Switcheroony
by alicorn
Chapter 21
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(He never said anything. I didn't know,) Willow almost whispered her thoughts. (I wouldn't have... I mean... I didn't mean him to feel... Oh God! Did I do that to Tara too...?), the pain in her thoughts so acutely evident.
(Will. No, you can't think like that,) Buffy interrupted, disturbed by the sadness and hurt in her best friend's voice.
(But they left. They always seem to leave. Everyone leaves me...) Willow choked in response, forgetting that Xander and Giles were listening.
Buffy winced at the comment and the vein of truth that seemed to run through it. People did always seem to leave them. She responded quietly (I'm still here.) and then realizing who was listening she quickly added (We all are.)
(Too true. Let's face it - the one time I tried to leave I didn't get out of the state. Your stuck with me,) Xander piped up.
(Thanks guys, but you know what I mean,) Willow responded (Don't you?)
(Indeed I do,) Giles acknowledged his thoughts injecting a tone of grief they all knew far too well and acknowledged as his loss of Miss Calendar. That he had voiced his feelings surprised the rest of the group.
They sat in silence for what seemed like ages staring at the fixed vision of the empty corridor that seemed to sum up their lives so far; the area just outside of the Library, where their journey had begun. Unable to see inside at the moment, they all remembered how it was to become a stage of sorts upon which they would play out the failures and successes of their early adolescent lives; their defeats and their victories; some of their saddest and some of their happiest moments.
(Hey, I've got Anya!) Xander suddenly exclaimed, slightly ashamed that it had taken him so long to think of her. (If I can find someone to put up with the weird and wacky B-movie feature that is "Scooby Ville" and me, you guys can't give up hope. Can you?) Xander pointed out in a last ditch attempt to lift the ice cold feeling of despair that seemed to be overwhelming them.
Buffy found herself grinning. (He's got a point,) she quipped. (I mean if someone, even Anya, is willing, despite everything, to take Xander on...)
(You mean... you know... the dress sense, the strangely large forearms and stuff. I mean if you're into the construction type, sweat, hard hats...) Willow added, smirking and beginning to relax again.
Giles couldn't help himself (And lest we forget the left over odor of... hmmm... hyena or is that soldier... No. Ahhh, it could be ....)
(Hey!!! And I mean - Hey!) Xander spoke up indignantly.
The mood lifted as the three giggled and Xander growled. The image of the corridor began to fade.
(Oh, no! Everyone concentrate. Think of the Globe, about the curse before we lose the connection,) Giles urged them. (I know we're all getting tired but we really must gather as much information as we can - now). He didn't want to explain that he really only wanted one more thing made clear, that he pretty much had it all mapped out.
Before them the vision's colors altered moving from the bright, clear tones that had filled the corridor to darker, colder, danker colors. As the image cleared, a dingy shop counter came into focus and behind it the short man they had seen earlier talking to that lawyer.
(What the...) Buffy muttered.
"Well my dear, you certainly seem to know all the right people," the shopkeeper said appearing to look Buffy in the eye. Willow found herself staring at his eyes unable to put her finger on why they were different but knowing somehow that they were.
"Yeah, that's me — know all the right people in all the low and wrong places. So can you do it?" Faith's voice responded, so loud that it seemed she was at their shoulder.
(Jeeze...) Xander jumped. (She's behind us, we're between them, you need to...)
(I'm on it,) Buffy responded willing the vision to step to one side and turn to look back. Slowly the vision shifted until she was seeing the scene as it should have been. Faith was talking over the counter to the short man.
(Right, that's better) Buffy said.
"Well it's no easy matter but I guess you know that. The most difficult thing to acquire will be an Amber Orb of Ishtar. They are extremely rare and expensive," he ended with a retailer's glint in his eyes.
Faith looked at him, turning her head slightly to get the measure of the man, and then she scanned the dingy dark shop with its book-laden shelves and grey walls. "Yeah right, what's so special about Izzy's Orb?"
The short man managed to place a slim but tight smile of annoyance upon his face before replying, "The Amber Orb of Ishtar is a valuable object; greatly prized for it allows you to walk in another's shoes. It is said that the Goddess Ishtar and her followers used it to punish her enemies by teaching them the joy, power and pleasure of being in a true woman's body and then returning them to an inadequate male body. I could make a fortune on the internet..." he smiled wistfully before returning to business. "Of course I'm sure that I could acquire it for a very reasonable price."
"No problemo. I already have Izzy's Orb; great paper weight," Faith stated smugly.
"Indeed," he commented, holding back his desire to question her further as to just how a woman who looked like she did had managed acquire such a valuable item. Then it was as if he had remembered just who had sent her to him. "But of course. Well my dear, that will make things much simpler. I have been advised briefly regarding what you wish to achieve and I must say it is quite a novel way to use the Orb. A very generous, unconventional idea or, should I say, gift?"
"You could say that. I need to help two very important people get exactly what they deserve. I owe them on so many levels," she stated with conviction. However the short man seemed unmoved by her words.
"And you feel that walking in each other's shoes for a time will bring them what they deserve?" he questioned.
"It has other advantages, but yeah. That's the general idea. I reckon a 'get out' clause that leaves no doubt would be good too," Faith said smiling.
"And how long would you like the timescale to be? Say a deadline of a month?" he ventured.
"Jeeze! No way should it take that long. How dumb would they have to be to take that long?" she asked raising her eyebrows. Then looking to her left she did some considering. "Then again... when you look at how dumb they've been so far... Yeah, a month sounds good."
"Okay. I can probably have something for you in about a day. I'll need their names and any other details you have."
Faith reached into her jacket and produced a folded piece of paper and handing it across the counter to the short man, she grabbed his outstretched hand. "Little man, this stink hole of a shop you have here doesn't fill a girl with mega confidence and neither do you but some guys who should know what's what pointed me your way. So I gotta figure you're like the wolf-in-sheep's clothing type, a rough diamond, you know," she stated smiling. Then with threatening eyes she added, "But... if anything goes wrong and I mean if anything... even remotely iffy, let alone anything bad happens - I will be back to collect your head ... just your head. You get me?" She held his hand very tightly, staring intently into his eyes waiting for his reply.
"Clear as a bell my dear. I assure you I have a very valid reputation to uphold," he stammered, not quite looking her in the eye as he spoke.
"Getting this right means more to me than you can ever imagine, Pee Wee. Trust me when I say that this has to go five by five. I need to make it right. I owe them. Pissing me off with some half-assed curse will be a sure fire way to lose your head," she threatened before finally releasing his hand. "I'll be back. Have it ready," she ordered before turning and walking out of the shop.
The short man watched her leave and as the door closed behind her, he leaned under the counter to bring his telephone onto the counter and dialed. Raising the hand set to his ear he waited, still staring at the door.
(So that's how she came by the curse,) Giles commented.
(Why can't she just let it go? What do I have to do to get her to leave me alone?) Buffy exclaimed. Her mind awash with Faith's comments - her reference to giving them just what they deserved made a chill run through her entire being.
"Good, you're in. I was beginning to wonder," the small man commented. "She's a little feistier than I normally like and the death threat wasn't appreciated. I expect you to ensure that she will never able to deliver on it or the deal is off," he paused listening to the voice on the other end of the telephone. .......... "Yeah, I told her a day. I'll have it camouflaged by then. I have enough detail to make her read just what she wants to read." .......... "I'm a professional and I'm not used to having the quality of my work questioned." ......... "You'll just have to trust me. She won't be able to see it."............. "Yes exactly as specified. It should be quite something. I'll await payment in the agreed fashion." With that he replaced the receiver and turned to look back at the door. "Well my dear, it seems that you and your friends will come to pay for the disrespect you have shown Eoin Maclay this day."
(What? What did he just say?) Willow asked, unsure if her ears had heard the shopkeeper correctly. A small part of her knew what he had said. But no! A larger part of her was sure that Tara would never have anything to do with this. She knew that they had parted as friends. 'Hadn't they?'
(His name seems familiar,) Giles commented and almost immediately realized why. Remorse filled him with the desire to crawl into a hole. (Ahh, yes well, I'm sure it's coincidence,) he offered weakly.
(I don't believe in coincidence,) Buffy pointed out.
(Okay, so there's the whole butterfly theory. But I mean... guys... surely Tara would never... ) Xander commented hopefully. He was, however, becoming disturbed by the way all their exes just kept popping up in these visions. (Jeeze, is there anyone who doesn't have an issue with us?)
The vision began to fade; colors bleeding away before them until another picture slowly formed. And suddenly before them stood the object of Willow's ponderings -- Tara.
She appeared to be standing on the campus, behind a tree, looking across the grass. She was wearing a long blue skirt and light grey t-shirt, over her shoulder an old army style bag, bulging to its extremes. Her arms crossed as she cast her eye over a group sitting on the grass.
(That's us,) Xander stated as if only he could see the vision.
(Will?) Buffy questioned, realizing that everyone knew roughly what was coming and rather annoyed that these visions seemed oblivious to the pain that they were going to cause her Willow.
(It's okay,) Willow assured her. She couldn't keep running away from this. She knew, on some unconscious level, that she had hurt Tara; that she had excluded her from part of her life, a very big and important part of her life, just as she had Oz. Ignoring this hadn't really helped. It had only filled her with more guilt, unresolved issues and self-doubt than any Wiccan of her young years should have to carry. She had had enough of feeling like a disappointment to herself and others. Breathing deeply, she steeled herself to watch the vision unfold.
Tara's face was so intense. All her energy seemed to be concentrated, as if she was bracing herself to watch. Then her eyes filled with such longing and pain until slowly tears seemed to form in the already red corners of her eyes. She took a deep breath, turning her eyes away from the scene before her, to swallow, wanting to push the tears down as if they could be held back. Raising her hand to her hair, she brushed a stray strand behind her ear before raising her eyes again.
Buffy was mesmerized by the woman before her. This was the first woman that her Willow had loved, the first person she had ever been jealous of. Buffy felt that she was nothing like Tara, who was soft, gentle, shy and yet quietly confident in her sexuality. She had an endearing stutter, the ample curves of a woman and a very feminine way about her. She recalled the first time she had met Tara; how easy she was to be with; how much she liked the girl. She searched for any small part of this woman that she could see in herself. Something about this woman had captured Willow's heart; had attracted her Willow. It was this 'something' that she wanted so much to have.
There before Tara's gaze sat Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles; engrossed in their conversation and oblivious to all around them. Buffy steered the vision towards them, rather interested in what it was that Tara was watching. As she did so, Giles appeared to turn and glare at Xander and a giggle escaped from Xander's mind, as he realized that he had probably just called him 'G-man'. Meanwhile a glance of amusement passed between Willow and Buffy.
Xander seemed to be attempting calm Giles down as Buffy leaned into Willow to whisper something into her ear. As she did so she paused closing her eyes before she spoke. Whatever was said, Willow threw her head back and laughed, playfully pushing Buffy away from her.
Giles seemed to have moved his attention to the now giggling Willow and Buffy, who reacted to this by huddling together and raising their shoulders and palms in mock fear. With this Giles stood, delivered a parting shot and disapproving look before he moved off shaking his head.
Xander, opening his arms and turning his palms up, shrugged in an act of all innocence before standing and following Giles. Willow and Buffy watched him chase after the watcher, all the while leaning into each other and giggling.
The vision seemed to move back allowing them to see Tara's face, as a single tear moved down her cheek and a look of longing and loss filled her eyes. Losing her rigid stance, she crumpled to the ground, never removing her gaze from the two figures on the grass. Shaking her head she nervously licked her lips, then breathing deeply she drew her bottom lip between her teeth.
Willow could see the sadness and despair filling her. She could see Tara was fighting it, refusing to give in. "Willow," she uttered.
(I'm right here baby) Willow responded, forgetting for a moment that this Tara and this moment had passed.
"Oh Willow," Tara mumbled as another tear fell, following the first on its slow journey down her face. "Goddess, how can she not know? Why do I have to know?" she asked in anguished tones, before pulling herself back to her feet. The tears were now flowing freely and her mouth had dropped open in sadness and resignation.
Taking one last look at the happy friends before her, she turned and ran blindly from the scene and almost into the path of some on-coming bicyclists. Swerving to avoid them, she collided with a tall male.
(Riley) Buffy said, identifying their Psych teacher's assistant into whom Tara had run headlong.
"Whoa there! You nearly had me," he stated, having gained a firm hold of her shoulders to prevent her from falling. Gazing at the tear stained face before him, he didn't release her and instead he asked, "Hey, are you okay? Mmm, it's... Sara, isn't it? Willow's friend?"
Riley's misspeaking her name and his reference to Willow just seemed to set off the tears again. Tara vainly attempted to release herself from Riley but he didn't seem to think that was a good idea. The concern in his face seemed genuine but none the less Willow felt the need to push him away from Tara.
"Hey. It's okay. I'm not sure what I said but I seem to have added to your pain and that I have to fix. How about you let me find you somewhere a little less public to vent, chat or just plain cry if that's what you need?" he asked quietly, smiling reassuringly at the tear stained woman before him. To everyone's surprise Tara looked him in the eye and, after a short pause, she simply nodded.
(Who is that guy?) Xander asked.
(He's a teacher's assistant, a home-grown Iowa farm boy. He likes cheese,) Buffy explained, rambling as she realized how little she really knew about Riley. She recalled that he had seemed friendly and approachable but too good to be true and a tad square.
(What the hell is he doing?) she wondered out loud.
Willow watched as Riley placed a protective arm around Tara and moved her towards the edge of the Campus grounds to a little café that she knew the vegetarian students frequented. Guilt and fear filled her. She knew that she wanted to hear what Tara was thinking but she wasn't sure that she wanted to know that someone who was still on Campus already knew. As much as Willow had grown to like Riley, she wished that he wasn't here for this. She tried to remember if he had been any different towards her lately but nothing came to mind. This didn't relieve her concerns since she knew she had been pretty self-obsessed after Tara left.
The vision began to fade as Buffy subconsciously released her grasp on it. (Buffy, hold on to the vision!) Giles exclaimed realizing, with embarrassment, that there was something about this that needed to be seen by both Buffy and Willow.
(Will, do you want me to go on with this?) she asked opening her eyes to look at her best friend, ignoring her Watcher's instructions. Willow simply nodded. Buffy nudged the time line along and decided in that moment that this would be the last damn vision.
"You need a drink? Some water?" Riley asked as he placed Tara at a quiet table near the back of the almost empty café.
"W-w-w water," she replied.
"Okay. I'll be right back," Riley stated reassuringly before he left her and headed to the café counter.
Returning to her with two glasses of water, he placed them on the table and took the seat opposite her. "So Sara..."
(Jeeze,) Xander exclaimed.
"T-t-t Tara," she said, looking up briefly.
"Wha... Oh hell, sorry. I've no head for names," he apologized, offering her an apologetic grin. "Sorta explains why I'm not majoring in History."
Tara almost smiled.
"So, I'm guessing it's not the Cubs losing by eight runs that brought you to tears," he began. "I've seen you in Psych with Willow and Buffy. I know that you're all friends. Do you want me to see if I can find one of them?"
"NO!" Tara exclaimed, for once losing her stutter in her certainty. "No, I just... this is f-f-f fine. I just... I let it all g-g-g get to me, that's all."
Riley's face made it clear he didn't have a clue what she was going on about. But he nodded none the less. "Yeah, that can happen," he agreed before adding "Trouble is... it can keep happening if you don't face it."
"I know," Tara responded.
(He's like mini Professor Walsh,) Buffy commented before she could help herself.
"So what are you going to do?" Riley asked.
"I d-d-don't know," Tara responded with a lost look in her eyes.
(We could have talked,) Willow offered sadly.
"I almost have what I want, but I ... there are just some things I can n-n-n never change," Tara explained.
"I seem to remember some clever quote that says we should find the strength to change the things we can, the courage or something to know the things we can't change, but... oh yeah... the wisdom to know the difference," Riley responded.
Tara looked at him strangely and then she slowly nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's why I was crying," she explained. Seeing the questioning look on his face, she paused in thought before adding "I've just realized this is one of those 'know the difference' cases. Something I want to not to be true, so that I can keep what I have. But something that will always be true no matter what I do."
"Sounds tough," Riley commented. "So what are you going to do?"
"I don't really know. I c-c-c could try and learn to live with knowing that they... w-w-w with the truth," she said, her tone wavering with emotion.
"That doesn't sound like the easy option," Riley stated, apparently having picked up the change of tone in her voice.
"Yeah... But at least I'd have part of what I want," she responded in her defense.
"Would just 'part' be enough?" Riley asked.
"I c-c-c could make it enough. I mean... I know the truth but I'm pretty sure they don... I m-m-m mean as long as... s-s-s she's h-h-h happy," Tara stumbled.
Riley raised an eyebrow at her slip but apparently realizing that discretion was the better part of valor, and that an inquisition was the last thing Tara needed, he didn't comment except to ask "But would you be happy?"
Tara glanced at her still full glass of water in response and soon the tears were falling again as she silently shook her head.
Realizing that the answer to his question was no, Riley leaned forward. "The good things don't usually make someone nice like you cry. So I have to ask if this is really the best thing for you. I don't think you can cope with and I don't think that you should have to settle for having ... just part of what you need. No one should."
Tara didn't respond and realizing that she needed time to think, Riley sat back and let her have the room she needed.
Thanks to Lilly a beta treasure