Switcheroony
by alicorn
Chapter 30
[reviews]
"Well I never thought I'd have to use this again. But I'm glad we kept it handy," Buffy commented as she returned Oz's old tranquilizer gun to her handy carry-all weapons bag, patting it in silent praise as she closed the shoulder bag. Turning, she found Willow roughly dragging the now unconscious Faith towards some very familiar chains. A chill ran over her as she remembered her own experience in those very chains, and thought 'things really do come full circle, don't they?'
But her mental wanderings stopped as she saw the expression on Willow's face. Gone was her loving friend. Instead Buffy saw the rage of a slayer, simmering not far below the self-control and gritted jaw. The new Slayer's eyes held a murderous glare that sent a chill down Buffy's spine. As she harshly clamped the irons around Faith's wrists, a satisfied smile crossed Willow's face, and for a moment Buffy thought she saw something darker.
"Willow?" Buffy questioned apprehensively. "Are you okay?"
The voice of her beloved drew the new Slayer back from her thoughts of revenge. Turning, she saw her own concerned features and reality crashed into her fast and hard. 'Oh my god I was going to... What's wrong with me? How could I even think of ...' Willow shook her head as if trying to shake away the anger and rage she still felt. 'How could I let myself give in to... that's just what she would have done,' she thought as she looked down at the unconscious dark slayer. 'I'm better than that... aren't I? I knew she was hurting Buffy and I... I just wanted to... she needed to know that pain... no... I needed to hurt...' The contradiction between her natural need for measured justification of her actions battled with the need to protect Buffy and punish Faith. 'Punish? Why would I feel I have the right to punish her?'
"Willow?" Buffy called to her again, even more concerned than before.
"Buffy, I... I just wanted to hurt her. I could have... I saw her hurting you and I... Oh God! Buffy, how do you do it?" Willow asked with sheer desperation in her eyes. "How do you hold it in... all I could think about... so much... anger."
"I don't always manage to keep it in. You're stronger than you realize. That's why I lo... one of the... things I love about you," Buffy stumbled in her eagerness to console Willow. She looked away in embarrassment as she realized what she had nearly said.
"Right. Because I was so in control back there. Everything Giles taught me just disappeared... flew right out of my head," Willow responded sadly, momentarily missing what Buffy had said. Then delayed realization of Buffy's statement suddenly hit Willow and she felt warmth wash over her.
"You held it in. You know you did. That's why you're so wigged. Trust me, I know," Buffy stated, ashamed to admit that she had not always succeeded in keeping the rage at bay.
"Th... Thanks," Willow replied, her voice suddenly small and awkward.
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"Yes, I did fill her up. Yes, she has oil and water," Giles quietly growled between clenched teeth, as he glared into the handset of the payphone. "As I said, the starter motor appears to have given up the ghost."
He was a grown man of above average intelligence, with a lifetime of experience and yet these young adults, supposedly under his care, treated him as if he was a bumbling old fool, lost in the dark ages.
"Xander!" He barked, before regaining his external composure. "Whilst I appreciate your attempts at clairvoyant mechanics, what I actually require is a lift to the bus station."
Giles recalled how his own father had always treated him like a child, commenting on his every action with long drawn out pauses of tired desperation at his choices and decisions. Each sigh would make his heart sink and his inner self rail at the fact that this man just didn't have a clue who he was or what he was capable of.
"Thank you for your assistance, Xander."
Giles replaced the handset and sighed with a sense of regret. Why did everything have to be so uncomfortable, so difficult? It galled him beyond belief.
Stomping back to his car, he took several deep breaths. "It seems old chap, that you are destined to be misunderstood and underappreciated in your own lifetime," he stated aloud to himself, "Well if it was good enough for William Blake, then who am I to complain?"
Opening his car door, he settled down to wait for Xander. Returning to the serious matter at hand, his mind raced ahead to the many things he needed to know and the hundreds of variables he just couldn't seem to pin down.
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"How long is she going to be out?" Willow asked impatiently.
"Not too long, I guess. I mean those darts used to knock Oz out for a good hour or more but she is a Slayer," Buffy commented, immediately wishing she hadn't mentioned Oz.
"Right," Willow agreed, her nerves taking over. Buffy was standing a good ten feet from her and yet she felt as if the walls were crowding in on her. "The gun was a good idea."
"Couldn't think of any other way to take her down," Buffy said, shrugging her shoulders as she knelt to check the restraints that Willow had placed around Faith's wrists. Somehow this whole 'full circle' thing had her fearing that she might later find out that Faith wasn't chained up at all and it was just some elaborate plan to fool her into letting her guard down.
"Good thinking. I mean, I don't think I could have b... " Willow hesitated, realizing that she was about to admit that Faith would have beaten her. Faith would have beaten her and then there would have been no one to protect Buffy. She had lost it! She had attacked Faith... given into a moment's anger... forgetting their plan and putting Buffy in danger. If Faith had knocked her out, there would have been no way that Buffy could have...
"That's why we plan ahead," Buffy stated, oblivious to Willow's internal mental self- recriminations.
Willow nodded, unable to drag her eyes from the stone floor, wishing it would just open up and swallow her. "So what are we going to do with her when she comes around?" she asked, passing the decision-making baton to the one woman she trusted with her life.
"I guess we should get hold of Giles. He's going to want to question her," Buffy responded, standing and turning to face Willow. "Do you want me to go out and try to find a payphone?"
A thousand possible dangers filled Willow's head and she almost yelled "No! I'll go." Realizing her eagerness sounded strange, she added "I'm not sure that I can trust myself around her when she wakes up unless we're together. It's probably better if I go."
"Will, you didn't do anything wrong," Buffy affirmed, needing to remove that look of failure from her beloved's eyes. "You gave me the opening I needed."
"Yeah, sure. That's me, stick-to-the-plan girl," Willow sarcastically replied.
"Some things... Will," Buffy responded, her voice gentle and whimsical as she attempted to smile reassuringly at her dearest friend. "Some thing's you just can't plan for."
The newbie Slayer was momentarily lost in the eyes that fixed hers and led to a soul she knew too well. Realizing that she was staring, Willow gulped, shyly smiling briefly in reply as she added, "I guess so."
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Cordelia stared out of the bus window into pitch-blackness, waiting for the occasional pair of headlights that would break into the darkness. Knowing that she was heading back to Sunnydale, to a place she had promised herself she would only return to in glory as the well-established movie star or TV actress, she mused at how her life had changed. Had they been right? 'You can take the girl out of Sunnydale, but you can never take Sunnydale out of the girl.'
She felt a slight knot forming in her stomach as she realized that not only was she returning to Sunnydale, but to a group of people that she had more history with than she cared to admit and whose lifestyle she appeared to have now chosen. Her father would have had a fit if he'd known... or if he'd cared. She'd wanted to be so independent, to make it so no one could ever take her happiness away again but instead she lived a life where her happiness was completely dependent on the success of other people's lives.
A smile, uncalled for, spread itself across her face closely followed by a small laugh of self-derision. Turning her head back to stare between the seats in front of her, she met a pair of interested, dark brown eyes peering at her from the well-tanned handsome male face of the passenger seated a couple of rows in front of her. Years of watching men, of knowing how they thought, what they wanted, how they often reacted to her looks, told her that his body would be tight, fit and well groomed. His conversation would be obvious in its intent, confident and full of flattery and promise. Yet all she considered at that moment was that she didn't have time for this, added to her sure knowledge that his mind and morals would be as shallow as the smallest kiddie pool in Sunnydale.
The man smiled, an inviting smile filled with the white teeth and the arrogant overconfidence of a man who never found it hard to attract a woman. He could have been just her type, not that long ago. But now --- she turned away, breaking eye contact, while allowing her peripheral vision to confirm that he had accepted her refusal to engage and turned back into his seat.
As it dawned on her what she had just done, Cordelia threw her eyes to the ceiling. 'Great, now I'm returning to Sunnydale a born-again virgin. Would it have been so hard to just flirt with the guy?' she thought, shaking her head. 'Okay, so I'm a little out of practice, but he was reasonably cute. What am I looking for? A saint with a degree in demonology? And a great wardrobe? Like they're all lining up to date vision-girl.' It kind of bothered and confused her that she didn't care about him and what he thought about her. All she cared about was getting to Sunnydale, the Scoobies ... and of course, having a long talk with Faith.
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Buffy stared at the woman chained before her. They had so much history - too much. Maybe things would have been different if their relationship hadn't begun with so many expectations, and then ended with so much disappointment. Was that why Faith hated her? Had she, somehow, failed to live up to Faith's expectations? Maybe she hadn't understood what this younger slayer needed from her? She'd felt a connection to Kendra even though they had been so different, from such different cultures - they had shared the same view of what being a slayer meant. But no matter how much she had tried, all her attempts to connect with Faith had ended badly. Why? How had it all gone so wrong between them?
Now here she was making sure that the chains securely held the supposedly reformed Slayer. She found her mind wandering from distrust to the vain hope that maybe, just maybe Faith was trying to help. 'Giles, I just hope you're right.' After all, Faith had been the catalyst. Without the dark slayer's actions, she would never have known what it was like to kiss Willow, let alone make love to her. 'Oh right and that's going so well,' she thought, as negativity quickly swept over her. 'Well I'm not falling for it. All I'm going to be left with are painful memories of something I can never have again.'
She moved closer to take in the features of the woman who had become the source of so much guilt, pain, hatred and anger. Faith just wouldn't, couldn't seem to leave her alone. Even unconscious she continued to torment Buffy.
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"I tried Giles at his apartment. I was wondering if you'd heard from him," Willow explained to Anya.
"Yes," Anya responded in clipped tones. Unwilling to engage in anything but the briefest of conversations with Willow, as she unconsciously massaged her injured ribs.
"Do you know where he was calling from when you spoke to him?" Willow questioned with more patience than she was feeling.
"I didn't speak to him," Anya replied unhelpfully.
"Anya, I need to get hold of him. We've captured Faith," Willow said slowly. "Do you know where he is?"
"No. He called asking Xander to pick him up. His junk heap broke down and he needed a lift. So, of course, Xander has left me alone to help him," the ex-demon stated, her dissatisfaction at events more than a little apparent. "He should be here with me," she complained adding, as an afterthought, "resting."
"Well, when they get back, could you tell him to come to Angel's old mansion?" Willow asked. "That's where we have Faith."
"He should be resting," Anya repeated.
"Anya! I mean Giles, not Xander. Will you please tell Giles?" Willow asked again, beginning to lose her patience.
"Okay. But I don't think they're coming back here. Xander said something about someone arriving from LA. I don't know why Angel couldn't drive himself. Xander should be resting and looking after me," Anya declared yet again.
"Okay, thanks," Willow responded placing the handset back onto its cradle. "Angel?" She asked the world in general. "Just the one we need! Angel! Can this get any more complicated?"
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It was so dark ... it felt so heavy ... something holding her down ... holding her in ... keeping her safe from the world. She could feel the sleepy fingers that had invaded her blood stream ... her muscles ... her head, dragging her mind into dark hidden corners, stopping her from reaching for the faint glimmer that she hoped was daylight.
But she could feel something welling from below ... its heat rising towards her ... calling to the calm chill within her mind ... trying to reach her.
How had she come here? Should she stay? Should she leave? How could she leave? Would the sleepy, heavy fingers let her? She could feel the heat from below becoming tangible ... she could almost sense movement, pressure, surging action coming towards her dark corner.
Then a surge of action caused noise ... only a slight distant noise ... no, a voice ... washing over her mind with its familiar tone and sound. Faith strained her mind towards it ... reaching to grab all of the sounds ... all of the depth and tone ... all of the ... words.
"You really should have left us alone. Now everything's changed and we can't go back," Buffy mumbled from the stone table where she now sat crossed legged, glaring at the cause of her pain and heart-felt dilemma. She wanted to sing of her love to the world. But she also wanted to protect her beloved because she knew that if her enemies, who were always coming after her, looking for a way of hurting her or stopping her from carrying out her responsibilities ... her duty to protect the world ... ever found out about her beloved ... She didn't want to think of the danger her love would be in. How could she risk putting Willow in harm's way? How could she risk ever losing her?
Faith struggled to pull together the sounds ... to understand the words. BUFFY! 'I'm listening to Buffy,' Faith's mind screamed as she strained towards the waking world with little or no ceremony, each step closer a rude awakening from the dark corner she had hidden in ... No, the darkness that she had been forced into.
"I can't believe you had the nerve to turn up here again. What do I have to do to you to get you to leave us alone? A knife in your gut wasn't enough?" Buffy questioned, her mind swinging from anger to left-over guilt, with the dexterity of a card shark dealing a winning hand. "We were fine the way we were. Why did you have to interfere?"
She couldn't conceive of never holding Willow again, never feeling her arms, her lips, never tasting her honeyed center again. She could almost feel Willow within her ... even now ... body switch or not. How could she just deny the longing ... the need?
Faith strained against the sleepy fingers ... the remaining darkness. She could almost feel them against her flesh, cold and intractable.
Buffy could not pull her eyes from Faith's unmoving form. There was so much anger ... so much regret about what could have been. She knew that they could have made such a great team in the fight against evil ... she had eventually warmed to the idea of having someone with her, protecting the world. Instead they had spent their time fighting each other. She had been so happy when she knew that she was not alone in her life as a slayer. Granted she knew that she had her mother, Giles, Xander ... and, of course, Willow. But to have been able to have Faith, the only person who knew ... really knew ... what it was like to be the slayer. She thought that she hated Faith most for ruining that.
But she also knew, deep down in her soul, that she had some responsibility for the fact that what it could have been... had been lost. It should have been a strong friendship and collaboration, beneficial to both Faith and herself, as well as to everyone else, but she had allowed it to somehow go horribly, terribly wrong.
Shaking her head from the pointless land of 'what if', Buffy acknowledged that she didn't need that anymore. Willow now knew. Her dearest now knew and understood the one aspect of her life that she had not been fully able to fathom before. Even though obtaining that knowledge had been accidental and had put her beloved in danger ... NO, Faith had put her in danger. It always went back to Faith.
"What do you want from us? Don't you think if I had the choice I'd go back and change things?" Buffy yelled at the still unconscious woman before her. "But you and I both know that it would all still have ended up the same. You and I are like the ingredients for TNT or worse."
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Giles sat beside Xander in stony silence. He had finally managed to quiet Xander down by telling him just who they were picking up. Giles would be lying if he didn't admit how much he was enjoying Xander's stunned silence and goofy expression at the news that he was about to see Cordelia. 'Ahhh, life's small pleasures.'
Xander's mind was full of questions. The predominant one being 'Why me? All of my failures seemed to be coming home to haunt me. Have I made a wish? No. Have I picked up an amulet? Nope. So what gives?' The idea of seeing Cordelia again after all this time caused him to feel a certain heady anticipation ... followed immediately by the 'I'm in a relationship' guilt and associated fear. 'Oh boy! Anya's so not going to like this when she finds out.' She had had a major wig-out when she had found out about his encounters with Faith. The fact that he had slipped up and admitted that the dark-hair Slayer, another ex, had already visited their apartment had not helped matters at all. Anya had become certain that he had invited the Faith to meet him. Why else would she have been at the dorm room at the same time as he had been? It had taken him a good hour to calm her down. Thankfully Giles had rescued him from the payback lecture that the so-called calmer and more accepting Anya had been about to deliver.
'How do people do it? How do they deal with ex-es when they just keep turning up in your life? It drove Buffy nuts whenever Angel reappeared. Why can't your ex just go and stay gone?' Xander wondered as he headed around the park towards the bus station. 'What did I ever do to deserve this?'
Giles was still aglow with his small victory over Xander's prattle as they turned into Park Drive. Absently watching the world go by, a small figure caught his eye. The familiar form took a moment to register — 'Buffy ... no ... no ... Willow'. "Xander stop the car," Giles ordered.
"What?" Xander asked, still lost in his own thoughts.
"Stop the car!" Giles repeated forcefully. "Now would be good."
"Okay, okay," Xander responded, somewhat hurt by his tone. "No need to get all repeato on me. I heard y ... Willow?" He blurted out as he too recognized the familiar figure standing by a payphone, looking more than a little lost. As she turned in response to the sound of his breaks, he clearly saw her Buffy-face and ... her EYE!
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"I mean, it's not like I actually believed Angel when he said that you had changed. You had to know that. So why would you come back here? Why would you believe that I would ever trust you? I almost killed you. It just doesn't make sense," Buffy puzzled, staring at the top of Faith's head.
"Honey, you and me - we never made sense. Even 'Dead Boy' got that," Faith whispered, her head still hanging down, as she began to regain her mental equilibrium.
Shocked to have her question answered, Buffy's legs dropped to the floor. Even though Faith's apparently disembodied voice had given her a major freak out, her first concern was just how much of what she'd just said Faith had heard.
"What the hell did you hit me with? An elephant tranquilizer?" Faith asked quietly as she tried to lift her arms.
"Nope, I think it was a cow tranquilizer - for the interfering kind," Buffy stated.
"Sure kicked ass, whatever it was," Faith said, trying to shake the heaviness that held her limbs like lead weights.
"If you're expecting an apology, you'll be waiting a very long time," Buffy declared as she stood and slowly moved around to get a better look at her.
"Five by five," Faith acknowledged. Suddenly realizing they were alone she became defensive and asked, "So why'd you send Red away?" instinctively knowing that Willow wouldn't have left unless Buffy had told her to go. "If you were after some one on one time with me, you could have just asked. 'Course you're not really my type."
"Thanks," Buffy retorted, holding back her natural instinct to reach forward and slug her. "That's one group I won't cry about being excluded from."
Faith couldn't keep herself from laughing out loud at the futility of their conversation. The idea that she and Buffy could have a civilized conversation just wasn't a possibility in this dimension. They were like fire and oil, the only thing they were good for was creating a blaze.
Buffy was thrown by the sound of Faith laughing, "And just what's so funny?" she demanded in annoyance.
"We are ... it's always the same," Faith commented, "I just can't seem to help myself trying to knock you off your All-American Slayer pedestal. Then you throw a holier than thou one-liner back down on me. Then I retort and vice versa until either the fists fly or something breaks us up," Faith explained.
"Still kinda missing why that's so funny," Buffy responded, a little unnerved by Faith's rather accurate description of just about every encounter they had ever had since the Mayor had come into their lives.
"Its funny cuz I know, and you know, I'm not going anywhere. Plus getting physical - that other way - just isn't gonna to happen between us. So sorry to be the party pooper," she added facetiously. "But you're not really up to kicking my ass right now and we both know it. But we still follow the script anyway. Bitching funny, if you ask me."
"And just why would I ask you anything," Buffy snapped, now irritated and annoyed at Faith's quiet resignation and acceptance. She had expected more of a fight from her. She really had wanted an excuse ... a reason ... something to justify her need to beat living hell out of this other slayer.
"Oh, I think you have a lot of things you want to ask me. But you're not gonna, are you?" Faith asked. "You'll leave that for someone else. It would fuck with your head to have to ask me for anything, wouldn't it?" Faith continued "Too bad. But I guess some things never change"
"You should know," Buffy spat.
"Give it up, B. You're up to your neck in learning to live with how you really feel and what that really means. Buffy, the all-action-hero, is just plain scared ... of how she really feels," Faith challenged.
Buffy stared at her momentarily thrown off by Faith's clear understanding of the situation and her fears. "Right this is me quaking in my really expensive boots."
"Passport to 'denial' much. You know I'm right. The thought of talking to me about Willow just freaks you out," Faith observed. "Seems red isn't just the color of your true love's hair; it's the color you go whenever someone asks about her."
"You just leave Willow out of this," Buffy yelled, wishing she could just knock her out again.
"Glad you know who I'm talking about B," She smirked, "But as this is all about the two of you, leaving her out of it - not really an option. Mind if I skip past the 'your dad never loved you' and 'Red's mom never loved her' part and get right to it? So what's the big problemo?" Faith asked, finally managing to lift her arms, reaching up and brushing back her hair, as a thought occurred to her. "Don't tell me she was bad in bed ... or maybe you... ."
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"Ma'am, would you like a hand with your bags?" a young pimply-faced man asked.
Cordelia looked at him with an icy stare. 'Ma'am! When the hell did I become a Ma'am?' Glancing at her reflection in the bus station doors, she noted her tied up hair, still slightly lopsided from leaning against the bus window. Add to that her makeup free features as her eyes traveled down to her overnight bus trip brown 'Eddie Bauer' quilted coat and 'Prada' purple scarf. Glaring again at the young man, she sharply advised him "No, I'm fine."
'Good god, I can't return to Sunnydale looking like some quilt stitching, tree hugging fruit loop ecsapee from the softer side of Sears.' Why did that sound familiar? 'How did this happen?' she asked, puzzled that two of her pricier purchases could, when combined, produce such a bad fashion visual. Heading for the restroom, Cordelia missed the obvious attention her arrival had attracted as she pulled her overflowing bag behind her, thankful that she had packed more than one ensemble in the rush to make her bus.
The dark haired man standing by the payphones, watched her intently, glancing occasionally at the small black and white photo nestled into the palm of his hand. Nodding his head, he turned and made his call. "She's here," he stated, glancing at her receding form. "No one that I can see," he affirmed, as he saw her enter the ladies' restroom. "Affirmative. No contact. Just surveillance."
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"Chill, B. It was just a question. It's not like I'm after details," Faith assured the now somewhat red-faced Slayer. "...unless you'd like to share ..." she quickly added with a smirk. 'I really shouldn't be enjoying Buffy's discomfort so much but I just can't help myself.'
"Like you give a damn about us," Buffy shouted. "This is all just some sicko and twisted way to get payback. Some lame brain scheme you've cooked up to get what you've always considered your right - Sunnydale and yourself as its one true Slayer. Add in the bonus jollies you must be getting from taking away my power, embarrassing Willow, forcing us to ... You're sick, do you know that? Can you even guess how sick ... using Xander, messing with Giles ... Why did you think I would fall for your 'I'm here to help you guys' act? That's all you've ever been - an act. Pretending to be the Slayer ... pretending to be our friend ... pretending to help us defeat the Mayor ... pretending you've changed ... pretending you care ..." Buffy's accusing torrent was halted by the look she'd caught, if only briefly, as she glared into Faith's eyes. Sorrow, remorse and, no, it couldn't have been ... regret ... apology?
"You really do have your panties in a twist about this. You know someone once told me that I worry too much for a girl for my age. I'd hate to check your blood pressure right now," Faith commented, attempting to hide her pain at the truth in Buffy's accusations and at the pain she heard in her sister slayer's accusations. "It's so right in-your-face obvious. You need help, B. You're in a tailspin over Red and if you don't get a handle on your ass soon - Hello dirt!"
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"Buffy what?" Xander exclaimed, fighting the urge to laugh.
"It wasn't her fault. Faith ducked," Willow explained, gently touching the puffiness below her eye. "Is it really obvious?"
"Uh huh. Will, you have a real shiner there," Xander chuckled, his face full of the amusement.
"Ohhhhh," Willow wailed. 'I marked Buffy ... no Buffy marked ... well her fist ... but Buffy had been in control of ... my fist ... my eye ... no Buffy's eye. Ohhhh, body-switching headache stuff again!'
"I wouldn't worry. In three or maybe four hours, it should be gone. Slayer healing, you know," Giles reminded her, "Regrettably it also means instead of it taking hours for an eye to go black ... But as I said it will be gone, for all intents and purposes, before morning," Giles assured her, realizing that despite Willow being an eager student, she was not a Slayer. It took years of training, experience and honed instinct to anticipate a situation and avoid ... Oh my. He couldn't hold it in - a small smile spread, first, across his eyes and then his face as his mind surrendered to the comedy of the sight before him.
"Giles!" Willow accused, as she saw his smile begin. "Oh great, I'm so pleased that you both find my eye ... her eye ... so amusing. But can we get back to the issue at hand?" Willow asked, her disapproval of their reaction to her injury very self-evident.
"Yes, yes, of course. (cough) Faith," Giles stated, trying regaining his control.
"Right. Faith," Willow affirmed. "Well, we followed her to Angel's old mansion and Buffy eventually knocked her out with the tranquilizer gun. We chained her up and Buffy sent me to call you," Willow informed them, confident that this knowledge would prompt some action other than laughter.
As expected, her news had a sobering effect on both men, as they both turned to gaze wide eyed at each other before turning back to Willow. "You mean that you left them together? Alone?"
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Buffy turned and walked away from Faith, as far as she dared. The anger continued to build inside her, momentarily tempered by the knowledge that she didn't have the strength it would take to knock Faith around as she really wanted. 'Where does she get off telling me how I feel? She wouldn't know an emotion if it walked up and slapped her in the face,' Buffy fumed, trying to ignore the momentary sadness she had seen in the chained Slayer's face.
'Tailspin? I am so not in a tailspin. That's what a pilot does when she loses any idea which way is up. I know exactly which way is up. Don't I? I love my Willow. What's so tricky about that?' Buffy affirmed 'Nothing. Except that I'll probably end up flying solo.'
Faith watched her, seeing no need to add to what she had said. She had obviously given Buffy a lot to think about. But somehow she felt she was still missing something. She'd seen the way they were together from the moment she had met them when she first arrived in Sunnydale. Faith had noticed the searching glances, nervous body language and the continual unconditional support - something she used to be so jealous of. 'Where's the jealousy gone?' She asked herself fleetingly, before acknowledging what she now knew to be true. 'Cordelia ... I need to have a long sit down talk with that woman. Not now, though.' She reminded herself, bringing her thoughts back to the matter at hand. Something had been missing when she'd watched them, something she had expected to see. Willow had been too careful ... 'Oh damn it! I don't believe it - they're both scared!' "Buffy you need to listen to me."
Buffy paused as her doubt almost took over, but it was quickly replaced by her permanently targeted anger. "You're so full of the good advice, aren't you? Remind me when was the last time you gave me good advice?" she asked, turning to glare at Faith. "Mmmm, let me think. Oh wait! That would be the time we skipped school and you almost got me arrested. So pardon me if I don't fall for you as cupid's little helper," Buffy smiled. "Maybe you should take your own advice ... get rid of your non-working lesbian radar and stop getting in your own tailspin about something that you can't ... you don't know anything about and that has absolutely nothing to do with YOU!"
"B, don't shoot the messenger. Remember ... this wasn't my message," Faith reminded her. "Cordelia saw you two being ..." Faith stopped suddenly, realizing that why Cordelia had sent her wasn't really the issue so much as ... "Okay so maybe that's not really the point either ..."
"Do you have one?" Buffy asked sarcastically, tilting her head to one side.
"Chill B, I'm getting to the point. The fact remains that you two have a destiny. Anyone can see it. So, maybe two nights of doing the horizontal lambada with Red didn't shake your passion trees. And then again maybe they did. Maybe you just couldn't take it ... couldn't accept it for some reason?" Faith queried, just as she caught a movement with the corner of her eye. "I mean, last I recall you were so big in love with the look-but-can't-touch dead guy," Faith paused. "Hey, maybe that's what you're into! Maybe you like wanting what you can't have, can't touch. Maybe you enjoy the 'will we ... won't we ... we could but we can't' ... Never took you as being into that kinda kink."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Buffy stated dismissively, despite having a pretty good idea exactly where Faith was heading.
"Well, if this is your kink, having an itch you know you can never scratch must turn you on. Umm, ring a bell?" Faith asked. "Angel seemed to be into the same thing. If you ask me, you two made quite a match."
"No one asked you. Angel and I are over," Buffy stated emphatically. "As if his taking you in didn't help to end it, the fact is, unlike you, I grew up."
"Right. Little Miss I'm-the-center-of-the-Slayer-Universe grew up. I don't think so. How, exactly, did you two end up under Dracula's thrall?" Faith retorted. "Was that your mature Slayer head taking the lead or your injured pride ignoring the warning signs. Let's face it, having a big ole flame for Red ... that was cool. It rang your bells - can't say, can't do, can't touch, forbidden fruit - which we now know you dig. Plus she was all straight and boyfriend attached ... so she was unavailable."
Buffy clenched her teeth and moved towards Faith. "So is this the moment, you know, when we have a big old heart to heart? Gee, thought we'd already done that. You decided to leave as I recall."
Ignoring Buffy, Faith continued "But then what does Red go and do? She up and jumped the fence, didn't she? Bet that threw you for a loop. I mean, how can you safely be having those juicy naughty forbidden thoughts that you shouldn't be having and getting your jollies off if your secret flame is now having the same naughty thoughts? Kinda bettin' that was one hell of cold shower for you, wasn't it?" Faith smirked.
Willow stood frozen, with her two companions equally immobile. 'What did Faith just say? No. She couldn't have ... oh! OH! Why? Why did she ... how did she ...? Swallow me up! Why doesn't the earth just swallow me up? Or ...' But nothing else came to mind that could help her escape, as her mouth opened and no noise came out.
"I remember you two as so mega with the sharing and supporting each other that it made me sick but then the moment you find out that Red's also got a little secret she's been keeping ... It spoiled the whole thing, didn't it? Why can't you two just talk? Just be honest with each other for a change. What are you afraid she'll say?"
Giles couldn't move. It was like walking into a church just as the priest asked that all-important question. He felt compelled to stay still ... compelled to await the answer ... afraid to break the moment ... afraid his mere movements, a slight noise would prevent Buffy from responding. His nerves ran within him as he waited for her to speak, honestly unsure what she would say, if she would say anything at all.
Buffy smiled as she walked past Faith towards the stone table where her weapons bag still rested. "So this is when I share how I feel? When I'm supposed to open up and spill my deepest secrets to you," she smirked as she withdrew the tranquilizer gun and raised it to point at the no longer smiling Faith. "I don't think so."
"She's in love with you," Faith stated firmly. "And you ... you must know how you feel about her. What are you going to do about it?"
Buffy froze, her face emotionless, staring at Faith. For what seemed like an eon she considered answering the question but then she recalled why she was here ... why Faith was in chains ... why they were all in danger. As she slowly raised the gun, she smiled.
Willow had never felt so mortified, so small, so naked. 'Buffy's not saying anything. Why isn't she saying anything? Goddess, what is she doing?'
Xander's mind was screaming, 'Say it, you fool. Say it!' As he almost willed himself into Buffy's mind. Glancing to his side, he caught a movement — Willow. She was shaking. Turning slightly, he noticed the paleness of Buffy's ... no Willow's ... 'Oh hell, she was terrified.' His heart reached out to her, wishing he could hurry time, wishing he could make her deaf, wishing any wish that would lessen the pain for her.
Willow could almost feel herself shrinking, her self-confidence ebbing away with each excruciating second, each breath, each blink ... each millisecond of Buffy's silence. 'Why doesn't she say ... something?'
Giles could hold himself back no longer. "Buffy!?"
Looking up, Buffy saw the huddled group by the patio doors. Willow. 'Oh goddess, she heard. What did she hear? What did I say?' Faith momentarily forgotten as Buffy saw the pained and pallid face of her beloved.
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Thanks to Lilly a Beta Treasure