Switcheroony
by alicorn
Chapter 31
[reviews]
Cordelia stared at her reflection, wondering when the slight darkness under her eyes had begun. No one had said anything to her about her looks in so long that she'd almost forgotten about them. She merely assumed that, as always, they were simply there. She examined her face with the self-realization of a woman. Somehow, she had gotten older. So here she stood wishing for the skin tone and youthfulness that she remembered. Pulling at her skin and leaning closer to the mirror to scrutinize her face at a level no one else ever would.
When had she become a woman? When had she stopped being a girl on the verge of womanhood? With everything that had happened to her over the years, she seemed to have missed the transition.
She recalled how essential it had been for her to look healthy and toned. She remembered how clothes had loved to hang off her tight pert body compared to the careful shopping it now took to accentuate her maturing figure. Life had slowly caught up with her. The visions and the pain that accompanied them, the fighting, the irregular eating and sleeping patterns had all taken their toll on her.
Yet Faith still looked as she had back then. Probably Buffy did too. Damn slayer genes! She smirked at herself. Then sighing, Cordelia began to carefully re-apply her makeup, as she wondered why there was such a heady excitement at seeing Faith. She could almost feel butterflies building in her now hungry stomach. What was it about the ex-Slayer that had so gotten under her skin?
Okay, so she missed her baking, their late night chats and shared comfortable silences. But what she was really missing was just having someone there, wasn't it? Or was it truly Faith that she missed?
Shaking her head to free herself of these thoughts, she brought her mind back to the mission she had sent Faith on. And that mission was to bring two women together; two women so in love and yet so blind to their love. She always knew those two "best friends" weren't as smart as everyone thought they were.
She had been viewing it as any other mission, any other puzzle that the Powers That Be asked her to solve. Just another vision. But it had become so much more. It had touched those she now realized she cared about personally. You can take the girl out of Sunnydale, but you can never take Sunnydale out of the girl.
And the fact that bringing these two women together had become so important for Faith, so important that she'd almost leapt at the opportunity, had led Cordelia to believe that the dark-haired slayer had indeed changed and grown. And this was why she, herself, had backed Faith in her insistence that she should be the one to go on this mission. The seer could have gone herself; things might have been simpler if she had. But she had seen such determination and need in Faith's eyes that she had been unable to take this opportunity away from her.
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"I really think that tranquilizing Faith once should be enough fun for today," Giles commented as lightly as he could, stepping forward placing himself protectively between Willow and Buffy. He had caught the look of pain in Willow's face and realized that she needed a moment to collect herself without Buffy staring at her. "Please put the gun away," he requested, and seeing the equally anguished look on Buffy's face, he resisted the urge to take her to one side and give her a piece of his mind.
Buffy automatically followed his instructions, as her mind raced trying to recall what Willow could have overheard. 'Why is this happening? What have I ever done to the world except save it? Why is this happening to me?' she mentally screamed to the Powers That Be. 'If I'd known she was listening I would have ... I could have ...' She smiled sadly at her sheer cowardice. 'You wouldn't have said a damn thing, you big coward. But the way she looked ... she was so hurt. Why? Why? What did I say? What did Faith say that could have hurt her so much?' she asked herself. Drawing a blank, she stuffed the gun back into the carry-all and stood staring at the bag in total confusion.
"Hi guys," Faith smiled half-heartedly. "So, who needs saving today?" Faith asked, avoiding all eye contact with Red. She didn't need to look at the Wiccan to know that, right at this moment, the woman was in pain. Buffy had avoided her question. She had been so sure that she could provoke some kind of admission, some acknowledgement from the other "real" slayer of her feelings for Willow but instead she'd only made things worse.
Giles smirked slightly at the bravado of the chained ex-slayer before him. "It would seem that at this moment my dear, you are the one most in need of saving," he stated inclining his head towards Buffy.
"Trust me, Watcher man. I'm exactly where I should be ... where I need to be," Faith affirmed with a sadness that surprised him.
Meanwhile, Xander placed his arm gently around the small shoulders of his body-switched oldest and closest pal and guided her out of the mansion to the stone seat in the courtyard. He could still feel slight trembling from her and, glancing at Buffy, he felt the urge to go over and knock some sense into his other dear friend. And, truth be told, knowing that right now he probably could do so certainly didn't help him to resist the urge. 'How can two people so much in love cause each other so much pain?'
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Angel slowly slumped into his favorite 'brooding chair' as Cordelia would often call it. He had missed its comforting support and solitude these last few weeks. As he gazed into the dark shadows of his home, he allowed his mind to wander over recent events.
Akvan had been a challenging foe, with sharp fangs, horns, claw-like toenails and deadly tail; he had been quite a sight roaming the Central Cascades of Washington State. Reports of the "monster" by hikers from Seattle and forest rangers had not been at all exaggerated. Unlike with Angel, daylight hadn't prevented his travels and capturing him had proved a lengthy and somewhat difficult job. God, Angel hated the great outdoors.
It had taken Wesley quite some time to uncover that the Persian divinity really only had one weakness. According to the epic poem Shah-Nameh, which he had insisted on reading at length to Angel, Akvan's unique characteristic was that he always did the opposite of what was asked of him.
However, this trait had been quite difficult to use, as word games were not really something that Angel had ever had to consider during a battle and so his first few attempts had proved to be somewhat embarrassing. But he'd finally got the hang of it and now Akvan was chained and being prepared for his journey back to the appropriate era of Persian history, courtesy of a powerful coven in Ventura.
Wesley had finally got them home and left him alone. Angel had his first truly sweet taste of solitude in weeks. So here he sat, staring into the darkness, wishing his mind was blank. But, still there in a corner of his mind, remained his initial reaction to the news that Cordelia had gone to Sunnydale, to help Faith. He'd felt disappointed. He'd expected her to be here when he returned. He wouldn't admit it out loud but Angel missed her.
He'd missed her no-nonsense approach to him. She wasn't scared of him. Wesley still had a kind of awe/competition thing going on where Angel was concerned. But Cordelia just saw him for what he was. He enjoyed her continual attempts to drag him into the modern world, just as Buffy had. According to Cordy, he was a semi-human being in transit, and Cordy's own personal project. During his battle, he had also thought of Faith, and her apparent need to disobey orders and go against the grain. Angel resigned himself to the fact that Cordelia had a new project.
And so also thinking fondly of the sweet and loyal Willow, he realized that tonight all the women he loved, respected and cared for were in Sunnydale. He felt truly alone and for once it wasn't as comfortable as he had expected.
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Giles crouched down and ran his eyes over Faith, checking for injuries. Apart from a few slight bruises, he saw nothing to greatly concern him. What he did see was a serious young woman, a tired young woman, not at all the same delinquent girl that had left Sunnydale not that long ago. He couldn't get her to make eye contact with him at this close range and he thought he could almost feel her trying to calm herself in response to his invasion of her space. Acknowledging her discomfort at having him so close, he stood again and moved away. "It would seem that you'll live," he stated, passing his judgment on her condition to the room in general as well.
"Figures," Faith responded, still avoiding any eye contact.
'What is this girl trying to do?' he wondered. He had been struck by the absence of any sign that she considered the events they had just witnessed as a victory. The Faith he recalled would have been crowing at having almost made Buffy lose it. 'There's far more to going on here than meets the eye,' he thought, turning his head to stare at the arched back of his disabled charge. 'Much more.'
Stepping toward Buffy's unmoving form, he took a deep breath. Swallowing his earlier desire to reprimand her for her actions, he simply called to her. "Buffy?" He detected a faint twitch. 'Well, at least she heard me.' "Buffy?" he tried again just a little louder. This time the slight raising of her head acknowledged his call. "Are you all right?"
Buffy slowly turned to face him, unsure what to say, how to respond. She had never felt so lost, so confused, so vulnerable. Mostly because she knew that this situation was somehow mostly her own fault but she couldn't figure out how to fix it. Glancing into Giles' sympathetic eyes, she felt the urge to do something she had very rarely if ever done - she wanted to run into his arms and find the safety, the refuge that she hadn't felt since her father had left. That childish belief that your parent or guardian could make it all better, make the pain go away, with a hug or a kiss, sorely tempted her. She wanted to be small and carefree, to have none of these heart wrenching concerns and fears, none of the responsibilities. But she held back, as she always did, stifling her self-serving desire and need for comfort and solace. Instead she smiled at him weakly before nodding in response to his inquiry.
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Xander tried to calm Willow by offering her a hug but, resolutely, she twisted away from him and stood up from the stone bench. Holding her hand up, Willow effectively prevented him from either speaking or attempting to hug her again. His stomach clenched in knots. 'My brave little Willow, why are you being so guarded and unresponsive?' he wondered, so sure that after hearing what she had just heard she would now finally let it all out and ask for his help.
But Willow stood staring into the mansion at the shadowed figures of Faith, Giles and Buffy, trying to make sense in her mind of what she had heard. What everyone had heard and why Buffy had said nothing? She was sure, as she thought about it, that Faith had been trying to bait Buffy. 'Why else would she say all that? Faith has no way of knowing how I feel and she probably cares even less. Hell, even I'm not sure what to do with how I feel, I mean I know I love her but what does that mean? Loving someone doesn't make them love you. Xander taught me that. What was I expecting Buffy to say? But Faith saying it out loud. Why? What's Faith after? What's she got to gain?' She pushed aside the pain of having her feelings made public as she fought to use her logic rather than her emotions. Emotions would not help her at all right now. Although the urge to vanish into Xander's offered hug was tempting, both she and Buffy needed her to figure out what was going on. She could not afford to allow herself to wallow in some teen angst moment fueled by unrequited love and low self-esteem.
As Xander watched her begin to pace around the courtyard, from the corner of his eye, he saw Buffy approaching. His natural instincts led him to stand and prepare to stop her from disturbing Willow. But as his eyes met hers, he saw such confusion, pain and such an earnest silent plea to leave them alone that he backed down. Nodding, he passed her and re-entered the mansion, mentally crossing every finger and toe he possessed.
"Will," Buffy called out hesitantly as she moved towards the pacing figure of the woman who owned her heart, unsure what exactly she was going to say.
Willow froze. She had been in mid-analysis, lost in her own thoughts and feelings. She had just about managed to convince herself that what she had seen was about Buffy and Faith, even though the topic had been her and Buffy. She understood that her pain was simply the result of the knowledge that this was all going to end soon. What she still couldn't figure out was what Faith had been fishing for.
"Will, I'm sorry," Buffy sincerely offered, not at all sure exactly what she was apologizing for but clever enough to know that an apology was needed. She only wished any of her former boyfriends had learned this simple rule.
"Its okay," Willow replied, remaining with her back to her beloved, not sure that she could hold her emotions together, not sure that the sight of Buffy's soul wouldn't cause her momentary clarity and logic to crumble. And then she was so afraid that all of her pain would come tumbling out.
"Will, you have to believe me! I would never do anything to hurt you or put you in harm's way. You know that, right?" Buffy asked, seeking the reassurance that she hadn't just made everything worse. At the same time she re-affirmed her promise to herself that she would always keep Willow as safe as she possibly could. She cared too much to ever let how she felt or what she wanted cause her beloved injury or put her at risk.
"Yeah, I know," Willow assured her, feeling that part of her was lying. She believed that Buffy had to know that she was breaking her heart. Surely the woman she loved couldn't be that blind? How could she not know that what Faith had said was true?
"You're forgiven. Okay?" Willow stated, part of her just wanting Buffy to leave her alone to figure everything out. But part of her knowing that everything she was going through was Faith's fault, not Buffy's. "Look, I know for a fact that talking to Faith is like being in an alternate reality," she offered.
"Tell me about it," Buffy agreed. But she was still concerned that Willow wouldn't turn around to face her, and so quietly she gave in to the need to explain her own confusion. "This whole thing has me ... What we shared ... was so much more than I ... I mean, we know so much about each other now ... and it scares me, Will. I don't want things to change. I can't risk losing you."
Willow's heart ached at the emotion in Buffy's voice and she involuntarily turned to gaze into the soul of her best friend. She realized immediately that she'd made a mistake as soon as she saw the raw desperation in Buffy's eyes.
Buffy was lost for a moment as she tried to readjust herself to the sight of Willow's soul in her own eyes. Nothing about this body-switch was getting easier. She wanted to reach out and take Willow into her arms, whisper promises into her ear and kiss all the pain she had caused away, removing her guilty feelings. But she shook her selfish needs aside and she pushed on. "With all this weirdness I'm constantly worried that I'm going to say or do something that will convince you that being my best friend just isn't worth it," she explained weakly. "I need you to trust me, Will. I'm scared that one day you're just going to realize we have nothing in common and that I'm not worth your time and trouble, then you'll decide to get on with your life and leave me," Buffy babbled almost Willow-like.
"That will never happen. You're m ... this is my life," Willow assured her, with no doubt in her heart that she meant it. She would be beside this woman for the rest of her life, no matter how this situation ended. "I don't want to lose you either," Willow said momentarily pulling her eyes away.
Buffy smiled shyly. "Gee, this mushy stuff is kinda awkward." Then she gave into her feelings, reaching out to gently take Willow's hand in hers and squeezing it. "Why is this so difficult?"
"What?" Willow asked, not sure what Buffy was referring to and unnerved by the unexpected physical contact. Buffy's skin so warm against her own. She felt so good. Buffy wasn't normally a touchy feely person, especially lately, so that even brief moments of friendly contact had become precious to Willow.
"Saying what I mean ..." Buffy remarked, before quickly clarifying her words, "It's always been so easy for us to talk about anything. But now ... being able to talk to you about, how all of this is making us feel is ... just so hard."
"Unfamiliar territory I guess," Willow commented, throwing a slight grin at her dear friend and squeezing her hand in an attempt to offer comfort. "I mean we've had to cope with ... what's ... happened," she began to gulp, refusing to expand on what she had started to say. "And all that's being thrown at us ... what people will think ... what people will say. And as much as we may want to think it doesn't make and won't make our friendship any different ..." She paused, gathering her courage before quietly adding "the fact remains, Buffy — that it has, it does and it will."
Nodding in quiet acceptance of Willow's wise words, Buffy sighed "Guess we were a bit dumb to think it wouldn't."
"Yeah. Pretty dumb," Willow agreed smirking. "So as right now I'm the natural blond, what's your excuse?"
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Seeing smiles followed by shy laughter, Giles was lost for a moment in relief. Taking a deep breath, however, he returned to the business at hand and turning towards Xander, he saw fit to remind the young man that he need to be elsewhere, "I believe you still have someone to pick up."
Xander looked at him momentarily confused before recalling that they had been on their way to pick up Cordelia. "Oh yeah. Right," he muttered looking around the mansion in the vain hope that something might rescue him from his fate but nothing materialized to save him from his 'you will re-live your failures with all your ex-es now' destiny. Sighing, he nodded towards Giles and glancing only briefly at Faith, he allowed himself one last look at his two favorite people in the courtyard before heading sheepishly towards them.
As he reached the doorway, he tried to think of something appropriate to say. Thankfully where these two women were concerned, his instinct for self-preservation took over and he reached the conclusion that had escaped many a man over the years -- the best option was to say nothing at all.
So he passed them, resisting the urge to stare; instead allowing his mind to wander into the realm of utter fear that filled him when he thought about seeing Cordy again after all this time.
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Buffy laughed out loud as she gazed at her dearest friend and suddenly found herself smiling broadly. Just being this close to Willow, just holding her hand made Buffy feeling like a giddy school girl, full of anticipation, nervousness, her heart a-flutter. It felt wonderful, exhilarating, so sweet and intoxicating. Dear Goddess, how could she give this up? How could she ever think that just having Willow as a friend would ever be enough again? But, how could she put Willow in the danger she knew would come from letting her mean that much to her ... from letting others know how she felt?
Willow giggled and sighed, both relieved that her attempt to lighten the moment had worked so well and yet saddened that she couldn't give into the urge to lean forward, to pull this woman that she loved so much into her arms and kiss her. She would have given anything to let her know that Faith had been right on the mark, but fear of rejection held her back as it always seemed to.
As their laughter subsided, neither one seemed ready to separate and Buffy found her eyes drawn to their joined hands. As she gazed down she couldn't help thinking that letting go of Willow's hand would mean accepting that they had to part, and she just couldn't give in to the loss and dull ache that she knew would follow. She absently allowed her thumb to gently move over Willow's skin.
Giles coughed loudly before stepping out onto the courtyard, holding his glasses before him as if some offending smudge was preventing him from putting them back on his face. "Umm ... I apologize for interrupting but I felt I should let you know that Cordelia will be here shortly. It would be prudent to try and get a few things cleared up before she arrives."
"Cordelia?" both women questioned, letting their hands fall apart, as Giles' news had the effect of throwing cold water on their gentle moment together.
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The silence was deafening as Cordelia sat next to Xander. Their brief reunion chat had lasted to the parking lot, coming to a complete stop as Xander pulled onto the highway. Each so lost in the sheer awkwardness of being in each other's company that they didn't notice the black sedan carefully following them at a safe distance.
"So Anya ... a demon?" Cordelia asked, eager to talk about anything that would break the tension, even Xander's latest ill-fated romance.
"Ex-demon," Xander stated before he could help himself, only to hear what he thought was a slight laugh from Cordelia. "I'll have you know that some demons are considered valued members of society," he added, suddenly feeling as if Anya was actually in the car too and he had to defend her.
"Preaching to the choir here," Cordelia stated, recalling her reaction to the revelation that Doyle was a demon. She'd been so angered at his secrecy and his unspoken belief that she would never accept him, that it had taken her quite some time to forgive him for dying on her, let alone giving her his visions.
Xander's eyes grew wide as he realized that Cordy had just agreed with him.
"I just can't figure out how on earth you got a street-smart man-hating vengeance demon to put up with you. I mean, considering your well-known obsession with Buffy and Willow, I'm surprised you haven't been flayed alive yet," she commented unable to resist teasing him. "Maybe I should have a word with her."
Xander mentally shrank at the thought of Anya and Cordelia meeting to discuss him. 'It's like some twilight zone episode - A man walks down a street ... it's a strange ... Oh my god, I'm gonna die. They're gonna kill me.' He found himself in a full-blown panic as he realized that the women he was bringing together — Anya, Cordelia, Faith, Buffy and Willow; combined they knew more about him than he could really face. Needing to get the upper hand here, he said to his dark-haired passenger "Then again maybe I should ask Faith to help Anya with her tan? I understand she's become quite an expert in that area, hasn't she?"
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"I'll tell you what you've done. You've taken away my strength, my abilities. You're keeping me from doing my job," Buffy angrily informed her chained counterpart. "You've put everyone, the whole world at risk, especially Willow, with this damned switch. But then again, maybe you're trying to finish what you started when you threatened to kill her."
"That was in the past, B. Let it go. You're so not interested that I'm sorry, so let's move past it," Faith sighed, "You have to believe me, B, when I tell you that I'm here to help."
"Oh, so now you want to be friends, to help" Buffy laughed bitterly. "I tried to be your friend. I welcomed you into my life, into my home. Then you turned on me ... on us," Buffy spat accusingly. "But I kept trying, even after you tried to frame me for a murder you committed. The others, they all thought I was crazy to keep trying. Cuz each and every time I tried, you kicked me in the face. You tried to kill me. You tried to take over the world with the Mayor and you even tried to hurt Willow. You tried to kill her and now you've put her in danger again," she stated, clenching her jaw and her fists. "And you want me to trust you?"
Faith turned to look at Red, winking at her before replying to Buffy "Seems to me that Red here's been taking pretty good care of herself as your sidekick. She's been doing it for years, B. Plus now she has insider Slayer know-how and, ooowwweee, let's not forget the Wiccan-fiddling and computer smarts. B, you really should have more confidence in Red."
"You don't understand the danger you're putting her ... us in. Let's face it, you probably don't care," Buffy shot at her, more than a little unnerved by Faith's apparent praising of Willow. "This isn't about doing us a favor. This is about something else entirely and we both know it." She glared before turning her back on Faith and stepping away from the woman who always managed to get under her skin.
"Remember when you said I helped you end it with Angel?" Faith asked, desperately searching for a way of getting through to Buffy. "Well, it turns out I did both of you ... hell, all three of you a favor. Only you're running so scared you can't or won't see it. I get it, B. I understand; honest, I do."
Buffy turned to glare at Faith, "You don't understand anything about me. You never did."
"I may understand you better than Red or, even, you do," Faith commented. "B, don't you see what not admitting your true feelings is doing to her ... and to you?"
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Keeping his car back far enough so that he could the safely watch the dark-haired couple ahead of him, the mysterious stalker felt that their meeting hadn't been as he had expected. He had presumed from the amount of time the woman had taken in the ladies' room that she was meeting someone special but from the minute the guy from the slayer's dorm had arrived, they had really done nothing but keep a very awkward distance ... other than ... well ... he could only describe it as bickering.
He could see their heads moving in high animation as they drove towards the less populated area of Sunnydale north of the park. He wondered where they were going since the Slayer's home was to the south of the park and the magic shop to the east.
All this watching was giving him a headache. His limbs ached for some action, some payback for the large bruise on his right cheek and his mind screamed for something to keep his first visit to the Hellmouth from being a complete failure.
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"You know, for the longest time I was angry with you," Faith commented in response to Buffy's accusations that this was all about revenge. "It started out as something small, like most things do. Sunnyhell was supposed to be my town, with my demons, my Watcher, my time to shine. The whole thing should've been mine, maybe even my own Scoobies. Except the resident Slayer wasn't dead like she was supposed to be. Nope. Saint Buffy, mistress of all she surveyed, had beaten death and I was just supposed to join the fawning masses. Not my usual style but I gave it a try. I was just warming up to Sunnydale, to being number two of the Chosen Two, to the synchronized slaying. But I was having trouble dealing, I was bummed out always having to step aside and play second fiddle to you, to Red and the Scoobies. And then I ... I accidentally killed the Mayor's assistant," she said quickly and quietly. "And it all fell apart. I really and truly screwed everything up, didn't I?" she laughed sadly, glancing at Buffy. "Everything just got so messed up, so wrong. And then you, little Miss Perfect Slayer, you stabbed me. Turns out Saint Buffy had a pair of cajones after all. Who would've 'thunk' it ... hmm? I still can't believe you really stabbed me," Faith commented, losing her train of thought momentarily. She smiled sadly and shook her head as she recalled that fateful day.
Buffy found she couldn't drag her eyes from Faith, her eyes drawn, by the resignation in the other slayer's voice, to the chained woman's abdomen where she remembered that damn blade just sticking out. It had seemed so unreal, as if a dream. But it hadn't been. Like Faith, she still couldn't believe that she had actually stabbed the other slayer either.
Willow stared at her beloved, willing her to say something but all Buffy seemed to be able to do was to stare at Faith. "You were trying to kill Angel," Willow offered in Buffy's moral defense, stepping closer to the Slayer to add her physical support.
A noise caught Giles' attention and turning his head, he saw Xander and Cordelia quietly entering from the courtyard. Catching their eyes, he motioned them to stay where they were. Xander put a hand on Cordelia's arm as his eyes begged her to stay still.
"Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have messed with Dead Boy. But by that time I was doin' whatever the Mayor wanted. I thought he was making me part of something important," she admitted, almost childishly embarrassed. "You know, from the moment I met you I've always wondered if you had the same dark trigger inside you that, if pushed, would make you kill someone. And you did... didn't you, B? I sure found it. Seems slaying isn't all we shared," Faith sighed, her eyes dropping as she recalled how she used to love letting the darkness overtake her. "We all know I'm no hairy-armpit, tree-hugging feminist, so when I say that I have only ever met four women with the kind of courage you have or used to have, you'll know I mean it," she stated, as her mind drifted briefly back to LA.
"That was meant to be a compliment, right?" Buffy asked, subconsciously wondering who the other four women were.
"Yes and no," Faith smirked, tilting her head. "Cuz now, you've been knocked down a peg. But maybe not just a peg though, hmmm...? You've pretty much had your safe little world pulled right out from under you and instead of sucking it up and doing what you know is right, you're just letting yourself fall all the way into Achy-Breaky-Heart-Hell, like some dumb-ass starry-eyed school girl. Damn it, B," Faith accused "You know better. How can you two be such cowards? You let this happen and the scar won't ever heal. Red, you're the brains of the outfit. Work it out!" she demanded of Willow. "I can't believe you're both being so dumb. If you let this slip through your fingers, it'll stay with you forever, like a great big ugly tear in your soul. We all get what we deserve, B. YOU let this go wrong and you're gonna be paying forever. You'll always be trying to put it right, never knowing if you can and always wondering what your life would have been like if you had. And what's worse — you won't be the only one who'll be paying the price forever."
"So you're here to save me from myself? How sweet," Buffy stated, trying to inject disbelief and annoyance into her words. But somehow she couldn't quite manage it. Something about what Faith had said, the way she had said it, had hit where she lived, where she loved. Buffy found herself checking where Willow was, wondering what she was making of all this. Somehow knowing that there was a clock ticking out there, that with each moment of hesitation it was crawling towards her midnight ... towards 'too late', the thought made her waver. But as she stared at Faith, she couldn't get past her instinctual distrust. "Picturing you as the hopeless romantic best friend to the lovelorn, as our own personal cupid is almost as weird as watching you bake cookies for Cordy. Where's all this coming from Faith? What's this really about?"
"You may not be able to believe it, but I'm here to save you from something far worse than just yourselves, from someone who could hurt you in a way I never could. Trust me, you don't want to end up the way everybody said I would," Faith stated quietly, "Alone, a loser, dead. Maybe it's too late for me, B. God knows I deserve it. But that's no reason for you two to be so scared. You can do this. You still have a chance. You still have choices. You still have a way out."
Cordelia's heart ached for the chained dark-haired woman. She longed to move forward and make her presence known; fulfilling the need she felt to let Faith know she was there for her, that she wasn't alone in this. But she could see that Faith was getting through to them. So as difficult as it was, she held herself back.
"I have to say that I, for one, am a little uncertain how a curse which appears to have only one way out, can be seen as a choice?" Giles absently questioned, immediately regretting speaking aloud and breaking into their conversation.
"Yeah. What's with the curse?" Willow demanded, jumping into the fray. "The body-switch! Why push this whole thing on us? What made you think that we ... how could Angel know ... how could they think ... that I feel ... that Buffy could feel ... that we ... feelings for each other ... like that? Where did that come from ... what? Why?" Willow babbled, immediately wishing she hadn't started as she caught Buffy's sharp intake of breath.
"Honey, anyone visiting the planet of 'Buffy and Willow' feels like they've been watching Brokeback Mountain meets Beaches. It's like watching a train wreck for God's sake. What you two need is to sit down for a truth or dare with Dr Ruth," Faith gibed, relieved that Willow was finally talking to her. "You're stuck in a rut, ankle- deep and safe. Both of you are so afraid to change anything, risk anything. You've gotten too comfortable. And friendly advice from your favorite Queen C and delivered by yours truly, the slayer you love to hate, just wasn't going to do it," she stated, unsure that even now she was getting anywhere. "You're not that big on the listening to your Watcher. So what chance did we have?" Faith commented nodding slightly towards Giles, who swallowed and looked away. "Let's see, if talking isn't enough to get you two lust bunnies together — then I don't know what is. Oh wait. But I do - what about making you two repressed Ellens walk in each other's sexually bottled-up hot little bods for a bit and watch the fireworks?"
"You watched?" Willow screeched, before she could stop herself, unable to believe what she had just heard, her mind a red haze of fury and embarrassment. Willow stepped towards Faith, yelling at the chained and obviously amused slayer, as she felt the heat beginning to rise both in her cheeks and, more frighteningly, in her current slayer blood. "How could you ... that's sick ... SICK!! When did you ... even ...? Even Xander wouldn't ... okay — he'd think about it, but he wouldn't dare do it ... PRIVATE!! Sooooo not for watching. There was ... there were ... circumstances. We were ... it was about..." She paused trying vainly to remember what those two wonderful nights had been about. 'OH, yeah'. "Trying to break the curse ... circumstances. Private!! And did I say -- NOT FOR WATCHING." she finished, now almost within punching distance.
Cordelia just couldn't hold her laughter in and she howled as five pairs of eyes flew to her.
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The mysterious stalker had watched Cordelia and Xander enter the mansion, somewhat bemused to discover their destination. The last place he had expected the pair that he had followed from the bus station to end up had been at some run down mansion, which looked like it had been left over from the Rocky Horror Show.
He had carefully followed them around to the back of the manor and into the courtyard. Glancing in, he could hardly believe his luck. They were all there, the entire group from Sunnydale, in a nicely deserted part of town. But then he saw Faith chained to the fireplace and he beat a hasty retreat back to the street.
Glancing around, he recalled that as he'd driven down the road earlier he'd noticed a payphone. Rushing towards it, he lifted the receiver and dialed, dropping his coins into the slot. "Sir, I have their final location. But we may have a bigger problem."
**************************BtVS***********************
Cordelia strode forward, throwing a quick reassuring smile at Faith as she turned to Giles. "Are those really necessary?" she asked, gesturing towards Faith's chains.
"For the present, I would have to say yes," Giles concluded, glancing at Buffy. "Thank you for coming. Maybe now we can get a few things cleared up."
"I'm sure that's exactly what you'd like," Cordelia said, raising her hand to him. "But I want some time alone with Faith first," she stated, meeting Giles' questioning look with one of sheer determination. "I need to talk to her. Now."
He sighed, considering his options. It was probably a good idea to give Buffy and Willow a break, some time to think. Maybe some of what Faith had said would finally sink in. He had been quite impressed and had felt a sort of pride at the observations Faith had made, but her use of a curse to bring them together still bothered him greatly. Maybe Cordelia was the person she would talk to; explain why she had used the curse, where it had come from and why. Going on instinct, he nodded his agreement before turning to the all too-quiet duo and gesturing that they should move towards the back of the mansion.
Buffy gave him a questioning look of protest but the sight of Willow quietly doing as Giles had requested broke her objection before it began and she followed the woman she was far more concerned about.
"You'll excuse me if I don't go far," Giles commented, but Cordelia ignored him as she moved towards her chained friend.
Xander stood awkwardly, not quite sure where he should go. He really wanted to give Buffy and Willow some space but aside from hiding in the courtyard he couldn't think where he could go. Giles, seeing Xander's predicament, gestured for him to follow and headed towards the old entrance hall of the mansion's large living area. The Watcher was positive that in doing so they would be giving both pairs of women more than enough privacy without letting the dark Slayer out of their view. The sight of the door to his left and the memory of all that had happened to him in the room beyond caused a chill to run down the watcher's back, making him question his choice of relocation.
As they reached the back of the living area, Buffy reached for Willow and turning her, she placed her hand gently under the slightly red-faced chin of her beloved. Lifting Willow's slightly red face she smiled into her eyes. "We'll be fine," she reassured her before doing something she had been longing to do. Buffy pulled her beloved into a warm and tender embrace, closing her eyes and allowing herself to feel the warmth of their bodies.
Willow gave into the need for Buffy's warmth, her closeness, her breathing and, gasping in relief, she threw her arms tightly around the woman she loved so much that it was beginning to hurt. Everything had been brought up to the surface. She had seen what she thought was pity in Faith's eyes. She pitied them. The idea that anyone, especially Faith, could feel like that about them had thrown her. And then she'd gone and opened her mouth and asked or tried to ask the one question she had promised herself she wouldn't ask. The answer had been ... too ... she couldn't deal with what it might mean. But, if they'd been watched ... Cordelia's laughter had washed over her like ice, numbing her mind.
**************************BtVS******************************
Anya glared at the mansion, somehow believing that just the right thought, just the right phrase would make it crumble around its current inconsiderate occupants, leaving them standing in the ruins and knowing exactly how pissed off she was with them. Where did they get off treating her like she was a nobody? She missed the respect and recognition her powers had once brought her. People had sought her advice. She had often been admired and envied by lesser demons. But Xander's little group — the Scoobies. Bah! They treated her as an annoyance. Even Giles who, okay, had a little more class than most, often dismissed her very helpful insights.
They had allowed Willow to injure her and then, having promised to care for her, they had left her alone. Giles had taken Xander away from her. She'd sat stewing at first but Willow's telephone call had just pushed her over the edge. 'What am I - his answer machine? I don't think so. I have rights. Xander had explained about rights during Planet of the Apes. If guys dressed in really bad fur coats can have them so can I' she had decided before storming out of their apartment and heading across a part of town she would normally have avoided. Her anger was so evident in her striding form that those who had noticed her had given her a wide berth.
Taking a deep breath, she scrunched up her lips and squinted at the mansion in anticipation that she was about to let off some major steam and make them realize that she was a real person ... that her needs were just as important as Buffy's or Willow's. Xander had stopped seeing to her needs because of Buffy and Willow, and the ex-demon was starting to get pretty irritable. Anya squared her shoulders and strode forward, her eyes so fixed on the heavy front door that she didn't notice the agile black shapes of men moving swiftly from both her right and left.
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"What is it with you guys and bondage?" Cordelia quipped, shaking her head in mock shock as she locked relieved eyes with Faith.
"Wicked thrills, C. You should try it some time," Faith responded breaking into a beaming smile, unable to hide the sheer joy at seeing Cordelia.
"Yeah, that and letting someone drop hot wax on me are so not on my list of things to do before I die," Cordelia responded, feeling a slight warmth beginning in her cheeks at some of the thoughts that had momentarily nudged at the edges of her mind as she kneeled down in front of Faith. "So is this part of your cunning plan then?" she asked reaching forward and touching the manacles clamped around Faith's wrists.
"Not so much. But it has its upside. As long as I'm like this, they have to listen to me. I think I'm kinda getting through as long as B doesn't tranq me again," she noted.
"Tranq you?" Cordelia questioned, raising a confused eyebrow.
"There was a whole 'let's use a tranquilizer gun on Faith' episode. Kinda clever really ... the downside being a totally fuzzed-up head and just getting the feeling back in my toes." Then seeing the concerned look on Cordy's face, she added "I'm five by five."
"Sure," Cordelia commented, giving Faith a look that said 'who do you think you're fooling'. "So exactly how far along are we?"
"Ooooh, still pretty much a three-ring circus but they're definitely not in the stands anymore ... I can't think why they thought it was about sex, not my fault — honest," she grinned. "Well, let's just say that it all opened an unexpected door. They've played the pelvic duet, if you know what I mean," Faith said winking at Cordelia suggestively. "But damn it, C, that bitching denial fest of theirs is still in play — Go figure," Faith sighed. "You'd think that finally sleeping together would have set off some bells and whistles for the dumb duo. You know, a couple of orgasmic moments of clarity. I mean, I always had Red figured as kinda a closet sex kitten. With all that bottled up reserve and shyness, I was sure that she would be wild in bed. But hell, maybe it is B and her damn 'I can't do anything simple; everything has to be difficult' way of doing things."
"Okay, I think I know what you're saying. That is, I hope I do and I'm afraid to ask about the rest," Cordelia sighed in mock school teacher mode. "It seems that there's something wrong with the curse."
"You think?" Faith responded laughing.
"No, Faith. I really mean it", the Seer added more seriously. "Giles thinks there's something wrong with it. That's why he called and asked me to come."
"Giles called you?" Faith asked.
"Yeah, he seems to think there's more to the curse than we think," she stated, hating herself for holding back what little she knew and for doubting that Faith wasn't being completely honest with her.
"Like what?" Faith asked deeply concerned, her light-hearted tone gone.
"I don't know. Where was it you said you got it?" Cordelia asked as nonchalantly as she dared.
"The guy came highly recommended," Faith responded defensively, suddenly feeling as if Cordelia was quizzing her. "Why?"
"By who?" Cordelia fished.
Faith sighed before breaking eye contact and almost whispering "You're so not gonna like it."
"Faith!" Cordy pleaded, willing her to tell her the truth. She needed to know that Faith would tell her the truth. She needed to know that they could trust each other; that the friendship she had felt building over the past month wasn't just a fake, like so many before had been.
"A lawyer, the guy who ... the guy who worked on ... aah ... the Mayor's estate," Faith whispered, cringing in anticipation of the screaming she was sure was coming.
Cordelia took a deep breath and held her temper. Now was not the time to go ballistic. She'd have to save that for later. "Would that be the same lawyer who tried to get you to kill Angel?" she asked, much too quietly for Faith's liking.
Faith nodded, dropping her head even further and scrunching her face up in anticipation of the blow-up.
"And why would you think that a recommendation from ... That Firm would be a good thing. Just what part of your 'I wannabe blond brain' were you using to make that leap?" she spat. unable to hold her anger back.
"Hey ..." Faith retaliated, in automatic indignation. "I used them to get what we needed. No one else had a contact who could help. I made sure. I watched that backwoods hick. He only cursed them to swap bodies for a month or until they confessed their love for each other. I read the wording ... I checked. I was in control of the situation. That's all there was."
"Oh, so now you're a Lit major with a minor in Curses. Faith, he messed around with the wording. You read what he wanted you to read," Cordelia explained in exasperation. Then seeing the confusion in Faith's eyes, she gently added "Honey, they played you."
********************************BtVS****************************
There has to have been a time when Buffy didn't look at Willow like that but Xander couldn't recall when it was. He remembered the sheer panic in Buffy's face when the Mayor and Faith had taken Willow or the look of loss he'd seen when Tara had come into their lives. But, exactly when he'd figured it out escaped him.
Listening to Cordy and Faith, (mainly because he couldn't help himself) he was less shocked than he thought he would be at Faith's observations regarding his two best friends. And a lot of what she was saying kinda made sense. Damn it. Cordelia's acceptance of it all was a real eye opener for him, though, and he was more than a little suspicious of the way she was talking to Faith, and the way they were looking at each other as well. He'd expected Cordy to throw around some sarcastic put down about his friends, some lame play on words but she'd actually seemed concerned for them. It all gave him the heebie-jeebies.
But, what really bothered him was why - if they'd all had these suspicions, why had no one had ever raised the subject. Maybe just like him, they had doubted what they thought they were seeing or like him they'd put it down to hormone fueled fantasies. But why would Cordy be ... No. He shook his head to rid himself of that fleeting thought. It must have happened so gradually that the realization had been mostly subconscious - that had to be the 'why'. He had to face it — even he had needed the curse and Faith to open his eyes to his subconscious suspicions.
Glancing over at Willow and Buffy, his heart sighed to see them hugging. Lately they tended to keep such a respectable distance from each other, much more than usual, currently all big on the no personal space invasion. But things were changing and he liked it. And Xander couldn't help allowing a moment's concern to surface - that this would somehow change their relationship with him.
Recognizing a brief moment of jealousy, he grinned only to have his thoughts interrupted by the sound of loud knocking and a familiar voice yelling his name.
"Xander! I know you're in there. Xander!!" Anya yelled from the other side of the mansion's front door, long ago sealed shut.
Giles stared at him in amusement, annoyance and expectation.
"Xander, answer me. Let me in," Anya called, her voice raising an octave. If he could have seen through the door, he would have seen that she was stamping her foot in irritation.
"I can't. It's sealed shut," he replied, annoyed that she had tracked him down. What did she think he was up to?
"Well unseal it. Now! I need you to come home. You left me," she stated plaintively, causing Xander to sigh in resignation.
"Okay, okay. Go left and 'round to the back, there's a lane that leads to some stone steps," he explained, unwilling to leave and give up his ringside seat.
"Why can't you just come out?" she asked, aggravated that he wasn't rushing to her side
"Anya, just come around back, and I'll explain everything," he responded, certain he'd heard her huff in frustration.
"Okay, but it better be good. You should be at home resting and looking after me," she reminded him as she moved from the front door.
Giles smirked, not an expression that often ran across his controlled features. But watching Anya and Xander often made him more than grateful he was still single.
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Buffy couldn't let go. She didn't want to ever let go. They had been holding each other for what seemed like an eternity but an awkward stillness had come over them and the warmth of the embrace had gone.
"This feels a little strange," Willow confessed, suddenly feeling very shy and uncomfortable.
Buffy sighed and gave Willow a quick squeeze, her mind overflowing with all that Faith had said. "I know. But ever since ... I mean with all that's happened ... all we've experienced ... I've thought about ... us ... so much that ... it's begun to feel real to me, Will. More real than I ever dreamed ..."
"It has?" Willow asked, finally pulling herself from their embrace as she babbled to herself 'she's thought of me? Dreamed of me? How has she thought of me? What has she dreamed? Ever since we ... Oh!! ... THAT made her think of me!' She mentally blushed and continued to babble unable to comprehend why this information made her even more nervous and shy. "Really?"
"Really," Buffy assured her, trying to ignore the empty feeling in her arms. Lifting her head, she smiled to find Willow also gazing at her with eyes as big as saucers. "Do you know," she asked tilting her head, to gaze at Willow's face "that you look totally petrified in my face?"
Willow rolled her eyes, wishing she wasn't so transparent. "Yeah, I guess I am," she acknowledged.
"Me too," Buffy stated laughing nervously. "Downright terrified," she explained gulping as, despite all her misgivings, she stumbled towards what she knew she wanted to say ... what she needed to say. All the while screaming at herself to 'take it slow, don't scare her off. You can do this.'
Willow raised her head, touched by the sheer sincerity in Buffy's voice. She allowed relief to flood over her.
"This isn't about Faith. I need you to know that, Will," Buffy began, uncertain why talking to Willow was suddenly more frightening than any fangy night crawler she'd ever met. "This isn't about the damn curse or the end of the world, Will. Hell, I don't know ... maybe all that's happened has helped me get here sooner than ... I would have. But you repeat that to Faith or Cordy and I'll throw you into a bucket of tadpoles," she threatened smirking.
"Okay," Willow responded, unsure where Buffy was going with this. "I think I've got it. Not about the curse, the end of the world or Faith. Never breathe a word, especially to Cordy or Faith," Willow repeated. "No tadpoles, please," she pleaded in a vain attempt at light relief, her voice almost breaking as her stomach began Olympic somersaults. Her mind had finally pulled the conversation together and what Buffy was talking about suddenly became scarily and wonderfully obvious! She didn't dare wish for what she thought Buffy was going to say. She just waited for Buffy to continue.
Buffy took a deep breath and began "I would really like the chance to ... for us to ... for me to get to ... being so close to you ... I mean, what we've shared ... I think maybe there's a possibility that we could ... I'd really like to ... Not in that way! I mean that way was nice..." Buffy blushed and coughed. "More than nice ... Mind blowing." Buffy gulped again, wondering if she'd ever get it out. She couldn't believe that now that she had finally decided what to do, finally decided to be honest — that she couldn't find the words.
Willow stood stony still, afraid to move. She'd considered not breathing but air had become an issue.
"What I mean is ... I never thought that I would stand a chance ... I mean you're so clever and smart, so beautiful, so brave... and if you don't want to ... I'll understand ... I'm probably not your type.... but I ... I'd like to get to know you better ... that is ... not in a friends' way but in a ... Not that we're not friends ... because we are ... and always will be best friends", Buffy continued her Willow-like babble. "But in that ... well, in this way," she said and giving up on words for a moment she reached forward to gently stroke Willow's cheek with the back of her hand, before leaning in and quietly adding "You know.... like da ... Dating?"
"Dating?" Willow whispered awkwardly, unable to stop herself from nervously laughing at Buffy's choice of words, as soft flames burned her caressed cheek, only to see her own face blanch in an all too familiar way. Willow's hand instinctively went to her beloved's, cupping it gently against her face. "You want to ... date me?" Willow asked, her tone as bewildered as she. All she could do was blink, her mind in total disbelief. It did not compute. Those weren't exactly the words she had been hoping for, but heck ... not bad ... no, not bad at all ...
"Yeah. Is that the wrong word or something? Is there some special word or terminology that I'm supposed to be using?" Buffy asked, her face now completely red. She tried to recall if Willow had ever used another word to describe the relationship she had had with Tara. She had never felt so like a fish out of water. Why wasn't there a book or a class? Yes, she could have taken a class — 'Lesbian speak for the clueless', something idiot-proof.
"No," Willow assured her, smiling as her heart seemed ready to burst at the meaning behind Buffy's words. "Dating is just fine. I just can't believe I'm ... that you're asking ... I mean you are asking, right? ... You want to date me?"
"Yes, please," Buffy replied in a very small voice.
Willow's heart soared at the look she saw in the eyes of the woman she loved, and then the world seemed to explode before her, a blinding white light that screamed at her. Then she heard the explosion, so loud, so deafening, that throwing her hands up to her ears she closed her eyes. The pain was so sharp and falling to the floor she thought that her slayer-sensitive eardrums might shatter.
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I am pleased to announce that 'Lilly' the Treasure has been nominated for the Best Beta Award in round 10 of the Sunnydale Memorial Fanfiction Awards! Wish I'd thought of it, as i know i would be lost without her. Please use the following links to vote for her and thereby let her know how much her hard work and commitment is appreciated. Voting Closes on May 13th.
Nominees: http://sunnydawards.dragonydreams.com/nominees.html
Voting Form: http://sunnydawards.dragonydreams.com/vote.html