-coital talk, she turned to get dressed.
Willow lay under the covers for a moment realizing she was going to have to hold back her tears for even longer. All she really wanted to do was curl up under the covers and hide for as long as it took to forget last night.
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Giles retrieved his cup of tea from the kitchenette counter, after having let in Buffy and Willow. Returning to his living room he saw that they had chosen to sit at either end of the sofa and so he moved towards his somewhat worn but favorite chair.
"It seems that either we have or Faith has (in her composition of the curse), misunderstood some of the references she was using and that if come the full moon we haven't resolved this curse, the world could be placed in a very serious situation," Giles explained to the two very silent and half-awake young women before him. "I received a rather unexpected call from a Watchers' Council intermediary early this morning. It seems they have become aware of the curse."
"Oh great - show and tell," grumbled a very fidgety Willow, preoccupied by the pain Buffy's words had caused this morning.
Giles looked at Willow, who appeared to be rubbing her fingers in vigorous aggravation.
"We're listening," Buffy declared attempting to distract Giles from Willow's obvious wigging out at the outsiders having any idea that they had or intended to sleep together. Yet she couldn't help but feel hurt that Willow was having such a bad time dealing with what they had done. She had thought it so special, so wonderful, a dream. It hurt to know that Willow didn't feel the same way. She almost felt as if she was seeing someone else, someone other than the person who had loved her so completely last night.
"Indeed. What I now have to explain may take some time and I must ask that you let me complete what I have to say before you bombard me with your usual list of questions." He paused for effect and then taking a deep breath he continued, "Fine then. As we know the Greek goddess of the moon was Selene, otherwise known as Diana, and she was worshipped by priests and priestesses with magical staffs made from willow. It is a matter of record that willow trees prefer to grow by running water and some believe that they are, therefore, influenced by the movement of that water and consequentially by the movements of the moon. Now interestingly Hecate who was the Irish goddess of both the moon and willow trees taught sorcery and witchcraft, and was a formidable divinity of the underworld. Again her priestesses used willow in their water magic and witchcraft."
Buffy was only half-listening. She so knew from experience that what she actually needed to know would come at the very end. That was just how Giles worked. Meanwhile, the other half of her mind dwelled on Willow. She wished she could still read minds. Specifically Willow's. Buffy was still somewhat freaked at the thought that last night she had caused her own body to orgasm, to writhe with pleasure, to flame with glowing heat. But in her own mind and deep in her soul, she knew that Willow was at the heart of that body and that it had been Willow to whom she had given pleasure. Surely Willow could realize that they hadn't just had sex, that it had been something more. She drew her mind back to Giles and his longwinded lecture. For once eager to let him ramble on, his words filling her mind and drowning out her anguish over last night.
"Willow trees are widely thought to represent renewal, virility, growth and immortality. Their wood is most commonly used for wickerwork - be that magical or practical. This was originally a trade only practiced by the priestesses of Hecate and Selene. Hence, the origins of the words wicker and Wiccan. It may be of interest to note that the Willow tree has unisexual flowers," he huffed slightly before continuing. "Willow trees are famous for their ease at surviving transplantation, fire, disease and pestilence. Many believe that this fact only served to add to ancient belief in the magical powers of this tree. Rosebay Willow, also known as Willow herb or Fireweed, rapidly colonizes burnt ground. During World War II and the bombing of London many of the derelict bomb sites were soon covered in fireweed, bringing color to an otherwise grim scene. The Greek goddess Selene was said to "exalt in her heart over the radiant bright haired Horai, the feminine hours, climbing the heavens to scatter sparks of fire."
Willow sat listening intently to Giles. She needed something to focus on, something to help hold back the tears. But uncalled for memories of the first time that Buffy had spoken to her invaded her mind. How the beautiful blonde had sat down beside her. The sheer buoyant feeling that had filled her when she realized that this wonderful, strong and lovely woman wanted her company. She had never thought she ever would regret the first spark of attraction that had lit within her that day. She wished she wasn't in love with Buffy. Maybe then all of this wouldn't hurt so much. She felt like a fool. She had known what last night would entail. She had promised herself that she wouldn't let it be anything more than just sex. And yet she had allowed a large part of her to dream that it would be so much more. Then she had allowed that part to of herself to escape into all that had taken place last night.
Giles took a sip from his tea, glancing at the unusually silent young women before him and noting their frozen expressions he smiled questioningly before continuing. "The Horai were represented by the morning star and it was said that 'The brightest of stars appeared, as most often heralds the light of early rising, whilst longing for the return of Luna, her partner in the night sky.' She can only raise the morning star if the moon is setting. Now you may be surprised to learn that the Greeks didn't recognize the season — Summer. They considered Spring and Summer as one season - Spring. They simply had three seasons, known as hours spring, autumn and winter. The guardians of these 'hours' were mortal. They were created by Zeus and called the Horai. For Winter, there was Irene or Carpo; for Autumn there was Eunomia or Auxo; for Spring there was Thallo or ... Dike." Giles stumbled over the word, and sighing with relief that Xander was absent, he hurried on. "Spring was placed on earth by Zeus and charged as the goddess of moral justice. She ruled over human justice whilst her mother (Themis) ruled over divine justice. Born mortal, she struggled for an age upon the earth, fighting to keep mankind just. But Zeus ever watchful, and having seen that she did not retreat at the enormity, and in his opinion futility, of her task soon brought her to his side upon Mount Olympus, ending her mortal existence and passing her task to another."
Rising from his seat he moved away from Buffy and Willow, pleased that they were listening so intently for once. "Dawn, who was the Greek goddess of ... well Dawn, heralds the arrival of Helios, the Sun. However she can only arise from her slumber at the heralding of the morning star. It seems that we are in danger of a lunar eclipse on the night of this coming full moon." He picked up a pen and proceeded to the flip chart that Anya had presented him with last month. "If we re-examine the wording of the curse," he said as he wrote the following:
"a single season forgotten" > Summer - forgotten by the Greeks; Spring the champion of justice, a short life on earth, then replaced. Source of the morning star.
"withers from her roots" > A willow tree that can not renew = a moon that can not be renewed once lost
"Luna will turn her back" > lunar eclipse = no moon = no morning star
"now arising without the dawn" > no moon = no morning star = no dawn = no sunrise."
Giles added, as if he needed to, "The Titans were all powerful Greek gods. They ruled and kept order in the ancient world. It was believed that without them the world would end. If the Moon and morning star do not follow each other, dawn will not arrive. If dawn does not arrive, the sun can not rise and if the sun can not rise ..."
"End of the world as we know it ... again," finished Buffy. "How long 'til the full moon?" she asked realizing that time may well be running out.
"Four days," Giles responded nodding at Buffy's statement. "Resolving your body swap has become of more import than we realized. I know that one possible solution ... has been difficult for either of you to consider. But ..."
"It didn't work," Buffy interrupted.
"I feel that we have to ... it didn't? ... you've ... how ... are you sure you ... well yes of course you are ... when? No, I don't need to know that," Giles said taking in the ramifications of Buffy's statement. He looked first to Buffy and then to Willow before asking for confirmation. "It didn't work?"
Buffy simply shook her head while Willow stared at the floor. Silence filled the room, as they all took in the relevance of both Giles' information and the failure of their most recent attempt to fix the body swap. Buffy looked at Giles with a fixed if apologetic stare as she said quietly, "I think we covered everything on the list. There was a list."
"We must have missed something," Giles stated, unwilling to comment, ask or even think about the kind of list to which Buffy could have been referring.
"You think?" Willow added her tone unusually sharp. She looked at Buffy's face and seeing the hurt she added, "Sorry." This was the first time she had really looked at Buffy since they had risen. Buffy had chosen her green jumper, the one that she usually picked when she felt like hiding. It covered her in a kind of baggy non-descript way. Willow couldn't see any of the curves — the curves she had touched, licked and tasted last night; her own ... 'Oh my god ... I did ... to my own body ... I dipped my fingers in my own wishing well.' Her heart rate increased and she felt heat at first rise to her cheeks and then drain from her until she became light-headed. She raised her hands to hide her face. Shame washed over her. How could she be all big with the 'why is Buffy acting so weird'? They had made love ... done stuff to their own bodies. The reality hit hard. They had talked about it but somehow the creepiness of the reality was way bigger than she had expected.
"Will? Are you alright?" Buffy asked reaching over to place her hand on Will's knee. The Witch jumped as if an electric charge had gone through her. "Willow?" her best friend asked again, the concern in her voice rising.
Willow took a deep breath and opening her eyes she looked at Buffy, unable to say anything at first, with her eyes full of sorrow, horror and shame. "Sorry ... I'm just getting the ... it was a ... body swap," she finally said gulping her way through the words in a very small voice as she looked at Buffy.
Seeing the sheer pained expression on Willow's face and realizing just what she was referring to, Buffy turned to the questioning face of Giles and looking him square in the eye, she shook her head firmly to prevent him from questioning or speaking. Willow really didn't need a Watcher's inquisition right now. She had obviously just been hit with the reality of what they had done last night. If the color of her face was anything to go by she had just received the same ice cold shower that Buffy had so not enjoyed earlier that morning.
Giles, somewhat mystified, stared at the young women before him. His radar was telling him that he would regret asking what this was all about but his Watcher's mind was eager to acquire any information that might help to extract them from their Faith-induced predicament.
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Faith rolled over in her bed. She had been tossing and turning all night. Although she had enjoyed saving the dumb duo, she couldn't get past the realization that she had put B and Red in danger. The body swap had been her idea, her solution to getting the two to admit how they felt about each other -- not to getting them killed.
Her dreams (or rather nightmares) had been filled with images of Willow holding a dying Slayer in her arms. She had awakened in a cold sweat. Despite the urge to pick up the phone and ring Cordy, she had held back. She really didn't want anyone to know how royally she had messed up, least of all Queen C.
Throwing back her covers, she smacked the mattress in frustration. How had this become so complicated? That guy had made it sound so easy; his instructions had been simple enough. Okay the poetry had been a pain at first but she had kinda started to like the whole punning and rhyming thing.
Maybe she should have given Cordy the 'heads up' on her plan. She didn't regret not having told Angel. His whole vamp anger bordering on psycho 'I'll hunt him down and I'll stake him into the next millennium' kill Spike episode, which she had seen first hand in L.A. after Cordy had retold her vision to the group, left her in no doubt that when it came to the Slayer 'the big bad' didn't keep a clear head. Angel's face had looked just like you might imagine the God of thunder would look — pre-storm. She had sworn she could actually see his blood rising.
Cordy had been very careful to clearly point out that her vision was of distant future events, of possible events, of things that could be avoided, changed and that as far as everyone knew Spike and Drusilla were still in Mexico. But this hadn't done much to temper Angel's tirade. What it had prevented was the big broody guy from rushing back to Buffy's side.
Faith had thought this a good thing --- until now. Maybe Angel could have handled things better. She wasn't exactly able to talk to Buffy and Willow like he could have. As this thought percolated in her mind, she was caught between laughter and tears at the image of Angel as the Sapphic matchmaker. Maybe Cordy was right when she'd said "Guys, this one requires the feminine touch — girl chat." Maybe she should have just talked to them. It might have taken a while before they actually listened to her but at least she'd be sleeping now and the world would still have one of the most experienced and capable Slayers ever on the job rather than a newly trained witch.
She searched her mind for ideas, for some glimmer of a solution. Then remembering Cordy's reference to Xander obviously being aware of the situation, she could feel the gem of an idea forming.
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Much Thanks to Lilly a beta treasure